When the oak is felled the forest echoes with its fall, but a hundred acorns are sown silently by an unknown breeze.

I think today was a day for me to go back to a place I use to reside in my spirit.  A place where I just let everything be as I seek deeper understanding.  Trying hard to go back to where it was I was 7 or more years ago, only not being able to do that because life evolves, and I evolve and where I was 7 or more years ago and where I am today is because of where I was back then.  Deep thoughts.  Back then I didn’t understand everything I was being told was about to happen, and yet, held anticipation in whatever this plan was. Now, I am in the midst of this great plan, but it doesn’t quite seem as magical as it did when I was first given glimpses of where I am today.  It takes a LOT of faith!  Guess that is what God meant when He said, “You will need more faith than you ever thought possible.”  Yup!  He was right.

I continue on with my morning meditation hikes.  A very powerful time this morning.  Truly getting into a place I love.  In this place often comes visions, and glimpses of things I don’t always understand.  Thus, this morning.

One thing I’m being shown right now I will attempt to write, but I’m not sure I can express it in words.  It began about a week ago.  I was waiting for our new Realtors to put up the “For Sale” signs.  It took a few days for this  to happen, but in the meantime I had a “For Rent” sign out, for my rental house next door. (It has since been rented.)  As I waited for these signs to be put up, I kept seeing in vision a tour bus.  It was a tour bus that I had seen 5 years ago yesterday (June 19, 2002). Here’s the story of the tour bus that in a lot of ways changed my life:  I was going to a show where soul mate was performing.  It’d been a year-and-a-half since I’d met him and seen him.  When we got to the venue, we noticed a bus sitting in back.  We laughed about it thinking it was the bus the band was on. I parked my car and we (Elizabeth, Sydney and me) walked around the downtown area and had dinner.  When we came back for the show about 3 hours later, I decided to go to the car and get a sweater fearing it may be cool in the auditorium, or when we came out.  I had sent a note back stage to let soul mate know I was there. I’d asked him to call so we could meet up, but he never did. I figured he didn’t remember me.  Yes, I was feeling sad and probably stupid, seeing as I had front row tickets, which is another story that is beyond believable!  As I went to get my sweater, there was a HUGE tour bus now right next to my car! I mean the glitzy type!  As I got in my car a guy from security came out.  “Who’s car is this?”  “It’s mine.” I confessed.  “You have to move it, the bus wants to park here.”  “Excuse me?”  “You have to move it!”  By now, everyone has arrived for the show, and parking is very limited, most spots gone I am sure.  “Who’s bus is this?” I demanded as if I was someone special!  “The band’s bus!”  He said.  “Well then who’s bus is that over there?” As I pointed to the bus I had seen earlier in the day.  “I don’t know, but you’re going to have to move your car.”  I got tears in my eyes. I mean I’d already suffered the humiliation of sending a note to soul mate, he not responding, now I’d have to move my car to who knows where!  I think the security guard saw my tears.  He showed me compassion.  “Why don’t you park there?”  He said. It was one of those private spots, but he assured me it’d be okay if I did.  This spot was right across the aisle in the same lot.  As I moved my car, the security guard struck up a conversation with Elizabeth.  She explained how I knew someone in the band and had a hard time letting him know I was there.  When I came back from moving my car, he told me he heard I knew someone in the band and asked me who it was?  I told him the name.  He said, “Hold on, I’ll be right back, I’m going to go get him.”  “NO! NO!!” I began to freak out!  “YES, YES!”  said Elizabeth.  Security Dude began to laugh, “Don’t let her leave!”  Elizabeth promised she wouldn’t.  I was so afraid! I mean he didn’t call me!  He probably didn’t even remember me!  “I am going to the car!” I said wanting to run and die of embarrassment!  “No you’re NOT!”  Elizabeth informs me.  Time must have gone on forever in that moment.  My new security friend came back out from back stage and said,, “XXXX is being informed now that you are here.  DON’T MOVE!”  I thought surely I would pass out!  Tears underneath the surface from fear and confusion and wondering just what the heck I was doing here!  Within minutes, tho it seemed hours, out comes security with soul mate walking with him.  Soul mate walked up to me, and gave me a hug. In front of the tour bus, and my friends and everyone!  He did remember me and was thrilled beyond words that I was there!  It was a moment I swore I’d never forget, and haven’t nor will I! (No one gave him the note until later when I told him I had sent it and he went to find it.) I’m confused? Why does this memory of the bus keep coming back to me when I think about the “For Sale” signs being put in my yard?

