It’s my really long day today.  This will be the 20^th Open House I have worked.  I sit at home for the moment taking a 2-hour break.  Soon, I will head to a quick dinner out, then back to school till 9:00 tonight.  Then home where I will finish my journaling, then bed, only to wake up and begin again tomorrow.  Will it ever end?

I’m reminded of Saturday and my trip to the beach. I don’t think I really understood how much God was teaching me that day. He is sure keeping me reminded of what I experienced!  I suppose some would call it just the way weather works, but in my heart, I will always believe n the miracle of that day.  It feels like my life at the moment.  I describe what tonight will be, then tomorrow. It’s like Saturday driving the 2-hours to the beach.  Rain. It poured!  I had a sinking feeling as I went on, here it is a day away from EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY, and it rains! Driving in the rain felt as if it went on forever! Still, my inner core drove me to continue.  Just like now, keep working Sunshine!  Keep moving on, never stop believing!  The rain keeps coming, sometimes in torrents and sometimes there are parts in the clouds, but I know I have to keep moving forward!  Soon, I will understand all this time has been a part of getting to where my heart believes it will one day be.  Do I know where?  Well, for now, let’s just say home.  *winks and wonders if “he” knows what that means*

The contract with my Realtor is up this week.  He emailed me this morning just assuming I’d renew.  He’d be right.  His wife, who is also my Realtor began emailing today too.  She is working on a lead.  In calmness, I wait with baited breath.  Thoughts of what the next step is no longer haunt me……I’m just ready. For so many things. I honestly believe the last 6 months I have changed so much. I have learned to believe and not be afraid.

Detective Dude worked today. He still cracks me up. He reminds me of some of the boys I went to grade school with.  (Grade school, do they even call it that anymore? Or is it strictly elementary school now?)  Anyway, he picks on me. Constantly picks on me!  He makes fun of my cell phone when it rings, it still plays, “Send Her My Love.”  So he tells me to shut it off, turn it on vibrate, saying how annoying it is!  At the same time my new boss I love so much walks by, “OH yes!!! JOURNEY!!!!” As he puts his fingers in the air doing the rock on sign!  I look at Detective Dude………hmmmm!  He is suddenly silenced!  I’m just glad he didn’t pull out his gun and shoot my phone!  I did go to him and draw my scenario that happened at the gas station the other day when the older lady accosted me.  He says I was absolutely in the right, I did nothing wrong!  He went on to explain about idiots in this world, only I have a hard time buying that.  I see things through such rose-colored glasses. I actually have prayed for this lady the last few days! Come on! To be that mean is a sure sign there is misery in her life.  So I can’t buy the idiot theory.  I make a comment to Detective Dude about her pain and misery and say perhaps her husband is having an affair with a tall dark haired lady that drives a Lincoln or something? At this, Detective Dude threatens to take his gun out and shoot me……I am so naïve for him sometimes!! I just needed a reason for her to of been so cruel.  NOTE: Of course he isn’t going to shoot me, this is his way of relieving stress……the thought of! Ha ha!  And we joke and laugh……in a long day as this it is nice to have the break of fun for a time.

Now it is 5:45. I must head to dinner. I will finish when I get home later tonight…………soon, so soon, I know the rain in my life will cease as the clouds part and destiny so near.

9:32 p.m………….

I’m home now.  My long day, the almost longest of the year to me is over.  I’m so very tired, yet I find lots of stuff going on in my mind.  LOL, I told Vicki the other day the normal person has like 30,000 thoughts that go through their mind, I know for a fact I am at like 60,000-70,000!  She laughed, I think she related even.

The drive home was beautiful as the moon was full and indeed so very splendid.  Why do full moons always make me think of “him?”  The one so far away.  I guess because until there was “him,” I don’t think I ever really noticed.

Speaking of which……When this whole journey began for me back in February, 2001, honestly, I had no clue what was happening.  It took me months, and lots of prayer and seeking to even begin to understand.  Finally one day a man said to me, “You two were soul mates.”  I said, “I know.” I have no clue where those words came from, “I know,” because I didn’t know! To me that was what you did on dating services or something!  It led me to begin searching the internet. This incredible WWW that links us to things we would have never been linked to in the past.  It was there I began to really believe there was something to soul mates/ twin souls, which I would learn, there is a difference in the two.  The truth is it all sounded wonderful to me! I loved the idea that we each have another half to our souls, and sometimes, fate has it planned you are to meet in this lifetime. Oh, the romantic notion behind it all!  I really had to go along with it because I knew for me, whatever happened to me, every test I could possibly take to know if you had met your soul mate came back 100%!!!!  What I wasn’t prepared for was the fact this journey was to be a whole lot more about others than even myself!

