My day began later than normal today. I slept in till 8:30am. When I got up I checked my cell phone, having not put it in my room last night, and noticed 2 missed calls.  It was my daughter, Amy.  She NEVER, EVER calls me early in the morning!  I was trying to get the sleep out of my eyes as I checked my email on my phone, not able to make out the words.  I went to my laptop, opened my email and felt all warm and fuzzy!  “Mom!  Check out this new song by Miley Cyrus!  It’s SO you mom!  Everything you talk about and believe in! When I heard it last night I just had to tell you about it!”  Without even hearing the song I felt touched beyond belief. I went to youtube hoping it’d already be uploaded.  It was!  The words are SO beautiful.  More than that tho, for my daughter to hear a song like this and immediately think of me, regardless of how hard I am on myself most of the time, I realize I must give a message of faith to those around me.  Why am I my own harshest critic?  Tonight’s song will be this song.  And yes, I LOVE it! I think I even cried the first time I listened to it. Almost like there was a message in there for me in my hormonal days I am currently experiencing.

From there I decided to go to the pool and do a quick work out in the pool.  I had gotten on the scales again this morning and regardless of how much I try to lose these pounds, the scales seem to creep up instead!  I was so frustrated when it suddenly dawned on me!  I had that ovary moved this past summer and my body is all messed up as in some stupid chemical imbalance!  Hormones!  It can do a number on your body or so I’ve heard.  Unfortunately, now I am living it!  *sighs*

So to the pool I go, working extra hard in the pool.  Surely if I keep this up it will help eventually!  Only I realize I’m not doing it for the weight, I am doing it so I keep my joints going with the fibromyalgia thing, which once again makes me wonder if the chemical thing isn’t causing that too?  Am I falling apart or am I just not applying the faith I need to?  I decided to try to work it out in the pool.

After my workout of which not a lot of answers were found, I had to head home, shower, and get ready because it’s Thursday and Jane and I were doing more than lunch, we were doing a road trip!  We’d made plans to head to another little country town about 30 minutes from here where she heard rumor there was a little country/craft store.  I’m always game for a road trip!  I love to go explore and wander whenever I can.  It was such a beautiful day too!!!!  My hormones were in the “UP” zone today, meaning I was on an extreme high!  I even laughed to myself as I thought about how low I was just a few days ago.  Gesh!  Where’s the even keel? 

Jane picked me up as we headed out. I hadn’t been to this town before, or perhaps I had for one of the games when Amy was cheerleading, or the boys played basketball, but other than that I’d never been there.  We stopped for a nice lunch in a teeny-tiny town café somewhere on the way.  Then we headed for this newest store.

It was okay.  Not on my top list, but all the same nice to see new things.  They had the miniature “State Fair” candles (that’s the scent, the candle is McCalls).   I went ahead and bought one, and as I was paying noticed the music playing, along with a rack of CDs of the artist playing.  I LOVED the music!  Flutes/piano/guitar……..it was SO angelic!  I began to talk to the girl about this artist, David Young. I had never heard of him.  As I began to go through the CDs I came upon one, “The Mystery of Destiny.”  OMG!  “Jane!  Look at this!!  It is SO me!!!”  She laughed at me.  The owner of the store put it on so I could listen.  I fell in love with it, and as I write tonight I write with this CD playing.  She told me that you can only get his music at trade shows and it is only sold in specialty shops as the one I was in today.  She said that David Young is very spiritual and when he goes to record his music it’s like he is guided by angels, so he takes very little credit for any of it.  “It’s simply a gift.”  Or so she explained.  As I write by it tonight, I agree.  It is SO beautiful, light, airy and peaceful.

I was telling the owner of the shop about my writing and about the book, or just a small part of it, of which she seemed somewhat intrigued.  We joked and said perhaps she could sell some of the books in her shop and I’d come kick it off by doing a book signing.  She said that’d be great and once again I had to chuckle at my own dreams being put out there.  I thought to myself, “Sunshine, if you’re going to dream, dream big!”

Jane and I left with our purchases, Jane buying an antique clock that was very awesome.  We decided to change our route home so that we could drive through Dell’s hometown where our newest and latest favorite craft/country store is located. (This is my 2^nd favorite, the first one still being here in town.)  As we drove through the country side, sun shining down, a spring breeze in the air I had hope that winter is probably about over.  Spring fever had hit big time!

When we arrived at the shop, I found so many things this time!  First thing I found was a wooden shelf with 3 wooden, hand-painted plates in it.  The three plates said:

 #1 Believe in your dreams.  #2 Say your prayers.  #3 Keep your faith.

This is SO me!  It’s so what I need in my hormonal state! The store owner came by,  “Want me to take it up to the counter for you?”  That was a sign I decided!  “Sure.”  Mental purchase already made!  Next was a long braided rug for my bedroom where Pete got bored one day while I was at work and ate the carpet!  Yeah, Dell had repaired it, but it is SO obvious the carpet is patched. I needed one of those rugs 2X6 to cover it up, and this store had one!  By now I had spent way too much money and told Jane I was checking out.  I paid for my things, turned around and saw the NEATEST picture!  It was SO me!!!  But I couldn’t, I just couldn’t.  I ignored this, thinking I will come back later. I went to see what Jane was doing to see she was purchasing her own things.  As we walked up I showed her this picture that was sitting against a cabinet on the floor.  “Doesn’t that SO look like my house?”  I said to her.  “OMG!  It does!”  She said.  We went and looked closer to see the price, but I really didn’t want to spend anymore today.  She picks it up, hands me some money and says, “Here, I’m buying this for your birthday!”   Of course I argued until I was blue in the face, “No you’re not!”  And we bickered and argued as  we are standing at the counter. I ended up taking it for my birthday, so happy to get something I loved so much!  My birthday isn’t even for another couple weeks and I’ve already gotten my first gift!

