8:17 a.m.

It’s very early Saturday morning.  Very early meaning 8:17 a.m.  I’ve just awakened and all these incredible spiritual vibes are surrounding me! It’s as if the past few moments have been led to see things I can’t believe I’ve missed or not known?  Leading me to a truth, or some sort of confirmation that all that has happened to me for the past at LEAST 15 years IS in fact happening out there to others!  Right down to the same words and understanding verbatim. I feel humble and filled of new faith to believe in that of which I so often think I imagined or dreamed up.

First a night filled of dreams.  During the night I had one where there was someone at school who would turn into a monster over night.  No one would believe me. I knew tho and whoever this person was, he knew I knew! It was in his eyes.  Amy was in the dream.  She wanted him in the school.  I couldn’t stand it because I knew what was coming.  So I left. No one would listen.  As I drove away, I looked at the school behind me, which by now wasn’t the school I work at. It felt familiar tho, yet I’ve never been there. All the kids were outside as if a fire drill had been pulled. But I knew, this person had become a monster and everyone was in trouble.  Guilt led me back to the school. I went back into the room where the guy had been. The ones that wouldn’t listen to me had him trapped in a closet and didn’t know what to do!  The dream fades as I am trying to figure out how to get rid of him……………

Next is a dream much lighter.  I have gone to the Outer Banks now.  I am driving alone feeling familiar as if I know my way around and yet, I am a bit lost too. I am on my way to see Paul McCartney in concert.  I find a restaurant and sit down to eat.  Someone is with me. Is it Elizabeth?  We are sitting and in comes Paul and some other band member.  He lays his guitar on the table in front of me and gets it out of the case.  He begins to jam with the guy next to him.  Few people are around as I realize this is just sound check! And I am there to witness it.  He notices me and begins to look at me.  After each song he comes up and says hi.  One time he winks at me. I sit there in disbelief!  When he is finished, he puts his guitar back in the case and I say to him,  “How old are you?”  He laughs at me,  “I am 64!”  “You look so young! Like you are 16 or something!”  He laughs and says, “I know!”  And I realize it is how I knew Paul in the 60s when I was a mere 5 years old I might add!  I am now driving again, and find my cousins, Rick, Stu, and Joe.  We are going out on a boat somewhere.  I tell them about my Paul story, how I have met him.  No one is that impressed!  Emma is around too, but she says she hates boats so she doesn’t want to go out with us. I know with Stu driving the boat I need a seatbelt! I go to put it on but it is chewed in half.  Now THAT has meaning!

These dreams are so clear to me this morning. Why do I keep dreaming about Paul McCartney?!  What is up with that?  LOL, NO, I don’t think I will ever meet him, and NO, I don’t feel a connection with him. I do wonder tho if somehow he doesn’t represent soul mate in my dream world?  For yes, the things I dream of him DO represent how I feel of soul mate.  Interesting thoughts………BTW…….I had NO idea how old Paul McCartney was, so I did a search this morning.  He is 65. Pretty close to hear in my dream, huh?! Odd.

After I reflected on my night of dreams, I was suddenly drawn into the soul mate message boards. I felt as if I was looking for something.  Sometimes when this happens, things will jump out at me.  It happened this morning! What I found was posted months ago. I never read it till today, when I was to see what it is I found.  The story of Kenny and Julia Loggins.  They talk about their journey to love.  But more importantly Julia talks of her journals through the years, long before she met Kenny.  Julia journaled as I always have.  She writes, asks questions, then stops to listen to what the spirit is saying!  That is what I have done for years!!!  I began to read a little about her, as much as I could this morning without buying the book itself.  And I reflect where I have been the past 15 years.  Where did I ever come up with the word journey?  I really don’t remember when I began to use that as the realization of a truth that this is what I am on, but it seemed to flow from the spirit within me!  Words SO many others that have been on a similar journey use too!  And the journaling was given to me as a gift from the Spirit! I mean I didn’t just sit down one day and decide I should do this! It was a knowing within me that I needed to write out what I was being told, that God was wanting to write me love letters! It has grown through the years as I have learned to trust it and believe…….now, I look and see how many others are out there doing it too!  And describing things the way I describe things!  Things that seem to flow from a place higher than myself.  And here is the thing I find amazing by all of this!  The ones I have read on a journey similar to my own have also found their twinflames/souls.  Kenny and Julia for instance believe they are. They ended up divorced, which breaks my heart, BUT, as someone said, if you aren’t completely balanced when you come together……then it is next to impossible to make it work in this life! 

And while I SO don’t believe in this, HONESTLY, I will make mention of it because it did pique my attention yesterday………….someone wrote of how people that are very spiritual in nature, and different than what most of the world is are Indigo Children, and that there is in fact a few Indigo Children adults on the earth right now!  So I did a search!  There was a quiz, how to know if you are an Indigo Child.  Hey, far be it from me NOT to take a quiz!  Out of about 11 questions, I answered yes to 9!  But no, I don’t believe in a thing as Indigo Child.  Do I?

