What if the Hokey Pokey is what it’s all about?

I saw this on a t-shirt and started doing some real deep thoughts on what it could mean.  You put your right arm in, you put your right arm out, you put your right arm in and you shake it all about……then you turn yourself around!  Think about it! I think there could be deep meaning here!!! J

I had a very strange dream this morning!  I should probably consult my radio friend with the dream program on the meaning of this one!  Speaking of which, I need to email her.  I fear I missed the show I was on when it was archived.  Apparently they only archive two at a time.  Was mine on when I was in NC and I never checked?  Anyway back to the dream:

I am in NYC. I am wandering, feeling a bit lost. I am getting ready to go on a cruise. I’m trying to find the right place to get to the shipyard.  I end up traveling through NYC I remember with some people. I see city streets and stoplights and remember taking turns.  I am now at the place we enter the ship. Next thing I know, I am on but for the life of me I can’t find my itinerary! I have no idea where we are headed? I am going alone on this cruise. I see hubby come on with the dogs to tell me goodbye. I feel a bit lost in this moment as I realize I am really about to be alone.  I see the dogs leaving and I am sad.  But I have a cruise to take. I know I must do this!  But where is my itinerary! I keep trying to get someone’s attention from the cruise employees that I have lost my itinerary.  I am now in a room, a state room, and it overlooks the side of the ship and water. I think that this is the room I want, except, I can’t find my itinerary to know where I want to go.  I watch people. I will have to eat alone I think to myself, feeling sad. I don’t like this feeling alone thing at all. I go to a table where some people are standing around. I see a gal with long blonde hair pick up a CD, as if these are free for the taking. It is a Barbara Streisand CD.  The girl is awed,  “I can’t stand her!” I say!  The girl rolls her eyes and walks away.  Well, she doesn’t want to be friends I think to myself. And I can’t find the stupid itinerary!  I have people looking now for it.  Next, I hear gunshots! We are off the harbor now, into the deep sea.  There is a memorial of some sort and there is a ship firing on this memorial.  We are running on the deck for cover wondering what is happening?!  It is now WW2!  We are in the midst of WW2, only it’s not really, this is just part of our cruise.  The ship is turning to zig zag in between bullets.  Now, I am on the open seas, and it is night.  I am looking for my itinerary……….

*end of dream*

Weird, huh?  I really want to understand what God is showing me in this, but all I can get at this point is this, I really want to go out on my own, but fear keeps me planted.  The lost itinerary I think represents the fact I don’t know where life is going for me. I can’t seem to find the way!  I need an ITENERARY! I have people trying to help me find the way, but it can’t be found by others.  It has to be found by me.  Hubby comes to say goodbye.  (Interesting thoughts.)  I am aware I have to eat alone…..again a fear thing. I need a friend.  Who will be my friend?  The Barbara Streisand thing? I really don’t care for her, but I really shouldn’t be so brash and blunt with my opinions. I could lose a friend by such.  WW2?  Oddly enough, this is the 2^nd dream of WW2 I have had.  Makes me wonder about past lives!  And I am sailing on open seas now, but I can’t find the itinerary.  Very possible that the sea, which represents creative power and freedom is a sign that I may have to do the sailing without an itinerary. 

Today was spent with friends.  I had emailed my friend SnowWhite checking in on her, and closing to go swim for an hour before I met Linn for lunch.  As I finished and hit send, my cell phone rang.  It was my friend Jane.  “I’m in your driveway, open the door and let me in!” She says.  “What’s up?”  I ask her.  “I just came to visit!”  Jane cleans my house, and she jokes, “I’m not scheduled to clean till next week, but I want to talk!”  She has NEVER done this!  “Okay, hold on!” I open the garage door.  And we talk.  Nothing in particular, other than she is checking on the sale of my property and the wedding.  She knows I hurt over this.  We end up sitting on the deck as she wants to smoke.  Even tho I quit 4.5 years ago, I still enjoy the smell of cigarettes. For a moment I enjoy our sitting there and getting to smell it.  And we talk.  At first she asks about what I’m going to do.  She knows for how ever long, well over 20 some years, I have always wanted to be free.  We talk shortly about it.  “What are you going to do??” She asks.  “I think it’s all going to be a slow progress.”  I try to explain.  “First I sell, get away from everything that has kept me confined for so long.”  Then I tell about the book and my aspirations.  2^nd day in a row I have felt the need to say where I see myself going.  Perhaps I am being led to speak it into creation? I feel bad as I am rushed with our talk, having to meet Linn. By now, after talking about her pains and her hurts, which I was glad we changed the subject, I apologize, but say I have to go meet a friend for lunch.  She says, “WE need to do lunch!”  “Okay Jane! We’ll do it! I am available next Monday or Tuesday.”  We will have lunch then.  She suddenly wants to be the close friends we were about 15 years ago.  That’s fine with me.

I rush to meet Linn and Gail, someone we both work with.  A nice lunch, but Gail has to go back to work.  Linn and I for the next 2 weeks are still women of leisure!  We ended up having a 4-hour lunch!  NO KIDDING!!  Hubby asked me today how ANYONE could have a 4-hour lunch?!  It’s easy!  Especially with Linn and I. We could go on for hours!  It was such a wonderful time!  We shared deep secrets of the heart!

