Once again I find myself overlooking the swimming pool.  I find this place to be my haven for now.  The owner saw me earlier today as I was swimming laps,  “You are officially in charge of late night pool duty!” He joked with me. I was touched.  It means he is allowing me this place when it should be closed.  A sort of trust I find honoring.

My day began early.  Even tho I didn’t get to bed until after 1:30 a.m., having worked so hard changing photos and stuff, I was up early. It was a beach day and I didn’t want to miss one minute of anything.  First tho, I had to head to the grocery store across the street to buy breakfast and lunch items. My goal was to walk to the beach, a 1-1/4 mile hike, a great work out for me! Hubby could meet me there later. “I’ll walk the dogs.”  Was my proposal.  No way, no how!  He thought it too far for me.  I’m in the mood not to argue or fight with anyone, so I relented and agreed to do a long beach walk.  Besides, in the sand, that is double the work out.  In the end, I do think it was probably best I didn’t attempt the hike.  1-1/4 miles is nothing compared to what I do daily, but Hwy. 12 can be extremely busy and I’d have to walk the side of the highway.

My beach time was wonderful.  The waves lulled me to sleep, considering I didn’t have a lot of sleep last night. And I played with Lilly in the water.  My dog who LOVES to attack waves and run from them!  She knows when to jump and she chases me as we run from waves together.  It only takes about 20-30 minutes of this before the poor dog is so tired she heads for the chairs.  Pete tried to keep up, but at just 7 months, he is semi afraid of the waves. He did do better than I thought tho. I am sure by the end of the week we will have him in there, Lilly and I.  I stayed out on the beach for about 3 hours. Then I decided to head to Ocracoke Island, one of my very favorite things to do.

On the hike back from the beach to the Navigator, Lilly and Pete didn’t need leashed!  They were SO hot and tired!!  The climbed in the Navigator, panting endlessly!  By the time we got back to the hotel, they rushed for the door of the room and collapsed!  I came out to the pool to swim laps for a time. Even tho I did do a work out on the beach, I still felt the need to attempt more work out time.

Here, Lilly is SO tired after so much sun and sand.  She is sitting on the floor.  When I turned around to look at her, she had laid her head on Pete, sitting up and fell sound asleep!

You have to take a Ferry out to Ocracoke Island.  Again, another favorite thing for me to do.  Tho Lilly did this two years ago and did fine, today she freaked out. I had to put her back in the car.  Pete would have been fine, but I found myself wanting to be quiet and dreamy for lack of a better word. Is there anything I love as much as standing on the end of a boat, or large ferry in this case, and look out to ocean?!

The island was extremely busy today.  More so than normal times I have been there.  We got the dogs out and attempted to walk around, but the little village was just too crowded for my liking so we headed out to the beaches and where they have wild ponies, native to this island.  Here is a photo of a white pony I took:

I couldn’t help but laugh as I took this photo. I whispered to soul mate, “I see the white horse, but where are you?!”  *chuckles*

Once at the beach of this island, I collapsed myself and sat there looking out to sea.  Lots of thoughts going through my mind, like what life is suppose to be about in the end?  I thought of fame for some reason?  And I thought about how destiny is already written, or is it? I wondered as I looked at the seagulls, and the waves crashing on the shore.  For a moment I’m not sure any of it mattered to me as I just let it all be whatever it is.  Here are some photos showing how deep in thought I was as I sat. Hubby took the camera and was having fun himself taking his own inspirational shots.