I will close now. I have things I need to get done.  I want to go to the Farmer’s Market this morning for more fresh produce.  Then pay some bills, and home again for some pool floating and relaxation before I go to work tonight.  A very inspiring morning tho!  What is going on with me?

11:17 p.m……………

I’m back now.  Late to begin, as I did in fact go and work tonight. For about 4 hours.  Now it is well after 11:00.  I’m feeling tired and shouldn’t be! I mean, I slept for 3 hours this afternoon!!!  I guess I have had jet lag! 

The Farmer’s Market was inspiring.  It always is for me.  It has an aura about it of natural things I love to be around.  Today was especially cool for me. I met a Potter.  He was working his potter wheel. I watched and observed as I would look over at some of his finished products. I was so very impressed.  He began to talk to me.  I told him I was watching and how I felt what he was doing compared to a spiritual journey.  Or our time on earth.  He seemed touched and understanding.  He began to tell me the process of molding the clay and how it had to be fired twice.  “Do you know how many pieces never make it to the firing process?  And those that do, how many pieces never get finished?  But those that do, that endure the two firings and glaze and painting, end up shining and a treasured piece for someone.”  I thought about it.  Deeply. I remember how the Bible says that God is the Potter, we are the clay.  How much firing do we go through I wondered to reach perfection? As I left him, having felt as if I was shown something very deep, I reflected over my life in general.  From back then to now.  I’ve been through the fire a few times I decided, yet, I feel that it only strengthened me in the end.  Am I now being painted I wondered?  Or are there more firings to go through?

It rained today.  So much for pool time.  When I came home I was still feeling this sense of spiritual happenings around me.  I began to do more research on Indigo Children.  I was giving it a fair chance and being open minded about a new theory.  The more I read the less I believed.  It didn’t take long and I had written off studying it anymore.  “So what am I?”  I asked God.  “My child.”  He replied.  “A child of love and light.”  Seems so simple not to have a fancy name as “Indigo” put upon it, or “April’s Child” which is another term thrown around out there, but I like simple.  Old fashioned, quiet, and a faith-filled simple love.  It felt right.

Except THEN, someone sends me a link to some sights about UFO’s and conspiracies, etc.  So I begin to read on this!  It got deep, really deep.  I DO in fact believe in UFO’s and I DO believe that Roswell was a real event.  BUT! I have my beliefs on what these UFO’s are.  I won’t get into it tonight tho.  Because it is just that, my beliefs…… I read quite a bit on some of these stories, intrigued as always, and then, I was through.  Back to love and light and letting go of all that can’t be explained.

That was when I just was so tired!  I climbed into bed and fell sound asleep!  I dreamt of 2 rockets that were getting ready to go into space.  Ha ha! I won’t even try to analyze this dream!  What was it I had just read before?!!

When I awakened I had lost 3 hours! It was now time to head to Sam’s Club to buy for the New Teacher Luncheon on Wednesday.  Tonight was the only time I’d have time I decided.  As I got ready to leave tho, the phone rang.  It was Spirit Bear!

He was out hiking in the Ozarks in 100 degree temps!  He thought of me and just called to say hi. How nice and awesome was that?  We talked of spiritual things for a time which was as always warming and a perfect way to end what was a spiritual day to begin with.  He was concerned about the “predator” thing I’ve written of on and off. I told him of my emails and some things said and he totally agreed with me, I need to stay away. He is also in the process of writing a book too, of a spiritual nature as well.  He is co-authoring this book with another psychologist friend of his.  “So, how is the book coming?”  I ask him, “Well………” He says.  I laugh, “I know exactly what you are saying!” I joke with him. I tell him my new thoughts of where “On The Journey of Faith” will go. He tells me of his latest chapter.  He feels bad for me because I am so covered up right now.  I ask him to please prayer that my property sells, and he says he will, but he reminds me of something that is SO important in my knowledge of God, “Just remember, God has a lot more information than you do.”  Yup, he’s right!  It puts it back into perspective of trusting.  Unfortunately, I have to cut the conversation short because Sam’s club closes earlier on Saturday nights and I really have to get to work to unload the food and get some stuff done.  Hubby had volunteered to go help me.  Wait a minute?  Did he volunteer or did I rope him into going?!  It was the later………”I will buy you dinner if you will help me?”  In the end he was a great help, even tho he grew impatient and bored…….I got a LOT done because he was a 2^nd hand and I didn’t have any interruptions!

