Sometimes you just have to be still and know He is God.  The last couple days have sure been surrendered to this thought for me. 

I did write a journal last night, but at the last minute found I couldn’t post it. I’m not sure why?  Perhaps I just needed that stillness from within to know whether to share this battle I’m in at the moment.  Last night I wasn’t as strong and faith-filled as I am tonight.  Guess I hadn’t let go last night. I will post last night’s journal, which will be found if you scroll below.

I will briefly touch on what is happening, details are written in last night’s journal. Today I am seeing things through new eyes and new faith.  The X-rays came back and I was called.  This wasn’t unexpected to me as the X-ray technician more or less gave me the clues she saw something too.  So when the doctor’s office called I wasn’t that surprised.  They wanted me to have an MRI as they were clearly seeing a mass in my pelvic area.  I personally think the word “mass” in itself when described within your body is pretty frightening.  “But I had surgery this summer!”  I told the lady, “Can’t it be scar tissue?”  She said it could, they only knew there was a mass that didn’t belong there and an MRI would give more details as to what they were seeing.

What I didn’t expect was to have the MRI yesterday afternoon!  Talk about moving on something!  Luckily I got off work at 11:00am.  The whole story is below.

And tonight I continue to wait for the results.  Yesterday I was pretty shook up, in a faith-filled sort of way, tonight, I’m actually very peaceful and calm and feel as if all is well.  Amazing what quiet time with God can do for our aching souls sometimes.

Work found me so completely covered up I really didn’t have much time to think about anything!  I personally find this to be a blessing.  The one time I did take a small break was when someone I work with came in and she began to ask me some spiritual questions as we discussed faith and the Lord and everything that makes me so calm from within.  What a welcomed break at that point.  “Thank you Sunshine.”  She said as she left.  “I get so excited in my spirit when I talk to you.”  As I went back to work I just thanked the Lord how real He is in my heart, and how blessed I am.

Sometimes I have these incredible illuminations come over me, like I am being filled with the most incredible wisdom or understanding.  Suddenly I began to understand that the things we have to face in life, like what I am currently facing health-wise, come into our lives for reasons way beyond what we can see. In my case I believe it is so that I can relate to others that may experience this, either now or in the future.  I feel as if I am in one HUGE classroom right now and I must be still so that the great teacher from above can teach me that of which I must learn.  I’m not sure words can describe what I was seeing in my spirit, but I felt so full of peace and trust suddenly.  In this stillness of peace from within, that comes when I simply say, “I trust you Father,”  I suddenly let go of any fear.

From there I was ready to go back to being me.  I had plans after all!

My first stop after work was the pool.  I am determined to get myself in shape regardless of aches and pains!  As I was working out in the pool  guy got in the pool and walked in the lane next to me.  He said my name!  It was my 6^th grade teacher, Mr. G!!!!!!  I would probably claim him as one of my favorite teachers!  What was so awesome was he recognized me right away!  Wow!  He either has a great memory or I really haven’t aged that much!  *laughs*  I have a feeling it’s his memory.  We walked and talked for a bit, remembering names from 6^th grade!  To this day he remembers all of us because it was his first year teaching.  I laughed as I thought back to some of my antics in 6^th grade.  What was it the principal said to my parents about me?  Oh yeah!  “She’s a natural born leader, if she would only lead in the right direction!  She has a million ideas, but can’t seem to calm  herself enough to not do crazy things!”  So see! I was a free spirit way back when!  And I think Mr. G saw that in me and I think he thought I was special, or so he let me know today.  Even if I was goofy and crazy and got everyone stirred up to do wild and crazy things!  For so long I thought of myself as just a goofy person, today as I walked in the pool after talking to Mr. G for awhile God seemed to say,  “My child, I created you to be who you are, sometimes you had to be tamed,  but you are created in a unique and special way.”  For the first time perhaps I am okay with who I was as a child.  Perhaps Mr. G was put in my path today so that God could teach me some more valuable lessons.  As we left I said to him after telling him about my writing and my book,  “See!  You must have done a fantastic job because I did turn out okay!”  He smiled and said, “I knew you would.”  Awwww……………………..

Then it was rush home.  Dell is still treating me like I am a China doll or something.  He is haunted so much by what is happening, tho he is trying to have faith too. I remember it was just a year ago his brother was struck with brain cancer and was gone in 2 months.  He’s hardly healed from that so I am sure he is freaking out with all of this going on.  I haven’t told my kids as there is NO reason to do that till I hear for sure it’s just scar tissue. And it is.  No way would I try to get any of them upset by this.

Once home, I only had about an hour because I was going out tonight.  “Girls’ night out!”  Donna, Linn, and Sydney met me at Red Lobster as a congratulatory dinner for Sydney’s new job and her leaving school.  How awesome to be with my friends tonight!  I needed a night with them.  We laughed, we missed Elizabeth, and they wanted to know what was happening with me. Of course they were all calm, as friends should be, but made me promise I’d email them when I knew what was happening, or when I got the report it was merely scar tissue.  We gave Sydney’s her gifts. I got her inspiring candles with a saying, a plate with an inspirational saying, and then I found the perfect frame that said, “The Gang” on it and put this photo in it:

 L to R:  Elizabeth, Donna, Sydney, Sunshine, Linn

It was a wonderful time as we all got caught up!  What was once 5 of use working at school only 2 remain now, Donna and Linn.  In a way it is very sad as that school office has changed so much, but life is filled with change and nothing ever stays the same.  I to this day tho miss my friends so much.  Once every 2 months to get together just isn’t enough!

Tomorrow is a filled day too!  Physical therapy first thing in the morning,  lunch with Jane, then I am meeting my friend and mentor Carol for ice cream before going to get my hair trimmed.  Then I will work out in the pool, and home.  No time to rest for the weary, THO, I do need to take time in there to be still and know He is God.  I just can’t let the “busy-ness” of life right now take away from those precious moments I spend in His presence seeking Him and what my next steps need to be.

I probably won’t get the results of the MRI until Friday.  My doctor’s office isn’t open tomorrow. (I’m still shocked at how soon they got me in for that MRI!) So I am guessing it will be Friday. But you know, I’m okay with that as I honestly believe everything is okay, or at the very least, I feel God is truly teaching me in the midst of this.  What’s that ole’ saying I love?  “The mighty oak tree had to endure MANY a storm to grow tall and strong.”   It’s amazing to me the strength I feel when I simply let go.  Let go, let God.  It’s the only way to walk a journey!

And with that I will close. 

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  I send you love and light and want to let you know I still continue to pray for you every day.  It doesn’t mean life will always be perfect or easy for you,  but it does mean that someone out here prays for peace in your life.  Have a beautiful tomorrow.  Goodnight, Love, Sunshine