I made it through!!!  Through what surely was strong winds, and lightning and thunder and dark, dark clouds.  Not literal, allegorical.  It describes the week I have had. Until today! Today was in my mind anticipated to be the worst.  But it wasn’t. Without a doubt I know the love and light sent this way, and the ones out there praying for me calmed the storm!  In the end, it sure did brighten my Friday.

What have I learned after the week I had? Well, I learned to surrender. I learned that I am accepting the bad days a bit more gentler these days. I learned to honor the bad days for what they are, a part of life.  Ebb and flow, as the moon controls the seas, tides high, tides low so is it with the journey of life.  I saw this written by someone else today. It made sense.  But then anything having to do with the sea and oceans makes sense to me.  I made a lot of mistakes this week.  Anger got the best of me on more than one occasion. I discovered in the end that anger only left me feeling bad and guilty and robbed me of much needed energy.  Once again I am proven to myself that I learn the most in the valley of life. 

This weekend is one of, “I don’t believe this!”  Amy, Chad, Jason, Susie, Bree are coming tomorrow for the weekend, staying here and everything for 2 nights!  Skylar came tonight.  Friday night rights returning after a week’s absence.  Tomorrow we are all to go to the beach amusement park in our area.  Not to be confused with the real beach as I did last weekend, but one of those beaches on a lake with all sorts of rides and entertainment.  We are taking Skylar as a late birthday celebration.  Jason and Susie decided to come suddenly.  I was a bit worried about Amy with them coming, but she is taking it fine.  Healing has to come.  Perhaps this weekend is divinely inspired from above for just that purpose? Or so I pray. I am so sapped right now of energy, I really need positive and easy-going for a few days.  Yes, I will believe it will be a gentler time as what it has been thus far this year when it comes to my kids. 

Sunday, my life-long best friend, Jan, whom I have spent just about every New Year’s Eve’s with all of my life, will be surprised with a party for her 50^th birthday.  She has NO clue!  Her sisters put this together, with me volunteering to do the food. Yes, I should have my head examined!  I am more than honored to do this tho as Jan has been around for me all of my life. The closest thing to family I have in my life is her family.  Her parents are my Godparents.  And even tho I will have a houseful of people, I will manage to shop in the morning with Skylar for food, put the food together, and help decorate Sunday afternoon.  This is one of the reasons my kids will be home.  They know this is the closest thing to family I have.  We will all go and celebrate.

Monday I’m not sure what to expect?  A part of me so desperately wants to head to the beach I was at last weekend, but I don’t see a way to have time.  It is my hope that the weather continues to be beach weather and next weekend I am heading. Something tells me my friend Vicki will be more than willing to hop in the car and go.  With Labor Day here now, it seems to me summer has quickly slipped away, or if it hasn’t, it is.  Someone said this today too, “We are born in winter, and we die in winter.”  Hmmmm??? Very deep, I need to think about this.

I was so pleasantly surprised tonight! I got a message from a guy on myspace. When I went to read it, I discovered that “J”, my friend from school last year I helped get through school to graduate, had posted my photo on her profile with her profile name being,  “Love and light keeps me going, for U no WHO!”  It touched me at such a deep level!! All this time later, even tho it was just May, she continues to remember those days when she was so down, and I would close my eyes, raise my hands, palms up towards heaven and whisper, “Love and light.”  By the end of the year, she was doing this on her own when things got tough.  Now, it has become a part of her, or so she portrays for this time on her myspace.  Truly, we can touch others lives forever.  And it wasn’t even me, ya know? I SO believe we are meant to meet people on our path, and am even open to the possibility we make agreements in the pre-world to find one another on earth before we come here to help each other on the journey.  See, “J” gave as much back to me as I gave to her.  It is never one-sided, it is a blessing for both sides when we give in love.  And we learn so many things. I am so grateful for J.

