Tonight I am once again sitting around the pool, lined with all sorts of tropical plants, and my favorite of all, palm trees!  There are 3 very loud children gleefully swimming, taunting and teasing one another in the pool.  They’re loud, sort of interrupting my train of thought to write, but I realize this is their paradise get-away too. Life isn’t all about me, my latest lesson!

I had a horrible time sleeping last night, too many thoughts going through my head.  And I’m at the beach where I’m not supposed to have that many thoughts! *sighs*  Finally, who knows what time it was, I said to God,  “I will give you all these thoughts, and trade them for your peace and a blessing of sleep.”  Guess it worked as sleep must have come. 

Dreams were horrid!  I won’t even bother to write it out here because I have NO interpretation as to what it all meant, but I know I was being shown something. I prayed about it tonight, and still, I have no meaning.  I saw a sword and knew that a decapitation had taken place…………….so I am trying to garner the meaning of what I was shown.

I was glad when morning came.  I had my 9:30 appointment to get my hair wrap. My intentions were to be up and on the beach by 7:00am, but after a horrendous night sleep, that didn’t happen.  Dell was asleep by the time I got to the room last night after writing and was barely awake this morning as I went to get my hair wrap. I complained to him that he was becoming a lazy so and so………but I didn’t want to grumble too much so I kept  it inside.  I had full intentions of having a full beach day! I was psyched! 

I got my hair wrap, hearing the story of the lady that did the work.  She owns gift shops in these resorts and does braids and hair wraps in the different shops.  She assures me that many women my age have them done.  She did an awesome job!  It’s not very long which is exactly what I wanted.

When I went back to the room Dell was in front of the TV, not ready to go. We hadn’t had breakfast and I wanted to get out to the beach.  A small spat ensued, probably caused by me. Sometimes he SO gets on my nerves.  Today would have been a “sometime.”  I waited for him to get ready, replied to Soul Mate from his last email, and finally when Dell was ready, we went to one of the restaurants at the hotel here and got breakfast.  After a bowl of fruit,  I rushed to the room to get my chair. I knew severe thunderstorms were predicted, and the wind was AWESOME! I hoped to beat the storms and was so excited!

I finally got settled on the beach, but it wasn’t near as paradise as I had hoped.  The wind, blowing up to 40mph became a sand-blasting machine!  I had to cover my ears because the sand was building up in there!  It hurt!  I didn’t care for about an hour, but by then it was just too much to take.  I noticed everyone else around us had given up too.  Dell was bored out of his mind.  I decided to go to the pool, where I write tonight and lay in the sun.   Dell wanted to go back to the room.  TV, ya know? 

I swam my laps in the pool, laid in my chair, where the wind was SO loud and the palm trees were swaying, I fell sound asleep!  I must have been there for 2 hours.  Dell finally came out, beer in hand, a glass of ice water for me from the bar next to the pool.  I never wanted to move.  If I couldn’t be on the beach, this was the next best thing to, with the wind and the palm trees.

I had a lot of time to meditate today about a lot of things, but you know, I am finding sometimes I just need to be still and not think about anything!  Today was one of those days.

I did think about my decision earlier that I needed to respond to Soul Mate after his message yesterday.  I played over in my mind what I had written, it was short, but sweet.  I tried to gently let him know my heart.  It made me smile as I fell sound asleep under the palm trees, wind blowing, and clouds and sun alternating the experience.

When Dell came down a couple hours later, he was so bored out of his mind, I agreed to go exploring with him.  Exploring means basically driving around unless we find something intriguing, which we didn’t really find today.  The area is filled with the most incredible resorts, but I am finding it is a very depressed area economically, I think.  So many restaurants and stores are closed down here, we had a hard time finding some place to eat.  It made me sad.

After dinner we went to the laundry mat to do some clothes.  Dell had about had it, he wanted to come back and…………….. you guessed it, watch TV.

I had already decided I was going to power walk on the beach.  The temps here tonight are REALLY cold for South Florida!  Brrrr…………….especially with the wind! I threw on my sweats and sneakers and headed out.  Dell waved goodbye to me, which really sort of hurt my feelings.  I know it’s his vacation too and if he wants to spend it in front of TV, well, that’s his choice.  It’s just SO frustrating for me tho!  Let the pity party begin!  He is so much older than I am in so many ways……….even if he is only 2 years older, it is as if he is 65, and I am 25.  As I began my walk I was SO upset!  Feeling so lonely!

