Tonight’s entry will be short and sweet. I truly am beyond exhausted tonight, and the pace of which I continue to live leaves me wondering if things will ever slow down?  One day, I so pray, one day.

Life continues on a path of continual shutting of doors to this life I have known.  If there was anywhere any sort of doubt whether or not I am to move on, today completely answered that doubt.  Now, EVERYTHING, I mean EVERYTHING has changed.  I thought when Elizabeth left, that would be it, that was the final straw!  I was wrong. I was informed today that it is going before the school board next month for my job to become a 12-month job effective immediately.  This means I will no longer have summers off, nor Christmas Break, nor Spring Break.  The only good news is I have been there long enough that I will have 4-weeks vacation. Yippeee……*sarcasm*  It was the final nail on the coffin or however that goes.  No more question, no more looking back. Now, it is time! I have till next January to hope that my place sells.  Oh please, if anyone has ever sent positive energy this way, NOW is the time!!!  I left work after Mr. Boss broke the news to me in a daze.  I don’t know why tho? I mean it’s a known I am on limited time there.  Still, this was like the final blow.…….I told Donna, “I’m going home to lick my wounds now.”  She laughed, I didn’t.

Frustrated with my new laptop, it went back to Circuit City today.  They refunded everything but $135 for the installation they did.  That was wrong. I then went to Best Buys to look. When I told them I’d already lost $135 in trying to get a new computer, the girl said it was shady them not refunding all my money. I agreed.  I didn’t buy a computer there either.  Seems they show everything on sale, but when it is time to buy, they no longer have whatever is on sale in the store.  Frustrated, I left.  Hubby went with me, we ended up at Wal Mart where we bought an incredible Dell desktop.  Not a lap top, but we got a LOT of options!  It is still Vista………..which I HATE, HATE!!! But, this is for hubby, he’ll get use to it. I will stay with this, my laptop, whom I have deemed is my best friend in life.  One thing I did learn tonight tho, I better get it backed up and stored, I’d hate to lose my book!  So, for now, I think the dilemma of hubby having a computer is solved.  And I did in the end save about $400, EVEN with the foolishness of the $135.  *urrrrrr*

Tomorrow is a half-day for me at work, then I am on my way to the city at noon.  It’s Skylar’s 2^nd birthday.  This is such a bittersweet day for me. Her birth was such a shock and trauma, I still remember arriving at the hospital that night and the nurse telling me how close I came to losing both my daughter and granddaughter.  For the complete story go to “yesterday’s writings” above and click on the calendar for either August 31, 2005, or August 26, 2006.  Both are the story of her birth.  I bought her a tricycle tonight, and some clothes.  I can’t wait to see her on her trike!  It will be a special evening, but it is once again a constant on the go thing.

A long talk today with a friend of mine who is a cop and on the same page I am about politics in this country, which we both agree is quickly spiraling downhill, meaning BOTH sides of the aisle, left me feeling a lot of trepidation from within.  I try so hard not to focus on these issues, suddenly finding my head buried in the sand of how it all feels to me.  Not sure why every now and again the beast from within is raising it’s ugly head to remind me of how unpleasant the world is right now, but I have a feeling God does try to remind me of priorities and what faith is for.  When we finished our conversation I escaped in my mind to that place I go and raise my hands and cry out to the Father.  I probably sound a bit negative tonight.  Not really, just observing a personal feeling of what I see.  And I don’t watch TV or read the paper!!!  Still I feel it!! What is up with that? Then the word on my job changing in such a non-pleasant way.  Tonight I look up tho on my way home from all my running to see the moon full. It reminds me that eternity is really where my home is.  Till then, I walk the journey of here.  Back to the light, and somewhere that special man next to me.

Jen came to see me again today.  “You’ll never guess what!”  “What?” I asked.  “He will be home (her hometown, he has lived out west, 1500 miles from here) over Labor Day for a month!  Yes, a MONTH!  He is going to find a house and move back here!!”  I look at her, she looks at me, I shake my head.  “My stomach is in knots!”  She says.  “I KNEW something was up!”  No, there has been no contact at all, yet.  On the inside tho has he reached to her through space and distance and now he is coming back so very close to her?  We talked for a minute, as she left she said,  “Well, stay tuned!”  I cracked up!!!  “Jen, I wrote of you last night and your story, at the end I said, “Stay tuned….”  She laughed.  Funny how these stories are without end.

Now, I will close.  Life changed again today for me.  How much more before I move on?  Talk about feeling squeezed!  Or feeling the boot kick you in the rear out of the box and into the next phase!  I feel so odd tonight, and really, I don’t know why?  My faith will bring me through.  I think I really need a good night’s sleep now.  In the morning I will be renewed, and who knows?  Perhaps answers will suddenly be found when I awaken!?!  If not, I will continue on this journey……….this journey of faith.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  In the weirdness of the day I finally surrendered to it all, wanting so much to feel you and reach out, I sat down and wrote you this afternoon.  A beautiful letter, meant only for you. I was sure I was going to put it in an envelope, with a stamp and everything and send it off to you!  In the end, it turned out to be one of those, “Nights in White Satin” letters.  You know, “letters I’ve written, never meaning to send.”  The words remain in my heart tho…..words of so many things.  Perhaps one day, you will be able to share in all these thoughts, and words often written you that you never see.  Use your imagination, and if it has to do with love, you will probably know what some of these are made of.  You still remain my passion.  Please, believe with me that this place is soon to sell.  Please believe with me that somehow, we are soon to meet again.  Please believe with me that there is so much special between us for a purpose yet unknown……but maybe it isn’t unknown, huh?  Perhaps all the unknowns are written in our heart as answers for the day we look to know.  With all my heart I believe………I believe in the most real way I’ve ever known.  I send you love and light now.  Eyes so heavy, I really have to head to sleep, and as I close my eyes, and lay my head down, please know that you will dance behind my closed eyes, hoping to see you in my dreams. Always hoping this as I fall to sleep.  From a weary and exhausted Sunshine…………Goodnight,  Love,  just me…..k..J J