After another day of non-stop stuff, I’m here to write a short journal.  Jason and Susie left about a half-hour ago with baby Elizabeth.  It was a nice night I spent with them.  I did hold Elizabeth for a long time while we all sat and watched the movie, “Desperation” by Steven King.  It was a typical King movie that just ended before I came to write, leaving me to wonder why I wasted 3 hours of trying to figure out what was happening?  Somehow we turned the SciFi channel on where it was playing, and in the process of trying to figure it out, kept watching.

My morning began by an early morning swim, power walk, in the pool and everything I do.  Mostly it is a strong spiritual time for me as I work out.  It’s always a great way for me to begin the day. I so wish I had the stamina to get up at 4:45am, be in the pool at 5:15am, then at work at 7:00am, but I’m lucky to be to work at 7:00am without trying to work out first!  Gesh! I think if I did that routine, by noon I’d surely have to sleep!

Sometimes I get frustrated in my faith walk.  Perhaps I get more frustrated that Dell doesn’t hear what  I say as I share my visions with him.  He was back today to thinking that we should just stay here, still almost refusing to let go or something. He sees reality,  I see beyond.  He’s constantly reminding me that the log cabin is just not feasible for me, as he asks me how I am going to pay for it! If it makes no sense to him, he never seems to be able to grasp, until the miracle comes around.  It’s so frustrating for me………….because I truly do believe that sometimes two need to stand together. When he started being negative today I felt the anger rise within me, but God gently speaks that I need to be still.  Faith sometimes walks on the quiet belief path…………..no need to argue!  If God is doing the work, one day Dell will catch up.  But MAN is it hard! Old wounds and scars of years of negativity still arise within me sometimes, but perhaps this time, God is helping me to heal those wounds once and for all.  It’s time I look up, and not around.

Speaking of the log cabin…………I finally heard back from the realtor.  He still has not connected with the listing realtor to answer some of the questions, but he  admitted that he agreed with me after sending me all the information he did, they are way too high on the price.  The thing is whether they are high or not is not the issue, it’s how much they want to sell their place and do it a fair price.  I still hear God saying “patience.”  Something I once was NOT good at, suddenly I am beginning to “get.”

Now it’s back to work.  It’s been a long weekend, believe it or not, tho I still haven’t done things that HAVE to be done! Like all the paperwork for my taxes! (ugh)  And it’s now the 1^st of the month, which means “bill” paying time. (ugh), and balancing my checkbook which once again I’ve been lax on.  I swear this is because I do so much of this organizing at work all day long and I just don’t want to come home and do it again.  But I will. I have to!  It’s already March, and taxes are due to be filed in April.

As I was working out this morning I thought a little about last night’s journal.  The fact God showed me that Soul Mate was the one, and yet, we are not together.  Heck other than this place, we’re not even in contact!  I asked God about this and He reminded me of something.  When the early visions came, even before I knew who Soul Mate was, in the visions I was shown him…Soul Mate.  I was shown that we had always been in love and that we shared a great love. That when we found one another again there would be great pain. For Soul Mate it was my marriage, for me, it was the distance between us. I can still SO see that wall of separation in the vision. It was like a brick wall of darkness of which I couldn’t get through,  I only knew he was on the other side.  This was where the vision left off. I never saw us “together” within the vision, only the pain and distance between us.  A few years after we met I was taken into another vision of which I saw a road. It had angels on each side of the road holding flaming swords lifted over the road and touching, point to point in the middle of the road.  I asked God what I was seeing and He told me it was the road to my destiny, that it was guarded by these angels. And while I didn’t see Soul Mate, I did know he was at the end of this road.  So once again, I can’t say I “SAW” us together, only a knowing that…………..he was on the road to my destiny and angels stood guard over it.

Oh, there have been SO many more visions or which I won’t write here, and dreams, some of which have already prophetically come true.  I always write that he is “the one.”  I guess I have never defined what “the one” means, because I don’t even know what that means! So I prayed on that this morning.  And guess what?  I still don’t have the definition. I only know that once he came into my life, everything about me began to awaken. So yeah, he was the one.

