Everything feels so weird to me right now. In a way I’m not sure I can describe?  The weather is so icky.  So hot and humid, yet the truth is, I will take this ANYDAY over winter!  The sky seems more dim at the moment too. And there is a feeling all about of uneasiness.  All you have to do is stop and listen to people talk.  It’s all around.  Not a real positive way to start the journal, huh?

Perhaps it’s more me.  I told my friend Vicki this today,  “There just isn’t enough time.  Never enough time.”  She agreed.  Do I do this to myself I wonder?  Or am I just so in between transition from here to there that the restless feeling keeps me spinning and spinning faster?

A great prayer time this morning where I release everything turned into a day of non-stop once again at work.  I do feel as if I am beginning to get my head above water, but I may have been slowed down a bit by a feeling of him.  Yes, soul mate.  I have these days.  It started last night.  It traveled into this morning.  Is he thinking of me?  Because if he isn’t then I am surely losing my mind!  Here I am, in the middle of a meeting with Mr. Boss and a phone techie and “WHAM”  I sense him. I see him in my mind’s eye.  Like a comfort. I shake off the feeling!  This is insane I think!  No, it’s a wonderful feeling I decide.  Moments flash before me as I really truly wonder if he somewhere thinking of me?  And I change my focus back to the meeting now, phone techie talking over my head about mechanical stuff and thinking I understand what he is saying.  I am SO not mechanical!  I don’t care how it works, just as long as it does when I turn it on or need it!  Mr. Boss looking at me,  “What do you think Sunshine?”  “Ummm……….okay, I think that’s the way it should be done.” I answer as if I know what I am talking about. It worked, I sounded like I was giving an answer.  I know Mr. Boss well enough, he is through with this meeting at this point and trying to get phone techie out of his office.  I am leading and guiding him out as a good assistant should.  I had no clue what I had answered, but okay, sure!  And “he,” the one far away, still felt so close.  So, was that smile because I was being gracious and kind to poor Mr. Techie who couldn’t get us to understand his mechanical mind, or was it all that was going on within me and such a warm feeling around me?  Probably a little of both. But okay, a lot more of the later!

It was hair cut day.  These days just seem to come faster and faster anymore, or is it this world is spinning out of control feeling I feel?  I noticed Lynn, my hair stylist wasn’t her normal self.  Usually she is so full of life.  Today she seemed drained.  When she got finished she broke down and told me her story.  After all, I am hocus pocus woman as she has so affectionately named me because of my stories through the years.  I felt as if she really wanted my opinion.  She began by telling me that her mom has had 2 heart attacks in the past 48 hours.  She is sad and I think I see tears in her eyes.  She goes into medical descriptions of what her life has been like the past 48 hours and I wonder why she is there to cut my hair! I know where she should be and a cancelled appointment would have been fine with me.  “Sunshine, can I ask you something?”  “Sure.”  “Have you ever heard of the folklore of the owl?”  I thought for a minute knowing that owls are something spiritual in nature.  “No, I haven’t.”  “Well, let me tell you what happened to me.”  She begins.  “Late last night my sister called at 2:00 a.m.  Mom had her first heart attack and she wanted me to meet her and mom at the hospital. I jumped up, got dressed. When I went out to get in the car it felt so weird.  The heat hit me in the face like a wall. I stopped for a minute because it felt so weird.  Then all of a sudden I heard an owl screech from a tree behind my house.  It screeched 3 times.  Then lightning shot across the sky.  It is said by the native Indians when an owl screeches three times, death is imminent.”  By now I see tears in her eyes.  Not necessarily from fear, but the fact this has happened to her and it feels as if she is being prepared.  “I’ve never heard that Lynn.” I told her.  She explained to me how she knew it, “I heard it way back in high school, or something.  I remembered when I heard the owl.”  I was intrigued.  But then, stories as these intrigue me because I believe that God places signs all around us always, but who will pay attention?  “Did it storm last night?” I asked her.  “Up north, but not here.”  I thought this strange that lightning would streak across the sky at about the same time.  “Could it be,”  I asked “That God prepared you a long time ago for the time your mom was to pass and gave you early in life what your sign would be?”  She agreed with this and said someone else had suggested the same thing.  She wouldn’t let me leave tho, even tho she was through trimming my hair.  She insisted that I read the article she pulled off the internet on owls and the meaning of.  I left there once again feeling God so close.  The most simple things most would never pay attention to are right there to help us.  I don’t know if her mom will pull through or not, but I know that Lynn is being prepared for the crossing over of her mom.  If not now, in the future.  After all, her mom is 93.  My thoughts and prayers are with her.  I’ve learned something very awesome today.  Something new to ponder and never forget.  Will I ever hear the owl the same again?

I drove home thinking of what I just heard, feeling warm of God, and still, this feeling that soul mate was so close. I love these days when I just know all that I have felt and believed for so long really are real.  I was lost in a moment of love.  God’s, soul mate’s, and the warm mystery of so many things.

