I worked today, and once again was so busy I had little time to think about too much. The good news was I was the only one in the office.  My boss and Felicia who live in the city 70 miles from here were snowed in.  Jane is no longer scheduled to work on Wednesdays, and I had a DAY full of quiet, get a lot of work done time!

I worked at the high school for so long I’d forgotten what it’s like to get out in the middle of a snow storm and drive to work at 7:00am!  The high school I worked at was closed today.  Sometimes I remember those days and how special it is to wake up and find out…………SNOW DAY!  But my new job at the university doesn’t warrant such luxuries as “snow days.”  Well, unless the whole university closes and that happens almost never.  I’d complain more but this part time schedule is the greatest, and my work load when there is so busy the days do fly.

I did manage to call my doctor’s office early this morning, once again leaving a message.  When I left work at 3:00 and they hadn’t called, once again I felt disappointed.  I honestly have been assured in my spirit I am okay, but I guess I just wanted it confirmed.  I also knew if I didn’t get an answer today, it’d be Friday before I did because my doctor doesn’t work on Thursdays.  Guess he likes part time too. *chuckles*

I decided to walk in faith, again and headed for the health club to work out in the pool.  The snow had stopped by now but roads and side roads were still snow covered and slick.  The parking lot at the health club hadn’t hardly been touched, but I parked anyway and braved my way in.  When I went to have my card scanned I looked and noticed the pool was closed.  “What?  Why is the pool closed?”  The guy said, “Oh, it was so cold, we close it when it gets cold like today.”  Instant anger went through me, but I’m trying not to allow that emotion these days……………….don’t sweat the small stuff, right?!  I have been in that pool when it was -10!  Today was 20-something!  So I told him thanks, with a genuine heart-felt sincerity, noticed the owner sitting there trying to sell his club to a new perspective client, and wanted to say something to him, but I was good and didn’t. Everything happens for a reason or so I tell myself at least 10 times a day!

I got in the car and decided I was going to pay a visit to my doctor’s office.  Messages are easy to ignore, in person isn’t so easy.  My immediate thoughts went back to my mom.

When my mom first got sick, she had classic symptoms of something seriously being wrong with her.  For 3 months I BEGGED her to either get in to her doctor or go to someone else.  She would call her doctor, who happened to be a parent of one of her students years earlier, and he’d tell her she just had the flu to take Immodium and drink Pedealite.  She just didn’t want to bother him or make him think that she didn’t trust him so she laid there day after day feeling so bad.

Finally I threw a fit with her and my dad!  “If you don’t get in to see this man this week I will call him myself and you don’t want me to do that, now do you!”  I finally told her. She had lost so much weight and yet, looked like she was 8-months pregnant! I finally called a friend of mine that was a nurse and told her what was going on with my mom.  “Sunshine, she NEEDS to be seen!  That is not right!”  When I told my dad what my friend had said, he promised me he’d call.  The doctor agreed to do a colonoscopy on her.  I took off the day they did it which was about 3-days later.  He came out, proud as could be!  “Nope, nothing showed on her colonoscopy! As I said, she’s got a bad case of the flu!”  He was proving to my dad and me he was right, we were wrong.  I had HAD it!  “Then YOU tell me why this woman has lost 40 pounds in 3 months and looks like she’s 8-months pregnant!” I said in a very indignant way.  I don’t think he was ready for me, but I began to realize my parents weren’t going to fight this battle, and I was going to have to step in and try to.  He didn’t really have an answer for me.  “Well, I guess we could do some more tests on her but I don’t know if Medicaid will…………….”  I interrupted him right then and there,  “I DON’T CARE!  Something is wrong and YOU need to find out what it is or we will be forced to find someone else!”  When I look back I’m SO glad my mom was back in recovery from the colonoscopy. She would have FLIPPED to see me talk to him as I did! (My mom never liked conflict.), With that he said he’d hospitalize her and run some more tests.  “Thank you.”  I would only see him one other time after this day, and when he saw me, he left the room, I’m sure feeling very sheepish.

