It’s late Sunday morning. A rainy day in my world. I had so wanted to get my swimming pool up and opened this weekend, but time and weather aren’t cooperating.

I didn’t write last night.  Exhaustion I think has caught up with me.  I had gone to Amy’s baby shower for “Gabrielle” yesterday. On the drive home last night I didn’t feel like I could make it. I was so tired.

“Girlfriend” didn’t show up for the shower, tho she was invited. A big game of chess of some sorts being played here.  So that leaves me with the next move. To go to the shower for her or not is the question. If I do, it is quite obvious, I will not be very welcomed. If I don’t, it is quite obvious, she will whine and cry to Jason how his family hates her!  As I said, a game of chess. So I have decided to take the easy way out. I will let Emma and Amy make the decision for me.  I wait now to hear from them.

Here’s the sad thing……..Amy’s friend that gave her the shower yesterday, I was shown a long time ago, even before I met her a few months ago, that she was the one for Jason. Now I know, that sounds SO incredibly out there!!! But I can’t deny what I was shown, and I DIDN’T even know her!  Spending time with this girl yesterday made me want to cry.  What happened?  How did the fate of what I was shown get missed?  Can it? Or is this one of those that will happen later in life when all sorts of mistakes have been made along the way and lots of cleansing has to be done to make it right?  I sound like such a looney as I talk this way, but I believe in the unexplainable.  And it’s as if I know.  She is the one.  Amy’s heart was in the right place when she fixed Jason up with “current” girlfriend.  I just happen to believe it was a year too early.  It’s almost eerie too, the similarities in how they both look! “Girlfriend and this girl.” But God has it all in control I tell myself.  BACK OFF!  I tell myself too!  As we were leaving the shower I noticed a necklace this girl had on.  It had a “J” on it.  “What does the “J” stand for?”  I asked.  “Nothing.” She began to explain.  “When I bought it, I didn’t see the “J” side. I noticed it when I got home!  I was upset, but oh well! I liked the necklace and decided to wear it anyway.”  My mind never stops.  Complete syncronicity in this moment!  “J” stands for Jason I say in a state of shock to myself!  A sign to me that I saw right when I’d pray for Jason to find the one God hand-picked for him!! I mean of all the letters in the alphabet, what are the odds of it being a “J?” 1-26 odds, right?   Did she know what I was thinking?  Did the spirit remind me of something important?  She chuckled, “I just tell everyone the “J” stands for Jesus.”  He is the number one love of this girl’s life. Nothing more need be said.  Yeah, I was sad as I believe Jason is taking a very difficult path for now.  And look at what waits?!  But we are not here for easy on this journey.

The shower was beautiful.  This gal does such a fantastic job of entertaining.  (The one that is Amy’s friend and I believe meant to be with “J”)  Her parents were wonderful, as it was held at her mom and dad’s house.  Their dream home they took 2 years to build.  I was so impressed with everything from yesterday. And I think we made new friends in the process!

This morning finds me just filled with so much wonder, and questions too.  Hurt, over the Jason thing, and yet, hope for the future in my own thing.  Perhaps I spend too much time thinking?  Or perhaps I need to spend so much time thinking, but I am so sure this morning of all I feel to be correct. At least for this morning.  I feel him.  Like we stay apart from one another for a reason we decided on long ago.  A distant memory?  A fear?  Life presented each of us with too many decisions that we failed at?  Or did we fail?  Perhaps we had to go that far from the light and one another to find out how great love is in the end?  Or am I just a hopeless romantic?  Nah…….that’s not me.  I still remain just me.  Someone that found all she had looked for from the beginning of this existence.  And he is here. With me anyway, regardless of how life says there is no way it could ever happen.  It’s just a “him” morning I guess.

I see the sun has come out now, parting the clouds that were raining on my world………..and for a moment I check my stat button to see he was reading my journal as I have been writing!  Funny how that works!  I felt him so strongly. I needed to write.  He was here, and we missed. Tho as he read, I wrote, so perhaps our connection didn’t miss after all. It’s just in another place, one of which no matter how hard I try my hands can’t reach, but my heart and my spirit do.

I will close now to get my pool up.  To try to go back to life as I know it. Back to all the questions, and wonder.  Feeling him, hoping for so much more one day.  Feeling bad because I should be in church this morning getting fed by the Spirit, and yet not making it just because I wanted to be quiet and in my own way worship.  Trying to figure out why I am shown certain things, like this girl for Jason long before I met her, and other numerous things.  So I guess I will follow my own advice once given to soul mate, “It’s all a journey, never take it overly serious.”  Deep breaths as I go about my day.  Believing in the unbelievable because that is where I will find God.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Have a beautiful day!

Sunshine

Have a beautiful day my beautiful soul mate:  So many thoughts of you this morning.  So many feelings, probably too many to be shared here.  I am going to try to send you mental pictures to come back and read this message……but if it doesn’t work, then I know you are going about living life too.  Somewhere today you will think of me, and wonder.  And somewhere today, I will think of you and send you so much love, and light. And in that place I know so well, I will find you when I close my eyes and go there. Why does it have to be this way?  When will it be our time?  Someday, I keep hearing from a place of truth.  “Someday.”  Have a beautiful day today.  Listen!!! Listen!  For I am sending you the message to find me, I was here.  With so much love,  Sunshine

May we all touch the field of dreams from our childhood as we walk through the journey of life.