Amy called while I was at lunch. I called her back on the way home.  She did some serious convincing me that she will be okay by not going to the wedding.  Once again I had to choke back tears because I feel so sorry for her.  She assures me it is okay.  She made me PROMISE, PROMISE, PROMISE I would be good at the wedding!  “If you are so worried about me, what you can do is promise me you will at least act happy at the wedding!  I can be fine if I stay home and know that you are going to try to enjoy yourself.  And mom! I will have Joel and Emma watching you and they will report into me to tell me you were good!”  I think to myself, she is REALLY a very special person!  Could I have been so brave?!  I realize how close this is and how fiancée and her family planned this without any consideration on our family’s part! She won’t get out of the hospital after her c-section till Tuesday!  We leave on Thursday.  UGH! I SO don’t like being put in this position.  She laughs,  “Mom, you HAVE to buy a knock out dress for this!  You have to make her mom look bad!”  I laugh at her!  “Don’t worry honey, I’ve already been shopping on line!”  And we laugh!  I’m glad that after months and months of tears, I am laughing about it.

My summer is so fading!  Tomorrow I will go with hubby to work in the city at 5:45 a.m.!  YES, A.M.!  Amy has a baby shower tomorrow at work and has asked me to be there.  Why drive 2 cars with gas prices the way they are?  So, I will ride with him.  Then find a park to do a meditation hike.  Then I will head to the beach for awhile, the beach meaning a lake within the city, beach.  Then to Amy’s work for her shower.  After that to the malls to look for a dress for the wedding.  Then I will get Skylar, and come back and pick hubby up for the trip home.  Amy has asked us to keep Skylar all weekend, as she is really getting miserable right now.  Saturday, I plan to take Skylar to the beach. Not the ocean beach, but one of the great lakes beaches.  It will keep her busy and I will find more beach time!  Then, I will hit beach shops and look for a dress too if I haven’t found one tomorrow.

Dinner was spent talking of hubby’s memories of being in the civil war.  It’s SO not Christian talk, BUT, what are these clear memories he keeps seeing?  SO I listen.  At one time I listened and didn’t understand, but when I met soul mate, and felt as if I had always known him, I began to understand hubby. So tonight we talked about soul mate too and how I have always known him.  Hubby doesn’t get upset about this anymore……as I told him, “I am a bright and intelligent woman!  Something has happened to remember what I do?!”  He listens and goes back to his own memories.  I like these times we can talk of things that make no sense!

Tonight life was once again to come back to a full circle for me! I got an email from myspace.  “Darby Hinton posted a new comment about you.”  Darby Hinton!  Remember, the first real crush in life I had?  He was the little boy on the Daniel Boone show. I had met him at an amusement park in North Carolina that summer!  I got excited, like a little girl getting a letter from her teen idol or something!  I clicked on it to read.  It was letting me know that he will be back at the very same park I met him at this August.  They are doing some sort of reunion or anniversary thing!  OMG! How I would LOVE to go!  But I can’t.  I have 2 things going that weekend, and besides, I JUST got back from North Carolina!  BUT, all the same! For DARBY HINTON, 40 some years later to send me a message and let me know that he will be where it was we met! I mean, is that NOT a full circle in life thing or what?!  And the journey just continues to bless me with the most wonderful surprises sometimes!  This just takes me back to when I was 7.  Perhaps life is about to return to simple again? Like when I was 7?  As I sail the ocean blue, no itinerary to be found……………..so unknown and yet, filled with peace……….

So, I am living life.  Summer fading so quickly it feels as if my head is spinning!  I realize the number of friends I have in my life of which I am SO grateful for! And I miss Elizabeth without end!  I continue to spend early mornings doing my meditations hikes, and growing closer to God, and somehow I seem to learn more each day about letting go and trusting that things just don’t happen in our timing, no matter how much we think they should.

I will head to bed now. It is almost 11:30, and 5:30 will come very early for me!  It’s hard to believe that a week from tomorrow my 3^rd grandchild will be here.  Life is sure ever changing!  And where is that itinerary?!  Perhaps God has it stored away for me somewhere, but for now, I am to walk in faith, and only do it day by day? I will put my right arm in, and take my right arm out, I put my right arm in and I will shake it all about…….then I will turn myself around! That’s what it’s all about!!!  Oh, and love!! And faith!! A WHOLE lot of love and faith!!!

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  I’ve talked so much today I sense tonight I am a woman of few words.  So, with just a few words what would I say? “I knew you! I have ALWAYS known you!  It can’t be explained!” Hubby says,  “But I don’t think he knew you?”  And I said, “Yes, he did!”  Of course I don’t know that?!  But I sensed it from within that you felt as if I looked very familiar to you too. I saw it in your face and your eyes.  So I say to hubby, “Even YOU admitted that weekend we met that he and I were so very special to one another.”  Hubby agreed.  End of story!  Right?  Of course not!  SO much story remains to be written!  If it was over, I’d so know it.  But it isn’t, my heart knows it isn’t and thus the struggles for so long of why it remains and what I’m supposed to do with it?!  Except, I think I know.  And I’m doing it every night. I reach out. I believe in you. I believe in me. I believe in that something special we found the moment we met.  And when I think about it, being a woman of few words tonight……….The best IS yet to come!!!! *smiles* I send you love and light. I hope you had a great time tonight!  Filled with smiles and genuine love of life. Be blessed my special someone.  Goodnight,  Love, Sunshine