The next few days they finally did a simple X-ray of her stomach and there it was! A HUGE tumor!  Somehow the doctor had missed this in his colonoscopy.  As big as it was don’t ask me how he could have not seen it, but he was so disgusted he had to do it in the first place, he was determined to prove to my dad and I she simply had the flu, even tho he hadn’t even examined her for the 3 months of her suffering!  I’m not sure he even did a complete colonoscopy!  I know, law suit waiting to happen but neither my dad nor I would ever consider that.  It just isn’t who we were.

The tumor was cancerous and in 10-months she was gone.  My mind went back to how I felt back then.  I had learned if we DON’T stand up for ourselves in medical issues, it is way too easy to slip through the cracks. Not that my mom would have survived had he found it 3-months earlier, but you never know!  Colon cancer if found in its early stages can be treated, and her tumor was one of those speed demons growing like wildfire, or so we were told. 

In that moment, sitting in the health club parking lot, I said to myself that no one is going to watch out for my health if I don’t! So I left the health club and headed to the doctor’s office. I wasn’t near as forthright as I was that day with my mom’s doctor, but in a very gentle way I let them know that this had gone on now for over a week, and if the results were lost I was more than willing to go to Open MRI and get them myself.

Interesting enough the nurse came out with my chart and there it was!  Wa lah! The lost now found.   She apologized but said with the move, and how busy they’d been……………which I didn’t care about, I just wanted to know.  It turns out I have a lesion on the bone in my left pelvis.  It appears to be benign which is WONDERFUL news!   For now the doctor will just monitor it was her synopsis.  She asked me if I had any surgery on my pelvis?  I told her no but I had an ovary removed this past summer.  She didn’t think that would cause this as it is ON the bone.  All I know is it appears to be nothing to worry about and that is all I wanted to know. 

As I got in the car I thanked Yahweh “Rapha”: the God who heals, what a PERFECT name for Him!   I thought for a moment about what on earth could have caused such a large lesion?  Then I remembered my car wreck a year ago!  After the car wreck my hip kept coming out of place and I ended up having to have physical therapy for it. I wondered if the lesion was caused by the seatbelt?  I may never know but it sure made sense to me!  What a chance the past few weeks to learn what it means to walk in faith!!!  I sure did grow through this latest “challenge.”

So I am okay!  God was right! This was nothing and I have a lot of journey to walk, a book to write,  people to meet and love, and a whole plan for my life that remains to be!  YAY!!!!

One other note, sometime when I was working today, my legs SO stiff and sore I can hardly stand up right now…………I suddenly remembered that someone once told me that the things we don’t defeat spiritually can take their toll on us physically.  For instance, a person with great fear of cancer often ends up with it. Or someone who has a lot of headaches perhaps has a hard time thinking clearly. Well, for me, I have a hard time moving on…………………feeling so stuck! Perhaps it’s due to my own fears of moving on, or my fears of making mistakes, or my often inability to make decisions and stick with them, but whatever it is, right now physically, I can hardly move!  Wow!  What a HUGE revelation I had!  If I can’t move spiritually, is it taking over “physically?”  Real food for thought I need to meditate upon!

This makes me all the more interested to go to the Rheumatologist tomorrow,  what will he discover, what will he say?  He sent me a letter with a HUGE medical questionnaire to help him determine tomorrow what is happening.  It sounds as if it will be a rather “lengthy” appointment.  I wonder how serious he would take me If I told him I think I’ve diagnosed my own problem?  I’m spiritually stuck and can’t move because of my own fears, or lack of listening to my Father in heaven and now I’ve become physically where I am spiritually.  Something tells me he’d think I had some mental problems! *laughs* But between you and me, as he diagnoses an “earthly” diagnosis, I will be meditating upon healing both spiritually and physically.  Yahweh Rapha………………the God that heals in more ways than just physical!  He heals body, soul, and spirit. 

When I think about this latest revelation about not being able to move…………….I can see I must still have SO much growing to do on this journey thing called life.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  After all this time you are still here.  With me every day.  How special is that?  Someday I still say we will both understand, but until someday comes, well, I will simply be here, still, where no one really knows but you and me, as I send you love and light and prayers.  Always prayers for so much peace in your life.  Goodnight,  Love, Sunshine