Skylar is now busy watching her DVD’s.  2 is nice I have decided, as she can in fact sit and watch a movie now.  HOWEVER!  2 isn’t so nice when I am in Target, she has taken off on me and climbed in a rack of big boxes and hidden behind them to where I can’t reach her!!!!  One may wonder how she got ahead of me to do it, but then I don’t think one realizes how fast a toddler can be!  I sat there, trying to climb in to grab her, but I was too big.  People looking at me, “Skylar, come here!!!”  All I heard was giggles!  She thought she was so funny!!! And me! Exhausted from the week, can’t bend that freaking low to begin with, hoping she didn’t escape out the other side of the rack in the next aisle!!!!  Surely I was entertainment for some other shoppers!  Finally, she came out.  Did I scold her?  Of course not!  I am ma mah!  I spoil her!! *laughs*  Lately tho, and I’m not sure why, she calls me mommy.  Her other grandma is mammy, so I don’t know if she is confused or what, but she runs through the store screaming “Mommy, WATCH!”  This only adds to the thoughts that I am her mom.  Okay, I still like that I look young enough to be!!!  But as I am chasing her through the store, I want people to realize that mommy is NOT 25 as most mommies are!  Okay, okay, I am 25, but that is in my spirit and mind. NOT body!!!!  I know that I must have been a sight in Target as I tried to get this child out from behind the racks and the big boxes of strollers in the children’s department!

It will be a busy weekend for sure.  Hopefully, sometime during the weekend tho I will have some down time. I am desperately in need of down time.  The good news is next week shouldn’t be as grueling as the past 2 weeks have been. I believe I may be on a down turn now.  Wouldn’t that be awesome?!!!

I’m going to close now.  This is the first time in a long time I have been able to sit outside and journal.  The weather is so pleasantly cool tonight, the frogs and crickets sing to almost a deafening volume, Lilly and Pete at my feet.  Sklyar off with Ba pa watching her DVD’s…..I finally have a moment of peace and quiet to myself.  I think I will close now and head to the hot tub and celebrate the victory of making it through some real strong life storms.  In my heart of hearts, I know there were lots of prayers out there for me, and lots of love and light sent this way.  It got me through, and I am SO grateful for those that really love unselfishly, and from a distance……and of course, my close friends here too.  When you look at me, even tho I have dark days, I hope you see someone that is beyond blessed and shines with a light from within.  Because it is that light from within that creates all that I am.  Love being the guide, even in my failures, which I discovered this week, I still have many.  Oh well, God changes us from glory to glory.  I just walk the journey and learn as I can.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  There are still days I battle this whole journey of you.  Sometimes I see comments left by the women and I think to myself, I am just one of how many?  And I will sulk, or be hurt, or think I have to let this go, I have lost my mind!!!  But before long I am reminded that it is about so much more than just being another woman in your life.  I know, it doesn’t make sense!  Even to me!!  But I can’t run from what is so deeply written within me.  It’s so hard sometimes tho to understand your world……but I think you understand that, or at least hope you do. You continue to teach me so many things, even from the distance. Is there jealousy when I see these comments?  Of course not! *nose grows*  Okay, a little bit, yes……but mostly I think I question my own heart.  You must be a very special man to have such special people leave the messages they do.  Who am I?  Then I remember!  Oh yeah!! I’m that one you saw and immediately knew something special had happened.  I’m the one at the airport you looked into her soul sharing eternity with, if only for a moment. I’m the one that helped you believe in you again too. I’m the one that is here for you in the quiet and stillness of who no one knows who I am but YOU!  I’m in the still, quiet, look into your heart moments.  At least I have come to believe this is true.  And if I’m wrong? Well, I still say the things we do in the name of love are the things that will matter most in the end.  No expectations!  I’m just here, for those moments you want some place to go where someone sees your heart…….you come here, because I do. I do because I think God gave us both a gift to see that which defies explanation. He did it for you.  He did it for me.  And when I want to give up thinking I am just one of how many, God reminds me that is not so.  I am so special, you said it yourself.  And you are SO special, I said it first!  In the end, we have special, whatever that may mean and take us to where it will go, special is special.  It is, isn’t it?  I send you love and light in this quiet place you will always be able to come to and find real.  My real.  God’s real.  And love.  There will always be love.  Goodnight – Love, Sunshine

As requested and promised,  photos from the big birthday party this week. Skylar turned 2!!!!!