I’m not sure why, but somehow the Christmas season feels different to me this year.  When I realize that a week from tonight is Christmas Eve, I just sort of stop and wonder why I don’t have that warm fuzzy feeling I normally do about this time of year?  Is something missing on the earth right now? I know that the kingdom of God is within us, of which I totally believe, but it just seems that thr “Christmas spirit” isn’t there wherever I go.

Today was the “Holiday Party” for our college.  As I said last night I was on the committee, which meant I spent most of my morning helping carry items to the church across the street, and then setting up tables, decorating, and whatever needed to be done.  I’m normally the first one to pitch in and help, and I did, but I am just hurting so bad right now. Again, it’s that fibromyalgia, or so I hope!  I try so hard not to complain because if there’s one thing people don’t want to hear about is your aches and pains, as I realize we all pretty much have them. No, people want to hear about good things.  So I silently struggled, popped a couple Advil, and fought what I was feeling because people were depending on me. 

Luckily by the time the party started at 11:30am, the Advil was working and tho I didn’t feel normal, I wasn’t aching as bad as I was earlier.  I was about the last person in line to eat, along with “T,” the lady in charge of the whole party, as we had both been heating last minute food items while the other 100 and more enjoyed the celebration.  I just wanted to sit down at that point. I later told my boss that I’m used to being last at events as these.  I have this belief that when I am considered “hostess” wherever it may be, then I wait until all others have been served. My boss sort of smiled at me like she thought that was honorable or something.  When I think about it tonight, I think it’s something God’s taught me……..to have a servant’s heart and put others first.  I never really realized how I have learned this until today.  Looking over the years tho, I have done this for a very long time.  I think it’s something that God is pleased with, and believe me, there are many things in my life I have yet to accomplish, so I think I felt good when He made me aware of this today.  A servant’s heart, I believe that is how Jesus walked the earth and taught those with such, are the most blessed, or something like that.

The party went well, although I found myself quiet.  Not for any reason other than needing to rest and actually enjoying the incredible different foods.  Man we Americans are blessed beyond words when it comes to food.

They did an auction of many different items.  The funds were to go to group homes and Christmas presents for those kids within. A good cause of which some of the kids never receive presents in their lives.  So yeah, I thought this was good. My only bid was on a “primitive basket” filled with all those rustic and primitive items I love and decorate my house in.  I stopped bidding at $55.  Times are tough for me these days too. I was a tad bit disappointed as I loved this basket, but we can’t always get what we want.

What was missing for me tho at the party today was the Christmas spirit……..WHERE IS IT THIS YEAR?  We are all going through the motions, but it just seems something is missing, and for the life of me, I can’t put my finger on it. 

By the time clean up was done and I was back in the office it was only an hour before I would be heading home. When I did leave, wiped out after a full day of physical activity, I headed for the hardware store to buy more paint for the hutch/entertainment center.  And life continues to be non-stop!

Once home I really needed a break. I got on my laptop and began to read a comment from a long-time reader and friend, Dee!  Yay! She is back and left me a beautiful comment as she so often does.  I always welcome comments and hope those that don’t, to please leave thoughts from time to time.  Especially YOU, AOL.  *smiles*  Thanks Dee, and welcome back! Sometimes we just all need a break from this internet thing.

Sad as this may seem, I began reading some other things I sometimes check on the internet and at the table, I fell sound asleep, sitting up, reading. Now, is that pathetic or what?

Amy called me not too long after that waking me up as I sat straight up! I don’t know what is up with this daughter of mine, but lately she is calling me all the time, and actually wanting to spend all sorts of time with me.  Wow!  Today tho she called to have me do a dream interpretation. Yet another WOW!  My daughter who always thinks I’m so out of the box realizes now that some of my spiritual beliefs can come in handy! *laughs*  Incredibly enough her dream was very clear for me to interpret.  And we talked and we shared.  Most of the conversation then went to the Lord and how He is operating in her life these days.  Very good stuff!

