At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.  Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.

Yes. It’s about appreciation and gratitude in the end.  How many times I was blessed today.  Do I take that for granted most days?

I didn’t get enough sleep last night.  Elizabeth and I were up way too late talking and laughing.  Catching up on the last week and where her life is going and my life.  Everything has changed so much for both of us.  It was nice to sit and swing last night on my deck, fountain running, gentle breeze blowing, frogs singing, and remember. And look forward.  And all that entails in between too.  It was hard to give it up and go to bed, but there just came a time we had to.

I woke up early this morning. “G” and Elizabeth had to take their dogs to the kennel by 7:30. Even tho I didn’t need to I got up anyway so that I could get my meditation hike in before they came back from taking the dogs, and Jane, my friend that cleans my house, came at 8:30.  I had an hour.  My meditation hike has grown to be very important to me.  For physical fitness yes, but more importantly for my spiritual fitness.

A glorious time.  Once again, letting go of all I hold onto. A gentle time this morning.  No great insights, just me telling God how much I love Him, and this incredible light shining down upon me showering me with a love not found on earth.  Perhaps the light was the early morning sun, but that in itself is a gift from God.  The dove that has been accompanying me on my hikes since I’ve been doing this seems to hover still. I noticed she came from where the barns are. I figured she has a nest somewhere close by.  Still, she remains my symbol of God’s presence so near. And peace.

I wasn’t quite through when “G” and Elizabeth got back so I continued. Elizabeth understood and flagged me on to continue.  Feelings of knowing that the place is going to sell shortly were with me this morning as I looked around the beauty of this place.  Time is very short for me to remain here.  I felt a bit melancholy, yet excited with the anticipation that a new season is upon me as well.  Such weighted differences in emotions.  Letting go, holding on, and knowing that these emotions are a bridge of some sort between here and there.

Jane arrived and I wasn’t through yet either.  Let’s face it! I didn’t want to stop!  But I did. “G” and Elizabeth were taking me to breakfast. I knew they were waiting and I was a sweaty mess.  I worked my tail off, I’m telling you!!!  “G” even made comment on it!  “Look at you! You’re sweating!  You really pushed yourself!”  “Thanks “G”!”  I replied.  Little does he know that even tho I worked hard, my mind was way far away from here. I don’t notice how hard I’m working my body because I honestly do rise about this place when I am on these hikes.  I talked to Jane for a minute, then headed to my room to get ready to go to breakfast. 

When I came out “G”, Elizabeth, and Jane were all talking.  I soon discovered before me were 3 sparks to light my flame today!  Jane says in total excitement,  “I have to tell you about my dream last night!”  She was filled with joy at the fact this happened to her!  “I dreamt I came here and said, “Sunshine, we have to go get totes!  TONS OF TOTES!!”  I took you to Wal Mart, and we bought tons and tons of totes and came back here and packed up almost everything you own!  Only a few things were left out. We had totes stacked really high!! You were about to sell your property and I had to get you ready.  Then you had your open house.  There were a LOT of people here!  And it sold! Someone bought your place and you had to move, but we had you ready!”  “G” and Elizabeth were floored!!!  So WAS I!  Elizabeth asked her, “Do you dream like this every night?”  Jane said, “NO! I never remember my dreams!  But this one was SO clear, I KNEW I had to get here this morning and tell Sunshine!”  As Jane was talking it felt so confirming to me.  Like this was a definite sign!  I had told Elizabeth last night about the tour bus vision I’ve been having lately, and how I felt it was showing me that the real thing is getting ready to happen again, now Jane’s dream!  Confirmation!  It was as if God was sending little messages and He always confirms in twos and threes.  I felt speechless and removed from my friends for a moment.  A sensing and wonder if I am really ready for what is to come?  (Note:  God’s timing and mine are not always the same, but with everything within me I am sensing, “get ready!”) 

As I was preparing to leave for breakfast, after trying so hard to continue to be a part of this conversation with all my friends standing around me, I began to write Jane a check for cleaning.  The three of them looked at each other.  “You don’t have to pay me.  It’s already been taken care of.”  “What are you talking about?”  I asked her.  “Well, some people a few weeks ago stopped by my house and paid me to clean your house the next time I was scheduled.  Just some people.”  I looked at Elizabeth.  It was a gift from her and “G” for opening my home up to them.  They had done it 3 weeks ago!  Today, which was when I needed it the most with the open house on Sunday, was the day their gift was given.  Once again I felt so humbled and quiet. And grateful.  I think sometimes I take for granted the special people I have in m life.  Standing before me were old-time, and the greatest friends one could ever ask for.  How do you say thank you?

I met Elizabeth and “G” at Bob Evans for breakfast. Here it is “G’s” birthday, and I completely forget to even tell him Happy Birthday!  They were going to leave right afterwards for the city to fly to the East Coast.  We had a great breakfast as I held on as long as I could Elizabeth being here.  This was it for the most part.  She is officially moved now.  No scheduled time to see one another.  “G” says as he is hugging me before they left that we are going to come to their new house once they are settled in and we’ll explore their new town.  “You have a heart of gold.”  He tells me as he walks away.  I hugged Elizabeth and couldn’t bring myself to say anything more than, “You guys have a safe trip!  Call me from the beach!”  Still in my mind, we are merely on summer break, she is going on vacation.  Surely things will be the same again come fall.  But they won’t.  Last night on the swing she confesses she doesn’t think I’ll be going back to school either.  “We’re both done there.”  A part of me so hopes she is right.  The other part wants to trust God about the perfect timing thing.

