It’s now mid-week of my busiest week of the year.  I think perhaps things are slowing down a smidgen.  Either that or I am just now use to the pace. Seems hard to believe just 3 weeks ago I was on a beach somewhere.  I still have the jellyfish scars to prove it.  The tan is fading tho, as is the peaceful, calm that I feel when in that place.  Exchanged for a job that is so demanding.  Why?

Elizabeth left today too.  Leaving behind a friend (me) that feels sad that life has us separated now, and a dozen yellow roses left on my kitchen table.  Her thanks for the hospitality, and a knowing I’ve had a rough week.  This is Elizabeth tho!  She is the most generous person!  She also left a bag behind my recliner for Amy and Bree.  As I said, she is incredible!  I’m happy for her.  Bittersweet happy.  She will close on her house tomorrow, leave on Friday for a visit to her brother and a surprise party for her mom’s 75^th birthday, then back home to move in on Tuesday.  I’m not sure either one of us has decided who is luckiest?  She, who is free right now, or me, who is in the depths of slavery?  Yeah, sometimes that is how it feels.  We had such a great time while she was here.  Sure, she’ll be back!  She’ll be back for Sarah’s *daughter* soccer games, who plays in college.  And of course I will visit her.  Still, I will miss our hours of standing in the parking lot at school after work and talking.  Sometimes till well after 5:30!  But life goes on.

I got motivated today and called my Realtor.  “Drop the price!”  He agreed.  The market in my town is so bad it made news. Again tonight.  However, he believes it might rebound with the stock market so bad.  I believe God is God and He has a buyer for this place, and when it is time, will send me on my way.  The waiting is so bad.  When I called him, I already had a set price in mind.  276 is a very special number to me.  No, NO!  There is no way I can set $276,000 on my property.  It’d probably be gone tomorrow if that was the case!  But, I replaced the 2 with the number I really need to get out of it.  “Stan, you may think this is weird, but drop it to $X76,000.  Tho it’s not 276, it is the next best thing.  No, I’m not superstitious!   Am I?

Sometimes God puts me in a position I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do.  Those are the times I know how much I have to depend upon Him. I have wanted to call an old friend who is a locksmith all week.  The busyness of my job made me forget each day so far. I had to have a key made for the Lincoln after hubby lost the only one we had.  For whatever reason, this morning as I was working I heard God whisper,  “Call E…. now!”  It was clear, and even tho I got busy in the moment, it came again.  An urgency fell over me, until I just picked up the phone book, looked his number up and called. But I wasn’t ready for what happened. 

When he answered the phone, I didn’t even recognize his voice.  “E….., is that you?”  “Yeah.”  “Hey, E…., it’s Sunshine!  How you doing?”  “I wasn’t even going to answer the phone today. Not good. What do you want.” He said sounding as if he was asleep or something. My heart melted.  “I have a key problem!”  “Oh, well, I can’t help you.”  He was short, he sounded so depressed. He wasn’t the old person I knew.  “What’s going on there?”  I asked.  And he began to shout, give it all to me!  The pain, the hurt, frustration, he wanted out of this “vaporous” life as he described it!  How people had hurt him.  He had no where to go now.  Leave me alone!  How mean people are, and it went on and on.  I just sat there. I felt as if I had called him in the moment he had really considered doing something serious to himself.  In the meantime, I am in the midst of an office that doesn’t stop!  Kids standing at my desk, wanting lockers fixed or combinations!  And yet, on the other end of a phone is someone I have known for years who is at the end of his rope.  “E…., hold on just a second, kay? I’m at work.”  He did.  He held on.  “Please Lord,” I whispered,  “Let him hold on and give me wisdom.”  I tended to the kids as best I could, deciding this was critical and I would redirect everyone over to Sydney.  It was time to get serious.  I let him continue on with his rage! His anger.  His hurt.  Finally, God gave me a few words to speak.  His comment, “No one cares!  Christians are the worst!”  He says.  “They pretend to be all holy, but they spread rumors and lies and then act all holy again. They don’t care!  No one cares!”  “E….” I interjected, “That’s not fair and that’s not true.  I called you, and I haven’t seen you for awhile.  But when I got in trouble and needed help, it is you I call.”  He hesitated.  “Yeah, that’s true, but you don’t know what these people have said about me!  Yeah, I’m weird. I look weird, I act weird, I am weird, but no one has a right…..”  “Stop E….!” I said again.  “You’re not being fair!  There are those of us out here that do care. I care.  A lot!  But you are never going to see those who do care until you first love yourself!  I will agree, you ARE different, but you know what?  You are so beautifully made!  God made you like you are because He needs you to be like you are so that you can reach others like you!  I’m weird too!  I’m not accepted in a lot of churches either just because I have far out there ideas!  But I know how much God loves me, and that is what matters to me!”  He began to listen!  I told him how until he could realize that all that really matters was what God thought, he’d fight this battle of trying to be something he’s not!  My friend has long hair, pierced nose, eyebrow, ears, whatever…….I’m not sure why he is so picked on, but he is.  Yes, I have seen it too.  We went through this for as long as I could.  I wanted to invite him for dinner one night.  Spend time talking, but he got interrupted, and I had to go too. And you know what?  I think he felt better when he hung up.  Now, I need to call him back in the next few days and do the dinner thing.  This is a man who is lonely and hurt, and feels so isolated.  What does love say to do?  Have dinner!  Try to plant some love and light in his life and listen.  Sometimes, we all just need someone to listen.  Still, I find it SO ironic that God had me call at just that moment.  I’ll probably never really know how dark it was in that place, but I did feel the darkness when I called.  It scared me to be honest, but as I prayed, I felt the strength and immediate answers come.  Proving once again, God gives us just what we need in the moment.

This was followed by a rather icky start to my day too.  I had left in good time except for the first time in 20 years, a bus went by my house at 6:45.  WHAT?!  Yeah, a school bus that goes 20 miles per hour and gets stopped at the end of my road to turn on the major highway and sits and sits for 8 minutes!  UGH!  I seriously suffered intense road rage as I sat there, watching the clock slowly approach closer and closer to 7:00 and I still had another 10 minutes to get to school!  By the time I walked in I was a nervous wreck!  Even in all my prayer time!  But as I reflect back, something weird happened this morning.  As I was blow drying my hair I did my affirmations, which I have NEVER done!  They were done before I headed out for work.  It’s probably a good thing because I was so uptight about the school bus, I’d probably have not focused enough to do them on the way to work as normal.  Proving once again, God sees what we can’t!  He had me get them done early.  Even I wondered why I was doing them?!

Now, I am going to head to the hot tub.  A long, stressful day once again, tho positive notes of light sent my way from SpiritBear, and a note telling me I’m special sent from Leo, then roses from my BF……..well, I felt all that energy come this way. 

Soon, so soon, I will be the one that is leaving all of this behind.  On my travels to where it is I was always meant to go.  LOL, favorite daydream of the day today?  Or was it a vision?  It was me and Soul mate, sitting on a sofa, watching TV.  In this moment of either daydream or vision (time will tell) it was so comforting, and gentle and right.  Just a quiet night somewhere, in some time.  When?  Where?  How?  All those questions only lead me to believe in a tomorrow of which I can’t see or understand, but believe in all the same.

And God leads.  And God speaks to me.  And everything that I don’t understand is all good because I trust God that whatever it is, each and everyday He is leading me further and further on my journey.  My journey of faith.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  I like to daydream of you, or if it is some sort of precognitive vision, well, I like that even better!  ha ha!!  If you only knew how much I just want quiet and gentle and good.  Sometimes I wonder if you could ever like that sort of life? I mean you do live in such a face-paced world.  How does quiet and still sound for awhile?  With someone you could sit under a full moon with and talk of the stars and the moon and the heavens?  Asking those questions about things that are felt but not seen?  I think you and I could talk for days about this journey we have been on and all the oddness of things that kept leading us back to one another.  If not, and it is never to be discussed, it would be felt. As we sit, under the stars……and the moon.  Pretty cool, huh?  Okay, and when are you going to update your myspace page?!  How am I supposed to see what is going on if you don’t?  Would you like for me to be your personal secretary and do this for you?  But only if I can remain very quiet and no one knows!  I’d do it.  But I wouldn’t want anyone to know!  Except you. Why?  Because I don’t want to be known in that part of your life.  I still want to just be in your quiet and still life.  Where you look in to find all those things that are real to you.  Where you can have something that is just yours!  Not shared with a world or stage!  Yours.  In the quiet of night, or the early morning when you awaken.  But, with that being said,  if you want someone to help you keep your page up, I would do it.  For a fee of course!  *kidding as she laughs*  I make the offer knowing you probably would never break the silence to ask…………..But you know, if you want to leave an anonymous message, you’d like help,  go ahead.  And I’ll be there. But hey, I’ll always be there if have an SOS.  You do know this don’t you?  Okay, can we sit under the stars and the moon soon?  And dream, and talk, and wonder?  And of course, share a dance.  My dream, shared with you.  Goodnight,  Love, Sunshine  *hugs*