After my conversation with her, I headed to the trashed out rental house to paint some more on the hutch.  It’s getting there!  Jane had suggested today that I need to distress before I antique.  She was right.  I was doing it wrong.  So tonight I spent a lot of time distressing the doors where the tin-punched panels will eventually be placed.  This is a lot of work, which normally I wouldn’t mind, but I have all these Christmas gifts to wrap and time is fleeting!  Joel, Emma and Drew will be here Sunday!  I have to have them all wrapped by then!  And of course I want to have my hutch done!

So I didn’t freak about all that is happening at the moment, after all tomorrow is Thursday and I am off. “I will do this and this tomorrow,” I tell myself to try to keep focused.  It seemed okay, even tho it is “lunch with Jane” day and I have an appointment to get my hair trimmed.  I can get a lot done in the morning.  Then my boss called.  Some issues came up and she really needed me to work tomorrow vs. Friday.  “No problem, I’ll work tomorrow morning rather than Friday morning.” She was thrilled I was so flexible!  Hey, she’s been flexible with me. Besides! I thought to myself, we are under a winter storm watch for tomorrow night. This is good as I won’t have to drive in that icky weather on Friday.  All is well, and I just love how God sometimes throws a curveball with probably good reasons.

And I dream.  Or perhaps I don’t dream, but I feel within my heart that my twin soul journey is still as much alive today as it was when it first began almost 8 years ago.  The only difference now is I finally learned how to let it go and let it be and to know that it is and always will be a part of me.  I’ve FINALLY learned that it is all I was shown it would be long before it even began.  And no matter where I am, or what I am doing, it is a part of all that I am, even the parts that make no sense.  I realized this today as I was decorating tables, and as I was going into buy paint, and as I was talking to my daughter about things she was talking about.  Within me he is just a part of.  Even if none of what I am saying makes sense, it just is and that is probably the connection I have always felt, even from before I knew who he was, and had a face with a  name and everything else that crossed the line from spiritual to reality because his spirit became real.

And with those deep thoughts I am going to take a couple more Advil, head to the hot tub, a place I find so much relief these days, and seek God about more and more principles I need to adopt in my life to truly become all He has destined me to be. Funny how I really have this desire to please Him these days. I think it has something to do with all this love He has taught me through so many trials and tribulations, but good times too.  What would this journey be without that love and light leading me on?

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Chris:  Yeah, it is good again.  Whew, this was a tough battle for me to face, but I did, with a lot of prayer, some tears, some anger, some understanding, but in the end I believe God did bless me with the wisdom to understand more of this journey that I walk.  And you’re still walking with me. So close, but in your own way, living your life as you must, and learning what you must……….but that is what this is for, and why I believe we were meant to find one another. I still swear that you were brought into my life when I needed you most to be brought into my life.  Perhaps I was brought into yours for the same reasons?  And now we find ourselves, both of us at a place I don’t think either of us thought we’d be these many years later, but look at the growth!  OMG!!!!  Do you remember the story of Messenger Mike?  He met his twin soul about the time I met you.  He and I talked and shared stories.  He didn’t care. He left his wife, his 3 kids, everything because he HAD to be with her RIGHT THEN!  But I couldn’t.  I knew that I’d only be bringing to you so much baggage…………..if it was even possible you’d of opened the door to me back then that I could bring that baggage to you.  And I prayed, and I was told , “NO!  The time had not come.”  Messenger Mike thought I was nuts! He was living in paradise with his new-found love, the one he thought sure was his soul mate.  And the years went on…….I simply continued to hold you in my heart and held hopes for one day, as he began to realize the baggage he had taken to his new love, and suffered the guilt of all he had hurt in the process.  Now days he can hardly stomach her, or so I heard the last time I saw him. And yet, here we are.  We seem to remain so special to one another, even tho we don’t see each other or talk to one another for that matter, but yet we share probably one of the most beautiful connections that is so beyond what most of the earth could understand. And we grow. I honestly believe what we bring one another enhances so many other lives.  Yes, I am SO glad I listened to God so long ago and trusted Him that if it was meant to be, one day, when all was right and good and pure, it would.  And I still do.  Sorry to talk your leg off tonight…………I guess I just wanted to share my truth with you.  And I send you love and light as I head to the hot tub.  Okay, I confess I will probably whisper to you to look at the night sky…………..just look up for there, you will probably see the same stars I am looking at.  Goodnight,  Love, Sunshine