As I reflect back over the weekend, it’s been one that I have longed for, for a very long time. A down weekend.  Time for me. Time to listen and reflect! Time to seek God without interruption.  A time I have learned and listened and returned….back to the person at heart I really am.  Running away from the one that wants to make everything happen and happen now! I became just me again. I still wonder how I slowly fade from just me to a person driven to control.  I guess it happens in the busy-ness as I let it all get to me.

Now I know why it’s so important to turn the world off sometimes!

I did a meditation hike today. It was beyond splendor and glory! I was given so many things in my spirit to take with me and learn from. I love these times!! When God is so clear and precise in some things I need to do and know.  I felt such a release as I walked.

Poor Pete. He couldn’t go with Lilly and I past about a mile!  He has a limp these days, has lost TONS of weight, of which I just thought it was because he was growing tall so fast! This week I have to get him into the vet.  He had to stay behind. It hurt me as much as it did him.

A butterfly accompanied me for a time on the hike. I remembered my lesson of perfect timing according to the butterfly yesterday. I smiled. I don’t think I will quite see butterflies the same from now on. A reminder to me of how sometimes, you just wait for perfect timing, not moving before, or after.

I believe I was shown an ending for the book today.  A surprise ending I even think myself.  My friend Spirit Bear wrote me today after reading last night’s journal,  “Perhaps your book should be more about faith than it is soul mates.”  Hmmm……..perhaps he is right.  However, the soul mate journey for me is a huge part of the faith I have discovered in my life. I believe the two can coincide PROVIDED I separate human understanding from faith and find the gifts buried within a story of incredible leading and synchronicity.  Yes, God did in fact show me where the journey is going and how by the end, it will all make sense to me.

By the time I was through with my meditation hike, I felt more filled than I have since the last time I was filled by God’s rebuke and love at the same time.  When I get too far out there, it’s as if He has suspenders on me and He snaps me back to Himself,  “Listen my child.”  And I am a child that stops and goes,  “Ut oh! I think Daddy is calling.”  It sounds so simple I suppose to most people, and the truth is, it is!  Just the way my earthly dad would have talked to me when I screwed up as a child.  Except sometimes he would yell.  God doesn’t yell,  He gently rebukes, sometimes it’s no more than showing me in my spirit where I’ve messed up. I like those gentle leadings. A lot.

Things will probably change for me for awhile. Not that anyone else will notice, just me.  God has shown me some things I need to do now in my life, so I will begin these even now.

I’m not sure how the week will shape up by the time all is said and done.  Hubby’s world is shaken, he will be working long, long hours. Once again I tell him to get an apartment in the city.  Once again he refuses.  Perhaps time will change that?  On a personal level I have some business to take care of this week, and Pete will need to get to the vet.  Amy wants me to take Friday off to go to Chicago with her. I have one personal day coming, but I’m unsure if I want to take it. I have a slew of sick days, but I am SO bad about “taking” a sick day, calling in when I’m not. I’m such a believer in honesty and karma coming back on me if I should/would lie!  I think it comes from the time I skipped school when I was 16.  One of my first times to do such! My girlfriend and I were going to go to a college campus about 3 hours from here to see her ex-boyfriend. On the way there, we were in a horrible car wreck!  Both of our lives were spared, a miracle to say the least, but my car was totaled! I had flipped it, landed upside down, and rolled it 3 times. How we survived no one understood!  I say it was angels tho!  They called my dad,  “You’re daughter is on the way to the hospital, she was driving and has been in a horrible accident.”  My dad replied, “Not my daughter! She’s in school!”  Okay, so that was one of the times my dad didn’t yell! After he saw the car, which was an hour away from the town of which we live, he was so grateful I was alive, he didn’t yell! Whew!  And my friend Wendy came away bruised, cut and scrapped, but alive!  I ended up with 20 some stitches in my head, and the discovery I am SO allergic to tetnus shots if they ever give me one I could die immediately!  So, this is why I never call in sick when I’m not!  I’ll either take the personal day, or not go. I will see how I feel as the week closes! Such memories!!

I sense a strong spiritual week coming.  Tho I have to work tomorrow, I know that God is getting ready to pour some stuff on me. I sense it and know that I have to be very still and quiet right now. I liken it to being called to the desert…….where God has you alone and still to listen.  Listen to what the Spirit is saying. I think I’ll go now to the hot tub and begin.  I really don’t want to miss a minute of what it is I need to be learning.  See, I’ve really gotten off track lately…….now, I’m ready to take the road back to where it is I was always meant to go. I think I’m back there again.  How I love 2^nd, 3^rd, 4^th, and so on and so on chances…………..sometimes I think God created them just for the likes of me!  With that I can almost see Him smile and comfort me, reminding me I am special.  He made me just that way.  Humbling in a lot of ways, but very comforting and warm at the same time.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  My apologies, kay?  I think I stepped over the line that isn’t supposed to be stepped over.  Forgive me? I promise not to do it anymore.  Sometimes I get so hurt because I just don’t understand all of this! But then, perhaps you don’t either?  So I pray, “I will let it go now!” And I mean it!  Shortly tho, I find God is allowing it to flow back to me,  reminding me it isn’t over.  It makes no sense to me, so I just allow it to be what it is in my heart. It was very clear to me today what He spoke, “My child, let it go! If it comes back you will know……if it doesn’t then you can know that greater things await you.”  I say, “Okay.”  Then I knew in my spirit, or was shown or however it works, one day, you will be back. You will find me.  Promises once made….did I break it, or did you?  A faint memory from way back LONG, LONG, LONG time ago……..but is it real? I can only wait to see if it comes back, but as I wait, I will grow so very much in the person that I am.  Knowing that if it is all real, when you do come back, you will find the most gentle, loving spirit, fully aware and knowing of what love is.  And if you should never come back and it wasn’t real ever, then I can rest assured that I had to walk the journey of love…….and for whatever reason, God chose you to be the one to teach me. So beautiful when I think of it.  As I let go……..I touch eternity with faith………faith to know in the universe, it flows…….I trust love, and I trust my heart.  I send you love and light, cast into the universe…..to fall upon you wherever you may be.  If you’re here, it is real, if you aren’t then the love will find a way to find you anyway. That is what I know as I let go. Goodnight my special someone, wherever you may be.  Love, Sunshine