I’ve had an incredibly busy day!!  I don’t like busy days as that, but tis the season!  For the most part I finished up all of my Christmas shopping today. I’ve done really well this year I think as far as “cutting back.”  It’s a hard thing to do but the economy is just what it is.  I haven’t had rentals, and my income is pretty low because of my part-time job.  It would be different if I wouldn’t have had 2 empty rentals the past 4 months, and it would have been different if I didn’t pay a fortune in taxes due to the state’s error in not assessing correctly, and it would have been different if my book would have been finished and marketed by now, but it isn’t, and it is what it is.  CUTBACKS! *sighs*

First tho I had to go have blood work done.  No, they didn’t work on my blood, they took my blood for tests.  Something my doctor asked me to have done. I just had this done in June before surgery, but apparently he errs on the side of caution.  I have problems giving blood. I have veins the size of a baby, and when they finally get a “baby needle” (literally) in a vein in the back of my hand, the vein is usually is so small they can’t get enough blood.  It’s not a pleasant experience but it has to be done.  I usually don’t look because they prod and poke and seeing it along with feeling it only makes it worst, but for whatever reason today it wasn’t bad at all. She got in the vein the first time and the blood flowed.  For the first time I sat there and watched my blood go into the tube.  I’ve been in this spiritual place the last 24 hours, so this became a spiritual moment for me.  The Bible talks about how life is in the blood.  That is where all our life comes from is our blood. So I sat there and watched it flow.  Trying to comprehend the complexity of it all, along with the spiritual aspects.  Somehow, it made me feel close to God and His mysterious ways.  Who would have ever thought blood work could be a touch from God?

I wished everyone a Merry Christmas as I left the lab.  It was my goal today.  To wish whomever I could a Merry Christmas.  Perhaps I’m tired of the political correctness of not being able to say it?  If someone is Jewish I am honored if they look at me and say, “Happy Hanukkah” because I know it is a cherished celebration in their faith, as Christmas is to me.  So my goal today was to say it to everyone, and believe me, I came in contact with many as I shopped till I dropped!  And you know, everyone I said it to seemed relieved to be able to say it back, or it added some sort of personal touch.  Yet another experiment of the spiritual kind for me today.

Even tho I cut back, I must say I spent a lot of money.  But I have gone from 3 kids to 6 with spouses, and now 3 grandkids, and 2 more on the way. To say the least, next Christmas will once again grow with 5 grandkids.  I think I need to get the book done!  *Sunshine points finger at self*

I went into the mall at 12:00pm.  I came out at 2:30pm. When I went in it was spitting snow, like light, light flurries.  When I came out it was a freaking blizzard!!!  Pete and Lilly were in the car.  They were covered in a blanket of snow all over the car.  They don’t mind.  My dogs go everywhere with me when it’s not hot, and when I’m not working.  While I hate winter, I think they love it because it means they get to always go.  Don’t ask me why I take them, I think it’s just because they are such company to me.  When I’m off work, anytime I get my keys and purse they run for the garage door. How could I tell them no?

After the mall I had more stores to go to, and now the roads were hazardous.  Ugh. I hate winter.  Even if it did give it a bit of Christmas ambiance, I can’t help it.  I’ll take white sandy beaches for my white Christmas as I did growing up as a child, where all my Christmas’ were spent on the Gulf beaches.

After all my shopping I ended by buying food for our Christmas party at the university tomorrow.  Not food for the whole party as I often did at the high school, just my contribution dish.  One of the gals put me on the planning committee of this, so most of my day tomorrow will be spent setting up in the morning, then the party, then clean up.  Not a normal day by far and I wonder how far I will fall behind on work?  Oh well, I was flattered I was put on the committee and I think it is good for our office I have been accepted.

After a full day of shopping I headed home to paint.  My hutch is almost finished now for the new big screen TV.  Dell has put his heart and soul into making this nice.  With the weather so cold I’ve been painting over in the trashed out house. What difference does it make?  I have to replace all the flooring, right?  I have the doors painted now, and antiqued. I’ve distressed a few of the parts that will go on the doors. I think this will be super awesome when all is said and done! I will post a photo here as this has been designed by me, built by Dell according to my not so clear plans, and I think, beautiful when done.  Or so I hope.

