It’s approaching the wee hours of the morning, and I finally have a chance to sit and reflect.  When Skylar is here, those times are so rare!  I love having her here and all, but I also love my writing times.

So where to begin over the past 2 days which have been SO incredibly busy!

Amy’s work shower was very nice.  She works with some really nice people who I think really care about her.  I had stepped outside the box yesterday morning before the shower anyway, as I went on an exploration to first find a park to do a meditation hike, then I hoped to do the beach on the lake in the city.  All by 11:00!  I discovered that the beach was also a really nice park. There was a walking path that traveled along the lake.  Since the dogs weren’t with me, I really got a work out in!  Along the water’s edge.  Now, is there anything more awesome than that?!  And I was in a world far from that of which I am familiar. As I walked I looked around and realized how much I am changing right now. Yes, I spent most of the time in prayer/meditation, but there was this cry within my heart to ask God where  it is all going?  And a peace to know it’s just going.

There was no time after my meditation hike for the beach! I walked for close to 1.5 hours!

After the shower, no time either!  I headed to the auto shop to buy brakes for the Lincoln for hubby to put on, and then to get Skylar.  She was so happy when I picked her up!

All was going well till I got home.  Something happened. I’m not free to discuss, but what happened threw my whole world into a tail spin of question!  Wonder!!  And questioning everything I thought I had learned to trust. Skylar was here, I couldn’t show the emotion I was feeling!  Hubby was around too, and how would I explain this one. It was simply a moment I had no options but to LET go!  How hard is that tho when mystery is slapping you in the face and it could mean anything from being some coincidence, which BTW, I have had WAY too many happen, to it could be bad, or it could be good?  It could be confirmation, or it could be a warning!  I had to close my eyes and try to just find peace that this whole story thing and journey I am walking is about so much more than I could ever begin to understand!  Still…………..

I fell into bed last night!  All the working out, the running, the chasing Skylar, I was so tired!

We made plans to take her to the beach today.  A real beach! Not so much the ocean, as that to me IS the real beach, but to one of the Great Lakes.  After a whole lot of hoopla between hubby and I before we even go started, and I don’t mean this in a positive way either!  He and I just never see anything the same way!  It took about 2.5 hours to figure it all out! I never did get to shop the beach stores I wanted for a dress for Jason’s wedding, as his plans were different than mine. Long story short, I gave in and didn’t complain even.  Yes, I’m trying so hard these days to walk in love.  Finally, we hit the road.  He was down with a headache. I did all the driving. I had taken my ipod so I put it on as I drove.  Skylar had “Schreck” playing all the way there and back.  None of that mattered to me. I was going to get a beach day! Plus I had that mystery which occurred yesterday on my mind as I wrestled trying to “figure” it out.  I had 3 hours travel time to do so.

We hit a state park on the Great Lake.  The water SO crystal blue!  The waves were huge for the Great Lakes!  This meant the beach was packed beyond belief, but it didn’t matter. I had waves crashing, a sea breeze in my hair, and I was back in paradise.  This time having Skylar with me.  Here we are!  We are in our sundresses!

Skylar has always been a bit afraid of the water when waves are concerned.  If it comes to a pool, she is a FISH!  But, waves scare her. So, today, I worked with her.  Leave it to “ME” to make SURE my granddaughter respects the ocean as I do!  It took me awhile, but before long, she was coming with me to the shoreline and allowing waves to rush up to her knees.  We had our limits as how far she could go tho!  One wave knocked her over. She started crying hysterically! It took me a few minutes to convince her she was fine! Before long, she had her bucket and shovel out there shoveling water and sand when it’d come close enough.  Believe it or not, we ended up staying at the beach for 4 hours!  Lots of baby tanning lotion for Skylar still didn’t prevent her from being a bit pink tonight!

On the drive home we stopped at a restaurant that has toy trains that run all through it.  Skylar was in 7^th heaven!  So I suggested that we go to the “BoardWalk.”  A beach on a lake near my town and on the way home.  “Skylar, do you want to ride the rides?”  Of course, even tho she has been at Universal Studios, Hollywood, and DisneyWorld, she has NO clue what rides mean!  Tonight, she would learn.

