I had all these goals for myself today, beginning with a 6:30am swim. I was so sure I would wake up at 5:30 and be at the health club and in the pool by 6:30am, so when I woke up at 8:00am I was disappointed in myself.  But to not be too hard on myself I just rearranged my goals and decided to be at the health club at 9:00am instead for water aerobics.  That goal I made!  And when the class was over I swam actual laps as I feel my body getting stronger each day from this latest bout with the fibromyalgia.  And nope, I’m no longer taking the medication they prescribed. I’ve been off of it for a couple weeks now, and am still doing better!  YAY!

I think I worked pretty hard today in the water aerobics class, which isn’t necessary as most of the others are senior citizens and I think they go more for the social aspect.  At least the instructor Janie, knows I am trying so she pushes me.  Yeah, I’m trying.  Tonight as I write I am icing my knee, as still that is one of the sorest parts of my body, and ice seems to help.

Jane and I decided to go to a town north of here which is much further than normal today for lunch and to check out any craft/country stores there.  Lunch was at one of my favorite restaurants in this town, where we did find an antique/craft store, well sort of craft store.  What an experience!  Jane was upset because she wanted a back pack and they wanted way too much money for it compared to another backpack that was bigger, so she argued for her cause.  It ended she did get a price reduction, of which she still paid too much and on our drive out of the town, realized she’d been charged too much, so we turned around and went back. I sat in the car with Pete and Lilly.  The guy apologized, refunded the difference and all were happy.  Ahhhh…………drama!  The truth is tho we had a great time, we always do on these road trips. We ended at the country/craft store in Dell’s hometown, once again, and once again on a Thursday, I spent WAY too much money! *shakes head at self*  By now you can bet my house is one country cottage of some sort!  You know you never see the inside of a Thomas Kincade house, but I think if you did, it’d look like mine is looking now.  But okay, when is enough, enough?  I will let my kids be the judge of that this weekend!

Speaking of this weekend!  Tomorrow night all of my friends from the high school are getting together to celebrate my birthday.  Elizabeth is even coming to town, which I am so excited for!  I’m so happy we can all get together this year, as last year, Elizabeth was unable to make it, so I’m glad this year she’ll be there for us all.  Sunday everyone but Chad and Joel will be at my house for a birthday celebration.  Gesh!  All these celebrations, and on Wednesday, actual birthday “day” I’ll probably have nothing going on. But that’s okay.  Just to have so many doing so much already means a lot. 

Emma called me tonight. She and Drew are headed home tomorrow. She’s going to stay with Amy a couple nights, then asked if she could stay here Sunday and Monday.  OMG!  She never need ask!  I never talk about this, but lately I can’t begin to explain how much I have come to love and appreciate Emma.  For a daughter-in-law she goes beyond the expectation any mother-in-law could ask for.  She is SO good to me and has always been there if I ever needed anything!  She really does have a gift of love within her, I’m just not sure I ever let her know how much she means to me?  And how?  How do you do that?  I am thrilled that on her trip home, just her and Drew, since Joel is still at officer school in South Carolina, she wants to come and spend time with us when she could have opted just to go to her mom’s house.  I was so touched.

It will be a busy weekend, but one of a lot of joy since this is the first time I will have ALL 4 grandkids at my house (remember new baby Elizabeth, now almost a month old is new).

Sometimes music touches me at such a deep level.  All day when I could I have gone back and played the song I played last night on my journal.  I can’t say why, but the words in that song keep the child alive in me, as I realize that all through my life, no matter what happens/ed, or where I am/was,  this incredible love is so near.  I thought about childhood, and how I always knew the Lord.  He was always such a part of my life, even when I went through my drug days, and my days of intense wandering trying to run from who I was!  I remember at night, after doing a night of partying or drugs, or very stupid mistakes, I would always tell the Father I was sorry. It didn’t mean I wouldn’t go out the next day at age 17 and do more stupid things, but in my heart I always knew I was wrong.  He was patient with me, and I always knew He was near, even tho He shouldn’t have been.  Today it was quite a reflection for me as I would listen to the song just one more time.  No matter what, that love was always there, and when I think about it, I don’t think I took it for granted…….I just wanted to run from me most of the time back then! Because I didn’t love me.  Jesus taught that the greatest commandment in the world was a 3-part thing……………”Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and might and love others, EVEN as you love yourself!”  If you don’t love yourself, how can you love others?  That was what I was missing back then, but God’s love saw me through.  You know,  as I was reflecting on this today listening to the song, I even got teary-eyed as I thought about how tough this journey of life can be.

And I think of people like this latest scam guy,  Maddof.  Who has robbed thousands and thousands of people out of their life savings…………where’s the love there?  Where is this guy’s compassion and heart?  Where is that inner voice that says to love others?  I know I’m very simplistic in my faith, but I will never understand the need for great wealth, the need to elevate yourself to a higher standard than another, and the need to stomp over whomever you may to get to where it is you want to be.  Surely at the core of people as this guy, there is a little voice that cries for love.  Surely.  But as I say, I am simplistic in my faith,  believing I am simply here to love.  What good is money if I have not love?  I guess love is the treasure I seek here………………..and it’s not always easy, is it?  I guess this guy will have the rest of his life to think about what he did.  And I wonder…………….will there ever really be repentance in his heart?

With those deep thoughts I shall close and hopefully have a few minutes to go to the hot tub.  It was SO beautiful last night with the full moon and cool temperatures. I slept like a baby, with no dreams to speak of.  But then God and I had a wonderful time as I sat in the hot tub and looked up to see such a beautiful hand-painted picture of the night-time sky.  Such a place of peace.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  I did a lot of soul searching today, and in that place I keep trying to figure out how this can still be?  You here, me here…………….what it all means.  I still don’t have the answers, I only know that if you do feel the connection as I do, then you want to understand love more than you ever have.  This is what it has done for me.  And in my silent world, no matter where I am, or who I am with, or whether I am laughing, or crying or being serious, within me, I always stop to think of you.  It may not be 24/7 as it once was, but those days were for learning.  Now that I have it, and have accepted a beautiful story of separation and yet teaching one another so very much anyway, well, I don’t have to play it all over in my mind again and again.  I guess that means I finally did find peace on the journey, even in my greatest fear, which was you would be with another.  When it happened I did fall apart! God let me wallow for a time in the mud before picking me up and making me see that love is love, and that journeys are for different experiences.  Now I am not only on a journey of faith, I’m experiencing the peace with it, because I believe in a story that will probably go on into eternity.  And that is my heart.  I send you love and light.  As I go sit in the hot tub I will be looking into the night sky and wondering if somewhere out there you might be looking at the same night sky I am.  Goodnight,  Love, Sunshine