I begin to write at midnight tonight.  The only time it seems I’ve found today to be still and quiet.  This HAS to be a very short entry.  My day tomorrow will begin at 6:00 a.m. and end at who knows what time or where.

I am home.  I left Amy and Chad about 3:00 this afternoon. Amy felt good enough to ride for a bit, we ended up meeting at this house I have found and really, REALLY want.  Amy walked around it with me first, then Chad.  Thumbs up.  Not that it matters, but there is something to me very soothing about this house.  Amy is frustrated that the property hasn’t sold, but then so am I.  “Mom, why don’t you just make an offer on it.”  If life was only that easy I thought to myself.  And I remembered a dream I had last night.  My realtor was sitting on a huge hillside of some sort and we were talking. While I can’t remember exactly what he said, this is what I think it was,  “The phone rang quickly and that is all it is going to take.”  As I meditate upon what I saw/heard in the dream it goes back to what I’ve always known, when it happens, it will be swift and sudden.  No time to think!  The dream reflected this.  Was it prophetic?  In a way yeah, I think it was a message dream.  After I left the house and drove the 75 miles back to my house, I actually enjoyed the drive.  So quiet, and such a time to reflect. Okay, okay, soul mate and thoughts of him on my mind.  Poems flowing and that creative nature in full force!  Sun shining, and quiet.  So very, very quiet after almost 5 days of non-stop running.  My quiet time was short lived tho. When I got home I had laundry to do, phone calls to make, etc to get ready for my next trip which begins tomorrow. A non-stop night as I had errands to get done and continued laundry and get the dogs ready to go to camp. (Okay, kennel in human terms, but I never use the “K” word with them. It’s camp, where they get to stay up all night and talk with the other dogs!)  Check in time at “camp” is only between 7:00 a.m. and 8:00 a.m.  Thus, 6:00 a.m. my day begins!

I called my friend Dave tonight. My friend who is my house sitter and buddy.  I hadn’t called him while I’ve been gone the past few days because I feel SO bad always asking him to house sit for me, and let’s face it, I’m just never seemingly home much these days!  When he saw caller ID, here is how he answered the phone,  “Sunshine…………wonderful, sweet, beautiful and mysterious Sunshine………Okay, that seldom if ever happens with anyone!  “Ahhhhh…………Dave!”  I say with a  blush.  Life has been tough for my friend for a long time. I left him a check when I was in the Outer Banks for his time and trouble, but he returned it to me.  “We’re friends and friends help each other out!”  He assures me.  “Yes, and that is why I want to help you out!” I say. Still, he refuses. So once again when I get back and life settles down *choke choke* I will take him for a really nice Friday night meal.  He laughs, “That’ll be great!”  So, Dave will be checking in on my cat, watering my plants, and hanging around to make sure all is well.  I am blessed to have him for a friend and I say lots of prayers that he is able to find the way to what awaits him.

Now, it’s on to the next phase of the plan.  The wedding.  I’m really doing okay. I simply think of this as a visit to the beach, but Jason and Susan will be there having a party.  No one else seems to be taking this wedding serious.  I struggle with so much of it, but I still say it is because try hard as I may to get over it, I am haunted by my own failures so very long ago when I had a joke of a wedding myself.  I still can’t help but wonder if this isn’t karma at it’s finest.  Is my mom watching from heaven with a smirk?  “See how it feels?”  Nah………”IF” she is watching, she is probably weeping because she lived through the pain of watching a child make a huge mistake……now, it is my turn to feel what I did to her.  Still, with God anything is possible!  He could turn this all around into some sort of miracle! So rather than call it a mistake I think I will just let God do His thing, which is never anything short of beautiful.  Okay, now that I have been full of the faith part of it all, a secret confession.  *Elizabeth would be proud of my honesty here*  I am sort of looking forward to the entertainment part of it, or so I have been told.  Susan's mother and father can’t even be in the same room without a lot of drama!  I do know that the father has ordered the people putting the wedding on at this wedding planning place that NO ONE is to have flowers but the wedding party!  That means I won’t get a flower *darn*  or will Susan’s mom.  NOW, I think that is sad. I could care less if I get a flower, but I think her mom should have one!  But apparently dad won’t spring for any flowers for her!  *chuckles* So this might just be a bit interesting in the end.  Sad, huh? 

