It’s once again the end of the day.  The temps outside are back to feeling too much like winter, which is a mean trick in my mind of Mother Nature, having had spring in the air just 3 days ago!  I’ve felt cold all night, so when I finish my thoughts for tonight, I’m heading for the hot tub!  Where I’ll sit under the moon and stars and dream and pray, and meditate, which for me is simply being still and letting God speak.

I worked today. Lately I’ve been through this really having some regrets for leaving my high school job of 20 years a year-and-a-half ago to take this job.  I miss the students, I miss my friends, I miss all the high public contact I had.  Isn’t it funny you never realize what you have until it’s gone?  Lately I’ve run in to so many people who will say,  “You left?  But you WERE HHS! You ran the place!”  I appreciate the kudos, I truly do, but it makes me sad.  I didn’t realize what I was giving up.  So now that I have moaned about regrets, or what I guess I’d say was one HUGE mistake, the other side to that is, life isn’t about being comfortable or about the prestige, or at least for me that’s not what it’s about.  For me, I have truly come to believe that God will probably send me places that aren’t comfortable because it A: Causes me to turn to Him a WHOLE lot more, and B: He has a plan for my life and I think sometimes we are meant to move on, even when it makes NO sense! C: My boss has told me over and over she is SO sure God sent me to her!  I have helped her so much through some very painful times with her twin soul, and heartaches she herself faces.  So for those reasons, I have to thank God that I am where I am.  The problem is the job frustrates me SO much of the time!  I was talking with someone at work today and fought back tears having been given yet another HUGE assignment, which added on to all I do in the 20 hours per week was seemingly impossible.  She gave me some words of encouragement, and I went back to doing the best I could.  It’s funny. I pray EVERY morning on the way to work for wisdom to do the job and a spirit of peace to prevail in the office.  I think I get challenged by trying to have peace in turmoil, yet more lessons for me to learn.  In the end I do miss the high school, and yet, know that where I am for now is where I am meant to be.  I wonder if that makes sense?

After work my intentions were good!  Today should have been a walking day, but it was SO cold outside, I decided mall walking would be good. But I came home,  sat down, and that was my mistake! I could hardly keep my eyes open!  What is going on with me and where is my energy?  I’m going to blame it once again on the time change and the poor, poor air quality of the basement office we are temporarily housed in until they get our new offices remodeled and ridded of the asbestos.  Need I say more?   Jane coughs, I get so hot and tired, and my boss who has asthma sometimes has problems.  A healthy environment to be sure! *NOT!*

Luckily I only work 20 hours per week.  A wonderful schedule, if I was doing what I am supposed to be doing, like finishing the book, or at the least getting enough chapters done to start marketing it!  I fear all my friends that believed in me for so long to get this done and become a famous author with all sorts of book signings one day have given up on the dream.  While I’m mad at me I’m not any further than I am, at the same time I believe there is a season for everything and when it’s time…………………………it will flow so incredibly easily.

Once again I had another dream about Soul Mate last night.  Why can’t I remember the dream?  The only part I see so clearly is he was looking at me and there were tears in his eyes.  I think I said to him, “Why are you crying?”  And like so often in my dreams, he won’t answer.  He just looks in my eyes.  Why he would be so sad I have no idea for as far as I can see, things are supposed to be so very happy in his life right now. I wish I could believe dreams are just our way of working out things in our lives, but you’re talking to someone who has just had WAY too many “message” dreams as well as “prophetic” dreams that in the end happened.   Not to mention the people I have gone to see in my dreams only to wake up the next morning and describe someone to a “T” and have my description so accurate!  So no, I believe dreams teach us stuff!  Besides, the Bible is 1/3 written about dreams and visions!  That’s how God has ALWAYS communicated with His children!  So yeah, what was up with Soul Mate in the dream?  And I wonder?  Could it be a reflection of me?  How I still cry in my life because for so long I have wanted to move on and here I remain?  Nah…………….it was him and he was conveying a message to me, I just don’t know what it was.  And don’t I sound WAY out of the box tonight!

I have so many new people hitting the journal right now, please know, years and years of a journey of the spiritual kind has taught me to be WAY outside the box.  I love the saying,  “Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb, for that’s where the fruit is.”  I try to remember that when I do talk about things not seen, but felt.

Now, I think the hot tub calls!  It’s fairly early for me, and I’m still feeling exhausted.  If I go to the hot tub for about 30 minutes, then head to bed my hope is I can get up at normal time (5:30am), be in the pool by 6:30am for my morning swim, come home, start getting ready tomorrow for Elizabeth’s visit *jumps up and down in excitement*, then it’s lunch with Jane and a possible road trip, of which I haven’t heard yet, then home to continue cleaning.  Oh yeah, I’m going to have to get the swim in that early in order to get it all done.  And it’s days as tomorrow and Friday, well this weekend too, why I just can’t seem to get the book done.

To the hot tub!  God calls, I feel it in my spirit and there is NO where I’d rather be than sitting under the endless night sky talking to my Father, and being still so that I might hear what He has to say to me……..As my journey of faith continues on.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  So what was up with the tears I saw in your eyes last night in my dream?  Do I need to tell you that seeing you in tears all day from the dream (not knowing what the dream was all about, only seeing this part still so clearly) has broken my heart.  I only wish you the most joy and happiness possible!  But life is balance and with all the beauty, sometimes darkness does fall. If you are hurting, know that somewhere out here in this great big world someone does remember you, and with all her heart prays for you.  That will never change.  For now I have done so well excepting things are where they are for you, and for me.  No one asked me what it was I wanted in life, as a matter of fact so long ago I simply told God I’d go where He wanted me to go, or stay where He wanted me to stay, my only purpose here on earth was to fulfill that of which He sent me to earth to accomplish.  Perhaps it hasn’t turned out what I dreamed it would be for so long with you, and yet, as I’ve said so many times, if I could give you anything, I would give you the promise of God’s love for you.  And I keep getting that I need to also remind you of 2^nd, and 3^rd and 4^th chances.  Whatever that means, I know I have to keep reminding you of that.  And one other thing I’d give you is my own love which is so unselfish these days, just a true simple real love that is kind and gentle and doesn’t expect anything in return.  You taught me how to love freely…………….simply because I had no choice.  In my heart I know I have taught you some very deep lessons as well, or so I see when I close my eyes.  And I will always hear those words you once sent back to me,  “She’s SO special!”  I have those words buried in my heart, for they will always mean so much to me. I will close now, but not before sending you love and light.  May you day tomorrow be filled with wonder, joy, and most of all, a spirit of peace.  Goodnight you!  Love, Sunshine

Tonight's song is so awesome!  It's like a reflection of my life and the realization that no matter what ever happened, I was never alone! Even when I didn't believe it was possible because I didn't love myself, I was still loved by God..  I hope everyone enjoys and reflects from the words in tonight's song.