I walked and talked to God. It was my meditative time and prayer time and what better place than a power walk on the beach at sunset?  I walked for over 30 minutes, way down the beach.  Walking in sand surely MUST be double the workout!  I came back to the hotel beach, collapsed in the sand where by now the moon had risen, with a reflection glowing over the water and waves. It was so very beautiful!  I sat there and talked to God.  I complained, but God reminded me that perhaps Dell was blessing me much more than I realized because I have been able to spend SO much time alone on the beach!  And alone period!  Because when I am alone, I am not alone because I get to talk to God. And I get to look deeper within me. And I’m able to see things I never see when I am constantly with someone.  Suddenly, I was so very grateful!  Proving once again that prayer doesn’t change God’s mind, prayer changes me.  I became very quiet then as I sat and listened to the waves and watched to reflection of the moon over the water.  I felt Jesus sitting next to me and felt this incredible love and pureness come over me. I began to cry.  I wish I could say why, but I’m not sure words could describe it when I am that close to my Father in heaven.  The love is so very real, it is humbling beyond words.

I didn’t want to leave that place, even with the wind whipping the sand all around me.

I thought some more about this Soul Mate journey, and story.  It is probably more alive to me at the moment than it has been since it began.  In such a different way than I would have ever imagined it to be. I told the Father thank you for that too.  He reminds me constantly that where I am now is some sort of “growing place.”  A place that sometimes seems very confusing, but to realize in that confusion I will learn who He truly is……..and one day I will find myself where He has always meant for me to be.  And the tears fell because I realized the love I have when I look up to heaven…………and the love I have when I look in my heart………………….and the love that never leaves me and is always near, even when I am not loveable.

Tomorrow is a Disney day!  We plan to leave early in the morning and spend some time.  Our tickets are already purchased thanks to Chad and Amy who got us a 5-day pass good this entire year.  We will be back in August or September with Chad, Amy, the girls, perhaps Joel and Emma, of which we will spend a lot more time at Disney. But since we have the tickets, we decided to use one of our days tomorrow as it is supposed to be really cool here, like upper 60s, and not a good beach day.  The good news is I went down and talked to the front desk today.  They have agreed to allow us to stay here until Friday at the same INCREDIBLE rate we were told we could only have for 2 days!  YAY!  I will spend the rest of the time on the beach, growing and seeking, and healing, and touching my heart as it seems I will have PLENTY of alone time!  Dell is doing his thing, and that frees me to have my own free-spirited time as well.  Sometimes blessings come in ways we can’t see.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  I am REALLY liking where this whole journey seems to have you and me at this time.  For so long I held on so tightly for fear it would all go away if I didn’t.  But once I finally let it go, it suddenly came back in the most beautiful way……………….I know in my heart now it’s something so special that no one will ever really be able to take away from neither of us, and perhaps, that is the best gift God could have given either one of us.  It’s so distant, and yet, it’s so close.  A hand to hold when the other needs it. And yeah, I’d be here if you asked. And something tells me if I “REALLY” needed you………….you would be too.  And I think this journey that continues on and on only strengthens the specialness of it all…………..with no lines crossed and no rules broken, it is very awesome.  I send you love and light as I sit in paradise. Under a palm tree, a ¾ full moon, a HIGH wind, and love all around.  Goodnight my special someone out there somewhere……………Love ~Sunshine

Tonight I am sitting under palm trees, overlooking the hotel pool which has a waterfall, thus the sound I hear tonight, along with the faint sound of waves crashing on the shore.  Surely I am in paradise.  Surely this is where I belong as does anything feel this serene and peaceful, not to mention calming to my soul. And believe me, tonight, I need it. *keep reading because you are NOT going to believe this!*

I did sleep in later than I had hoped to this morning. But after 2 long nights of Bree crying on and off during the night and early mornings, I was so ready to just crash.  It was nice.  Eventually Dell woke up too and we headed for downtown Savannah.  We ate breakfast out on the sidewalk in front of some expresso type café.  The weather was perfect!  Here are some photos just to share what a beautiful city Savannah is along with some photos from the past couple days:

*Note, problems with uploading photos.............will do so in the next few days.

