Finally I have a moment to sit and write.  I still wonder if life will ever slow down for me………

It’s once again been a busy weekend, one of giving, one of sharing, one of loving, and one that seems new in a lot of ways with yet one more new member to the family.

Yesterday (Saturday) was the wedding shower for Ali, Sydney’s daughter who will wed in May.  I went with Linn, Donna unable to go and of course Elizabeth (soul mate friend in lieu of “big” Elizabeth), is so far away she was unable to go too. Linn and I had fun. When we worked together at the school we had lunch together every day for the two years we worked together, so it was kind of like old times.  Sydney would come sit with us as she could, but of course with so many other friends there, those moments were limited. It was an awesome shower!  The games were really fun, the food spectacular, and the company divine!  I had a great time. It was good to get away for awhile. Linn had ALWAYS had a way to make me laugh.

After that I came home and cooked.  And cooked. And cooked! I took a huge meal to Jason’s house today and doubled all the recipes so that they’d have enough for a few days.  I know this is a tough time, the first week when bringing home a baby, so my hopes were to at least make it a bit easier for them.  I ended up cooking for about 4 hours by the time all was said and done and then I fell into bed, exhausted!

I had one of those dreams last night that I believe answered a question I’ve held within me for a long time.  In the dream I was offered a job back at the high school I worked at for so long. I happened to go back to work there on one of my days off from the university in the dream.  It was odd feeling in the dream to be back, but the money was so good, compared to what I make at the university.  But then I woke the next day (in the dream) when I was supposed to work at the university too. I had to be both places at once, and had to make a decision on where it was I was meant to be.  In the end I chose……………………..”the university.”  I couldn’t bear to go back to the school, even if the money was better.  I felt a bit sad, but on the other hand, I knew I was going where I was meant to be, for now.  When I woke up this morning any regrets I have had for leaving the school were turned into realizing I probably made the right decision and I am meant to be where I am.  For now.  It was so freeing. It was as if God was giving me the option of going back or remaining where I am.  In the end I didn’t want to go back. You know, I think that’s progress in my life.  And I know now it’s okay that I did move on.

This morning I tried to get a little laundry done before leaving for Jason and Susie’s with cooler in tow.  Dell came out later in the morning and brought a list of houses to look at in the city.  This sort of freaked me out as he is once again back to wanting to move again.  That is if the economy will support him being transferred back to his store in the city.  It began yet another battle within me as to what it is I want to do.  A battle that would stay with me most of the day.

The trip to the city was okay. We drove past one of the houses he had found on the reality board.  Liked the house, did not like the lot.  Nixed it real quick!  I think this is half my problem. I cannot find the house I see in my spirit that is the one for me.  Frustrated, we headed to Jason’s to see what we could do the help out.

Not much!  It was so quiet in their house. Elizabeth was sound asleep, and even when she woke up, I would hold her and she was SO alert! I just wasn’t ready for this!!  She is such a good baby! She hardly cried at all!!  So Dell and I switched on and off holding her so that both Susie and Jason could rest for a  bit.  We all watched some show called, “Millionaire Club,” or something like that. One of those reality shows that I just sit amazed and realize how “out of it” I am when it comes to what is in these days according to Hollywood standards.  There were about 3 of these shows in a row.  I was amazed that Dell even got into it as he did,  if we were home he’d be running so fast from a show like that!  But not today, he watched it. *lowers eyebrows in confusion*

I cooked dinner, having it all prepared to simply pop in the oven.  We had a nice dinner as it turned out really well.  We talked as Elizabeth sat in her little seat next to us, looking around, but not crying at all.  What a GOOD baby she is!

After dinner Dell and I headed home, work tomorrow and we had about an hour plus drive home. Of course I did all the driving. These days I do.

