I woke up at 3:00am and swear I didn’t get back to sleep!  It’s been a long day to say the least and at the moment my eyes are so heavy!  But since I didn’t write last night, having not returned from Amy’s house in the city till really late, I decided I needed to get a little out. Writing is therapeutic for me I have discovered. It helps me touch me. I’ll go back and re-read tomorrow those things I write tonight and find I learn from the words.  Like I am a different “me” when I write. So yeah, I need to have these moments of sedentary time, meditative music playing, and reach in.

I worked today. A very busy day at my job (what day isn’t), of which I did accomplish much.  For those that have been reading here from the time I quit my job of 20 years, over a year-and-a-half now, to do what I am doing now, they can attest to what a rough start it was at the beginning. I’d come home and cry!  I’d left my friends and a job I knew through and through! A place I pretty much felt as if I ran and was known to run.  And I went to my part-time job at the university, my main purpose being so that I could write and finish my book. Oh it was awful at the beginning!  But through a lot of prayer and a LOT of faith, it turned around. My boss swears God sent me to her, that was when I KNEW that prayer had brought me through and I had followed a plan. In the process I have learned so much about me.  I’ve grown, learned things I never believed I’d learn, met new people and expanded my horizons.  Was it a mistake to leave the high school?  Sometimes I still think yes, just because of financial reasons, and I still miss my friends, but on the other hand, no, I don’t.  I’ve grown so much, and in the end does God really want us comfortable? Is that what the journey is supposed to be?

On this same subject, the one thing I am disappointed in me is how I haven’t worked on the book. I REALLY need to get this done, but find myself so busy all the time, running, on the go, I don’t quiet my spirit to complete that of which these days I call my “Soul Mate!” This story buried within me.  It’s so alive within me, I just seem to struggle bringing it out. Is this one of those, “It will come to fruition as it is planned and till then I must be patient?”  Perhaps?

I watched, “Twilight” at Amy’s house last night. This is her newest “RAGE” at the moment and after the ballet, she couldn’t wait to go back to her house and turn it on for me. (Obviously, she’s purchased the movie.) I was so thrilled to finally see it as this book/movie has become something very symbolic in my life.  How so?  This whole journey I have had, this “Journey of Faith,” (in quotes for a reason), had come to me first in the form of visions and incredible prophetic dreams of things that would happen to me long before they did. I never understood what they all met, until Emma, my daughter-in-law would tell Amy how the book, “Twilight” came to be.  The author had a dream of this WHOLE story before it was even written!  The characters were shown to her and became real to her!  As Emma was telling Amy this, as we sat at dinner at “Bubba Gump Shrimp Company” in South Carolina,  it was as if I heard those “harp sounds!”  (Harp sounds to me are like you’d hear on Charlie’s Angels or something when something significant happens and you know you’ve been given some huge clue to the mystery!)  Yes!  This journey! A book is waiting to be written.  Destiny!  MINE!!!  It’s so alive within me!  It all began to make sense suddenly!  The journey! Soul Mate!  As I watched “Twilight” last night I realized how real these characters must have been to the author.  I related to her experience of writing the book!  The movie itself was very eerie to me. I liked it, but it feels a bit dark to me. I found it haunted me all night, which is perhaps one reason I didn’t sleep much.  So I focus tonight on the specialness of how this book came to be, and I touch it because I do believe it has been incredible synchronicity for me! 

Miracles and answers sometimes come in the oddest of ways, and from places we’d never imagine.  God is SO big!

Skylar, Amy and I did do the ballet yesterday. There’s a reason I’ve never done the ballet before, and probably a reason I won’t be rushing back for more.  The performance began at 2:00pm sharp!  At first Skylar’s eyes were ALL huge with excitement!  The story was, “Cinderella.”  Except, it wasn’t Disney’s Cinderella, that’s for sure!  So we make it through the first hour, and then there was intermission. By that time Skylar, at three-and-a-half years was ready to move!  We go back, and another hour goes by. It is now 4:00pm, and they take ANOTHER intermission!  This was to be a 3.5 hour ballet!!!!!!!  NO WAY!  Skylar cried because she didn’t want to go back to our wonderful seats!  She was bored to tears! After all in the ballet there is NO talking, only dancing!  Amy and I laughed as we left, not finishing the performance, we both sheepishly admitted we were glad Skylar was going nuts cause to be honest, we were both WAY PAST ready to go too!  Oh………….so much for my culture experience!  At least we made it through 2 hours!  I couldn’t help but notice we weren’t the only ones leaving! I’ll bet that audience was really thinned out!  Most leaving when we did had little ones.  Chalk it all up to one more experience in life.  To dream, to dance, I am not. *sighs*

Amy called me today.  Chad is preparing to go to Afghanistan in about a month so his training is causing him to have bizarre hours right now, and Amy has a special training session herself on Thursday,  “Mom, can you keep the girls overnight Wednesday, and keep them for me on Thursday?”  Her daycare requires the girls being picked up by 5:30, which will be impossible for her.  Thank heavens for my part-time job!  I agreed to keep them. No problem!  Skylar is such a joy to have around and Bree is growing really close to me too, tho she is a challenge right now getting into everything, I look forward to keeping them for a day.  This means no lunch with Jane day!  So I think we will have lunch on Friday.  I just hope I don’t have any showings on my house on Thursday!

Speaking of which, so far, no calls.  *sighs*  But then I have scoured the houses on the market in the city and have not found ANYTHING close to what I see in my spirit, so I guess I can’t complain too much that no calls have come.  It will happen, in the right time.  Over and over I tell myself this!  And then……………..oh so many “and then” questions to be answered, or perhaps, simply walked out in faith.

And with that, I will head to bed.  I’m still in a really good place, tho today hasn’t been quite as spiritual as some other days, still I feel positive, serene, trusting, and curious as to what all that waits up ahead means. I see it, feel it, and yet, it still remains a mystery.  I think that’s part of this journey of faith I walk.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

 Tonight's song I've recently discovered thanks to a real lesson most of the world has learned via Susan Boyle.  This song made me almost cry because it sort of words I've felt the past few months. Except for me, the dream is still alive because the faith is still alive.