There wasn’t a lot to do in Savannah. I took some photos, walked quite a few city blocks, admiring the unique architecture of the civil war era houses, and just feeling the creative powers that a city as this tends to offer.  I went in a bookstore to find some local author’s books.  While I didn’t purchase one today, I did find a couple intriguing and perhaps will order them on line on day.  I knew for now, there’s no time to read and it would have been one of those buy it and it sits.  As we were driving out of town, Dell spotted some railroad museum.  Dell is into tractors and trains, or should I say the history of.  I encouraged him to go on and spend as much time as he liked.  I supposed it would have been a kind thing for me to go in with him, but I am SO not into these things!  This meant alone time where I picked up my Bible and tried to catch up as I waited for him in the car.  I did read quite a bit, but make up for where I should be, didn’t happen.  But I’m not beating myself up about it!

God had a very cool lesson for me as I was reading today!  One scripture in Mark, jumped out at me…………..it said, “God will tell you what to do.”  Wow!  Immediately I felt as if I had never read this before, even tho I had many times!  God used it today as a confirmation HE DOES STILL SPEAK TO US!  As I’ve said so many times before, it’s a small quiet voice from within. If you are still, you can hear.  But not to be confused with the many voices we all sometimes hear in our lives, God’s voice is gentle and kind and will always involve love, most generally I have found His words will put others first.  I guess because of my “free-spirit journey” I am currently on, it felt SO wonderful to have Him whisper to me,  “Yes my child, I still speak to my children.”

When we finally took off, heading for Florida, we had NO idea where we were going. We still didn’t have reservations anywhere nor know where our destination would be.  As we crossed the state line, of which I ALWAYS get SO, SO excited, and have since I was a wee child, I spotted a welcome station a few miles away.  “Stop Dell!  They’ll have free orange juice!”  They also had shelves and shelves of books. I picked one up that said, “Lodging Deals.”  As we drove out, and back onto I-95, I began looking.  We had thought we’d end up in St. Augustine, one of my favorite places in Florida, or perhaps even Daytona Beach, (not my favorite spot) as I was sure there would be a hotel somewhere.  As I began to look through the book of deals, I spotted a coastal city in the southern part of the state with HUGE deals on 5-Star hotels located RIGHT on the beach!!!  I’d never been to this city before, so I got rather excited!  There is supposed to be a front move through tomorrow with thunderstorms and then the temps will plummet to the 60s, so the further south we went I knew the better chances of beach weather.  The only catch was you couldn’t have reservations and were subject to availability.  The wind was definitely blowing me at this point.  I felt so free and alive!

And then it happened.  Dell was in the mood to do most of the driving today, so I had some free time to play a bubble game I love on my cell phone.  I am also on line on my cell phone and hooked up into my email.  As we were headed down the highway, It dinged me I had a new message. I clicked on it, and about passed out!  “You have a new message from XXXX  XXXXXX………………………SOUL MATE!!!!!  I was sure my eyes were not seeing this correctly!  What?!  I clicked on the message again, then shut it off, then clicked on it again!  It was definitely him!  It had been 3 years ago yesterday since he has contacted me, and here he was with a message for me.  And here I am, traveling down I-95, so unsure of where it is for sure I am going to be tonight……….and Soul Mate has just dropped me a note!  I am sure I was having an out of body experience!!

I took deep breaths. I Tried to once again keep it all in perspective and not make it something it isn’t. I truly have grown on this journey more than I ever thought I would! You know, it was just yesterday on the beach I discovered a key secret to my Soul Mate journey!  When I stood on that beach in 2002, the same one I was on yesterday, I had prayed for God to take it away from me!  I didn’t want the pain or the hurt anymore.  Then yesterday, as I stood on that beach again, I said to the Father,  “You don’t have to take it away, because I give it to you.”  That was the difference!  7 years ago I wouldn’t let go, this time, I could and did.  Then out of nowhere, after 3 years, he sends me a message.   No, it wasn’t one of love and romance or any of that, I sense it was simply his way of reaching out and letting me know he remembers too.  Isn’t it amazing when we let go, if it is real, whatever “it” may be, it just might come back to you after all?

