It’s very late considering the number of hours I am currently working.  Today was a 7:00 till 4:45 day with no lunch.  It’s exhausting and trying. Can more be said?  This will have to be a quick, no-time for proof reading type journal.

Elizabeth is here, and will be another day and night.  Extended from what she originally thought.  That is so awesome!  And even tho I was so frustrated with my job, of which I feel in real life is so little appreciation, believing however God is pleased with whatever efforts I put forth, I continue to give my best and all.  Whatever it takes to get it done.  It made it easier knowing when I came home Elizabeth would at least be here with me to pity what it is I do.  And she did.  I think for her it is bittersweet. She keeps reminding me I will soon get a paycheck.  I remind her she is the lucky one.

We headed to Red Lobster after an hour on the porch swing on the deck and her listening to my frustrations of the day.  She always has a way to make me laugh about so many things.  Red Lobster was in order!  The food that somehow makes icky days better.  After dinner, it was to Target as I needed some groceries, when Elizabeth had a chocolate attack!  It was off to the ice cream parlor!  I swear if she stays much longer I will gain way too much weight!!!!  Oh, but how wonderful it is at such a grueling time as it is.  I just still don’t want to be there.

Oddity of the day?  When we were waiting for our table in Red Lobster.  I happened to notice a couple sitting on the benches sort of next to us, but facing us at the same time.  I didn’t notice her at first, but eventually got a glimpse of her husband.  It was then I recognized them.  The were the ones in elementary school that were socially not accepted. A sad thing to say I will admit, but every school has a boy and girl as this.  I imagine she was extremely shy and withdrawn back then, tho when I was young I didn’t understand that.  He was the same way, a bit of a weight problem as a child, but not obese by any means.  I had heard these two ended up marrying one another.  I would see them tonight for the first time together.  I didn’t make eye contact.  Not that I wouldn’t have wanted to say hi, but I had run into him at a store he once worked one time and been overly, “It’s great to see you!”  type thing.  He was cold and not too nice.  Perhaps the shy, withdrawn thing remained with him all these years later.  Perhaps he always took me the wrong way?  Well, I didn’t pay that much attention.  When we sat at our table I ask Elizabeth if she happened to notice them and began telling her how they were the two social rejects in elementary, junior, and high school and how they ended up finding one another and marrying.  (I think it is HORRIBLE that I would even label them social rejects, but how else do you describe it?)  That is when Elizabeth said,  “You know them?”  “Yeah!”  As I once again explained who they were from my past.  “Well, let me tell you!  He was freaking me out!  He was taking pictures on his cell phone and more than once he was pointing it towards us! I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know for sure he was, but now I know!  He was taking photos of us!”  This unnerved me.  Why?  I tried to go on with dinner as normal, but I found myself every so often saying,  “Why was he taking pictures of us?”  Of which Elizabeth just shook her head!  It still bothers me!  What are they going to do with those photos??  It was him taking the photos according to Elizabeth.  Some things really bother me.  This is one of those things.

But I got over it.  And will try not to look back on it or worry about it. It’s just strange.  Hey, I was on the Price is Right, right!?  Anyone could have used a photo of me at anytime I guess.  Still, oddity best describes this!

After ice cream it was home to the deck again where we sprayed ourselves down with mosquito repellent which didn’t work!  Got on the internet and looked at her new house, and I showed her my new house, and then we got into myspace so that she could see some of her son’s art work.  We laughed, we reminisced, we dreamt of the tomorrows and wondered where we’d be a year from now.  I need this time to do this.  Elizabeth is one I can sit and talk with for hours and never grow bored.  I miss her so much.  Does she really know how much this part of change in her life and mine is one that really hurts?

And she says again to me tonight,  “What would you do if “he” did call you?  Do you think you will see him before January of this year?”  Questions of soul mate.  Elizabeth is the one that has been there with me from long before the beginning of it all.  Do answers come?  Of course not!  What “if” really can’t be answered. Oh, we can think we know what we would do, but in the end, do we?  It is fun to speculate tho, and perhaps dream a bit.  And of course I do.  We came across a photo of him, I was in a silly mood, I kissed my finger and put in on his photo…………Elizabeth laughed!  “Do you think he feels it?”  I asked in a mysterious tone.  “You never know!”  She says in her sly, really wondering if he could way.  Of course I was being silly and care free believing in things that can’t be seen!  He’s so cute tho, it was fun to share that burst of a crush thing I still have for him.

Now, it is almost 11:30.  No, no time to proof tonight!  I will fall asleep as I have just come in from the hot tub to relax myself.  5:20 comes early. I must be at work by 6:45 tomorrow as it is the first day of school.  Another year, I wasn’t supposed to be there.  But I am.  Sometimes, you just have to have faith and believe.  I do.

And I pray tonight and I look up to heaven and smile.  “God, I trust you so much with it all.  It isn’t where I want to be, but if you have kept me here, then I will give it my all.”  I think that is called surrender.  In the end, I believe that is how we find our way.  Trust and surrender…………

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight, 

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  Even in the busiest of days thoughts of you often remind me that life is so full of miracles.  You, my miracle even after all this time and all the non-contact and everything.  You still are so incredibly familiar to me.  Perhaps this is why I hold on as I do.  Crazy as it seems, I know that I really can’t run from it.  Where would I go?  I know in my heart, for whatever reason, it is what it is.  And one day, it will be what it is in a very beautiful way……..I still believe.  I have to go to sleep now.  Have a beautiful night filled with exquisite dreams.  Sending you love and light,  Goodnight – Love, Sunshine