However, going to the school at night is very unnerving for me!  I’m telling you the place is HAUNTED!  If there is ANYTHING I don’t want to do is be there at night by myself, especially after dark.  This is why poor hubby was drug along.  If Elizabeth was in town, there is NO way she’d of gone with me!  She knows the truth too!  When we first walked in I had to go to the custodial room to get a cart to load the groceries on to take the food’s room.  The walk through the building made me half ill. We had to go by the library and the auditorium which have the most “incidents” happen.  I felt queasy and uneasy as I walked. I wish I could describe it but I can’t.  Like I was being watched and I simply wanted to get out of there!  I did what I always do when I am faced with this feeling of “evil” or the “unnatural” around me. I pray and walk through it, believing I am sheltered by a light that surrounds me.  Yes, I see the light in my spirit.  And while it’s still uncomfortable, I don’t have a lot of fear.  Once we got the groceries unloaded I had hubby take the cart back, I wasn’t going to go down that hall past the library and auditorium again!  I went to my office to set up what had to be done.  When I first went in, I was a bit unnerved still, so I turned on the fan, and my music.  Hubby finally came back, unscathed by any of this……and we worked our tails off redoing all the mailboxes as we have added 23 teachers this year!  There were no “incidents” and I didn’t have any uneasy feelings what-so-ever.  Hubby got tired, so did I, which caused a bit of a rift, but I was so appreciative he came with me I for sure wasn’t going to lash out at him about anything!  We left about 10:30.  What a way to spend a Saturday night, huh?  BUT, a HUGE, HUGE job was out of the way. One of which is near impossible to do with so many interruptions in my world.  I still should and could go in tomorrow and work some more but I don’t believe I will. It is Sunday and I will put in LONG hours next week for registration and new teacher meetings, and endless lines of parents to enroll their kids and having a million questions.  Surely one day I will be free of this?  Till then, I will do the best I can.

I feel change in the air. I always say this, but it is like being pregnant, which I have felt for a very long time!  You know something is coming, you feel it growing bigger and bigger as time goes on.  One day, the hour will come and I will understand all that I felt from within. I am waiting for that day now.  With patience, I hope! And yet, impatience too.  It’s taking so much faith to try to continue with all I have known and yet knowing how far away from all I have known is from my heart these days.

I do know this, I am NOT an Indigo Child, I don’t believe in it. I learned that today for certain!  I am clay, and God is the Potter and I LIKE being on His wheel and molded in His hands, this I do believe.  I believe in dreams and paying attention to them, they lead us and give us messages I believe this too. (I’m talking dreams when we are asleep, tho I believe in the dreams of our hearts too!)  My conversation with Spirit Bear led to affirmations today, I SO believe in these!  I do believe in a world that happens all around us of which we can’t see because it is in another realm than the one we exist in. That is where the answers lie for UFO’s, ghosts, and the paranormal. Yes, I believe it is all very real, and no, I don’t have answers, I only feel certain things I can’t explain. I believe in love and gentleness. I am simple. I am and always will remain, “just me.”  And I think God whispers to me,  “And you are wonderfully and specially made.”  Yeah, that is the simple belief I will always hold onto in my heart.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  Do you remember the morning at the hotel?  When I came to pick you up?  We spotted one another from across the room and we were like magnets.  We just fell into one another’s arms.  It was so magical that morning.  I drive by that hotel everyday!  It is closed now. Vacant and empty.  How often have I wanted to go stand in that spot where we just floated to one another and I saw your face glow. I SO saw eternity that morning and yet, just couldn’t figure out was happening to me! It was SO different than anything I had ever experienced! It took me two years to try to make sense out of it all!  And here I am 6.5 years later and JUST now beginning to find a lot of peace in it!!! Oh the journey it has been!!!  I so seldom look at that hotel anymore when I drive by, but tonight on my way home I did.  And I remembered. And I asked the whys?!  Like, why did it turn out the way it has?  It was so real that morning for both of us!  Like finding a buried treasure and then you have to leave it behind because you can’t carry it with you at the time.  But you go back all the time to make sure it is still there.  That is what I think we do.  Yes, I am here.  Yes, you are here……..yet, do we continue to rob ourselves of beautiful years?  Or is God awaiting a perfect juncture where we will meet again? Or do I dream and we will never meet again?  Yes, we will meet again, when it is all right. I guess neither one of us was ready back then. But there for that split second, standing in the Holiday Inn lobby, our eyes met, a full night spent wondering what had happened the night before, only to find that morning it was everything and more than the night before.  How did we walk away?  Why did we? Tonight’s a night of questions.  A night of so desperately wanting to touch you again.  A night of dreaming and longing………….a night of faith.  Close your eyes for a minute as you read this.  Feel the love, it is sent to you from everything I have.  For just this moment………love crosses time and distance I have decided, and do believe in.  So from this moment to the moment you read it, there is no distance………the love still remains so very warm and real.  And I believe I will feel it when you feel it.  It’s called connection.  Spiritual connection!  With all my heart, I believe we shared it from the beginning.  But then, I am out there in my beliefs according to world standards.  And it’s okay.  I know I am a child of love and light……..therefore it is easy to believe in that love………Goodnight,  Love, Sunshine

A journey of ups and downs and ins and outs.......a journey of love and faith..................