HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, today, August 1 (when Leo will read) is Leo’s BIRTHDAY!  She’s a very, very special friend to me!  I wanted to share her birthday with others!  Everyone send out lots of love and light to Leo on her day!

And that’s about how chipper I can get tonight!  It was return to work day.

I woke just trying to have a heart of praise.  First words out of my mouth?  “Lord, this is the day that you have made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!”  That was how I began.  Truth is tho, I felt so heavy in my heart.  I know that life is about attitude and I did the best I could to be “rejoicing”  but sometimes, you can’t really deny your deepest being.

First I had to write my friend Dovey. She had sent me a dream. I wrote back and shared with her what I saw in the dream.  Not exactly what she interpreted for herself, and I always say the only one that can really interpret our dream is the dreamer themselves. The dreamer is the best interpreter.  However, she did agree on some of my interpretation. It was good I got to do this this morning.  I needed to do what it is I have passion about and that of which I love.  School is not there these days.

I got to work to discover Mr. Boss is out the rest of the week on vacation.  A bittersweet thing for me. He left me stacks and stacks of assignments to be completed.  My heart sunk. First of all, I don’t know how on earth I will get done all that he left me short of working 10 hour days and working this Saturday and Sunday as well. *tears* On top of that everyone finds my work area the dumping place during the summer with orders that have come in, etc, so I can’t even find my desk!  My heart is SO not into this these days. I feel so far removed. I belong in the Outer Banks writing!  I battled light vs. darkness as I tried to decipher all of his notes.  “Lord, how will I ever do this?” I felt God reply,  “We’ll do it together. I will lead you one step at a time.”  My faith restored temporarily, I got busy doing the best I could.

Donna was glad I was back.  We even left for lunch! Just she and I.  The new girl that took Elizabeth’s place was very friendly when she made eye contact with me. I need to give her a chance because love gives everyone a chance.  As a matter of fact, love gives a lot more than one chance.  I helped her with a few things, including setting up her voice mail account.  It meant I had to go into the system and delete Elizabeth.  “I can’t think about this!” I told myself!  Elizabeth is the lucky one!  She got out.  It made it easier to wipe her out of everything that belonged to her, now to the new girl.  And even tho my desk is in shambles, I welcomed the chance to go to lunch with Donna. 

Linn was glad I was back too! She said she was so afraid I wouldn’t be back this year and she loves our lunch times.  She feels as if she has gotten a reprieve.  It’s for a short time tho. I know it, so does she.

After lunch I did the best I could to really get it together.  I was tired tho this afternoon.  Everything catching up with me.

I had options when I came home.  Float in my own pool at home and drift off.  Go work out in the pool at the heath club, or just give in, lie down in bed and sleep! Something I so desperately needed.  Guess what won?  I floated in my pool and drifted off.  Boy did I drift off!  I wonder, is that safe? LOL! 

I woke up about an hour later.  The sun now behind the trees, my sun time was now gone.  As I got out of the pool I see Dave pull into my drive.  He was returning my garage door opener and key.  My trusty house sitter but more important, friend!

Dave’s a mess.  No other way to describe him right now but a mess.  I had already decided when I saw him I was giving him my “Conversations With God” DVD. We went and sat on my deck for awhile to talk.  He had limited time today as he had an appointment in ½ hour.  We made the best of it.  We did some serious heart to heart talking. About faith, and love.  He is angry at the moment, and Dave is SO not an angry person.  I let him vent, of which he did!  Only, his venting is in a very comical sense of humor way.  “Sunshine, woman that helps us all find the light in the darkest of dark.”  He said to me.  “Who is right? You or my Mormon friend, or Charles Manson?”  “Well Dave, me of course!” I joked with him. Tho, I wasn’t sure I liked being in the same category as Charles Manson. But I know Dave’s sense of humor! He went light to dark in 2 seconds flat!  He had to go tho. I made him PROMISE he would watch the DVD.  He did. I know him, if he promises he will.  As he left he gave me a hug, “You know “hubby’s name” is one lucky SOB!”  I laughed,  “I’m not so sure he thinks that!  I’m pretty complicated you know!”  He laughs, and leaves for his appointment. Why was it in that moment I thought of soul mate?  My whole heart for whatever reason is always with him.

Does anyone really understand how my heart so longs to just be with this man?  I shake off the feelings.  Right now I am so into this transformation thing of just being still and listening for God to speak to me of so many things.  And right now that voice is teaching me of loving myself.  Yet, with all of this new love I am finding for myself, I still feel a deep missing of someone I never really knew in real life, but on some level I can’t explain.  But as God said, “Life is lived in the mystery! Not the things we know about.”  I still find that a deep meditation I need to really focus upon.