I ended up calling Elizabeth.  She actually took possession of her new house today.  I knew her hubby had to work, her kids are all gone now, and she was alone. I wanted to celebrate with her and be there so that she had someone she could share with.  It was a nice talk. I broke down and confessed again that it just isn’t the same without her.  Donna and I are still close, as is Sydney, but still, there is a HUGE hole without Elizabeth.  We talked of plans to do a road trip this fall, when the dust settles for her, and hopefully STIRS for me!  Meaning, a “SOLD” sign in my yard!  “Hey, want to go south and west?” I ask  “No way!”  She says.  “No, I MEAN IT!”  I try to convince her. “Hmmm….interesting!”  She is intrigued.  “I’m not kidding.” I adamantly say! “Would you really do it?” She questions. “Yeah, I think I might.”  “It’d be fun.”  She says contemplating.  “Yeah, we’d see a couple great shows for sure.  I really think he’d love it if I showed up.”  And we talk about it.  Time will tell, we leave it at that.  Anything can happen tomorrow.  Who knows?  Maybe he will drive north and east?  At which I would be happy too! *laughs*  We went back to everyday chatter as best friends do then.  What her plans are in her house, when she is coming to stay with me next and when I plan to go to her new place.  It was so nice. I still miss her beyond words.

Donna and I had a great time today. I was sharing just a bit of my story with her again today.  She is really getting into this story now! She says it is like watching a love story in slow motion!  I am finding Donna can get carried away in the whole story herself.  “He is just driving me crazy!”  She says of soul mate.  “How can he read your stuff everyday for as long as he has and never contact you?”  Yet, she hears the coincidences and as me, feels that it really is him.  So we discuss the beauty of the story, two people, worlds apart, yet they never forget one another.  “Want to know who I think will play him in the movie?”  She laughs, I laugh, we are now going to take a minute’s break in the doldrums of our work day to dream a bit……..”WHO?”  She asks, intrigued beyond words!  “Kurt Russell will play Soul Mate.”  I say as I wipe drool off of my mouth,  “Oh yeah, he’d be  great as Soul Mate!”  And I think that either “Jacklyn Smith or Linda Carter will be me.”  Donna now is thinking, “And who do you want to play you?” I ask.  She is now giggling at the prospect, “hmmm………….”  She ponders.  “No, NO!  I know who plays you, she is PERFECT!”  “Who?”  I ask.  “Valerie Bertinelli!”  “Yeah! I see it!  She even has my personality!”  “And who will play Elizabeth?”  We joke.  See Elizabeth looks like Elizabeth Montgomery, who played Samantha of famed, “Bewitch.”  “Well, we can’t get her!” I joke.  So we begin to think on that one too.  As we are throwing out names, the bell rings and we get so covered up neither of us finish our conversation.  When I sit back down at my desk I sneak a look at the last photo he and I had taken together.  It’s still a soul mate day and moment.

Tonight I had a few errands to run.  Reminding me again the world is spinning faster and faster as before I knew it, night had fallen.  I once again close today out with a prayer and an anticipation that I am so ready to move on.  It feels as if forever is quickly approaching, once again giving me reason to practice this ole’ thing called patience. Which I remind myself daily is a fruit of the spirit.  John, one of the pastors at my church who also teaches at school, and I had a long talk about this today.  We seldom talk spiritual stuff, especially at school, but I found today he is where I am. Feeling SO called out of school and into where he believes God is taking him, yet, like me, for now, he feels stuck in quicksand.  Funny, even in my own restlessness I find myself speaking words of life to him, that faith and trust is what will bring us through.  He smiles.  A frustrated smile, but a smile all the same.  I was shocked he was where I was.  Makes me wonder what God is doing right now.

Another day, another bit of patience and trust applied.  There are just some days I feel so restless, and these days seem to get a bit more frequent lately.  It is only with the greatest of faith I confess now that I still remain calm and seek peace continually, it seems to get me through my days.  As does the dream of something one day becoming real and a part of my life.  All in God’s hands as I close my eyes and let it be. 

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  You were so on my heart and in my thoughts today.   Sometimes the feelings are so strong I find myself lost in the most incredible warmth.  How I so wish I knew you were experiencing this too.  But I suppose that is part of my journey.  Learning to trust what I feel from within.  I still struggle with this thing called, lunacy!  Have I lost my mind?  This is nuts!  Stuff like this isn’t supposed to happen to normal people!  But geesshh!  Whoever said I was normal?!  What is the gift it brings me I ask?  This feeling of you so near?  It makes me gentle and soft. I feel the love and a light that surrounds you and me.  Sometimes it is as if we are in the center of this light.  How can I describe what I see in another realm?  I only know it is in a place I never found till you looked at me that day, when I walked up and introduced myself and held out my hand.  You took it, everything flashed and all of eternity stood before us…….it’s that place I go when you feel so near.  Here is something odd and meaningful happening this week!  On Saturday, when I was at the state fair, it was a rather “doubtful” day.  Sometimes I don’t feel as positive as I do today.  But, at the fair when Skylar was riding rides the song,  “One More Day” came on. Immediately, I began to sing the song and thought of you.  The words are so perfect, especially for that night, as it had been a day full of doubt. (Remember, I was going to buy a horse and a llama and just hide in the country somewhere.) In the letting go this song came on and immediately, thoughts of you filled my heart.  Then I heard it again yesterday, and tonight when I was doing errands, it came on in a store I was in.  “Okay, this is just TOO coincidental I decided!  I have to share it with him!  So, turn off the meditative music above,  turn this song on and sit back and know how many times the past few days I have sang it to you…………I send you love and light……..as I hold you so incredibly strong in my heart.  A story shared, where I think light surrounds us both. Always and forever?  Yeah, I think so.  Goodnight, Love, Sunshine