I wanted to shed some tears as I began the drive home when my cell phone rang.  I couldn’t find the dang thing in my purse with a 1000 pockets!  When I saw it was school that had called, I waited to see if whoever it was would leave a message.  He did, it was Mr. Boss.  Much as I didn’t want to, I changed my course of direction and headed for school to help him out.  But by the time I got there he had taken off for the corporate office and I missed him.  I couldn’t do much.  The servers are down indefinitely this summer so I can’t even access my records.  I did call Mr. Boss on his cell phone and we went over some things, but again, I couldn’t help because I can’t get to my files.  Frustrated, I came home.

And swam in my pool. Emotions getting the most of me and so little sleep last night I fell asleep floating in the sun.  To say the least when I woke up about 1.5 hours later, even tho I don’t burn, I did.  It was a bright sunny day!

I had toyed with the idea of calling my friend SpiritBear.  Not sure where those thoughts were coming from, but I wanted to say hi and talk with someone that is positive.  I’d been emailing my friend SnowWhite all morning and she is always fun to write to, but I’ve wanted to call SpiritBear for awhile. In the end I got this feeling that needed to be dedicated to writing.  So I planted myself on my swing on the deck and went back to work on the book. I got a LOT written when all was said and done.

As I am writing, because of how I am incorporating journals with the story, I had to once again get out my first journal where God began telling me what was about to come.  This journal began back in 1997.  Ten years ago!  As I was reviewing which journals to use in the story, I found myself in awe of what God has given me through the years.  How accurate it has turned out to be!  More importantly tho?  Back then, as I’d write what He was speaking to me, I just didn’t understand exactly what He was saying.  Now, I know.  It is almost overwhelming for me to realize how awesome of a journey He began me on back there. Matter of fact that was the “word” He used in one of my earlier journals,  “You are on a journey, and you won’t understand……” but He has guided me all the way. I’ve made a lot of mistakes along the way too, but He always seemed to take those mistakes and use them for so much gain in the end.  I ended up spending almost 3 hours writing chapters on the book.  It is well underway now.

Speaking of the journey and where it is leading!  The lady in Norfolk still wants me to be a guest on her radio show. We will do it Tuesday night.  She emailed me to make sure that is good for me.  “Okay!”  Elizabeth was with me when the email came.  She just shook her head.  She’s watched this whole story unfold since before soul mate even came into the picture.  She has not doubt, this has been divinely planned.  “You’ll do good!” She assured me.  “You’ll be fine!”  She asked me if she could listen to it?  I promised her I’d send her the link to the archives once they are on line.  It’s a go as far as I know.  I’ll get more details probably later tonight.  There’s a LOT Of faith in this one!  Out of how many millions of people on the internet, and she found me?  So many questions of why and everything, but I have to remember the promise I once made God.  “Yes, I will be your hands.  I will be your heart and your voice in a hurting world.”  This must be someplace He is sending me to be that voice.  It’s the only answer I can find. And if He is sending me, then it will all be a beautiful experience in the end if I will look up to Him alone.

I do find myself down a bit tonight. I get like this when soul mate disappears from here for too long.  It’s been three days now!  But I’m not counting the days of missing him or anything!!! Truth is like everything else in life you have to let go sometimes, and sometimes hold on.  Then there are the times you have to trust that what’s meant to be thing, and then you have to learn to listen to your heart and what you feel from within.  Never in my whole life has anyone brought such intense passion within me and caused me to go deeper within myself than this man has.  As I was talking to God about it this morning, I asked that question I always do.  Why?  Why does this hurt so much sometimes?  And as always, I come back up with the same answer.  “Love.”  I’ve never really understood the meaning.  With him, I do.  Don’t ask me what that all means, because to me it is scary as anything to talk this way, but it is so known to me. A very deep and unspoken, unknown love that we share.  Except for one thing?  How can I know he feels it too? Therein lies the most beautiful mystery.  That is where I learn the most, by not knowing.  I have the truth written in my heart, now the question remains,  “What do I do about it?”  So many variables!  So many paths.  In the end tho, will all paths lead the same place?  This is so deep.  I always try to tell myself I just have to get over this!  But it doesn’t matter.  It remains so very deep in my heart.  And then I have desperation.  Is he gone forever?  No, he’s not.  Somehow, I know this.  Even tho it’s only been 3 days, it feels as forever already.  It’ can’t be explained, so I won’t try. 

Deep breaths!  It’s just a journey!!  Hold on, hold fast!!!  That is what God whispers as I sit here feeling a little sad.  So I shall!  I shall hold on, hold fast, and look up.  Looking up is where the love flows from, and the answers!  Come to think about it, it is where all that I need flows from……..

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  *she wipes a tear from her eye*  Three nights!!!!  Am I not missing you more each night?!!! Okay, okay!!! I’m over it!  I know that I have to trust that I am not in control of what this is we share.  Somewhere I just hope you are missing coming here as much as I miss you being here.  This place has become the place we meet.  You and me.  I don’t expect the world to understand, because most won’t, but I do believe you have come to understand.  I think you feel the connection when you feel the love here. For now tho, the story finds itself where it is.  The test for me at the moment is finding whether or not it is real. So quietly I listen for that truth. *shhhhh* And, it is!  And now I will just close my eyes, see your face and your spirit, and wait.  Wait for that of which I believe with all my being is the heart of this story, a place, a time, a destination of a journey that we have walked.  Together, apart, connected, and sharing a soul of which I call love.  It’s what I see when I close my eyes and pray to know the truth.  So deep……so beautiful.  I send you love and light.  Please be okay wherever you may be.  Goodnight,  Love, Sunshine