I’m just home from the city. It’s really late.  If I use to be exhausted, well, whatever the next step is, I’m there.  The drive home by myself was grueling. Storms and lightning abounding, it took forever.  Sort of like where my life is at the moment………….

I had a horrible day.  At least these day as I walk through them I know they are temporal……as well as a part of life.  I think it’s days as today that make all those beach days, and dreamy days of him so wonderful. So I have to honor today.  Even tho underneath it all, the whole day laid a stream of tears begging to come out.  I found myself in my “prayer bathroom” at work this morning just begging God to help me not cry.  It worked. How I love when prayers are answered in times of desperation.  The story I won’t share, due to lack of energy, but I will say that for the first time I had a student in my face going off on me for something that I was instructed I had to follow.  In the end, one of the principals ended up rewarding her for her actions by making the change I was told I couldn’t, making me look pretty bad.  What are rules and what isn’t? 20 years there, NEVER has a student talked or treated me as this one. All because she wasn’t getting her way! Sad thing?  Her dad was standing next to her and never said a word.  I probably should have told Mr. “Assistant” Boss what I thought, but I was too angry to do it.  Then Mr. Boss pulled something on me that I personally felt was blatant lack of respect.  Both episodes within 30 minutes of the other.  And how do you spell 2-week notice?  Usually I can blow it off. Today, I couldn’t.  Funny…as I was telling Amy the story this afternoon, she said, “Mom, this is why I want to stay away from work now. People are SO self-centered.  The world is so mean right now! Everyone just thinks of themselves and no one else.”  Perhaps this was the day I was to give up and believe it too.  I’m really very disillusioned tonight.  Or perhaps, REALLY burned out on a job that practices discrimination and lack of respect from a high level.  And that is not positive thinking, so I will change my thoughts and remain with the fact, I had a horrible day.  It’s probably me and bad thinking, right?

I was SO glad I was out of there at noon today.  I couldn’t wait.  The drive to the city was wonderful. I even stopped and had lunch alone.  I was trying to heal my spirit, but by the end of the day, it didn’t really work.  A good night’s sleep surely will open new horizons to me in the morning?  I did call Elizabeth and poured out my heart and anger and everything in between.  As always, she listened and tried to comfort me.  I miss her so much.  Another thing taken away from me as I wait for the next step to understand why she had to leave.

Skylar is now two. She loved her gifts!  What a difference a year makes in a toddler’s life.  She LOVED the tricycle!!!  I put a big bow on the front.  She couldn’t figure out how to make it move, but her Uncle Jason helped.  Her daddy will help teach her too.  The highlight of the night for Amy was when they were leaving for our pizza party, FEDX came with a package.  A gift from Uncle Joel and Aunt Emma.  Amy couldn’t even read the card because it would make her cry.  Aunt Emma outdid herself.  A beautiful outfit, and books, one signed by the author.  This touched me more than anything too.  Just how they remember!!!  I look at pictures of Drew and how adorable he is getting and I so wish that they lived closer and could share in events like tonight.

Now, I will close.  My spirit has been beat up today, yet I was unable to surrender to the beating because today was Skylar’s day!  No way would I ever let her down.  Cute photos I will share tomorrow night, but tonight, I don’t have the energy.

I’ll close now.  Wondering where my faith is, I know it will find it’s way back to me.  This seems to be a dark storm……….or is it the complete empty out thing of balance, you know fill up, empty out?  The sun will come out again. I hope tomorrow, but perhaps this is a stronger testing period?  I can’t say for sure, I only know that God is still on the throne of all, and I will wait upon Him to move me from this place to that…….but boy oh boy, does my shield of faith have a couple new BIG dents in it tonight as I close………

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  Oh, what a bad day?  Was yours okay, or is it as the twin soul gurus teach, when I am down, you are down?  Do you believe in stuff like that even?  I swear, one of these days we are going to sit down, like two intelligent human beings and compare our notes from over the years!  *laughs*  Yeah, like you or I could sit and act like intelligent human beings!  The intensity of this shared connection drives us to be anything but intelligent!  Or so it has been in the past.  And you know what? I think that’s okay, because as I say,  PASSION!  You are this girl’s passion!!! And somehow, passion isn’t intelligent.  Just thoughts from a broken-down spirit tonight.  Funny how I can write you and feel better.  How does that happen?  I only hope that in your real deep down emptying out days, thoughts of me help you feel better too! I mean how many people ever find this special thing we have?  Someone would probably accuse me of creating a dream world, but you know what?  If I did, you jumped in with me………and together, we find beautiful.  Perhaps one day soon we will bump into one another again.  Yeah, maybe!  A medicinal thought for my broken spirit tonight……..soon, so very soon……..someday soon! *smiles*  I send you love and light and a part of all that I am,  Goodnight,  Love, Sunshine

Uh huh........maybe this is what today felt like!