No great answers were found on this little island of mystique. As we loaded the ferry to come back across to the southern tip of Cape Hatteras, I drifted off into a daydream. I can’t believe I am going to confess this, but I am.  I daydreamed of the day soul mate calls me.  I never know if these are my own daydreams I am making up or whether I am being shown something.  I think in my own daydreams, I get to make up the plot. In the “revealing” to me sent from above, I don’t get to write the plot, I simply see it happening.  I think today was more of a daydream.  Or perhaps somewhere in between the two?  It made for a beautiful trip back across the ocean of which separates Ocracoke and Hatteras.  As I pondered all I was, I remembered something he once said to me when he called me and tried to explain why he never called me before that, “You don’t understand! I’ve wanted to! I needed to!!”  So long ago that call came.  I mean years ago and yet, here I am all these years later remembering every word. Like some sailor of mine that came into the harbor of love and safety and then went back out to sea, I wait.  Like a lighthouse I send out beacons of light hoping one day, he will be back.  Ugh! Okay, okay, it probably sounds as if I have A: Had TOO much sun today! B: Been at the ocean and in marinas a little bit too much!  C:  Letting the magic of the ocean breezes sweep me into a land of fantasy!  But I still maintain, dreams enhance the journey with a lot of sparkle and magic.  Before I knew it, we were back on HI (Hatteras Island.)  Ocracoke  now visited for this trip.  A magical place, and a magical trip to get there from here. Today was a beautiful experience.

I did break down earlier today in between being on the beach and going to Ocracoke and called Jason. No answer so I left a message,  “Just wanted to let you know we are in the Outer Banks, and that we arrived safely.  Just thought I should let you know that everything is okay.  Hope to talk to you soon one day.”  And I hung up.  We were traveling towards the ferry ramp when I spotted a store I wanted to go in to get a new bathing suit.  Hubby waited in the car.  When I came out he told me Jason had returned the call.  “He had no idea we were even going to the Outer Banks until Amy told him.”  Hubby told me.  I missed his call once again. I think it was okay tho.  I had vowed he owed me a call after sending the note of welcoming and apologies, of which he never did respond. But I guess the magic of the ocean breezes and the feeling that love hardly notices when it is wronged led me to make the call.  It’s been almost a month since I have talked to him now.  He gets married in about 4 weeks.  Will I talk to him before that?  At least he returned the call.  Small steps should make me smile.

I am extremely tired tonight tho.  The air here in the Outer Banks is surprisingly cool for July.  As I sit by the pool, I have a sweatshirt on and am chilly. Tired as I feel I sure do wish they had a hot tub here!  But they don’t.  I think I will close now and head to bed.  Lilly and Pete are already conked out, having had a very tiring day for them.  Hubby? I sense he is watching TV somewhere.  What I have missed thus far is being on the beach at this time of night. Of course being as cool as it is I’d probably freeze!  Still, to look up and see the stars at what surely MUST be the end of the world according to what my eyes see when I look out to sea, they are the brightest in this place.  I vow to myself tonight to make it to the beach in the next couple days to spend a few hours after dark listening to the waves crash, and looking up at the stars and touching a bit of eternity.  Talking to God, about so many things in the moment.  And of course, whispering those special little things to soul mate.  Sometimes I wish I understood this journey of life a bit more than I do, but as I say that I think I hear God whisper,  “But what about the faith?  Faith is what this journey is all about!”  In my heart I know that  what God whispers is the truth.  Still, sometimes how easy would it be if we understood why things happen, or don’t happen.  So I close my eyes now, I feel the ocean breeze all around me, and I surrender my questions to God once again.  His answer is so simple, “One day my child, you will understand.  Till then I continue to ask you to just trust.  Trust in my love and my guidance for I will lead you on.”  With that I think I will head to bed.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight –

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:   I still have such vivid memories of so many things of you!  I don’t think I’ve let go of any of the memories of you.  And I hardly even know you!  As I stood on the ocean today I continued to try to share it with you as I sent mental pictures.  I so hope one day we break this place that we are in, and you feel okay talking to me again.  If only we could talk!  What would we discover?  Like a buried treasure in the ocean, would I find a truth buried so deep in your heart that you never let go of anymore than I did my own?  I wonder? But now I let it go to just let love flow.  So many answers seem to be found when the love flows.  And it does.  As I stand on the ocean shore, looking out to sea, believing in eternity and the beauty of a story still being written.  A gift for you, a gift for me.  Special.  Is there another word that describes you and me more than that word?  “Special.”  I send you love and light.  And in my heart, I hold you so close.  May it be one day, we find that place and it becomes more than in my heart………..as is the plan, so shall it be. Goodnight -  Love, Sunshine

And she waits in the harbor for him to come back..........

Hatteras Island Marina - July 2, 2007