Once again the journaling I think is going to have to be quick.  Not that I’ve done anything overly strenuous tonight………I did tho sit down and watch a Lifetime movie.  How long has it been since I have done something so easy and simple?  But, it did take up some journaling time.

The job continues to be high stressed, tho I am trying extremely hard to allow God to lead.  Amazing at some things that happened today.  Mess ups suddenly became fixed in ways I couldn’t explain.  Perhaps it’s because I’m looking a bit more for the minor miracles at the moment to get me through? And they did happen.  The only thing tho is I am so covered up!  No time to do anything. It includes eating at my desk.  My saving grace is that I’m not going in right now till 8:00.  That will change on Monday tho.  Back to the 7:00 a.m. grind……..and I notice that it is slowly getting a bit more dark as I awaken each day.  There’s something about waking up when it is light that makes it easier.

I was good today and did the best I could to welcome the new girl.  It’s not Elizabeth and never will be okay!  Perhaps that is part of my real strong not wanting to be at school this year, Elizabeth isn’t there.  I remember when one of us took off sick or for a personal day the other felt lost.  Now I am lost with no relief of her coming back, ever *she whines*.  Change is a part of life tho.  I did welcome new girl today and found myself at the end of the day when I really wanted to leave to pick up stuff from a copy print shop,  seeing how covered up she was and instead, stopping to help her.  Now that was truly a God thing!  I mean the time I helped her, if I was going to stay could have really been spent on my own deadlines, but I felt sorry for her.  At first I think she thought I was helping her because she wasn’t moving fast enough.  “No, no!” I explained.  “This is what we do for each other around here.  We see someone is falling behind and we all pitch in to help.”  I’m not sure if she was shocked or what, but I think she really appreciated the hand I gave her. Hey, I believe in karma and love.  I think I covered both in my efforts.

When I finally did leave, I headed to pick up my order from the copy print shop.  Of course, work stuff.  Then I hurried home, got on my swim suit and headed to the health club to swim.  Ahhhh…….karma is good!  NO ONE was in the swim lane!  And I began.  Then guess what?  Yup! It happened again.  A guy in his mid 20s called me over.  “Want to swim with me?”  “Uh, excuse me?”  I said.  “Well, I thought you could follow me and we could swim in a circle.”  In other words, he wanted to swim in the swim lane too. I explained to him how I swim laps for 10 minutes then power walk for 10 minutes, etc. until the hour is up.”  “Oh.”  He said.  “But I’ll share with you. You stay over there, and I’ll stay over here and I’ll just zig and zag around you.  I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep up with you swimming laps.”  He thanked me.  “I don’t want to make you mad or anything.”  He said.  I stopped to think about yesterday…..”Oh no!  It’ll work.”  Actually, it made it really tough for me because I was so far over I kept hitting the ladder, but I appreciated how he respected me to even ask and honor the fact of first come, first served.  I think perhaps I passed the test today.

I have a friend “J.”  *Sorry Leo J*   “J” and I have worked together for a long time.  About 2 years ago, “J” went through a very sad divorce.  “J” is one of those really neat and nice guys.  As is normal, people I work with find a way to come to me with their stories.  Perhaps it is because they know I won’t see it in a way that most do.  I’d never say to him, “Ah, get over her!  She’s no good for you anyway!”  No, I see both sides and I try to explain the other side, or at least I did when “J” was going through his divorce.  See, his wife left him for a friend of theirs.  The friend left his wife too, she left my friend “J”.  “J” was so in love with his wife.  It was sad, but on the other hand, as unchristian as this may sound, I could relate to his wife too. I think “J” liked this at the time. I helped him to see what the pain didn’t want him to see.  Fast forward to today.  “J” grew when it all came about. He could have wallowed in self pity, began drinking, hated her, stalked her, threatened her and everything else, but he didn’t.  He wanted her happy.  “I’ll always be her friend!”  He once told me.  “I will always love her.”  He turned his hurt into becoming a marathon runner, raising money for charity. Last May, his brother had been on him since the divorce to meet a woman he knew.  She lives about 4 hours from here, but it didn’t matter. The brother was SURE they’d love each other.  Long story short, they did meet, they did love each other and it is quickly becoming incredibly a beautiful story.  “J” updated me today.  But, in the meantime, his ex-wife, whom he still is in contact with is going though some real dark times.  Funny how paradise can become tainted with time.  Apparently it was her birthday and everyone forgot, “INCLUDING” her new boyfriend.  She called “J” and was very upset that he had forgotten her!  “J” asked me about this.  “What? I’m supposed to celebrate her birthday with her still?”  He asked me.  It was time for the question I’ve asked him since the beginning, only this time, I got a COMPLETELY different answer,  “So, would you take her back if she wanted to come.”  He looked at me, sadness in his eyes, “No. I now know we were never meant to be.”  Wow!  Such a different answer from 6 months ago!  “So, the new woman in your life, do you believe she was meant to be?”  He smiles.  A warm smile as if his heart knows a secret.  “I don’t know?”  He says with a smirk.  Of course he knows!  But he has to convince himself of such!  “You know what “J?”  I began, “What you thought was surely the end of the world was actually a gift to you!  Your ex brought you this gift, because if she wouldn’t have followed her own heart you would have never found XXXX.”  He smiled.  “Yes.  I know.”  With that he once again said he will continue to always be a friend to his ex-wife, because he still and always will love her.  But time has a way to heal all wounds and send us on a journey to new places.  Of course I couldn’t help but ask this!  “So, “J”………..is “she” your soul mate?”  He stops for a minute.  Funny how that question makes people stop.  “Well, all I know is both of us feel very comfortable around each other, like we’ve always known one another.”  “But is she your soul mate?”  I push a bit harder.  He smirks again!  “I don’t know?!”  I laugh! “Oh, if she is YOU do know!”  I know he loves talking to me.  He doesn’t want to leave but my desk is covered with papers, phones are ringing, and he himself is covered up.  He leaves shaking his head,  “How do you do that?”  “What?” I ask.  “Make me think of things the way you do?”  “Hey “J”,  I’m writing a book on soul mates! I’ll probably write about you tonight as a matter of fact.” “Really?”  “Uh huh!” I answer.  He walks away from my desk shaking his head and smiling.  It is times like that I don’t think being at school is all that bad.

