*music* “This is the air I breath, this is the air I breath, your very presence living in me……..”  And I stood in a field of flowers with Jesus standing with me as this song played. I was dressed in white.  Jesus was laughing.  It was such an incredible moment……I felt so free and alive as I was taken to another place.  It happened before I began to journal.  It’d been forever that I’d been called into such a deep place as tonight, and to be honest, it came out of nowhere. The calling, the calling, I know that calling! I had to stop and just be still. I use to ALWAYS have these incredible drawings to God, but it’d been a VERY long time to have it as strong as it was tonight.  And this field of flowers I was in, I often wonder if it is a place of spirit He takes me to, or is it a memory from another time and place, like the pre-world?  It’s so incredible when I find myself there. More importantly is “HIS” face!  It is so full of light and love!  A smile that shines throughout eternity. A glow that is so warming.

I have to write it. I was just there……I have such a need to write it out!

You know, I really shouldn’t work anymore. My job requires SO much energy that often I drag when I come home. Being free this summer has brought to me so many incredible releasing things.  I’ve never known more what forgiveness is than I have learned this summer.  I’ve never known more how to finally love me for me than I have this summer!  And I have never ever felt so free and released as what I have this summer.  Such a growing summer it’s been!  I bought sunflower seeds in April, determined I would plant them and watch them grow, believing I would grow with them.  But I forgot to plant them.  I still grew tho.  When I think of it, had I have planted them I can’t imagine how tall they would be now.  I know how tall I feel from within my own heart.

I had a lazy day. My last before all the excitement begins to happen with the birth of Bre, Joel and Emma being here with baby Drew,  Jason being there, will Susie, my new soon to be daughter-in-law?  (I’m doing good with this now, huh?!)  And a weekend full of running to hospitals, keeping Skylar, time with Drew.  I just pray I find a bit of time for me along the way, without that time being at 2:00 a.m.!  I did get a break tho. I thought I’d ride with hubby to the city in the early hours of the morning, but tonight I suggested I drive separately, that way I have a car too.  That is how we are going to do it. I will drive the Lincoln down later in the day with the dogs. Works for me! This means I can work out, and do some other things I wanted to get done.

Arlene, formerly known as CA, called me this morning.  “Good morning Sunshine!” she begins!  I love it when people call and say that, it seems so chipper!  *laughs* Our conversation today was so incredible!  (Spirit Bear, I DID pass your message along.  She said “THANK YOU!  He is SO awesome!”)  I hadn’t really talked to Arlene since my trip to the Outer Banks.  And this incredible journey and the people it is bringing into my life continues to be so very odd.  Last spring Arlene took off and traveled across country in search of what she believed was a past life memory.  It brought her to West Virginia, where she believes it is she remembered.  As we began talking about where, having had such a Twilight Zone experience in West Virginia myself, I about FLIPPED out when I learned the town of which I experienced my bout with a Steven King-type horror movie, Louisburg,  it turns out THAT is the same town she believes she was from in a past life!  OMG!!! This town is a VERY small town!  “It’s the freaking Twilight Zone!”  I keep telling her!  She admits that when she did her road journey in search of memories, her head wasn’t in a good place!  She says it just felt so familiar to her! She knew she’d lived here once before. Then she says to me, “I have to go back!”  She keeps saying it! “I have to go back!”  Now, Arlene and I have plans to meet in West Virginia in October for some festival she wants to go to.  We are all going to meet up, another friend of hers included.  Today she says, “We are SO going to go back to Louisburg!”  I say,  “NO WAY HOSEA!  I was lucky to get out of there with my head still on my shoulders!  There is NO WAY, NO WAY I will go back to the burg of torture!”  She laughs, I laugh, but before I know it, she has me convinced we HAVE to go together!  I can take her to the torture chamber, which I still happen to believe I somehow stumbled into a room I wasn’t supposed to be in!  But she is crazy enough to convince me that together, we can do this!  *deep breaths* October is along way a way, right?  Anything can happen, so I agree to go with her!  What am I thinking?  I mean, we will stick out like a sore thumb!  Arlene from LA?  Blonde hair!  California smile!  And me!  Hair wrap, for sure not WV type!  I really don’t want to subject myself to another visit to “Weirdsville” and what I saw before, but in the sake of proving it, well, okay!  And this is where she believes she lived in another life?  I joked,  “Yeah! I probably saw the guillotine where you, well you know!”  And we laughed.  We are so crazy!