I bought yet another new dress tonight at Macy’s.  This makes 3 dresses I have purchased and will return 2. The one tonight is extremely on the sexy side I guess.  I won’t wear it to the wedding however, because the wedding is on the beach and I think the flowing skirt with white tank shirt I bought a few days ago is what needs to be worn for a beach wedding. I will wear the dress I got tonight to the rehearsal dinner Friday night, which no one seems to know where it is going to be, only that it is extremely dress up.  Yes, I know, the groom’s parents are supposed to pay for the rehearsal dinner, but hey, NO ONE asked us ANYTHING?!  SO………..I will wear my dress that is entirely more sexy than anything I’ve ever worn before, but also very classy and elegant.  And I promise to be classy and elegant on the inside too.   

Now, I will close.  It is almost 12:30 and time is slipping away.  No promises whether I will be able to journal the next few days, tho I promise to do my best to find a hotel with WIFI access.  If not, I will write and post as soon as I can.  I will need to write!  I am sure I will have stories!  Besides, there are a lot of you that have walked the past few months and the trials of this whole wedding thing out with me, so you need to get the latest up dates too!  I am so blessed to have so many awesome and beautiful souls walking my journey with me.  I’m so blessed to have my soul mate with me everyday sharing in the best way he can too!  I guess I am blessed beyond words when I think of it. I sure hope I don’t take the best things in life for granted……

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  I had to laugh today, I read a lot about soul mates and twin souls.  Today's topic was how this whole journey of soul mates is a process.  Memories of the last time we were together came flooding back!  Remember how you sat there, so angry at me, “YOU ARE GOING THROUGH A PROCESS!”  You sternly said!  I had to fight tears. Then I had to fight wanting to fight back!!  But I listened to you.  Do you know how lucky you are? You are probably one of the very few people in life that can get me to listen and pay attention!  It took me a long time to understand the process thing.  Now all of sudden, it is a buzz word amongst the twin soul crowd!  Ha ha!!!  I swear, you are SO ahead of your time!  *laughs*  Anyway,  the process today has me missing you. *frown*  It’s true!  But missing you seems to bring out in me all this passion.  Passion then turns to looking way deep inside to find out what it all really means.  And then passion turns into this need to just express it on paper.  So I write.  Wherever I am I will just write it all out.  Sometimes in a prose, sometimes poems.  Sometimes just writing out all that is within.  Passion!  You bring me so much passion!! Did I ever tell you that the sun rises and sets in your eyes? And there I go! Getting all deep and mushy.  It’s easy tho, because after all this time, you’re still here, and I’m still here! Yet, I don’t know for sure it is you, only finding within my heart that I can’t convince myself it isn’t because I know it is, but I can’t prove it or explain it………well, I guess it’s that mystery of the heart that knows and yet, doesn’t.  Mystery. You, me, and a connection that is so incredible…..I send you love and light. Travels will find me with you on my mind as the wheels go round and round………and one day, those roads will lead to you…………Goodnight,  Love, Sunshine

A CALL FROM THE DISTANCE……….

Listen, listen, from the distance I hear an echo of a voice

Calling, calling from a place I’ve been to once before

Or so I’ve been told………

I hear it! I hear it!! But how do I find the way?

There surely must be mountain ranges in between here and there

Probably rivers wide and far that need to be crossed

And cities that never sleep with people filled with rage from exhaustion that must be traveled thru too……..

I can’t make the journey I tell myself, it’s so far and unknown……

But I hear the voice, a wind blowing my way, calling my name……..”COME! COME!! COME!!!”  So I drift towards the voice that’s calling, calling………

Feet stuck in quicksand, I struggle so slowly as the years go on to follow

Follow the voice that calls through the distance…………

I close my eyes and I see the great beyond.  And I know what I must do, I must love it all! Every part of my being loving it all…………and I loosen my feet as I become determined to follow, to hear, to follow the beckoning of a voice so distant and so far……so unknown but so known too…………..love is the guide and the wings of faith to carry when my feet get loosened.  And I will go, up the mountain and down again, across the rivers and into the streets where the people are exhausted in a place that never sleeps……..to find him, the voice that calls across the distance from a place I’ve been to once before, or so I’ve been told…………………

And there will be a dance under a full moon……..the distant voice now quiet, the song is now complete.