And with that I will head to bed.  It’s almost 11:30, and I have to work tomorrow so it will be an early morning.  Sure do wish I could be up and in the pool by 5:15am, but I know me……………………..I’ll aim for after work as my spiritual/workout time.

So this journey of faith continues as I believe that God has in fact shown me that my next house will be brown, it looks a lot like the log cabin of which I have just found, but I still say if it isn’t the one, then there is still one out there, somewhere. For now, I‘ll just keep walking that path and following the visions and inner leadings God guides me with, and before I know it, I will go back to the light where I will finally be home.  (Enjoy tonight’s song as it is my current favorite song with just these closing thoughts.)

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  Sometimes I am sure you must think I am way out there!  I just wish you knew how much it would mean to me if “one day” we could just sit and talk about these visions and anything you have felt from the beginning. I’d love to be able to confirm that yes, you did in fact feel this or that as I had been shown.  You know I’d never put you on the spot or force you to ever talk to me, but my hope is one day we can in fact sit in a truck stop somewhere, for about 6 hours and just talk.  I SO need to know if you’ve ever really felt those things I was shown you would when the time came, and whoever you were. J  I don’t think it’d be so uncomfortable anymore, after all, the boundaries are set and I respect them so very much.  Still, I’d love to talk to my friend…………….intense as it might be, and share a story or two of memories that shouldn’t be memories, and yet, are.  Like, “The Song.”  Do you still remember?  I’m off to bed now…………………where I am sure I will whisper a good night to you, wherever you may be.  And of course I will send you love and light.  As always,  Love, Sunshine

As I sat down to write I looked at the time, it was 11:11pm.  That number always seems to have some sort of mysticism for me, tho I’m not sure why?  So I will take it that I am at this moment where I am meant to be, which is here, trying to catch up from the last few days!  Which BTW…………..there hasn’t been enough hours in the day for all that is happening in my world.

It’s been so busy since last Wednesday night that this afternoon, after Chad, Amy, Skylar, and Bree left, after having spent the night here last night, I absolutely collapsed.   My body was exhausted. Dell came into the living room where I had turned on Lifetime Movie Network to just be still, and asked me a question. The last thing I remember is “Are you tired or something?”  I must have fallen asleep after that.  And that was after sleeping till almost 9:00am this morning!  The sad thing is I remained in my recliner until almost 8:00pm, at which I had to force myself to get up.  I had to go grocery shop as Jason, Susie and Elizabeth are coming tomorrow for dinner and that would require me to get food in the house!  Before 11:11, when I sat to write, I had been in the kitchen after coming home from the store and cooked, preparing for them tomorrow for about an hour or two.  As once again………life is BUSY! I am excited tho, this will be Elizabeth’s first visit to mee maw’s house, which is an hour or so drive from where she lives.  For now anyway.

So review!  Here is where I am at the moment.  On Wednesday night I had a contractor come out to give me an estimate on building on to this house.  I have contemplated building on one heck of a master suite which will be built right on the edge of the forest behind my house, then converting my now garage into a great room, and connecting it via breezeway to an outside garage.  This contractor ended up being a guy that graduated from the high school I worked at forever.  He had graduated in 1991, of which I had already been at the school for 3 years.  We had a great time reminiscing, in between my helping him design what I was seeing. I really want to seek all my options, even tho the whole time I was doing this, it just didn’t really feel this was the right direction.

Thursday was the most incredibly busy day of all!  So busy I found myself in the pool at 6:45am!  The only time I could squeeze in that day for a work out. Then I had to be at the Rheumatologist at 9:30am.  The official diagnosis is in……………as my doctor diagnosed about 3 or so years ago, it’s fibromyalgia.  To me tho, this is a GOOD thing!  No arthritis, as far as rheumatoid or inflammatory!  YAY!!  The fibromyalgia thing is one that isn’t pleasant, but if I keep swimming and continue walking no matter how much it hurts, it’s the best thing I can do.  He wants me now to go back to my primary doc and discuss treatment as far as drugs.  Tonight I took myself off the ones he had prescribed a month ago that have really helped me…………I just don’t want to live on pills the rest of my life.  I am applying the faith thing and belief that I am healed.  Now that I know what it is I am facing, and the really ugly things have been eliminated, I will fight the fight of faith.