As I said, it began last week.  But now, the vision of this tour bus is coming more frequently and clearly to me.  Today I asked God what it meant?  And while I’ve not gotten a clear understanding, in my own reasoning I have come up with the following explanations:

1:  That bus was the real thing 5 years ago. It represented the real thing by the size of it alone vs. the littler bus I had seen earlier in the day. Do these signs represent the “real” thing vs. what was there 6 months ago? These signs are the BIG kahuna so to speak?

 2:  Is the tour bus that brought “him” back to me 5 years ago represented in these “For Sale” signs that this is what is going to bring him back to me again one day? 

3:  Are the for sale signs not even related to this vision of the tour bus I keep seeing in my mind and it means something entirely different?

All I know is I keep seeing this bus, and I see it when I look at the signs or think about the signs being out.

SOOOOOOOOO………….chalk me up to looney!  It’s okay!!! We’ve all known this for a long time!!! LOL!  Actually, I receive visions and revelations more when I am walking closely to God, which is the place I am at the moment. It’s like the Spirit moves so much more freely when I am putting God first in everything. I sure do like this place!

I’ve decided to study the Bible again, feeling that God was leading me to do a study on David.  Yes, famed David who slew Goliath, the giant of which everyone was afraid, except David. He had his trusty slingshot!  But more importantly, he had a lot of faith that no giant was as big as God.  That is why I believe he was called a man after God’s own heart.  Of all the Bible characters, I believe David and I are a lot alike. I relate SO much to him!  Surely he was a Pisces!  *kidding* I began my study this morning and already everything is becoming alive to me.  Lessons needed to be refreshed for me pouring forth!  One thing I re-learned this morning?  When God spoke something to someone, it often took several years for it to come into being. It kept jumping out at me this morning.  Why does everyone think things happen overnight I wonder?  Me included!  I have learned tho on this journey I walk, between point A, which is where God shows me what is to come, and point B, which is where it happens is a whole lot of lessons and patience to be learned in between the two points!  I’m not alone in this!  It just must be the nature of the beast on this earthly journey!  Time!!  How it is so fleeting and yet, how it can take forever too.  It’s all about perspective.  And that is how God and I studied together this morning. It was awesome.

Then it was get a little housework done before Elizabeth, and “G” come.  They’re due in the next 45 minutes.  After that I headed to the pool and floated a couple hours.  Yet more quiet mediation time as the tour bus kept flashing through my mind! 

My high school friend Dennis called with the numbers on the Toyota we looked at.  Yeah, right, whatever! I LOVE how they think they’re dealing and I think they’re jacking me around!  I knew I wasn’t supposed to buy a car right now anyway, so it was SO confirmed when he called with what he tried to make me feel was a SPLENDID deal!  Ha ha!!!!  Even if I love Dennis on a personal level, when he’s the car salesman???? *$@)!!! NO WAY!  “I’ll call you back one of these days!”  Think he got the drift?  Honestly, I wasn’t supposed to buy a car anyway.

Later, I returned a call to CA who has left 3 messages for me now!  Not much new in her world.  She wanted me to meet her for the 4^th of July somewhere in Missouri, but I’ll be in the Outer Banks.  Still, if I want I could fly to LA and spend time with her, but I don’t think that is going to happen this summer. The first year in 3 years I’ll miss LA.  It’s okay tho! This is the summer I am to be creative!  LA does not bring out the creative in me! It brings out the “wild” side of me.  Yes, somewhere in me I do have a wild side! 

I didn’t get the gal from the radio show emailed last night, so I did it late this afternoon.  I emailed the dream, and now wait to hear from her.  That in itself is still amazing to me.  I’m not sure when she is going to do the show, she said she’d send me all the information.  Maybe she won’t like the dream content? Or maybe she will think my beliefs are just a bit too much out of the box?  Or maybe it will all happen? I don’t know, I’ve given this one to God for sure!  Just the fact she found me and asked me to be a guest is beyond belief for me.

So now I sit quietly just waiting for Elizabeth to come. Birds singing all around me as the sun has not set yet.  I am sipping strawberry wine tonight, having had a lot of sun today, I feel shivered as the night air comes on and figured a little wine might warm me up on the inside. I look forward to Elizabeth being here, tho I know this is probably the last time for a long time we will see one another.  She told me earlier that she will be into her new house when she gets back from vacation which means she won’t be staying here while I’m gone, which means I need to call my good friend Dave to house sit for me.  I’m leaving a week from Friday!  But whose counting the days?  The beach, the ocean, and my idea of solitary peace.  In a place that has miles and miles of empty beaches.

