I’m so glad it’s Friday night. All I can think is that I don’t have to set the alarm before I go to bed.  In the morning, I can stay asleep and allow whatever dream to continue.  Not being pulled out and back into the realm of reality.

The day continued on. I found myself more tired today that I’ve been in awhile. I have to get back to working out.  I thought I needed a break this week because of the pace of work. I was wrong. I should have continued. I do feel better when I do.

One particular story I read last night seemed to strike a cord deeper within me, more so than a lot of the others I have read through the years. I found myself thinking about it a lot this morning, then I’d waver back to my own story.  Deep thoughts as I sorted thru teacher contracts figuring who had turned in what.

I guess the past few days I am getting more in touch with me. I talked of being in touch with my soul last night, it continued throughout the day. I’m not so sure it is good to go that deep within oneself tho. It exposes you to things that can’t be figured out on a natural realm.  Well, that place that we seem to know things only by what our 5 senses can feel.  You know, smell, taste, touch, hear, see.  When in reality, I have come to the conclusion, that is the smallest part of the universe.  So limiting.

Questions again would arise in all that it is I believe.  Only, for the first time, I didn’t freak out.  I simply looked within. I found strength to believe in me.  No, not anything egotistical, as I am far from that!  But strength to be okay being me and those questions that remain are answered with a knowledge that I am good where I am. I am following my heart. I am following a dream. I am growing in faith because I refuse to see what I guess most would see.

I am restless. I admit that.  God and I did a lot of talking about it today.  In the end, I still tell Him I trust Him.  He knows the beginning from the end.  And even tho I am so ready to move and go forward, I also trust that He has it all under control.

Skylar is here tonight.  As has been for however long, Friday nights just seem to be her night.  It’s good.  Even tho I am tired, she forces me to find that extra energy to chase her.  Tonight we walked through the lower field and down to the creek that runs through the property.  We touched nature as I taught her to look up at the old, old trees to see how stately they are!  We watched the creek run past us for a moment.  On the walk back, in the meadow next to my property we spotted 2 deer. It was almost sunset.  They were frisky and frolicking in the meadow I always loved to go stand in and look up.  Trees surrounding this meadow.  The deer felt the power of this place I always did too.  And even tho it isn’t the beach, I feel the beauty and peace of God’s hand in this place.  Then it was time to come home.  Pete and Lilly trapped on the deck, this was a walk they didn’t get to take. I felt bad, but with my lower energy rate, Skylar was all I felt I could do.

When we got back, ba pa (grandpa) was waiting to take her on a 4-wheeler ride.  We both hopped on.  She is now loving this!  It was a battle to get her off.  She now sits in the spare bedroom, watching Sponge Bob.  Tonight will be her first night to sleep on the “big girl bed.”  I have it made up still from Elizabeth.  She is excited. I hope I sleep good?  Normally, she sleeps in her pack and play.  Tonight, she will move on to bigger and better things.

Tomorrow will be a trip to the city and the state fair.  A promise to Skylar to see horses and cows, and sheep!  She will keep me busy!  I will get away from all these thoughts that go through my soul these days to just celebrate life.  Living as I need to be doing.  Loving every minute of whatever is presented before me. I’m trying so hard to do this.  I’m trying because I think that is what is needed to totally walk a journey of faith.  Just be happy where you are.  Still, my heart misses him.  I ask why all the time, but I know the answer to that question these days.  I’ve allowed myself to touch my soul.

Life goes on. I live.  I celebrate whatever each day brings me, and I grieve those things that hurt.  Those happen too.  And at the end of the day, when I am getting ready to close my eyes, I allow myself to see “him.”  My special someone so far away, but so close in my heart and my sphere of being.  And I drift off to sleep.  Sometimes praying, and sometimes, trying to see him.  Hoping so much to find him in the night.  And the more I touch that in my soul, no longer afraid to look, the closer I grow to God.  It just seems that is where all of heaven is found.  The kingdom of God among me.  Written in my soul, like a blueprint of all that was planned for me when I arrived here. And once again, a tired feeling leads to some very deep and beautiful thoughts.  I think I’ll head to the hot tub now for a moment of God’s beauty around me, and a moment of dreams of him.  As life goes on…………..

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight My Soul Mate:  I sit and I ponder so many things of you.  The why’s traded now for the longings to truly find all that it is I think I know in my being.  I wouldn’t like it if someone wrote to me the things I write to you, unless it was you writing them!   So I think I need to back off a little bit.  I think you know these days that I am so very sincere.  That you mean so very much to me because I do believe we come from a place not of here.  And as the days go on, then months, then years, it grows stronger within me. Like you are a light house or something beaconing me to come closer. And I wonder?  Am I a lighthouse to you?  Beaconing you to come closer to me each day and month and year too?  Is it stronger, or are my dreams slowly becoming more and more a part of me?  Please, talk to me.  It’s not interfering.  It’s simply living now.  Is it time? I feel it so strongly.  Perhaps this is the time it will all fall into place……………or so my prayer tonight as I close wishing so much you truly feel what I do.  No expectations tho, it is because it is…………..Goodnight my special someone,  it is YOU, and YOU know who you are because I believe it is written in your heart!!!!!  All my love,  Sunshine