Our talk in the car was about what we should do.  Not that either one of us are filled with doom and gloom, BUT……………..we both sense some harsh times coming. I won’t get into what we talked about, as this must remain a place of love and light, but for both of us, we are confused on which way to go.  Where we currently reside we have close to 10 acres, a pond, a creek, we could have livestock if need be and if the economy collapsed, we would be able to sort of survive.  But then my heart longs to go to the city. To move closer to the kids.  A new start, a new place.  The only problem is, I am not finding what it is I want, and of course having been unable thus far to sell my place! Tho I KNOW, or so I hear, that the people who want to buy it are waiting for spring to come as well.  They’re not willing to pay what I want for it, but I imagine we could come pretty close to compromise.  My only problem is I can’t find something similar near the city.  Dell and I talked about it all the way home. Sometimes we fight, or bicker because we just don’t see things the same way. Our departing comments when we got home were simply we just have to wait about another month to make a true informed decision. Tho secretly, I think that things are going to improve for about 4-6 months. There will be a window of time where I will be able to sell the property and move, but after that 6 months, well…………never mind.  I just know that then I will need to be prepared for hard times to come.  Yeah, I hope I’m wrong, but I can’t argue with what I seem to know within.  Like when God told me to get out of the stock market last June.  By September…………we all know that was when it all started falling apart.  So this leaves me to believe in the next few months God is REALLY going to open the door to me going to the city, where I will find this house I keep seeing in my spirit (and my friend Jane told me she dreamed of the other night, matching what I see in my spirit which I never shared with her), and my property will sell. Or else, the doors will remain closed as they have thus far, and I have GOT to trust, God is keeping me here for a reason.  This is where I am leaving it tonight.

And what about the soul mate journey, and the book and everything else I still feel in my life?  Why is it I know that is something that I will one day understand?  What has continually returned to me all day today is that story I read about 6 months ago.  A couple who all of their lives just seemed to be star-crossed lovers or something, where she married, he was single, she got divorced, he got married, he got divorced, she was engaged and married, she got divorced, he was engaged to be married when *poof* they stopped running and said, “NO MORE!” He broke up with his fiancée and they got married.  They were in their upper 60s I believe, knowing their time was limited, but she said everyday was such a gift.  It was an incredible story that has stayed with me.  Especially today for some reason. 

So where Soul Mate fits into my life I’m not sure?  I just know he does!  I still feel him, even tho I have put it into a good perspective.  How cool to know that out there somewhere, someone is thinking of you…………………whether it is me him, or him me, he can come here and see I am thinking of him, and I can go to my STAT button and see has come here, meaning he must be thinking of me.  Even from the road! *chuckles*  So yeah,  I don’t think too many people get this gift in their lives. And really, how do any of us know what tomorrow holds?  Things happen for a reason, and sometimes those reasons are way before it is time to understand.  Like the couple I spoke of up above.  Life went on, but both of them admit they ALWAYS thought of the other, from far away.  Soul Mate and I just get to see the other is thinking of the other, or however that goes.

And with that I will head to bed.  I’d love to go to the hot tub, but I find I am tired tonight after yet one more BIG day!

I’ve had a fairly beautiful spiritual day too, lots of time to talk to God, and be still and try to hear Him. Mostly what I keep hearing is to just be patient a little longer.  Patience!  I swear this must be what I decided to major in when I came to this school house of which is called, “School Earth!”  Patience and love………..what better lessons could there be to learn?

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight Soul Mate: What I said above, about remembering that story of the now elderly couple and how they lived their lives with other people, never forgetting the other, sure did continue to come to my mind today.  I think it’s because I have prayed for SO long to know the truth as to whether it is you here or not, and FINALLY, God seemed to speak to my heart that I already know the truth within, and you know, I do.  And I know it is you. *smiles*  Lots of driving time today, of which I often float off to thoughts of you.  It’s all so deep and complicated, and yet somehow I do believe one day I will look back at the journey and realize it wasn’t only a journey of mystery, faith, confusion, and all those other emotions I have lived since February 24, 2001, the day you took my hand in yours, and looked in my eyes, but I will realize it mostly was a journey of learning what love really is.  For this, I will one day thank you.  I send you love and light and prayers for safe travels and lots of peace in what surely must be very crazy and hectic times.  Goodnight,  Love, Sunshine