Soul mate has been gone now for a few days. I am feeling sad.  Always wondering if I did something wrong, and yet knowing that he does have a life!  Actually, after all this time I have no doubt that he’ll be back again…….he’s just living life and doing the best he can.  And I see the tour bus again, and I remember that magical night when a tour bus brought in the most incredible miracle!  Yes, and now, I see new miracles to come! J

But most of all tonight, I like this place I’m in.  Where God is leading me and teaching me once again.  Where I feel so incredibly still that it’s hard for me to even be around people right now! Like a sponge absorbing so many spiritual things, it’s a bit hard to come back to reality.  It’s the filling up season for me.  I will one day empty out all that is given to me today, but for today I get to be filled!  Perhaps I am where I was more than 7 years ago, just grown beyond the simple of those days to learn the simple of these days, or so it will seem when I am more than 7 years ahead of where I am today.  On a journey.  A journey of faith.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight-

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  Wherever you are wherever you may be…….I miss you.  But somehow, I don’t think I’m too far from your thoughts.  What a dreamer huh?  It’s okay!  Dreams are within us for a reason.  One day I will understand. Till then? I’ll keep walking in a lot faith not really understanding it all, but so glad it is about you too.  I send you love and light!  Have a beautiful whatever it is whenever you read this.  Goodnight – Love, Sunshine

A special thanks to my friend Snow White for sending me this photo!  She took it out her window one early morning. I LOVE the colors and the serenity of this photo.  Nature all around. This is where I think we touch eternity!  Thanks T!

Progress lies not in enhancing what is, but in advancing towards what will be.

I don’t even know where to begin on what this day has been like!  A feeling of utter what the “h” is going on?  Knowing that all you’ve sensed and felt would one day come to be, and yet on the other hand always questioning whether what you’ve felt was just vain imagination.  I ask myself tonight, can you follow dreams?  Can dreams come to us to lead us to where it is we are to go?  Do we create the dream or is it planted within us by God to lead us?  So many questions I sense within me as the oddest things happening are clearly leading me on the path I always believed God whispered one day I’d go.

Last night after I journaled I checked email before bed to discover one from Cathy, my new Realtor I have quickly come to adore.  “Sorry for the late notice, but can we hold an open house on Sunday from 1-3?  We need to know by morning.”  This blindsided me on a Monday night at midnight!  Immediately I thought of closets not yet cleaned out, the garage, the carpet needs cleaned!  Elizabeth and “G” will be here Wednesday, but leave Thursday, oh, but Jane, the lady that cleans my house rescheduled for this Thursday vs. last………..well, the thoughts of all that had to be done buzzed through my mind until I just thought to myself, you wanted someone to be aggressive, THIS is what you wanted! I threw my hands up in trust and surrender and headed to bed.  When I woke up this morning, which is getting later and later each day I notice, I called “S”, the male counterpart of my Realtor team.  I left a message for him that yes, it was okay to have an open house Sunday, but I had some questions.  “Give me a call.”  He never did, which I just figured I didn’t call him in time.  I did however schedule the carpet cleaners to come in on Friday, just in case.

When hubby came home late this afternoon, he said, “Hey!  There’s a sign on the end of the lane that says, “Open House, Sunday, 1:00 – 3:00.”  Apparently “S” did get my message!  My mind immediately once again went, “Oh no!  So much to do!”  But I have since calmed down as I realize freaking out really only adds to the stress level!  So tonight, I’m calm and just going to take it one day at a time. It all will get done.  Can I confess something tho?!  It is AWESOME how these Realtors are handling the marketing on my property. I LOVE the aggressiveness and take charge attitude I am seeing with them!  I SO believe this place is going to sell fairly soon now. And then I will be onto a new chapter in my life. It’s a very overwhelming, am I doing the right thing, I want to run and hide feeling!

I accomplished few things today. I awoke to a huge major thunderstorm, so the meditation hike was out.  I fully intended to finish my closet, but I had some serious banking stuff that had to get done.  And I moved slow.  Was it the rain or trying to deal with everything?  And then, I got an email that was about to knock my socks off!

