By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest;  Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is bitterest.

I think it’s been a fun day.  I suppose most of it is because I am counting down the days to some free time.  One more day! Just one more!  But this year is bittersweet. Elizabeth won’t be coming back.  One thing that always made going back to work for a new school year was Elizabeth there suffering with me.  We would call each other the day before we went back and moan and groan like high school kids getting ready to go back for another year of school.  This year will be different, “IF” I go back.  Everything remains dependent upon whether or not I sell the property.  Answers I still don’t have.  A journey I must continue to walk.  My new Realtors haven’t put the signs up yet.  I know this will happen in the next few days, how will I feel then?

I’ve been seeking answers on how I can rectify this whole situation with Jason.  Truth is I have been feeling really guilty for some of my actions along the way. Not that I have really done that much wrong, well, other than continually arguing with Jason.  I fear I’ve really been a bad example of love and light, probably not reflected in things I have done or not done, but that which was in my heart.  The place God sees.  This love and light thing is  something I so purpose in my heart to do and be.  And while I am letting God have it all, reconciliation and a fresh start with my son, I am also searching myself on my own actions.  Yesterday, I felt “led” by the Spirit to buy girlfriend a sympathy card and send it. At first it was just a gesture of reaching out and understanding.  But this morning I felt God asked me to write a letter of apology.  No problem, I like God’s gentle voice. So I did at work this morning.  A beautiful letter I think. I put the letter in her sympathy card and mailed it today.  I’m not sure how it will be received, but that really doesn’t matter to me. I simply did what I believe God was asking me to do.  Sometimes you have to trust that gentle leading.  It cleared my own heart to say I’m sorry.  Now I have to watch my tongue and my sometimes “smart” attitude. I am continuing to learn this, it is about my heart, and to be sincere real love must be applied all the time.  BTW, eating crow is not always pleasant tasting or so I discovered today.  But sometimes, it is most needed.

I tried to make reservations today for the wedding.  OMG!  It was going to be $639 for 2 nights in the place Jason is getting married!!!  Yes, that’s 2 nights!!!!  I guess some don’t think that’s outrageous, but for me, I think it is. So I am doing searches for other hotels in the area.  I have to remind myself tho, it is for Jason. If in the end I have to spend this, I will.  It was shocking for me!  I do a lot of traveling and have NEVER paid this for a hotel room!  Tho I know there are rooms out there costing way more than even this.  This put a damper on my resolve to give 100% effort to support Jason!

After work I did something wild and crazy!  Here is the story:  There is a place in town where they sell what is supposed to be “Knock off” purses for Coach, Channel, Prada, Louie Vatan, and a few other brands that escape my thoughts at the moment.  Donna had already gone and gotten her “Coach” purse, she was the one that told me about the place.  I’m really not into name brands. I never have been. I’m one that either loves something or doesn’t, and it has to reflect me!  Coach has never done this for me.  Still, all the same I found myself curious.  I wanted to go.  The German teacher at school, Lori, was wanting to go too so I told her when she was going to go I’d go with her. (Donna told me it was kind of a scary experience the first time.)  Lori is a mere 25 years old and loads of fun to be with.  When she called me this morning and asked if I still wanted to go, I told her sure! But here is the thing, the “purse party” as it is called, is located in a Barbara shop that is all “African American.”  You go in and ask to go to the back room to see the purses.  Lori and I found our way to main street, USA and the Barbara Shop, walking in together.  We were directed to the back room.  Here are the rules:  You must shut the door behind you. There is NO door handle on the inside of the door, so you are instructed on how you open the door when you are ready to leave. (Yes, it was quite unnerving!)  CASH ONLY!  And you must tell how you heard about the “purse party.”  Lori and I looked at all the purses.  Even at knock off prices, the prices were outlandish!  Lori didn’t buy anything in the end. I found me a pair of clear jelled Louie Vatan flip flops for summer.  By the time we left I couldn’t believe what I had just experienced!  It really was an adventure as Lori put it!  I came out with a new pair of LV flip flops, which I found SO cool! But when “G,” Elizabeth’s husband saw my Louie flip flops tonight, he laughed!  “Lizzie! Lizzie!! Get in here! Look at her shoes!”  It was then I had to educate “G” on the latest trend!  Not to mention share my story with him of how I went into the back room, door closed, no door handle out, just to buy my shoes that are on the cutting edge!!!!!  He was laughing,  “Get out!”  in some disbelief I would do this to buy a purse or a pair of shoes!  “Hey Sunshine! I’ve always said you were ahead of the curve!  I will get to the shore in a week and see all sorts of shoes like you have on!  I’ve always told Lizzie you were ahead of the curve!”  I walked away proud!  Ha ha!!!  He will now be on the shore looking to see if anyone has LV shoes on!!!!  I had  just given him new insight on the latest trends!!!!

