Progress lies not in enhancing what is, but in advancing towards what will be.

I don’t even know where to begin on what this day has been like!  A feeling of utter what the “h” is going on?  Knowing that all you’ve sensed and felt would one day come to be, and yet on the other hand always questioning whether what you’ve felt was just vain imagination.  I ask myself tonight, can you follow dreams?  Can dreams come to us to lead us to where it is we are to go?  Do we create the dream or is it planted within us by God to lead us?  So many questions I sense within me as the oddest things happening are clearly leading me on the path I always believed God whispered one day I’d go.

Last night after I journaled I checked email before bed to discover one from Cathy, my new Realtor I have quickly come to adore.  “Sorry for the late notice, but can we hold an open house on Sunday from 1-3?  We need to know by morning.”  This blindsided me on a Monday night at midnight!  Immediately I thought of closets not yet cleaned out, the garage, the carpet needs cleaned!  Elizabeth and “G” will be here Wednesday, but leave Thursday, oh, but Jane, the lady that cleans my house rescheduled for this Thursday vs. last………..well, the thoughts of all that had to be done buzzed through my mind until I just thought to myself, you wanted someone to be aggressive, THIS is what you wanted! I threw my hands up in trust and surrender and headed to bed.  When I woke up this morning, which is getting later and later each day I notice, I called “S”, the male counterpart of my Realtor team.  I left a message for him that yes, it was okay to have an open house Sunday, but I had some questions.  “Give me a call.”  He never did, which I just figured I didn’t call him in time.  I did however schedule the carpet cleaners to come in on Friday, just in case.

When hubby came home late this afternoon, he said, “Hey!  There’s a sign on the end of the lane that says, “Open House, Sunday, 1:00 – 3:00.”  Apparently “S” did get my message!  My mind immediately once again went, “Oh no!  So much to do!”  But I have since calmed down as I realize freaking out really only adds to the stress level!  So tonight, I’m calm and just going to take it one day at a time. It all will get done.  Can I confess something tho?!  It is AWESOME how these Realtors are handling the marketing on my property. I LOVE the aggressiveness and take charge attitude I am seeing with them!  I SO believe this place is going to sell fairly soon now. And then I will be onto a new chapter in my life. It’s a very overwhelming, am I doing the right thing, I want to run and hide feeling!

I accomplished few things today. I awoke to a huge major thunderstorm, so the meditation hike was out.  I fully intended to finish my closet, but I had some serious banking stuff that had to get done.  And I moved slow.  Was it the rain or trying to deal with everything?  And then, I got an email that was about to knock my socks off!

Here’s the story: Late last week, I got a personal email on my “myspace” account from a gal in Norfolk, VA.  She is a strong Christian and contacted me because of my writings on dream interpretation, which is pretty limited to be honest.  I’ll never know for sure how she found me, but if I had to guess, I think God had something to do with it. I mean how else?  She DOES dream interpretation from a Christian standpoint and has her own radio program out of Norfolk. In the email, she asked me a lot of questions about my experience in dream interpretation, etc.  It was overwhelming for me because I am not officially trained! I’m an amateur, okay!  I simply pray over dreams, and if God shows me something, which He often does, I share what I see.  It’s not science to me, it’s faith.  I felt intimidated by her, it was obvious she is very well versed and trained in this field, having been mentored by some big Reverend who wrote a book on Christian dream interpretation and has spent 40 years leading people into understanding their dreams. And here I am? Just me.  No training, just listening from within to that quiet, gentle voice that leads me.  It took me almost a week to respond to her first email. I really didn’t know if I wanted to, but there was a gentle leading within me that I needed to. I finally responded late last night.  Her next response to me was almost immediate.

Long story short she shared some of her gifts with me, and then asked me if I would be interested in being a guest on her radio show!?!!!   WHAT?!!!!  I had to re-read this how many times?  Here I am, the most intimidated person imaginable!  Honestly,  I write big, I even talk big, but when it comes down to stepping outside this little comfort zone of candles and meditation music to open myself up to the world, I turn into a state of panic!  Who am I?!  I know nothing!  I’ve not been trained in Bible school, or College, or anyplace else!  I only have what God has planted within me, which holds no credence with most people. I found myself in a FULL blown panic attack by now!  Yes, I have believed that what God has shown me is I will share His love with many. YES, I believe I will be an author of standing one day, and YES, I believe that I will one day be a speaker to hurting women, BUT, the key word here is “ONE DAY!”  Not now!  I’m not near ready!!!  I found myself almost mad at this poor woman!  “She has all these credentials!  She’s probably just making fun of me!  I never said I was a professional interpreter of dreams!  I just write what I believe I am shown!” Oh, the argument I had with myself, and maybe even God in that moment.  “I’m not even going to write her back!”  I told myself.  “Lord, I just want to remain here with you and keep it simple.  The way it’s always been.”  I prayed.  What was wrong with me?! 

Finally, I felt as if God gave me peace.  And I went about living life for a few moments as I normally would.  Before long, I found new strength rising up within me.

I knew in my spirit, I had to write this lady back.  I was not supposed to ignore her, she had found me for a reason.  It seems bigger than me, and tho I don’t know why, I can’t run from it. I didn’t respond right away. I did my errands. I went to Target and bought a couple summer shirts. I came home, the rain had stopped by now and the sun was shining.  I headed for the pool.  I floated and prayed and thought about where life is leading me.  I don’t know?  I do, but it seems so unbelievable! Things seem to be flowing to me……..and I’m not even trying to make things happen!!  As I floated I knew without a doubt, I needed to come in and write her back.

I kept this email simple;

“I am just an amateur. Any interpretation I have ever done is simple. I just close my eyes and wait for God to show me whatever. I believe that the best interpreter for any dream is the dreamer themselves. Mostly God will reveal something to me to help the dreamer look within to hear what God is speaking to them.”  I also told her, “I feel strongly that God had led you to me for a reason, therefore, I must allow Him to lead me to where this is going and whatever it is for.  I agreed to share a dream with her, which apparently is what we will discuss when I am the guest on her show. *butterflies* I didn’t send a dream in this response, but as I prayed on it, I know which dream I will send, and which dream we will talk about on the show.

It will be the dream of soul mate.  The one where I am told by the leader of one of the bands he once played with that I need to go wake him up.  I traveled around this hotel for a long time not sure where he was.  When I ran into the leader again, he asked me,  “Did you wake him up?”  Of which I replied, “I don’t know where he is?  I don’t know his room number.”  The leader told me I HAD to wake him up!  I went into the center of this hotel and asked an old white-haired lady behind the desk where his room was.  Her answer to me was spoken with a foreign accent, as she said so loudly it woke me up, 276!  I remember being so afraid because I didn’t know how he’d react to me waking him up.  I laid there with the loudness of 276 still ringing in my ears that morning.   This is the dream she and I will discuss on her program.  A dream I believe I know what it means, but one that she will team up with me on as we decipher how God teaches us in dreams.  I am SURE it will be incredibly interesting, and with all the faith in the world, I will go forward with this, but I have one HUGE question?!  AM I READY TO BEGIN?  Is this the beginning?  Is this one small opportunity for God to prepare me for what I believe is coming?  When I finish writing, I will send her the dream, and then we will schedule when the show will air and what time she will be calling me, live and on-line.

Here is the odd part tho!  I am already scheduled to be around Norfolk the end of next week on my way out to the Outer Banks.  I mean is this not incredible timing or what?  I was in the midst of making reservations to stay in Williamsburg, VA when all of this came up.  Wow!  When God is hand designing things, isn’t it incredible the way it just somehow seems to happen?

When hubby got home I briefly mentioned to him what had happened.  He’s always believed one day I would fly.  He wasn’t overly thrilled I could tell. Perhaps it’s because to him, one day was always a day away and he too sees this as the beginning of that of which he knew would come.  He didn’t say much, but suggested we go look at the Jeep Liberty of which he is wanting to buy.  It was okay with me.  I looked forward to getting away from the oddness of an open house on Sunday, being a guest on a radio program in VA in the next day or two, and how everything is in a whirlwind of change somehow.

Neither hubby nor I liked the Jeep Liberty.  My high school friend, car salesman extraordinaire, Dennis was with us.  Next we drove a Wrangler.  It wasn’t what I thought it’d be, so he talked us into a brand new 4-door Wrangler rag top.  I liked this one!  But I didn’t think it’d be too comfortable for a long road trip.  This got me over the Wrangler thing.  Next we drove some Toyota SUV.  This one I was VERY impressed with!  30 MPG!  Comfortable!  When we took it back I told Dennis to put the figures together and call me.  I headed to dinner.  He did call but I didn’t answer my phone.  I’m just not sure I need a new car right now. I just need to sell the property.  Something tells me that is where I need to keep my focus. 

I still am overwhelmed tonight at what I guess most would think isn’t that big of a deal. But after years of God speaking to me so gently that one day I would go places I never dreamed, and one day, I’d take His heart and love to hurting people, I always wondered how that could ever be? So when someone found me, out of the millions on myspace, and asked me to be a guest on her radio show in another state so far from mine, I found it to be a big deal!  I just have to trust that since God is calling me to this, then I have to believe He will give me the wisdom, courage, and fortitude to represent Him in truth, love, and light. *deep breaths*

I close tonight with a poem an old friend sent me today. It seems to be confirmation to me of the times I am living. A time of destiny. A time of change.  A time of “one day” happening before my eyes.  A time, I just want to remain the rosebud, and let Him so gently open me as He may. 

A Flower of God’s Design……….

It is only a tiny rosebud

A flower of God's design;

But I cannot unfold the petals

With these clumsy hands of mine.

The secret of unfolding flowers

Is not known to such as I.

GOD opens this flower so sweetly,

When, in my hands, they die.

If I cannot unfold a rosebud,

The flower of God's design,

Then how can I have the wisdom

To unfold this life of mine?

So, I'll trust in Him for leading

Each moment of my day.

I will look to Him for His guidance

Each step of the Pilgrim's way

The pathway that lies before me

Only my Heavenly Father knows.

I'll trust him to unfold the moments,

Just as He unfolds the rose.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight –

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  It’s so sad when I dance alone. L Ahhhh…..but there are times it can’t be.  You know how I’ve kept saying, “One day?”  “One day my friend.”  Know what?  I can’t help but wonder if “One day” isn’t coming more quickly than I thought possible.  So much seems to be happening in ways that are incredible.  I so need you to send me that love and light I always feel when I go through these incredible times.  Speaking of which, is everything okay?  I know this is going to sound crazy (not coming from me tho) but I didn’t feel the connection hardly at all today?  Like wherever you are your thoughts are very far away………okay, okay, that probably sounds looney!  Or perhaps it was me whose thoughts were far away?  A lot going on with me! There are times I want to run and hide from it all!  But I can’t. The process, huh?  I wish you were here to talk to.  I wish you were here so that I could be in your arms.  I wish I understood the journey more than I do, but I try to remember I am just a rose, and the petals can’t be forced open.  They gently have to open as God designs……..so I will take deeper breaths, hold my hand out to you through space and time and hope that soon, you will be here to take it and dance with me again.  Such a beautiful story unfolding.  So gently waiting to be opened and be in full bloom.  It will one day, my friend.  “One day.”  I send you love and light and belief in the unseen miracles all around you and me.  It is real.  If you will believe with all your heart you will know.  It is real.  Goodnight, Love, Sunshine