I continue to watch “Armageddon Week” on the History Channel but decided to come into the kitchen, take a break, and write.  I sometimes wonder why watching all this gloom and doom predicted to come in 2012 doesn’t depress me, but it doesn’t.  Perhaps it’s because I honestly am homesick sometimes to go back to where it is I believe I come from, therefore doom and gloom doesn’t affect me like it does most.  Perhaps it intrigues me? Like a distant memory of something I already know?  And once again my journal is just little out of the box here! *taps fingers and looks up at the sky*

Having this latest plague thing the past couple of weeks is wiping me out!  It seems to be hanging on and on, tho I am much better than a week ago, it’s still leaving me feeling “draggy.”  Or could that just be the dead of winter?  Where skies are so grey, the cold makes you want to just cuddle up somewhere, and the days are so short.  Perhaps that makes me draggy.  Or maybe it’s a little of both.  After work yesterday of which I was swamped with emails and scheduling my boss, I came home, left to go do some bank business, came back home, watched a little of “Armageddon Week” falling sound asleep in front of the TV, finally I hoped in the hot tub, and then I headed to bed. It was before 10:00pm!  I then slept till 8:30am this morning.  I should feel caught up, but……………………so I will head to the hot tub shortly, and then to bed again.  As I fall asleep I am sure my latest fill of Nostradamus and the newest “Lost Book” predictions will leave my mind to wander to the mysteries of the universe.

I talked with Elizabeth today for about 2.5 hours on the phone.  A secret about me, I do NOT like to talk on the phone………………….but every now and then you will find me having one of these marathon conversations.  It was great to catch up, talk out all of life’s problems, try to explain where my head and my heart is right now as she questioned me about my dream which has set my feet to a new path on this twin soul journey.   “What did you dream to make you let this go?”  She asked.  This was a major dream I assured her, but I think she was more surprised that she was a part of the dream too, which she was.  Elizabeth was with me in the dream when “Soul Mate” told me what he did, leading me to believe I had to let it go.  “Lizzie, I pay attention to my dreams and feel I really need to pay attention to this one.” I tried to explain to her.

And we hashed it out.  The mysteries of the whole journey!  She’s been with me to see it all unfold since even before it began “officially.”  The story and the journey began months before we actually met by a series of events that neither of us could begin to explain why they happened and unfolded the way they did!  So yes, if anyone understands the mystery of it all, Elizabeth does.  So I pose my questions to her once again on what I can’t understand.  She listens…………she’s always listened and tried her hardest to give me some sort of consolation, even tho she knows answers just can’t seem to be found.  Her consolation today was this, “Did you ever stop to think Sunshine perhaps he isn’t married?”  “But that can’t be, because I saw…………………and YOU saw it too!”  I reminded her.  “Yeah, but what if it wasn’t what we thought it was?”  She asked. I sort of chuckled to myself, what if?  “But the dream?  I have to go back to the dream!”  And from there we got onto some other subject. I do find it interesting tho in this moment that those words are staying with me.  What if he didn’t?  Have stranger things happened?

I was wiped out after that long of a conversation! It was now almost dinner time and I realized how busy I had been all day! I had lunch with Jane, then had gone “baby” shopping for grandbaby #4 coming in February.  The shower is this Saturday for Susie, given by Amy. I had to go buy the official gifts today, along with ingredients for the meatballs Susie has requested to be served, and punch.  Amy put me in charge of the punch.  All in all I had a very busy day!  How did I ever work full time? I still ask myself this question!  I just feel as if I am continuing to be on the go ALL the time!  Even in the midst of winter where everything is grey, and it’s so cold you don’t want to go anywhere and the days are so short!  Still, I seem to be so “busy.” *sighs*

Other than the winter doldrums, a natural event for most I think, I really am not sad or depressed. I’m actually in a great place feeling as if I am walking so closely with God right now.  This twin soul thing which had such a hold on me for SO long doesn’t seem to haunt me so much. While I still have so many questions about so many things, at the same time I think I finally have put it in the place it needs to be, and that is in the place of faith.  I have this imaginary box entitled, “TFGTD.” *Things for God To Do* I’ve placed “him, the one so far away” and the lack of understanding so many things in this box.  When I try to take it back I re-open the box and put it back in and say, “Here you go Father!”  And then put it back on the spiritual shelf where all spiritual understanding seems to be stored and where I go when I seek.  In my case, I visit that shelf a lot during the day! *laughs*  The box tho is where you have to put those things that the universe doesn’t seem to want you to know the answers to………………….at least at this time.  I guess when those answers do come I will remove  Soul Mate and all those things I don’t understand today out of the box.  And yes, I do believe one day I will understand and be able to remove him from the box where I will cherish all I learned as I waited………….. Perhaps this will be sooner than later, or perhaps not.

For now I am here.  Living life as I may.  A new job I began a year ago that was really icky at the beginning I have seen God turn into one huge miracle!  I feel there are many more things awaiting me that I can’t see for now too.  And even tho the journey doesn’t have me where I was SURE I would be by now, I still walk with a lot of anticipation that tremendous things await me up ahead.  It’s just that I don’t know of those things quite yet, nor the people I will meet along the way.  That alone is SO exciting!

I am doing okay tonight……………..even in the gloomy days of winter.  Spring is just around the corner where new life will begin all around me.  I keep waiting for those warm spring and summer breezes to surround me as I wait to see what is going to unfold in those days.  Something…………….I truly believe there are many miracles up ahead to be seen.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine