Another day in paradise. Literally.  Anytime I am near the ocean as I am, then I consider it paradise.  Even if I continue to search for who it is I really am.  I wonder if everyone spends their lives seeking as I do, or if I am just way out there always looking for deeper meaning?

I end my day again at the pool. This aqua pool, with the fish symbol painted on the bottom. This symbol to me represents Christ, tho when I think of it I don’t know why? And I even keep a magnetic one on the back of my car…….I must check into this.  But back to the pool.  It continues to be the place I go at night to find “me” time.  And while I wish beyond words I could be sitting on a patio overlooking the ocean hearing waves crash, it just wasn’t meant to be this time.  So I enjoy the pool, and the reflection of the small security light that shines into the pool and reflects back to me.  And the aqua color of the pool itself.  And the light ocean breeze that still blows.

I actually was awakened at 7:20 by Pete.  He is becoming spoiled by this new awakening ritual.  It’s as if when the sun is up, he knows I need be up too! He awakens me with his tongue licking my face.  I’d yell at him, but how can you yell at something so sweet and loving?  Besides, I am still focused on working out in the mornings.  In the absence of being able to do a power meditation hike, I suddenly realized last night, I HAVE A POOL!  I mean how much do I pay the health club at home every month, mostly so I have access to a pool?  So at 7:45 a.m., I found myself here at the pool, getting in, COLD air and all!  I swam laps, and power walked for 45 minutes!  How rejuvenating!  What a way to begin a day in paradise! Okay, so the freezing water when I first got in was enough to scare me off, but as I got going, I was glad it was on the cool side.

After a light breakfast, of which I ate in the room, we headed for the beach. Today was a perfect beach day. Not too hot, not too cold. Not a cloud in the sky.  I would guess this is just a cool spell, compared to the high humidity and hot temps they get this time of the year, as the ocean water is pleasant to swim in.  I found myself today body surfing on and off for hours.  There is NOTHING more I like than body surfing!  Riding the waves, diving under, or over and standing in the ocean.  And all of life could pass me by in that moment and I wouldn’t really care.  I know I’m Pisces and all, but really, I must have been a fish in my prior life!  *laughs*  There were a ton of surfers too where I was today. I never really tried it, probably because I was from the Midwest and Midwesterners aren’t surfers! BUT, if life would have been different, I can SO see that would have been something I would have taken up.  It also amazes me how most surfers have that same look.  Long hair, or Californian style, usually bleached out blonde tho some do have darker hair. Great bodies, tan.  And I wonder why the heck I never gave myself a chance to meet a surfer dude?  How much would I have had in common with such?  For a moment I dream and I think of how different life might have been if only…………

After tiring myself out with body surfing I headed for the beach chair.  Lilly wasn’t in the mood to swim today at all. It concerned me as normally I can’t get her out.  I just hope she’s pooped from all the walking and break in normal routine.  As I sat in the chair thinking of the surfer dude I never met, my mind wandered back to another time here in Cape Hatteras.

It was early 1990 something.  My parents had rented a house for a week for all of us. The house sat back slightly, and wasn’t directly on the beach.  In this area you have to walk over sand dunes to get there.  The houses are usually fairly close together and you share a path with the houses near you to get on and off of the beaches.  That particular year on the first day, I happened to look over a couple houses and see a man standing on his deck.  He happened to be looking at me.  It may have been a distance, but we both just looked at one another.  I remember thinking to myself that he was a cross between Don Johnson *of Miami Vice fame* and Barry F., a former student that had long graduated from the high school I work. It became a thing that week.  Everyday we would stand on our patios and look at one another.  It was the weirdest thing, but I couldn’t not go out on my deck at a certain time, knowing he would be out too!!  Was it some sort of unwritten knowing that we were to meet on our decks that week? Finally, one day in the middle of the week, we actually passed on the path to the beach.  He was coming in, I was going out.  His wife must have been with him, she was walking way in front of him, he seemed to hesitate when he saw me coming. Hubby was with me, a few steps behind. He and I we met in the middle of this path.  He smiled,  “Hi.”  I smiled back,  “Hey, how are you?”  He sort of nodded his head in an okay, what the heck is this, way?!  That was the closest I came to actually being close to him. One time that week I walked by the house he rented to see Ohio plates on the vehicles parked there.  For the remainder of the week he would go on his deck at the same time, and I’d go on my deck almost the same time everyday.  And we'd just watch one another, sometimes I think we smiled, but there was enough distance between us, I never really could make out the expressions of his face. Then came the end of the week. I left for home on Saturday, I assume he did too.  We never met other than the day on the path in the middle of the week where he simply said, "Hi".  Yet, I’ve never forgotten him!  It’s things like this in life that drive me crazy!  What is the mystery of it all?  Who was this person and why 15 years later can I not forget?  I’ve never told this story except one other time to Elizabeth.  We were talking about unforgettable events one day and I shared this story with her.  Who was he?  In a lot of ways he did look like soul mate to me.  Was it some pre-recognition of a soul mate one day to come? For me, and for this mysterious man of Ohio?  Did he one day meet his own soul mate who is tall, with dark curly hair?  Were we just two strangers crossing paths, yet being prepared for what was to come along one day?  Oh, the mystery of life and those things that just can’t be explained!!

I sat on the beach, waves crashing remembering watching this man, and this man watching back. I remembered his smiled in our one encounter.  And I looked out to the ocean and tried to make sense of a memory that makes no sense!

Body surfing can wear a person out!  ME!!  By the time I got back in the car to come back to the hotel I was wiped out!  But stop?  NEVER!  I had plans today to go to a refuge wildlife reserve for birds.  Camera in hand I was ready to get all sorts of nature shots.  Something new for me as of late, seeing the beauty of unique photos I’ve taken.  I spent little time there tho, as they wouldn’t allow dogs on the nature trails.  It was too hot to leave Pete and Lilly too long.  I do carry a fan that I blow on them when they are in the hot car, but still, I limit what I do without them.  I did end up taking a short trail to a deserted lifeguard station from the 30s.  It was haunted. The second I walked up to it, I felt it.  Sometimes I sense things. I could hear the music from back then and a sort of partying atmosphere.  They must have been serious about their duties, but at night, they often had music going.  Or so I sensed.  I sound crazy I know, but it is what I saw in my spirit, or mind’s eye.  Here’s some photos from this place. 

It is centered in between sand dunes, and feels as if you are in the Sahara or something.  Odd feelings, tho when I climbed to the top of the sand dune, the ocean beckoned me from the other side.  As we were walking back to the car, we ran into a guy who was changing information posters.  We asked about the old building.  That was when he told us it was a Lifeguard Station and how it was all African American.  He gave us the history of the place.  I was fascinated!  My time at this wildlife reserve was well spent as I learned so many new things.

Photo from the top of the dune where the ocean beckoned me,

Afterwards we went on to the next lighthouse, the Brodie Island Lighthouse.  Interestingly enough, the guy told us that the name is actually, “BODY ISLAND”  because of all the bodies that watched ashore in earlier days.  But in the 50s, they decided that it would keep people away so they changed the name to “Brodie Island” instead.  I was fascinated by the lighthouse here. Again, a feeling of so many things associated as you walk around this place.  I sense so much history and happenings that have occurred through the years.  If the lighthouse could talk what awesome stories could be told?  I ended up going into the gift shop and buying a book on “Ghosts of the Carolina’s Shores,” and a book for Drew and one for Skylar too.  I plan to read my book tomorrow.

As I was looking at the different books for sale, I remembered yet another story of being here in the past!  In the mid 90s, my parents once again rented a house. Only this time, it was RIGHT on the ocean.  I could sit out at night and dream and pray and be free.  One night, about 1:00 a.m., I began to hear a woman’s voice. It sounded as if it was coming in across the ocean.  “M A R Y………”  She would yell.  I got up the first time I heard it wondering if someone was on the beach.  The voice was very distant, and faded.  There was no one around. I decided I had just heard the wind in some sort of odd way.  Within minutes, I heard it again,  “M A R Y………..”  by now, I am paying a bit more attention. Once again I got up, looked around, NO ONE was near the beach.  It happened a 3^rd time, then 4^th. I went in the house.  The only one awake was Joel.  Or was it Jason?  Whoever it was, they came out with me.  I said,  “Just be still and listen.”  Finally, a 5^th time,  “M A R Y….”  Joel heard it too!  And we waited and waited, but we never heard it again.  Not even on another night! 

The next day, all curious about what this could have been, we began to hit island books stores.  The kind of places natives of this land own and run and can share legends with you if you ask.  While I didn’t find anyone that knew of a “Mary” legend, I did find a book with legends in it and sure enough, there was one story!  A woman who was very close with her sister went out to sea with her sea-faring captain love of her life.  Her little sister, begged her NOT to go, having a premonition of some sort.  But her older sister promised her she’d be okay and didn’t heed her sister’s warnings. Sure enough, something happened and their ship crashed.  The baby sister never got over the loss of her older sister. She ended up dying an early death herself from some disease.  It is said the older sister that drowned at sea comes looking for her baby sister, "Mary" at night to let her know she is not lost at sea. According to the book I found, the legend is you can hear her calling Mary as she walks the shore looking for her baby sister.  Okay!  That got my attention!  Only thing was the legend didn’t say where this happened in the Outer Banks?  Was it where I stayed back then? Or was it further north, or south? I’ll probably never know as I didn’t buy the book (money was tight back then). It seemed too coincidental! It was sure a lot of fun trying to solve a mystery!  The unexplainable and mystery!  This is why I LOVE the Outer Banks and being here.  It is full of mystery and intrigue!  A very magical place.  How many ships have sunk so close to where I even write tonight?  Full of folklore and legend, surely this is why I feel so at home and at peace when I am here.

We spent the rest of the evening in Nags Head.  Shopping for a bit, and dinner.  It was a long drive back, as I was SO tired. Hubby was now drinking a beer, so driving duties were left to me.  The dogs in the back, once again crashed out, I had plenty of time to reflect on all that I seemed to have reflected on all day.  And of course soul mate.  Thoughts of him on and off as well.  What was it in his eyes? I asked myself over and over.  What is it with him that we were to meet and never to forget?  What is it with him that I carry him in my heart wherever I go, and yet it makes NO sense?!  What is this?!  “Oh island of mystery and intrigue, show me the answer while I am here.” I whisper, remembering the last time I was here I was SURE I had to let it go, only to be given a dream it was time to contact him and not let go. While I won’t go into all the details of the dream, I will tell one small part,  “He and I found one another in a place, and we hugged.  “What are we suppose to do with this?” I asked him.  He looked sad at me,  “I don’t know.  But we have to do something.”  As I said, a small part of the dream, but a part I feel okay sharing.  When I awakened the next morning, I headed out to do my morning walk. I swore I had seen him during the night.  It was SO real to me! I remember wanting to cry, I promised him I would try one more time.  “I don’t know what to do, but I will let you know that I know how real it is.” I whispered that morning. I wrote him and sent a letter a few weeks later when I was in LA.  The island of mystique and intrigue opening my eyes to what was really inside of me. And perhaps, inside the heart of a man so far away.  One that was unforgotten no matter how hard I tried.

There’s been a lot of reflection today. A lot of facing who it is I am on the inside.  A lot of physical working out today too!   I know that the answers only really flow from above, or from the heart of God via his Holy Spirit, but sometimes, God seems to lead me to places where there is an air of power around me.  For me, it is this place, the Outer Banks, that I find that incredible power.  A place of incredible tragedy through the years, a place I still say seems to me to be the end of the world as I know it, and a place that romance and mystery reign.  A place I have had so many mysteries happen, and a place I still ask so many questions only to hear the wind blow, bringing a gentle calming effect to my soul as I seem to find some sort of answers to the questions I ask.  Yes, this is a place of tranquility and peace for me. This is a place of mystery and intrigue.  I think God lives here.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight to my Soul Mate:  In this moment, where I am, I feel you so close.  The mystery of who you are to me fills the air as I try to close my eyes and feel you so near.  I always talk of soul mates and twin souls and all, but do I really buy the theory?  I don’t know? I only know that there is something between you and I.  Some sort of connection that remains no matter how much time goes on, or how far apart we are.  I could go to the ends of the earth (which I think this place is) and you’d still remain so close to me! I know!! I’m there and so are you!! J  I still ask nothing of you.  I still remain without expectation.  Yet, the story remains unfinished.  It is so far from …….but for the life of me, I just don’t know how we will find one another again?  I know we do here, and if we were able to be led to here, then I have to believe one day, we will be led to where it is we will meet again.  And we will!  And I will fall into your arms, and you will hold me and we will say, “What can we do with it?”  Only this time, I sense that those answers will be known to both of us.  And what will we do with it?  Here’s my hand, reached out to you from a place of mystery, intrigue, and incredible romance.  Take it?  Believe in the miracle of the mystery of it all for just a while longer?  I send you love and light……always and forever, the light will never cease to beacon.   Goodnight to you, my special someone – With love, Sunshine