Here’s the story: Late last week, I got a personal email on my “myspace” account from a gal in Norfolk, VA.  She is a strong Christian and contacted me because of my writings on dream interpretation, which is pretty limited to be honest.  I’ll never know for sure how she found me, but if I had to guess, I think God had something to do with it. I mean how else?  She DOES dream interpretation from a Christian standpoint and has her own radio program out of Norfolk. In the email, she asked me a lot of questions about my experience in dream interpretation, etc.  It was overwhelming for me because I am not officially trained! I’m an amateur, okay!  I simply pray over dreams, and if God shows me something, which He often does, I share what I see.  It’s not science to me, it’s faith.  I felt intimidated by her, it was obvious she is very well versed and trained in this field, having been mentored by some big Reverend who wrote a book on Christian dream interpretation and has spent 40 years leading people into understanding their dreams. And here I am? Just me.  No training, just listening from within to that quiet, gentle voice that leads me.  It took me almost a week to respond to her first email. I really didn’t know if I wanted to, but there was a gentle leading within me that I needed to. I finally responded late last night.  Her next response to me was almost immediate.

Long story short she shared some of her gifts with me, and then asked me if I would be interested in being a guest on her radio show!?!!!   WHAT?!!!!  I had to re-read this how many times?  Here I am, the most intimidated person imaginable!  Honestly,  I write big, I even talk big, but when it comes down to stepping outside this little comfort zone of candles and meditation music to open myself up to the world, I turn into a state of panic!  Who am I?!  I know nothing!  I’ve not been trained in Bible school, or College, or anyplace else!  I only have what God has planted within me, which holds no credence with most people. I found myself in a FULL blown panic attack by now!  Yes, I have believed that what God has shown me is I will share His love with many. YES, I believe I will be an author of standing one day, and YES, I believe that I will one day be a speaker to hurting women, BUT, the key word here is “ONE DAY!”  Not now!  I’m not near ready!!!  I found myself almost mad at this poor woman!  “She has all these credentials!  She’s probably just making fun of me!  I never said I was a professional interpreter of dreams!  I just write what I believe I am shown!” Oh, the argument I had with myself, and maybe even God in that moment.  “I’m not even going to write her back!”  I told myself.  “Lord, I just want to remain here with you and keep it simple.  The way it’s always been.”  I prayed.  What was wrong with me?! 

Finally, I felt as if God gave me peace.  And I went about living life for a few moments as I normally would.  Before long, I found new strength rising up within me.

I knew in my spirit, I had to write this lady back.  I was not supposed to ignore her, she had found me for a reason.  It seems bigger than me, and tho I don’t know why, I can’t run from it. I didn’t respond right away. I did my errands. I went to Target and bought a couple summer shirts. I came home, the rain had stopped by now and the sun was shining.  I headed for the pool.  I floated and prayed and thought about where life is leading me.  I don’t know?  I do, but it seems so unbelievable! Things seem to be flowing to me……..and I’m not even trying to make things happen!!  As I floated I knew without a doubt, I needed to come in and write her back.

I kept this email simple;

“I am just an amateur. Any interpretation I have ever done is simple. I just close my eyes and wait for God to show me whatever. I believe that the best interpreter for any dream is the dreamer themselves. Mostly God will reveal something to me to help the dreamer look within to hear what God is speaking to them.”  I also told her, “I feel strongly that God had led you to me for a reason, therefore, I must allow Him to lead me to where this is going and whatever it is for.  I agreed to share a dream with her, which apparently is what we will discuss when I am the guest on her show. *butterflies* I didn’t send a dream in this response, but as I prayed on it, I know which dream I will send, and which dream we will talk about on the show.

It will be the dream of soul mate.  The one where I am told by the leader of one of the bands he once played with that I need to go wake him up.  I traveled around this hotel for a long time not sure where he was.  When I ran into the leader again, he asked me,  “Did you wake him up?”  Of which I replied, “I don’t know where he is?  I don’t know his room number.”  The leader told me I HAD to wake him up!  I went into the center of this hotel and asked an old white-haired lady behind the desk where his room was.  Her answer to me was spoken with a foreign accent, as she said so loudly it woke me up, 276!  I remember being so afraid because I didn’t know how he’d react to me waking him up.  I laid there with the loudness of 276 still ringing in my ears that morning.   This is the dream she and I will discuss on her program.  A dream I believe I know what it means, but one that she will team up with me on as we decipher how God teaches us in dreams.  I am SURE it will be incredibly interesting, and with all the faith in the world, I will go forward with this, but I have one HUGE question?!  AM I READY TO BEGIN?  Is this the beginning?  Is this one small opportunity for God to prepare me for what I believe is coming?  When I finish writing, I will send her the dream, and then we will schedule when the show will air and what time she will be calling me, live and on-line.