And here I am.  Ready to drop, of course!  Even tho it is a wintery mess out there I still plan on climbing into the hot tub.  Yes, it will be grueling!  But I sleep so much better when I’ve had my time emerged, my spiritual conversations with God and such.

Tonight when I finally had a few moments to sit and rest I did some reading on twin souls. I know, I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. This is still a mystery to me of which I so desperately want answers to.  It seems all my questions continue me on this journey to find truth.  I’m sure I already know the truth, but sometimes, we need proof to our truth and that is what I seek, proof.  But really, is that even a possibility?  For instance, I KNOW God is real. I have this most awesome relationship with Him, He speaks to me, He shows me things, but if someone asked me to prove it, could I?  Only by the fruit produced in my life, by that I mean the love that I have for everyone.  I don’t believe we can truly have love for others within us without knowing God.  And yet, I have NO need to prove He is real, because I know that I know.  Perhaps that is the truth within me about twin souls too.  You know that you know and why do you need the proof?  Perhaps it’s because I am meant to walk the journey as I do. To learn, to know.  Perhaps that is why I question.  When all the time I already have the answers, but the journey seeking anyway is where you experience the most.

I imagine other people have other issues within them they need truth for. Mine just happened to be my twin soul that awakened me. I think others have their own mysteries.  Like Dell. His mystery in life is this feeling of having to experience Civil War things.  He has memories, sometimes he tries to deny them, but then he always finds himself wanting to search the past.  Like an unknown force he is always searching for things in the Civil War, or wanting to visit graveyards to find soldiers.  Who is he searching for?  I know, it’s weird, but is it any weirder than me having all these beliefs I know my twin soul and this feeling of connection and a constant wonder of where he is and if he’s okay?  Dell’s is in the past, mine is in the present, or perhaps it is future?  And the mystery continues!  But then it’s all just part of the journey while we are here, discovering so many things.

And with that I will brave the frigid air, the snow, the ice to go climb in the hot tub and talk to God for awhile.  Sometimes I do ask Him questions, and then sometimes I just talk to Him like He’s my best friend and I want Him to know how much I love Him and appreciate His daily care.  Tonight I think it will be about that.  I’m so blessed to know how real He is, and I know I wouldn’t even know this if He hadn’t revealed Himself to me so many years ago.  At a time I was about the most messed up person one can imagine!  But God took me into His care and promised to lead me home.  What a beautiful journey it is.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Chris:  Still haven’t heard “Merry Christmas Darling.”  This is an unusual thing because normally by now, I would have heard it 100 times!  But this year, it’s as if it is known it would make me sad.  Okay, so perhaps I’d be okay because I could still sing it to you in my own little way.  All the same, I’m glad I haven’t heard it since the night I played it for you, here on my journal, which happened to be like the last journal entry before I found out your joyous news.  Oh the mysteries of life.  I look here, at where my life is, and I realize there can actually be all this love for someone so far away, and yet, life is lived in the moment of where you are.  One of the things I read tonight when reading about twin souls was that twins often don’t get together for years and years because they are teaching one another so many things.  In faith I know how much you have taught me, and if you have been reading here all this time *shakes head yes* then I have taught you things too.  And isn’t it all too beautiful when you think of it?  And someday, we will find one another again, when it’s okay to, and when it is deemed from heaven the time has come.  Someday………………if only to shake hands, and look at one another and say, “Yeah, it is.”  No expectations, forever…………..just plain love across the miles and an honor of where life has you and has me.  And it is just all beautiful.  I send you love and light, and yeah, still my heart, just because I finally understand, it’s okay.  Goodnight,  Love, Sunshine

This song is how I feel about my journey of life.  It's long, but quiet your soul to feel the struggle of the journey and yet the love of the journey too.