Thursday, late afternoon was the time I finally got to go to the log cabin. The one I am really believing God may have been showing me for a long time.  The one that is WAY more money than I want to spend!  But I went anyway because I believe the Lord had led me to.  When we drove up I absolutely LOVED it! 

Yes, this very well could be what I have seen in vision!  The realtor met us, and we went in.  My first initial reaction was NOT what I thought it’d be.  The living room is completely done in logs as is the outside.  You walk in and the stair case is in front of you. I saw the log beams hanging from the ceiling………..then my eyes went to the top of the stairs, where hanging was a deer head.  I am such an animal lover, and to see a deer head anywhere makes me so sad.  What was even worst about this one, it also had the deer’s paws or hooves  hanging below the head. Dell would tell me later it was for hanging your gun on! *grimaces* This was an INSTANT turn off for me!  More than that tho, with all the logs and beams I felt like I was back in Yellowstone when I was 11 years old at the main lodge! This was what that lodge looked like to me, now I am thinking of living in this? There is a stone fireplace that goes all the way to the ceiling.  I walked through the living room into the dining room, which to the left was the kitchen.  It was teeny tiny!  Much smaller than mine at home.  Odd thing is the kitchen cabinets were the same kitchen cabinets in my house now.  I could get use to the kitchen I decided. I mean after all, how much do I cook? Then we headed back to the master bedroom.  It was HUGE!  First closet I opened was really small, I was disappointed by that, but then Dell found the next closet and it was HUGE, HUGE!  I was much happier. The master bedroom bathroom was generic. What I was happy about was all the walls outside of the living/dining room are dry walled.  I checked out the laundry room, it was nice size. Then we headed down the hall to a half-bath, it was okay, I had vision what I would do with it.  Then we headed upstairs where there was a loft that overlooked the living room on one side, and a window that overlooked the backside of the property which was obviously pasture for livestock, then a woods, and a pond I could half see through the barren trees. The loft is small, but I could make it a small seating area or at the least put my antique school desk up there.  Next I checked out the 2 bedrooms upstairs. They were both HUGE, along with another full bath.  I looked down from the loft into the living room, I was now having vision.  Oh yeah! I could SO fix this place up!!!!!  I would love every moment of it.

Then it was time to go check out the barn and the pole barn which was HUGE!  The barn had 5 stables, so yes, I could in fact finally get my zebra, and a couple limas.  Dell would want a mule, and we’d get a horse as well. (Listen to me the dreamer!)  At this point I will admit I was torn tho.  Do I really want to clean stalls every day?  I decided I’d better think long and hard on this one!

The pole barn I could have cared less about.  I finally told the realtor I was going to head back into the house. He followed me.

The 2^nd time in I was really loving the place, but I was also feeling sort of “empty” on the inside.  I don’t think empty is the right word, perhaps let down?  Only because I HONESTLY believe they are about $75,000 OVER what the place is worth in my mind from all the searching I have done for over 2 years now.  They are REALLY too high!  Perhaps this is why God told me to check the higher prices that day He did, knowing that this was part of the miracle that will one day end me living in this house I believe I have been seeing for a long time? If it all does work out,  without a doubt I’d know it was HE that opened the door for me.  As Dell was outside checking out “his” things, I was in there working with the realtor and telling him what I thought about the price. I asked for comps from the area, and a history of the house.  It’d been on the market for over a year or so he told me that night as it was listed on the MLS sheet.

We spent well over an hour there.  I really could feel at home here and be quite happy. It might be a little further out than I want to be, but the potential of being a house I would ADORE fixing up………………..or where I’d feel as if God really did place me, this would be it.

We didn’t get home that night till after 10:30, of which I fell into bed. I had to work the next morning and had been going since 5:30am without stopping.

