I think it’s warmed up enough now that after writing I can go climb in the hot tub and soak away the winter blues, or restlessness, or whatever it is I am going through.  Just to be out in my hot tub again sounds SO delightful!

Dell and I set our minds that today we would do something with the carpet in front of the fireplace that had caught on fire right before Christmas.  A HUGE spot scourged clear through to the padding was a reminder to me of how much of a hero Pete is!  After all it was Pete that began barking at Chad while he and Bree slept on the recliner!  Flames were now spreading and the room filled with smoke, Pete must of gotten a little nervous.  Anyone think this dog should be on TV or something? *laughs*  With Christmas coming at the time and all that we’ve been doing this was the first weekend we had to repair it or figure out what to do.

Our initial thoughts were to replace this part of the carpet with ceramic tile. It’s pretty much flame retardant or at the least won’t go up in flames if a spark flies out. So we set out to find what we needed.  We ended up bringing samples home, not liking what we did against the brick of the fireplace.   So Dell went out and brought in some of the laminate wood we put down when we first moved here.  Long story short, we had JUST the right amount and it looked really good! Tonight it is all replaced and looks wonderful.  Boring story, but a miracle embedded within as originally Dell measured and said there wasn’t enough.  In the end, there was. Yes, I call that a miracle!  I didn’t have to pay a dime and it looks better than it did with carpet!  YAY!!

While Dell did all the work, I left to go to the pool.  I wimped out the last few days with the sub zero temps.  I just couldn’t see me climbing in the pool under a dome that doesn’t hold much heat.  I needed to get back in today!  Much as I didn’t want to, it didn’t matter.  The last time the “fibromyalgia” was so bad it was the pool that got me through, this time I believe will be the same so I must stay focused.

As I went into the pool Messenger Mike enthusiastically waved at me!  He was just finishing up.  We talked for just a moment as he headed to the hot tub next to the pool, and I headed for the pool.  I was glad. I was in the mood to be quiet and not talk.  I’ve sort of been in a battle today about all this health stuff. I needed to pray and regain my focus on faith and what better way to do it than when I am in the pool.

The only problem was someone had the radio on really loud, which I normally don’t mind, but they were playing oldies and when oldies are on I will confess my mind drifts off to Soul Mate.  What is up with that?!  Is it because it’s love songs? Awakening all those things I have nicely packed away within my heart knowing I must honor and do the right thing? 

I have this mind that must have double the thoughts of normal human beings. Where one thought goes into another thought, into another.  While I was working out, with the music on, thoughts of Soul Mate on and off, in between prayers of  faith, a song came on.  The song was, “Don’t Let The Sun Catch You Crying.”  Such an appropriate song for what I’ve been through since my discovery of the probability of his newlywed status back in late November.  But this song has even more meaning to me!!!!  Long before Soul Mate there was someone else I had a very strong affection and connection with.  Not near as strong as Soul Mate, but a very special one all the same.  We grew very close over a 2-year period.  I read somewhere that there is this thing called, “near twin.”  I don’t know about all this stuff when it comes down to it, but I do know that the way they describe these things, such as twinflame/soul, or near twin, the descriptions just seem to completely describe what I have experienced in my story of life with 2 special people. So let’s just say this person I am talking about now from so very long ago, like the mid 80s, was a near twin.  (They prepare you for the real thing or so the story goes.) So as not to digress further, I will go back to the connection we shared;

 We were so close in so many ways.  We would have picnic lunches.  We’d sometimes spend time together recording songs for his radio show or recording commercials.  We’d laugh and share our dreams. He was single, and as has been forever or so it seems, I was married.  I did separate from Dell during this time, as I had really fallen in love with this “near twin.”  A week after separating,  my 31-year old brother died of a heart attack. My heart was shattered. You see a few months earlier a well-meaning Christian man had convinced me if I divorced I’d be under a curse from God. When a week after separating from Dell, my brother dropped dead,  I was CONVINCED I had killed my brother by being so selfish and not following the rules.  To say the least I ran home, back to Dell and promised never to be selfish again. Today I can tell you that was all a real lie, but it’s funny, your emotional state in the midst of losing someone so close can convince you of the strangest things.  The truth is it took me years to get over the guilt I carried. As a matter of fact, I’m not sure I did, until I met Soul Mate, but that’s another story for another night.

Near twin and I continued to have a close relationship for the next few months. He never questioned why I went back, and I never told him.  All we knew was we had something special and that seemed to be all it would ever be.  We continued our picnic lunches for the new couple of months, until he got fired from his job. He used to play 3 songs on the radio for me, one of those songs were, “Don’t Let The Sun Catch You Crying,”  then he’d play, “Poor Side of Town” an oldie by Johnny Rivers, and the song he said always reminded him of me, a song he said put into words what he was feeling,  “In Too Deep” by Phil Collins.  It seemed he often played one of these songs and when he did, well, it was always a bit of a “dreamy” sort of moment as I would listen to the song driving my car as I worked and he was on air.  Awww………this is such a sweet memory for me.

I guess I hadn’t heard “Don’t Let the Sun Catch You Crying” for a very long time.  When it came on this afternoon as I power walked my mind wandered back to those days.  Warm summer breezes, or cold snowy winter days. It didn’t matter because we always found a way to spend a little time together to talk and share and dream.  He tried to find a job in this town, but never did.  He had to move away. I remember the last time I saw him for lunch, a few days before he would be leaving for good.  We sat in his car and we both cried.  “I KNEW this would happen!” He told me.  “It’s time for me to go and you can’t go with me!”  Through tears I said,  “No, I can’t.”  I opened up the car door, got in my own and drove home.  I cried a lot of tears on that trip home,  “Father, PLEASE let me end up being with him!” I prayed.  It was one of the clearest answers I’ve ever gotten from God,  “No my child, he isn’t the one.”  I knew in my spirit it’d never be, but that doesn’t mean it hurt any less.

The years went on. I always sort of pined for him, and we did keep in contact for the next few years either by phone or mail, but it eventually went away.  I heard he had gotten married about 5 years ago. I was happy for him.  When I met Soul Mate 8 years ago I suddenly understood what God had told me and why.  But the story of Soul Mate right now has it so that I must let it play out the way it is meant to.

See!  Just because I heard the song, “Don’t Let The Sun Catch You Crying” my mind reeled back to a very complicated time in my life.  But you know, I think I clearly see now how much I have healed of so many things since I’ve been on this twin soul journey.  Sometimes I wonder if I would have learned all these things without meeting him but I guess I’ll never know because it was in the cards that we were to meet and awaken one another.  At least I for one can say the moment he looked in my eyes I awakened to more things than I ever thought possible!

And with that rather lengthy story I guess I should call it a night and head to the hot tub.  Of course everyone knows what my song tonight will be!  And I will hear it and get all goosebumpy…………..again.  Except the weird thing is this song now makes me think of Soul Mate……….I guess the words are perfect for where the story is for now.  And I thank my near twin, wherever he may be for making this song so special for me so long ago so that one day, I would listen to the lyrics and “get it.”  Thank you TB wherever you are.

And through it all I continue to simply close my eyes, look in my heart and see Jesus so clearly.  The real joy that I know comes from His presence in my life, and all the other things that bring me joy and sometimes bring me sorrow are there so that I might truly come to understand all about love.  It’s a journey…………..a beautiful and incredible journey when you have God to lead the way.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  If you only knew how many times I try to figure out if it is really you here!  I know that I know the answer, but like so many other things in my life I allow the doubt to sneak in, and the rational thoughts to weigh out the ones that can’t understand how it could be, but all the same knowing……………..well, it continues to be this incredible journey of faith!  Is it you?  I do believe one day you will let me know, until then, I will just talk to you like I have now for almost 4 years.  You are such a good listener!! *chuckles*  I send you love and light and so many prayers that you are filled with life’s balances and joy and love.  Goodnight my friend of mystery.  Love, Sunshine