I went to the grocery store alone.  Sad about being back at work.  Sad that it is taking so long to find the way to where it is I am going and all that it is I am to take with me as I do!  When I was putting my groceries in the car suddenly, a thought pops into my mind!  A message once left me in my comments a long time ago from “remains anonymous.”  It was SO deep the memory of what I was sensing and seeing.  Like a light flashing before my eyes or something, I was drawn into the memory and being taught something!  But what?  Why did this come back on me in such a flash?  So I talk to God about it,  “Was remain anonymous” “soul mate’s name?”  Did I get an answer?  No!  But then how many times have I asked?  All I got was, “There is a reason I am showing you this and reminding you of this.”  I think the answer to the question is already known to me,  but logic and rationalization tries to take over to debate the issue.  “Woe is me!”  I laugh to myself.  But I suddenly feel warm.  Love is like that I decide. It is warm.  What soul mate brings to me is the most incredible love that can’t be described!  Even in the absence of him talking to me.  And I laugh!  What if it isn’t soul mate at all? I wonder.  What if it is someone I have never met?  Those thoughts are short lived.  Sometimes, at your deepest core you know a truth.  He is known to me.  Not for any other purpose but a knowing. 

Elizabeth and I finally caught up tonight!  We talked for a bit until she kept cutting out.  For now, crosses fingers, she has found a house and is hoping it all falls together.  We talked about my first day back, the wedding, Bree, Amy, her kids, life.  I miss her.  But I can’t think that way!  Life is soon to hold new and exciting things for me and I swear that somehow, Elizabeth will be a part of it all too!

Now, it is 10:00.  I need to head to bed.  Sleeping in my own bed is worth a million.  Tho I don’t have a problem traveling either.  And once again I say, that is on the horizon for me.  Whatever it means I know that I will not be permanent in one place.  I am being sent……somewhere with a message of something.  But before I get too out there on a limb I will stop.  This is new and seems to be something God is preparing me for.  Perhaps a bit more info is given to me at the moment. Hmmm????

And I close.  Again, Leo, happy birthday!  I hope you have the most beautiful of birthdays tomorrow. I know last year’s was so magical! I only hope that when I talk to you next, you share a dream came true with me! If not, remember, the dream is just a day away!!! AND,”Third times the charm!!!” J 

Now, I will go to bed, quiet my voice and listen for final instructions before I fall asleep. I’m LOVING this place I am in where God is at the center of my full attention at the moment.  How awesome it is to know how close He walks with me and to be still and hear His voice.  Yes!  I am in a beautiful place at the moment. 

As the faith, love, and light lead me on!

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  Being back at work is not a pleasant thing…….but I am doing what has to be done for now.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could write tomorrow’s script?  What would I write? Okay, I’ll share with you what my perfect day would be.  So, in journal form, here you go, a dream to me:

“When I woke this morning I was so excited!  I get to see him today. I’ve waited for this day for how long?  And we met.  I couldn’t believe he came to the “Outer Banks.”  But he did!  I guess he needed time away from his world too.  We met on the beach.  A place that is serene and quiet.  There was a beautiful ocean breeze blowing. It wasn’t too hot, but it wasn’t too cool either.  And we walked. And we talked. Of so many things.  But finally, I understand that he has been with me all this time.  What I feel, he feels and we both know that it is real.  No need to discuss where the tomorrows will go because we were just too filled with the beauty of today.  There was so much love surrounding both of us.  It was an incredible feeling.  We talked of love and faith and everything that is a part of both of us.  We realize the miracle of each one of us.  And for the moment, everything in this life seems filled.  Where will tomorrow be? I don’t know. I only know that for today, there is so much love…….as we walked and talked on the ocean shore.  He and I.  Finally!  We found the way.

 And we would walk in this place where love is all around....

Okay, so it is a dream.  A story that I get to write in my dream.  Thought I’d share the dream with you tonight.  But then, perhaps you have your own dreams.  Perhaps one day, you will share them with me too.  I will never stop believing, because there is something deep within me that knows, we truly are a miracle to find one another out of the millions and millions, find a way to still find one another over space and time and distance, and to believe in something that is so impossible, yet so very real.  But then remember this, “Life is lived in the mystery.”  Glad I get to live life with you.  J  I send you love and light my friend.  Yes, I’m a dreamer, but in my dreams I only see gentle and good. Nothing controlling, nothing expecting…….Just a walk on a beach where we finally stop hiding behind the masks……….Want to walk with me for awhile?  Goodnight – Love, Sunshine