I guess I must really be naïve.  I’m ALWAYS trying SO hard to figure out soul mate’s world!  A friend of mine has a friend that is literally a “real” groupie.  I never understood that, there really are people out there that do the groupie thing.  I’ll tell you how bad it is!  On her myspace title here is what she has,  “Good girls go to heaven, but bad girls get backstage”  Yes, I chuckled over it too!  BUT, to begin to read some of her stuff and her thoughts……..and then you start clicking on other girls that are like she is, and the list goes on and on!  OMG!!!  I got a lesson in the real world just reading some of their stuff today and the messages they leave for the guys in the band!  Some made me laugh to be honest, and then I felt really sad too. No, I’m NOT judging anyone, BUT, I don’t understand it either.  I’d LOVE to meet Paul McCartney, but I’ll tell you right now, it’s no more than a hand shake, how you doing, can I get a photo with you type thing and of course, the autograph!!!!!  No WONDER soul mate from the beginning tried to make it about the music with me!  Perhaps I “get it” a bit more now after reading what I did today!  (No, this is NOT on his site!)  I swear I must be SO green behind the ears! Or is that wet behind the ears?  Whatever it is, naïve probably describes me best.

So it wasn’t quite as spiritual today as it has been the last few days, but all the same, I still feel God so near as I continue to grow in ways that are amazing me considering this is the first week back to school, and a week before school begins!!! I need to hold on to this spiritual walk because I have some REAL long days ahead of me next week.

Now, even tho it is stifling out there, I am going to get in the hot tub.  All this swimming makes for sore muscles of which the hot tub sooths.  Then I fall into bed and into a very deep sleep.  And when I awaken in the morning I will be celebrating the fact that it is Friday, but more importantly, it is a day that God has made!  Something special about tomorrow……..if for no other reason but that it is.  I like the lighter side of life God is giving me eyes to see right now.  I’m off to soak sore muscles now……….

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  Sending you so much love and light tonight.  Why is it so important for me to try to understand your world?  I think because I want to touch what it is you touch.  Maybe it’s why you come here everyday to touch what I touch?  Or maybe we both just need so much to touch that of which feels so real at such a deep level.  I was shocked today!  OMG!! Does that really happen with girls?  No wonder you wanted to make it about the music with me!  The façade!  Is it a façade?  Is there any sincerity to it at all in the end? I just know my heart.  It’s not because you are or were or am in the spotlight……it was because I saw it in your eyes the moment we met.  If you’d have never performed in front of me, I would still be writing you at night. If you were a construction worker, or a Dr. or an attorney, or whatever, I’d still be writing you.  It was in your eyes!  Hey, YOU started it! At the airport!! Remember?!  *laughs*  I so much just want to bring to you a gentle spirit,  a real heart,  and someone that would hang on for years…...and you want to know why?  Because I believe we’ve always been.  And that is all I will say because I am saying things that can’t be proved………only felt.  Perhaps the proof is in your heart too.  And “we” live life in the mystery.  276!!!  Always my friend! We will be 276.  May you see that number somewhere tomorrow………just to make you smile!  Have a beautiful tomorrow………I’ll be here, holding you in my heart and praying.  It’s just a part of my day now.  Goodnight – Love, Sunshine