Then the work began!  Of faith.  Friday all day I just knew I had to practice patience, and not try to “push the river” or however that goes.  I know God. He’s never in a hurry and when He’s moving, it usually doesn’t happen in my timing.  The realtor did call on Friday, and sent me the comps I had requested.  He was having a hard time getting a hold of the listing realtor, so some of my questions couldn’t be answered.  The comps however did confirm my suspicions!  They are asking WAY too much for this house!  The realtor told me as soon as he talked to the realtor today he’d call me.  I emailed him back, giving him my thoughts on why this house is overpriced as it is listed.  I never heard back from him today. I’m trying to forget about this house for a lot of reasons, but oddly enough, I keep feeling as if God is whispering I will see the miracle on this one.  But of course I always wonder if I hear correctly.

As stated earlier, Chad, Amy and girls came for dinner last night, then spent the night.  They had to leave early afternoon today to get to Chad’s parents house to stay with them tonight.  Chad will leave for Afghanistan next Saturday. A week from tonight at this time he will be gone until the end of May. I have so many mixed emotions on this.  Mostly what comes to mind, “freedom isn’t free.”  I think all these wars are hitting a little too close to home these days as Joel will be graduating from Officer’s school April 2, then go to where he will be stationed knowing he could be deployed at any given time.  And let’s not forget Elizabeth’s daughter Sarah’s fiancée, who is now in Afghanistan.  I had to say goodbye to Chad today.  There’s a chance we could be back down in the city to look at houses before next Saturday, then there is a chance we may not.  And that’s all I have to say about all of this.  My prayers go with them, and my faith that we all have a destiny to fulfill.

We had the second contractor come out today so that we have two bids to consider if I decide NOT to sell the house because of the economy, and stay here………..but my heart knows, it is time to go.  I’m just now waiting to see what doors God opens and which ones he closes.  With all my heart I do believe this log cabin may end up shocking those around me!  But not me! I’ve learned that God does the most amazing things in my life, and if He gives me as “knowing” before hand, when the time finally comes I sit amazed……………………….not to mention those around me that watch it unfold.  And if this log cabin doesn’t work out, or it’s not the one, believe me, when “THE ONE” comes along, it will be so clear to me why all else failed.  How do I know this?  Soul Mate!  *LAUGHS*  I was shown him 5 years before he came into my life.  And there had been another before him of which I was told wasn’t the one…………….so when “he” finally was brought into my world, I was so grateful that the one before really wasn’t the one…..and thus, how I feel about this house I know in my spirit.  Yeah, this log cabin could be it……………..soon we will see.

And now,  I must, must close!  Even tho I collapsed all day, I still feel as if I am catching up from so much going on the past few days, and I really want to head to the hot tub.  Just to sit and ponder and thank God for so many things………………..as the new moon is high in the sky and the stars all aglow.  I will find so much peace for my soul, not to mention a quiet moment to myself.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  You are thinking of me in your crazy road days?!  And I am so touched in my own crazy “road” days!  Just in a different way than you.  You know that a week from tonight you will be where we last saw one another.  Can you believe that was 4.5 years ago?  Chad and Amy were there that night, as well as Elizabeth. What a screwy night it turned out to be, where fate did have a hand in it to make sure we didn’t run off into the night, much as I wanted to.  But it wasn’t meant to be and it wasn’t time, or so it goes. I had SO wanted to come see you next week, and I would have, until I got the news………….you were now with someone else.  I guess now I know what it feels like! I so desperately want to see you, but it isn’t and wouldn’t be fair to two other people now.  I would never hurt anyone to have my way, but in my heart, you still remain and I will never stop believing that one day, somewhere…………….here, over there, wherever, we will finally be………”something.”  Do you believe in twin souls too, and know that one day there will be reuniting?  The song I am playing tonight came on in the restaurant this morning as we were having breakfast.  Isn’t it funny music can play and I never hear it, but all of the sudden I hear a verse, or a chorus and suddenly my heart awakens to thoughts of you?  This song did that to me today.  And for a moment I fell weak to the emotion of it all and I longed for you………………and a dance under a full moon somewhere.  But not now………………….you are there, and I am here, and we must do what is right.  Except, somewhere, I still believe we are or you wouldn’t be here so many times touching what is real, and I wouldn’t be here so many times writing my heart.  I send you love and light, and thanks. That in the craziness of your world, I am still there with you, and you let me know.  Goodnight,  Love, Sunshine

FOR SOUL MATE: