It’s late, it’s late.  This busy, busy life at the moment I’ve been called to is wearing me out.  I have so little energy at the moment. I feel down.  A lot happening and even tho I feel really down, this incredible faith from within me remains anyway.  Yet, I feel I have to experience this down feeling at the moment.

I survived the first 3 craziest days of registration.  Actually feeling as if I am where I am meant to be, with just the slightest hint of being a little behind.  Tomorrow and Monday, when the teachers return, then Tuesday, kids return and next week will be even busier than this.  *sighs*

Yesterday was an opportunity to apply this faith and love that I speak of.  One of the teachers at school came in for something and decided to talk to me as if I was a personal servant or something.  “I NEED THIS PRONTO!”  She says in a very huffy, you are beneath me and will do what I say tone.  Don’t you just hate that?  As I’ve so often said, I can be very outspoken these days.  “Excuse me?”  I begin to reply.  “But pronto does NOT exist this time of year when I have deadlines with a greater priority!”  “Well!”  She snottily replied,  “THIS IS A PRONTO!”  Her attitude, her demeanor,  excuse me, I don’t need this!  I am one that would do ANYTHING for ANYBODY!  I know she runs with a group that doesn’t care for me.  Yes, there are people out there that don’t like me, can you imagine? *grins*  But whether you like me or not on a personal level, I don’t think anyone has the right to treat another in such dark fashion.  “I’ll get to it when I can.”  I said in a drifting, it is obviously going to float to the bottom or the pile tone.  “I SAID PRONTO!”  No need to respond I though to myself.  My first mistake was arguing with her to begin with. I should have just smiled, said, “Okay,” and put it to the bottom anyway.

A part of me wanted to take it personal, which is the intent of which it was given I am most sure.  But God is watching me. I profess a lot of big stuff everyday, ya know?  “Why argue?”  I heard Him gently speak.  Ut oh! I thought to myself.  It’s a test.  So what did I do?  What she needed done. I did it pronto!  Regardless of everything else,  I stopped it all.  Sometimes, it’s SO hard to have to follow heaven’s guidelines of love and light.  But in the end, I wouldn’t change a thing. There is a softness and a goodness to being humble and giving.  I guess some would call me weak.  I think it takes a LOT of strength to put others before ourselves.  Especially our enemies!   But I would have felt a bit more successful if I wouldn’t have retorted back to begin with.  Ahhhhh………don’t they say only the strong survive?  Define strength?

It ruined my day and sapped my energy.  Why do I let such minor details in the grand scheme of things get to me?  I told my new boss this year whom I dearly adore.  “Ah, don’t let her get to you!  I’ve heard she is like that.”  So perhaps it wasn’t personal.  Perhaps she is a very unhappy and dark person. 

Last night I just was so wiped out.  It was another 11 hour day.  After the fast-pace of all day, Mr. Boss suddenly needed something from Walmart.  This means my reward was to go there, find a place to park, fight the back to schoolers in this major university town I live in, to get him what he needed.  By the time I came home, I headed for my pool in 100 temps at night and swam and looked up at the stars and thanked God that soon, SO soon the journey will be completed!  I realized too that yesterday, August 8, was my 19^th anniversary.  I have been at the school now for 19 complete years, and am beginning my 20^th.  Kitty Hawk! I am COMING!!!!  *sighs*

Who am I fooling?  I’m trying hard to remain strong.  Telling myself that this really doesn’t matter, but it does.  He still hasn’t been here this week. So I cry to myself as each day goes by…..is he gone?  Will he be back?  When did I become so dependent on this “HIT” that means him to me?  Where did he go?  Yes, I know, I ALWAYS go through this when he is gone.  It isn’t healthy, I’m telling you!!! This is a weakness with me that I must walk through.  So I convince myself what is meant to be in the end, well, you get the picture………*deep breaths*

This weekend we were supposed to go camping.  Remember, I own a trailer with air conditioning, so camping to me is the Hilton on wheels!  I have one vehicle that will pull the camper/trailer, the Lincoln.  Only the key is lost.  We can’t find it anywhere? I haven’t a clue where it is.  Hubby lost it but I am not going to be accusing!   So, for now the trip is cancelled.  We have reservations in a state park in the town Chad’s parents live in.  Saturday night is his brother’s wedding reception, even tho they got married in June.  A big deal in their town which is about 2.5 hours from here.  So sad.  Where we were going to camp has a big lake and a beach on the lake.  That was a bummer too.  But life is full of ups and downs. I trust that everything happens for a reason.  Or so I keep telling myself.

It’s the emptying out season again.  Having to trust when everything just seems to not be going okay!  I am actually touching the emotion at the moment of feeling sad and blue.  Trying to focus on how it is I really feel.  How can I learn from it?  What must I learn?  I think being so exhausted doesn’t help tho.

Dave came tonight and we talked for a long time.  His spirits were a lot better tonight, but it’s because of his meds he tells me!  *laughs*  He is on some serious anti-depression meds.  I don’t care, to see my friend acting more like my friend means a lot to me.  He still hasn’t watched, “Conversations With God” but promised me he would.  And we talked of things that made me smile.  Made me shiver, and made me feel blue.  Hubby came home sometime during the conversation, and as I suspected, all this driving is making him cranky and irritable.  Then the lost key of which he was so agitated about!  Dave left, can’t say I blame him!  I then began to look for the key too.  Hubby eventually calmed down.  A part of me, the old me, wanted to rub it into his face that he is so scattered brained these days, but God warned me not to.  I could sense one wrong word and WWIII would be fought right in my own backyard.  And once again,  humbleness and humility and kindness is what God wants me to practice.  So if I practice enough do I eventually win?  I think so.  It makes it all worth it.

Now, I will close.  I’m SO tired!  Again, I may not proof-read, so for mistakes, I apologize.  Please, bear with me!  Soon I will be able to spend more time making sure everything is edited and for the most part error free. Till then, thanks for putting up with errors done after a very long day.

I wish everyone a beautiful weekend.  Close your eyes and wrap your arms around yourself and feel the love.  So much love when you take the time to embrace it.  Or so I am learning in this moment of blue.  The love is still there and still so very close.  It’s just something I have to walk through at the moment.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  I will always be here waiting.  Somewhere out there, I believe you are too. Oh, perhaps I am some dreamer, but I don’t think so.  MPTU?!!  Cool!!  J   Would you believe me if I told you once again I was led to see it?  It is almost freakish how that happens!  Do you send the vibe, or is it just something meant to be?  Really, I swear it happens! I hear a voice saying,  “Go here, and I do.”  And I find what it is I was supposed to find.  You look great BTW…………I assume new photos. I love to find new photos!  I hope all is as good as it looks and above all, that you are enjoying your journey.   As always, I remain here, filled with no expectations, only a trust of something I can feel, but not see.  And if it was never meant to be I would always be so grateful for that of which I have learned and those it has led me to.  And if it is meant to be, I will be even more grateful!!! In other words…….I find beauty in everything I see when it comes to you.  It happened one day you know.  We found one another again.  Only, I will always wonder if you remembered?  I think so, but will I ever know?  I send you love and light.  Goodnight,  Love, Sunshine

And even tho she is blue,  peace is still within reach.........