Through the years, people just showed up in my life on their own journeys.  Did I ask for it?  Looking back, no.  It just happened!  Before I knew it, people were coming to me with their stories and their experiences and I found myself giving explanations when I myself wasn’t even sure I really believed in it!  One of those stories was Jen.  Jen is my friend who after 12 years of the dance, finally met her twin soul in a truck stop about 15 months ago where he finally admitted his undying love to her, and the connection and everything else she ever dreamed of. A few days later he suddenly totally turned on her again, doing some pretty icky things.  Ahhhh……….yes, the twin soul journey I have discovered is full of ups and downs!  Jen swore, SWORE to me, this is it!!! It is SO over!!!!  That was 15 months ago.  I see her today and………….

I ask her.  A feeling within me made me.  “So, have you ever again heard anything?’  I knew it by the look on her face.  “I am seeing him in a few weeks.”  She begins.  “He is going to be at our homecoming, I think.  No one will tell me for sure, and I’ve point-blank asked friends if he is or isn’t?”  (Homecoming being her former high school about 4 hours from here.)  “He hasn’t been back in over 7 years for homecoming, and this isn’t even a big one!”  I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach, like butterflies or something. It felt familiar. I don’t know what felt familiar, but something felt very “prophetic” to me.  “Jen,  I’m feeling weird.”  She shook her head, “I know, I am too.  I should have my head examined!”  I’m not surprised.  It doesn’t go away for any of us! Fight after fight, hurt after hurt, disappointment after disappointment, and still, the connection remains.  He can’t stay away from her any more than she can stay away from him! BUT, what does it mean?  Is it true that twin souls, our other half really is real?  And why is it happening more?  It seems to me it is, because there are more books out on this subject than you would have ever found 20 years ago! The whys!?!! The mystery!?!!  I find this so ironic.  She said for years he would open the door to her, then close it.  15 months ago, for the first time, she closed the door and has not re-opened it. I once wondered how long it would go before he’d do something.  A question SO many of us have asked.  To me, it seems 15 months is long enough for him.  So Jen’s story is about to enter a new chapter of some sort.  Stay tuned…………..

I suppose somewhere along my journey I have become a hopeless romantic.  I’m not sure I even knew myself I had this much passion in me, but to be honest……..I didn’t.  Not until I met “passion himself.”  And if you asked him if he was a man full of passion, I kind of think he’d chuckle at you………..it’s just this connection we share, and probably a lot of destiny involved.  If you asked me if he was my twin soul, undeniably, YES!  Is that a good thing?  Some days yes, some days no.  It’s just so very intense.  Tho it has taught me to hold on and let go too.  So much balance taught from this journey.

I will close now.  A full moon has me thinking so many things!  Memories, future thoughts, dreams, loneliness, love, peace, and beauty of faith….but above all, mystery.  A journey of mystery and at the same time, the most incredible love I never really thought existed.  I’m really not that intense of a person, but when intensity is staring you in the face, I think you have a tendency to become very deep.

Of course, at the end of the day, it still comes down to that number one love of my life.  God.  I know that everything I am and everything I will ever be is only because of who He is within me……..and tho I seem to be walking a journey in the clouds, I do believe God brings me back to earth most of the time and keeps me grounded.  Still, I like those walks with my head in the clouds, believing in the most incredible things of love and light and hope.  So yeah, my transformation did lead me to become a very passionate person too.  And life is good now, just because I do believe.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  The full moon tonight makes me want so much to be able to share something so beautiful and magnificent with you.  Like the beach the other day.  I try so hard to live and go on and stay focused to only take one day at a time, but the truth is, I miss you so much. I know, how can I miss something I never had…….I can’t answer that, I just know I do.  You know, when it comes to this twin soul thing, I wish I could explain it, but I can’t. It’s a knowing that it’s been before.  You and me.  Maybe a lot of times before, I don’t know?  It’s just there.  On the drive home from the beach the other night Vicki said to me,  “I know couples that have been married for years and are crazy about one another, but I’ve never, my entire life (56 years) seen anyone who loved another as you do …. With the unconditional love you do.  That’s what makes me believe you and he surely must share something very different and special.”  I smiled when I thought about what she said, because from the beginning I never wanted anything more but to have a pure heart towards you.  Oh, I think sometimes it is so unfair to you, I give you the best of my love, my heart, and my soul, and yet,  I remain in a world you can’t reach through no matter how hard you try.  And I remember so much you once saying to me, “You don’t understand, I wanted to, I needed, I needed to call you!”  I’m so sorry if I am unfair.  I want it to change and I’m doing the best I can, but some things I have no control over either.  I read somewhere today that our souls know when the timing it perfect………the soul we are connected with knows too.  Is time drawing near?  It must……..I feel as that woman in labor…..pains drawing closer and closer…….it is intensifying.  Please, hold on one more day…….always one more day, the greatest miracles occur when we are holding on with every last ounce of our strength. After the rain, the clouds will part and the sun will shine brighter than it ever has. Words that must have meaning tonight for both you and me………they come from a higher place.  Even I will re-read them tomorrow and try to comprehend the depth of what is being said.  Now, I will go out in the hot tub, under the full moon, I will whisper your name and talk to you.  Do you hear?  If not, I believe you will feel it in your heart.  I send you love and light……..Goodnight my special someone so far away…….Love, Sunshine