After my purse/shoe adventure, even tho so exhausted I could have fallen into bed, I headed to the health club. I’ve set goals for myself for summer.  Back to Weight Watchers and working out every day.  For about a month now, I have been slacked due to so much happening!  Today I began. I didn’t even get carry-in with the girls for lunch. I took my own “Weight Watcher’s friendly” food.  I headed for the pool at the health club, of which I haven’t been for over a month!  I power walked in the pool for almost an hour.  I miss it when I don’t work out.  It felt so great and so freeing!

Tonight Sydney, Donna, Elizabeth and I all did one more “girls’ night out.”  Elizabeth leaves tomorrow after work.  She’ll be back in a week as she is going to stay at my place next Wednesday before flying out to the east coast for vacation next Thursday.  Yes, my homeless friend did not cancel her vacation this year!  She will go.  I laugh at her, “Maybe you’ll have a house by the time you leave?”   She tells me she is going to see 13 houses on Friday.  Surely she will find one?!  My prayer for her is so.  I’m glad they didn’t cancel their vacation.  I think both she and “G” need to get away.

We had an old fashioned good time as we ate at Red Lobster and enjoyed our last night as the way we have all been for about 3 years, when Donna began.  No tears, Elizabeth is bad about goodbyes, so I have made sure to just make it one more summer break approaching. Not focusing on the fact she no longer works there after tomorrow. We gave her a card and a gift card to Wal Mart.  We figured when she does find a house she will need to go buy all those things you have to buy when you move.  And we laughed like we always have.

I think I was more quiet than normal tonight tho.  In a reflective mood of sorts on and off just thinking how life changes. Constantly, life changes.  I knew after tonight, it all changes between all of us.  And I thought to myself beginning Sunday we are all getting ready to go places.  Donna leaves Sunday for Alaska.  Elizabeth leaves for the east coast and the shore on Thursday.  Sydney will leave the following week for California, and I will leave the following week for the Outer Banks.  And when we all come back from our travels, things won’t quite be the same.  Ever again.  Oh, we can make promises we will get together and do this or that, but I know in the end, it is never the same.  In order not to get too sad I came to this conclusion,  be so grateful for the times you did have, cherish what it brought you, and realize there are simply new adventures and new cherished times up ahead.

I continue to see life through more clear eyes right now.  Because I like this place SO much I am doing what I can to make the most out of it by doing that which would otherwise be against my nature. I want to be someone that walks in a lot of wisdom!  I want to be a person that walks in a lot of love!  I want to be a person that is gentle and kind.  I think in order to accomplish that which I want to be I must learn to listen carefully to how the Spirit leads.  To be wise, imitation is the easiest form to follow. I think of Jesus and how He walked.  I want to imitate Him!  So I’m trying very hard to make this my daily thought and aspiration.  But lately it seems wisdom has come through experience.  And yes, it is true that is the most bitter way to become wise!  Yet, no matter how it comes I know this, it is God and His spirit that gives me wisdom.  Therefore I think I shall close, look into heaven, be still and listen to what the Spirit is saying. 

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight-

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  Tonight, just a gentle reminder of all that is, and of all that was always meant to be, and hope and faith and everything else I always prayed for you.  In my heart, always.  Wishing so many things…….and trusting too. I send you love and light, as always.  Things change, and yet some things never do.  And some things grow stronger as the waiting lingers.  No explanation there, just a knowing.  Dance with me?  One day. Yeah……..one day.  Goodnight,  Love, Sunshine