The rest of the ride to where we ended up, a VERY beautiful 5-star hotel with a room that overlooks the pool, palm trees, water fountain, AND ocean, was quiet. Dell wasn’t in the mood to talk, so it was so very quiet, allowing me to simply pray for wisdom and understanding. 

At this point, I couldn’t wait to get on the beach! I needed it SO, SO much!  After taking all our stuff to the room, I almost ran to get out there. I needed the waves and the feeling of the ocean, which is the most healing thing to my soul. The place I  find peace and understanding.  And you know, I FINALLY do have a deep understanding! I honestly do!  I have this SO in perspective it’s not even funny.  I really am grateful that he let me know he still remembers, and as promised to him a few nights ago, I think he and I could truly be wonderful friends to one another.  Two people in different worlds…………….that can touch and share a gift of friendship and love, a friend that would always be there for the other.  Isn’t that what REAL soul mates do?

But here is the most awesome thing!  For the longest time I didn’t understand why God had sent me all those visions and dreams of Soul Mate!  And I didn’t understand all those personal journals He would send me of Soul Mate.  But now, I do. I discovered it yesterday, and that’s why it was so easy to finally understand that it wasn’t God that would take it from me, but it had to be me giving it back to Him.  I’m really not ready to share why all the dreams and visions……….but  one day, I will.  And I will promise everyone they were very real and true, and he was meant to be a part of my life.  No matter how distant it may seem, it was meant to be.

It’s been quite a day.  Or should I say it’s been quite an adventurous free-spirited journey thus far!  I never dreamed all the mystery I have lived for so very long would suddenly become clear answers for me, but this trip, where I simply took off without a plan, trusting God that He would be taking me places I never dreamed, would in the end be as freeing as it has thus far!  I am not ready to talk about all that I have seen in my spirit and have learned, but I can see some very awesome things for my tomorrows!  But I think I will keep what I am being shown at the moment something between God and I.  His dreams, held in His heart, who seems to be placing them now in my heart, which I pray become my dreams too, and well………………I’m at a place I sure never thought I’d ever be.

With that, I will close.  Perhaps go take a midnight stroll on the beach with the waves crashing.  I have an appointment at 9:30am in the morning to get a hair wrap put in!  What would I be without my hair wrap when I’m at the beach?!  I think it’s sort of become a Samson with his hair thing!  I feel empowered when I have a hair wrap.  Perhaps it’s just my statement of saying to the world, “I don’t care if I am 51, I am 25 at heart and am touching the free-spirit Pisces person within.” I am who God created in me………….and perhaps I truly am embracing that of which  He created in my own uniqueness. 

And it was today, I finally heard from Soul Mate…………when I gave it up, I would be reminded that he and I perhaps do share something very special.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  It’s all very cool and good as I am not making this some mountain out of a mole hill…………….but I do thank you for letting me know it was important to you that I check it out.  You know I very much honor where your life is, and respect it more than anything.  But after all this journey, I finally have found some very beautiful answers to all the mystery.  And my friend, if you could only touch the love I know there is for you from above, you would be more alive than you ever have been.  My prayer is perhaps you do know and that is why the music you have produced is so incredibly beautiful, and it is.  Only one that knows love on that deep of a level could produce what you just have.  Always look up to the Father above as the love is so very real and I believe it guides you all the days of your life.  I wish I could one day just sit and tell you all that I have learned the past few months, especially the past few days, but until that time comes, where we can share so much as friends, and some sort of colleagues……..(don’t ask me where that came from, it’s just the words that flow on this inspirational night) I will simply be here, growing in my own love and light and following the dreams my Father in heaven has for me.  And one day, I do believe we will be able to sit down and simply talk.  I have a feeling you and I both might have the most incredible stories!  I finally know why.  That’s the beautiful part.  Thanks for thinking of me……………..and letting me know in real time.  J  I send you love and light, under the stars and the moon, waves in the background, and with a heart full of so much peace and thankfulness for those things that are, and those things that aren’t.  Goodnight,  Love~Sunshine