The conversation drug on into the afternoon.  This has to stop too!  These phone calls that last for hours.  Last month I went over my minutes to the tune of $200!  OUCH!  I’m not too far behind this month either!  She once again begins to plan my trip to LA.  I’d rather do that than West Virginia in October I think to myself!  The newest thing is we are going to go Kayaking in the ocean.  The newest thing she has taken up.  Where the dolphin and seals swim up to you and swim next to you.  I would go nuts doing this!  Sign me up!  I’m on my way!  In seriousness she asks me if there is anyway I can fly out there tomorrow?  There is a concert she wants me to go to on Friday with her.  I think about it! Not that I can fly out tomorrow, as this is a VERY special time in my world with Gabrielle coming, BUT, I think that if that wasn’t going on, and I wasn’t working, how possible this would be! To do something so reckless as to say, “YES!”  Fly out there for a few days, go to the concert with her, kayak in the ocean.  What is happening in my life that this is so very possible for me to do?

It was such a fun time today!  All on the phone!  See, Arlene has MORE ideas than I do! Now that is saying a lot!!!!  Oh, the people that I suddenly have in my life from all over continues to amaze me, Spirit Bear said this to me yesterday,  “This journey we all seem to be walking, it seems to me that the right people are finally connecting to help each of us along.”  I think he is so right!

I was really late doing my work out this afternoon because of Arlene!  I did swim tho, for 55 minutes.  I couldn’t figure out why I was having chest pains today?  My chest felt so tight, as did my arms.  Yes, a heart attack crossed my mind, but I quickly dismissed it as I focus on health things these days.  As I began to swim I realized I am really sore in my chest muscles and arms! I’m swimming that much these days!  WOW!

I’m going to close now.  I’m still feeling very touched by the place God took me to tonight.  I LOVE, LOVE it when I am that close. There were no great revelations, but I wasn’t really seeking anything, just to be with God. Sometimes, it’s all I need. To just feel that close to Him. Where I melt into His love, I feel Him melt into my heart, and we are intertwined as one.  Wow!  And we danced, in a field of flowers, Jesus smiling, and me, wanting to grab onto His love and light with all of my might.  A place I will never forget.  A warmth that will always surround me.  The words I use seem so inadequate.  The love so real, how can you describe something so incredibly beautiful?

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  I continue to grow, spiritually, and mentally.  Hopefully physically I am shrinking, cause I’m working on it! J  I feel so free. I’m not sure it’s quite as free as you hope it to be, maybe, but it sure seems to be headed there.  I had the strangest thing happen at 2:00 this morning….you know how I had left my ramblings for you to read last night? The poetry or prose, or however you want to describe this touching a place within to let it out what I am feeling.  At 2:00 a.m., I begin to write yet another one.  It is coming from a place that is so incredible.  This place where I have you locked up in my heart……And the words flowed!  Only, it was as if in the midst of it, I was seeing it from your side too! I felt this pain, as if for a brief moment I was touching your heart! It all got intertwined in this piece of poetry that just flowed.  I didn’t know what to do with it, so I posted it as a blog on myspace.  It was SO incredible!  How I so wish I could just call you and tell you what is happening to me!  Friends ask me why I don’t?  “You just need to call him!”  They will tell me.  But I can’t.  For so many reasons I don’t feel I can.  I can’t make you cross a line you don’t want to cross………….and I can’t exactly call you and offer you all that it is I suddenly have eyes to see is what your heart feels.  Oh tell me, tell me, what is up and what is down?  Where is in and where is out, and where oh where is it we meet…………we will!  I know we will…….please, go to myspace, *link is on the left up above,  Sunshine on myspace* And read what it is I was given.  From my heart, then what I saw in your heart, then my heart, then yours………..is this more than a dream?  Yes. It is. I finally know it is, and one day we will understand the beauty of what today seems so incredibly painful.  As I sit on a sea of blue, I will ALWAYS, ALWAYS be true to you!  I send you love and light,  I guess the romance continues, even in the pain of missing you.  Goodnight – Love, Sunshine