Here is the odd part tho!  I am already scheduled to be around Norfolk the end of next week on my way out to the Outer Banks.  I mean is this not incredible timing or what?  I was in the midst of making reservations to stay in Williamsburg, VA when all of this came up.  Wow!  When God is hand designing things, isn’t it incredible the way it just somehow seems to happen?

When hubby got home I briefly mentioned to him what had happened.  He’s always believed one day I would fly.  He wasn’t overly thrilled I could tell. Perhaps it’s because to him, one day was always a day away and he too sees this as the beginning of that of which he knew would come.  He didn’t say much, but suggested we go look at the Jeep Liberty of which he is wanting to buy.  It was okay with me.  I looked forward to getting away from the oddness of an open house on Sunday, being a guest on a radio program in VA in the next day or two, and how everything is in a whirlwind of change somehow.

Neither hubby nor I liked the Jeep Liberty.  My high school friend, car salesman extraordinaire, Dennis was with us.  Next we drove a Wrangler.  It wasn’t what I thought it’d be, so he talked us into a brand new 4-door Wrangler rag top.  I liked this one!  But I didn’t think it’d be too comfortable for a long road trip.  This got me over the Wrangler thing.  Next we drove some Toyota SUV.  This one I was VERY impressed with!  30 MPG!  Comfortable!  When we took it back I told Dennis to put the figures together and call me.  I headed to dinner.  He did call but I didn’t answer my phone.  I’m just not sure I need a new car right now. I just need to sell the property.  Something tells me that is where I need to keep my focus. 

I still am overwhelmed tonight at what I guess most would think isn’t that big of a deal. But after years of God speaking to me so gently that one day I would go places I never dreamed, and one day, I’d take His heart and love to hurting people, I always wondered how that could ever be? So when someone found me, out of the millions on myspace, and asked me to be a guest on her radio show in another state so far from mine, I found it to be a big deal!  I just have to trust that since God is calling me to this, then I have to believe He will give me the wisdom, courage, and fortitude to represent Him in truth, love, and light. *deep breaths*

I close tonight with a poem an old friend sent me today. It seems to be confirmation to me of the times I am living. A time of destiny. A time of change.  A time of “one day” happening before my eyes.  A time, I just want to remain the rosebud, and let Him so gently open me as He may. 

A Flower of God’s Design……….

It is only a tiny rosebud

A flower of God's design;

But I cannot unfold the petals

With these clumsy hands of mine.

The secret of unfolding flowers

Is not known to such as I.

GOD opens this flower so sweetly,

When, in my hands, they die.

If I cannot unfold a rosebud,

The flower of God's design,

Then how can I have the wisdom

To unfold this life of mine?

So, I'll trust in Him for leading

Each moment of my day.

I will look to Him for His guidance

Each step of the Pilgrim's way

The pathway that lies before me

Only my Heavenly Father knows.

I'll trust him to unfold the moments,

Just as He unfolds the rose.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight –

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  It’s so sad when I dance alone. L Ahhhh…..but there are times it can’t be.  You know how I’ve kept saying, “One day?”  “One day my friend.”  Know what?  I can’t help but wonder if “One day” isn’t coming more quickly than I thought possible.  So much seems to be happening in ways that are incredible.  I so need you to send me that love and light I always feel when I go through these incredible times.  Speaking of which, is everything okay?  I know this is going to sound crazy (not coming from me tho) but I didn’t feel the connection hardly at all today?  Like wherever you are your thoughts are very far away………okay, okay, that probably sounds looney!  Or perhaps it was me whose thoughts were far away?  A lot going on with me! There are times I want to run and hide from it all!  But I can’t. The process, huh?  I wish you were here to talk to.  I wish you were here so that I could be in your arms.  I wish I understood the journey more than I do, but I try to remember I am just a rose, and the petals can’t be forced open.  They gently have to open as God designs……..so I will take deeper breaths, hold my hand out to you through space and time and hope that soon, you will be here to take it and dance with me again.  Such a beautiful story unfolding.  So gently waiting to be opened and be in full bloom.  It will one day, my friend.  “One day.”  I send you love and light and belief in the unseen miracles all around you and me.  It is real.  If you will believe with all your heart you will know.  It is real.  Goodnight, Love, Sunshine