Our drive home through the country and sunny skies all around made me feel so alive.  Winter is finally over! I thought to myself, hoping above hope that it is and no more snow falls, which in my part of the world is very possible in March.  At least for today I felt as if I might have survived yet one more winter.  Yet, I know a great truth too, if not for winter, sunny/spring-like days as today probably wouldn’t feel so wonderful.

Once home Dell just shook his head when I came in with all my stuff, as I am sure he is wondering what the heck I am doing?  My house now looks like a craft/country store. *laughs*  “Dell, it’s okay!  Just hang this stuff for me and write it all off as hormonal.”  He sort of just laughed as he shook his head.  Poor guy just doesn’t know what to think these days!  He hung my stuff and then he disappeared back to his room.  I was grateful tho that he was so helpful in hanging my latest inspirational things, my house now filled with paintings, signs, and wall hangings with all these things I really need to focus on when I am having those down days.  I think as he was hanging the shelf with the plates that sit in it, I said to him,  “The next time I go crazy on you, take my hand, lead me to these plates and make me read them.”  Once again he sort of laughed, but I bet if truth be known, the last thing he’d ever try to do when I am in one of those “out of control” fits is take my hand, probably a wise decision on his part. *chuckles*

Really, I’m not near as bad as I sound.  At least I am beginning to be aware that there might be some physiological reason for my mood swings right now.  And it’s not all bad!  I mean look at how high I was today!

Jason called later tonight, after some scares earlier in the day everything turned out all right and Elizabeth was home from the hospital.  She is jaundiced from breast milk, so they will need to switch from that to formula, yet another miracle in my life I have witnessed.  I was SO glad the little one was home.

Before writing tonight I chose to go to the hot tub first.  I’m still off the medication for the fibromyalgia, trying holistic things to make my joints and muscles better. At night I try to ice the back of my knee where I really do have a strained muscle, and then I do the hot tub for heat.  I’m just not one that wants to be on a lot of meds, and until I am healed, which I TOTALLY believe WILL happen, I will do the best I can to walk in faith, and not in chemicals.  But that is just my faith and hope.  As I sat in the hot tub it was a lot cooler tonight than it was all day, but not that much cooler.  The wind is strong, so very strong, but I LOVE wind! I so enjoyed looking up at the moon and watching these fast-moving clouds, carried by the wind moving over the moon.  I sat there and sort of talked to God, not one of my stronger spiritual nights, I thought about Soul Mate for a time, wondering if he was okay, and convincing myself that we are where we are at this moment because we are meant to be where we are, and I just enjoyed the quiet serene moment of sitting on the edge of the woods, watching the clouds fly by, and being still.

And now, I will head to bed.  I have to work in the morning, but luckily it is only a half day. And so far, for the weekend I have no plans.  Of course that is subject to change at any given moment!  I hope the weather continues to be as it was today, but if not, I have the hope that it is March and soon, all the days will be up from here.  Either way I won’t complain as I continue to trust that life is happening in each day that I live.

(And please!  If you NEVER, EVER listen to the songs I post here, please listen to tonight’s as I think it’s a message we could all use.)

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  As I always say, every song is you!  Or somehow makes me think of you, so perhaps this song Amy wanted me to hear is the same.  It made me think of the journey.  Why is it when I think of the journey I think that in the end it will lead back to you?  No, there are no signs of that today from where I sit and see, but there remains this deep knowing within me………..perhaps this song represents this?  I think of who I was 8 years ago, before I met you.  Other than the words the Lord kept giving me in my personal journals of words from Him, I never talked about life being a journey, or fate and destiny.  As a matter of fact a few hours after we met I said to you,  “You know fate is a funny thing…………I was living my life and now here you are.”  You smiled at me and said, “Yeah, it is isn’t it.”  I can’t believe I said that to you!  I never EVER used the word fate before in my life! (Or I don’t think I did.)  I even remember after saying it to you thinking to myself,   “Where did that come from?  He probably thinks you’re nuts!”  But then you know, that night I so often kept saying things I never would have said normally!  What great force took over that night?  *laughs*  And now, 8 years later my whole house if filled with inspirational everything!  But you know, meeting you did more than awaken me, it actually drew me closer to God because I didn’t know where else to turn to try to understand what had happened, or what was happening to me.  And even tho I may be a “bit” hormonal at the moment, I know when I look back over the past 8 years I have learned the greatest lessons.  And who but you could have taught me so many things?  Mostly tho, what real love looked like, and it’s not always the Cinderella/Prince Charming thing, is it?  As a matter of fact, love is so much more than how we in our human state could ever begin to understand.  That’s what is so cool about this spiritual connection I share with you.  I send you love and light.  Have a beautiful trip tomorrow wherever you are headed to!  Goodnight,  Love, Sunshine