The snow continues to fall out there. It’s not coming down in huge amounts, but the little amounts that just seem to accumulate and you can’t figure out where it all came from.  I so don’t like winter.  Every time this happens I ask myself why I am still where I am.  I want warm, sun, flip flop temps.  But it is what it is, where I am.

I didn’t sleep well last night. Even tho I had a couple glasses of wine before bed.  I am not a woman of drink, but I am discovering I really like this wine.  It didn’t help me sleep tho. I think I have an ear infection.  I sleep on my left side in a fetal position, but it was so hard because my left ear is filled with fluid.  Not only did it hurt to lay on it, but it would pop and fill up.  I know, TMI!  So I’d flip to my back, but couldn’t sleep……………..well, you get the idea. I have an appointment to see the doc in the morning.  I hope I do better tonight!

My mood continued to be one of faith today.  Of course the curiosity thing got the best of me as now I wonder who he married?  Oh, I know I shouldn’t even be thinking these thoughts, but I still am having a human experience here!  Meaning, no matter how hard I try to be faith-filled, inside there are still those human thoughts and pain.  Yeah, I have to admit I still hurt, and I just don’t understand why?  Perhaps if I was honest with myself, which I don’t want to be, on some level maybe I believe that this could have been me? Could I be the one with him now If I would have made different decisions and choices?  But I knew I couldn’t and wasn’t meant to……YET.  *Yet being the key word*

I have received the most beautiful emails of love and support from those that have followed my story for a long time.  The love this journey has led me to from people I probably would have never met is incredible for me.  I am so grateful for the support I have found on this journey.  I thank those of you that have sent me emails of love and hugs.

I worked today.  What seems so odd to me is that while at first I thought everything in my life had changed, I suddenly realized today at work, it really hasn’t changed. My heart is still the same, I still pray like I always have, and somewhere from within I know that there will one day be a time for this man I once called “Soul Mate” and I.  I don’t know when or where or how or any of those details, it’s just a knowing in my heart that sometime…………is it a false hope that keeps me believing this or is it in fact destiny?  I think the later.

Jane and I talked about it.  She continues to be convinced it is he reading here, but she also believes he was lonely in his life. I understand and want him to be happy no matter where he is.  Later, when she got in after a speaking engagement,  I knew I had to tell my boss.  Remember my boss lives a twin soul heartache at the moment.  How many times has he come back into her life only to disappear again?  She battles a battle of faith as he has been so hurtful to her.  I’m the one that has continually made her believe that this is about her and her heart and growing in love no matter what happens!  “BOSS!  It’s a journey NOT a destination!  Find you and in the process you will be preparing your heart for when he does come back to you!”  I have told her over and over as she questions what is happening to her. And yes, I believe he will one day be back.  He can never tell her goodbye, he just *poof* disappears!  He’s even told her he could never tell her goodbye!  There’s is a story without end, a journey of twist and turns too!  Now, after hearing my story for the past year and all my preaching to her, I had to break it to her that my twin got married.  The look on her face!!!  “Are you okay?”  “Yes, I’m fine. I wasn’t at the beginning, it took God awhile to get me straightened out, but yes, I am okay.”  And from there I had to basically “practice what I have preached” since I have known her.  Isn’t it funny tho, the more I preach it, the more it becomes a part of who I am!  I think I’m loving how this faith thing works when you need it the most! *smiles*

There was a lot of work to do from there, which I was grateful for.  I had to type this week’s quiz for my boss’ class of 164.  A major job, one of which you pray you don’t make a mistake or typo!  It was nice to get lost in the stream of questions/answers.  Thank heavens for Jane, when I was through she went and ran off the copies for me.

When I came home I called Lise. She’s someone who walks a twin soul journey too.  Am I not surrounded with people walking the twin soul thing these days or what?  It’s awesome tho because to walk these journeys most of us feel as if we are crazy or something, and yet I swear we are the most normal people you’d ever want to meet!  I guess we’ve all just had some extraordinary “connection” thing happen to us along the way!  And it goes against the world’s grain and definition of what should and should not be in relationships.  But then I personally don’t think of a twin soul journey as a relationship, it’s a journey and therein lays a world of difference from what those that have never experienced it could ever understand.  So yes, it was nice to talk to Lise, but our whole conversation did NOT revolve around our twin souls…………both of whom appear to be very unavailable these days, but when we thought about it, each of us aren’t exactly available either!  *sighs* I think we’re all available, just on another realm than the one of which we are subject to live at the moment.  So we talked about the rough times we believe the world is soon to experience.  It amazes me how so many are sensing what I’ve been sensing for a long time now.   It was quite the marathon conversation.

 Which leads me to this moment in time.  I had Dell shovel a path in the freshly-fallen snow to the hot tub as there is NO way I want to give that time up!  It will be freezing cold, but the temp is about 102, so I will heat right up!  I will talk to my Father in heaven, saying lots of thanks for the peace and understanding he has blessed me with through these latest twists and turns.  And yes, I will probably whisper to Chris some things on my heart.  I can’t help it…………….he and I are connected in a very spiritual way of which I can’t explain, I only know I can’t run from it nor deny it.  So what am I going to do with it?  I’m going to love with the purest of heart, because that’s what love does, even in this temporal place we call earth.  I think all is well in my soul because I believe there is a beautiful truth buried within me.  And that truth is springing up from within like a well of life I can draw from.  I think I really do need to thank God for the strength He gives me.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Chris:  You know, perhaps this is just way too beautiful to throw it all away as you continue on with your life where you are, and I continue on here.  And you know, in the end we may find we were WAY more blessed than we ever realized, and perhaps have even taken for granted.  I pray you are so well and happy.  I’m not going anywhere, but here, sending you love and light………..and calling you my friend.  Always, my friend.  Goodnight, Love, Sunshine