I bought a book of tickets and we headed to kiddy land.  First ride, we told her to give the lady her ticket.  It was the cars. The type they go round and round and you can beep the horn.  She began to cry before the girl even got her on. I was afraid she was too young. SO, we went to the Merry-Go-Round!  Ma Mah will ride it with you!  So I hopped up on the horse next to hers and held on for dear life! No, not for fear of falling off, but for fear of throwing up!  Yes, I am afraid I get sick on the merry-go-round!  Leave it to me!!  By the time I got off, I was a nice shade of green, well underneath the tan.  I let my stomach settle down a bit and we headed for the boats.  Again, the kiddy ride that is attached to a center and it goes round and round.  Horns and bells. This time, I strapped her in myself.  She was fine! NOW, she was getting the hang of it!  She began to wave as she went around. Oh, how great she was finding this to be!  THEN, we went to a very small roller coaster type ride. A VERY small one!! I was half afraid, but they promised me they would stop it if she cried! I strapped her in…..probably more scared than she was!  Up the little hill she went.  The first time down as she came around the corner her eyes were HUGE and she was laughing!!!  This little thing went around about 10 times!  Everytime she came down the hill and around the sharp corner she was SO excited! Laughing!!!  About the 7^th time I couldn’t BELIEVE what I saw!  SHE PUT HER HANDS UP!  Not one other kid had theirs up, so I had NO clue where she got this from!  Yup!  She put them up like big kids do on roller coasters!  I cracked up!  What personality she has!!

Pictures?? NO!!!  Of all times for me to leave my camera in the car!  I was SO ticked!!

I saw something tonight tho that reminds me why I won’t ride big roller coasters! On the HUGE roller coaster, I looked up to see a car stalled ON the track going up!  It was completely stopped and they had employees on this side track carefully getting people off!  Think about it!  Almost the top of a HUGE hill, and they have them holding on to ropes to lead them DOWN the tracks to safety!  People were scooting so slowly down as they only had a small rail and the rope they had extended to them to get down.  I sat there and watched in complete horror!!  And THIS is why I won’t ride roller coasters!  This happened to me one time when I was in my early 20s.  The ride broke down with me on it!  I was still in the starting gate, but I could see those in the car ahead of us going up hill!  They were stalled at ALMOST the top of the hill!  And we sat there. For like 20 minutes!  I kept saying to the guy that put me on,  “Excuse me sir! Please let me off.”  He started laughing, “Sorry, I can’t.”  What?!  Could he not see my hysteria starting to build?  About 5 minutes later,  “Sir, I’m not kidding I want off!”  He snickered at me,  “Sorry!”  I began to cry! NO KIDDING!!  “Excuse me sir, but I am hysterical here!”  “You’ll be fine!”  He said, and at that, the ride began to operate again!  I was so upset!  People watched me the WHOLE ride! It was then and there I got this feeling of control come on me. NEVER again would I get on a roller coaster.  And I haven’t! Unless it is a mini one in kiddy land!

The drive home was quiet.  Skylar once again watching Schreck, hubby quiet.  Me?  I realized how wonderful life is in the moment. I’ve had SO much beach time this summer and when I am at the beach, all is well with my spirit.

Thoughts of the mystery of yesterday still haunting me on the way home too.  What did it mean?  I honestly believe what I think is probably happening, but what does it mean?  I thought of this all day.  I think as I get ready to close tonight the answer I have is this.  Whatever it means shouldn’t really effect what it is I feel. I am just me.  I am doing the best I can to follow my heart. Never pushing anything on anyone, anywhere.  No matter what happens in my life it is assured that God’s love will never leave me.  I will always have that love to guide me wherever it is going to lead me……a light to lead the way.  And the mystery of a man so far away still haunts me as I toss to and fro in my mind and reasoning what is and isn’t……..just as the waves upon the sea I so desperately love.  And I think to myself there will come a day when I will understand a truth I just can’t quite grasp right now.  Till then, I will just rest in the most real love I have even known.  My Father in heaven’s love.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  And what did it mean she asks?  I have to ask!  So very strange! Okay, so perhaps it wasn’t you?  But it was just too coincidental not to be?!  But it doesn’t change what I do or don’t do.  I swear one of these days you and I are just going to have to sit down and talk!  So many things happen that point right to you!  You love the mystery or so you told me, BUT, do you?  Always remember this, mystery, coincidence, syncronicity, signs, and all those things don’t have a place in my heart. It is simply you.  That’s all.  So I close my eyes, and I say,  “What does it all mean?”  Answers that don’t come because it remains to be a journey of faith.  I still trust you with so many things.  I continue to trust.  I think what happened yesterday could probably be something awesome in the end!  And for me, after a couple days of questioning, know what I came up with?  It’s about love.  So simple and beautiful.  Will you let it in?  Will I?  I have, but have I?  Have you?  So late! I’m rambling!  I send you love and light in the mystery of it all!  Someway, will YOU please find a way to let me know it is you here???  And you will know how to let me know……a way only you would know.  There!  More mystery!!!  And we will look up one day and be so very grateful for such a beautiful journey!  And all will be well!  I promise.  Goodnight - Love, Sunshine