Perhaps this shall be a short entry tonight. I continue to feel sad.  Yet at the deepest part of me I know this sadness will turn to gladness again, I just have to walk through whatever I am, and learn what I can.  Perhaps I am beginning to learn what it is I am meant to learn during this period of time.

I worked this morning till 11:00.  Everyday I seem to grow closer to my boss and Felicia.  I have to admit I am shocked how well this job is working out. The beginning was SO “ify” now, I can see that God did in fact send me there.  Proving once again, things aren’t always what they seem.  This morning she, my boss, had lots she wanted to talk to me about, business, stuff she is going through and the subject she likes best when it is just she and I, soul mates. She is SO intrigued with my beliefs, both spiritual and on this soul mate stuff.  Yes, she lives a story and that’s all I have to say.  The rest shall remain personal.  I can only share with her those things I have learned on my journey, not only from my own story, but all those others I have met along the way I walk this journey with, even those in the distance. I wish I had answers, but the only answers I seem to give is no one but our “twins” could teach us of love the way we all are seemingly learning it. And I wonder……does my own twin, “Soul Mate” learn these lessons as well?  To truly learn of love I think it has to be done in a separated condition to be honest. I mean love is about being unselfish, and that thing called unconditional.  How could you learn that without there being a whole lot of conditions that have to be learned to be unconditional?  Deep thoughts huh?  Shared with my boss, and my own heart as I begin to share what it is I think I am learning.

The morning flew from there.  She had me working with a publisher on a book she is interested in.  Gosh, is that yet another one of those “scarecrow” signs pointing this way? ->

I had full intentions of swimming on my way home but the sky was growing ominous and my dogs were outside. I rushed home to beat an incoming storm.  I had left the garage door open so they could get in, BUT, it was a good thing I came home!  Somehow the wind took the door I had propped open with that thingy at the top that holds storm doors open, and closed it shut. Pete in the garage, Lilly out of the garage. I think they were both shook up!  Lilly seemed to be upset by this.  All was well tho cause mom came home early and in plenty of time that they didn’t have to endure a storm.

I should have swam then, right? But I didn’t. I fixed myself some lunch, turned on LMN (Lifetime Movie Network) where a movie had just come on. I noticed the time, it wouldn’t end until 4:00.  I was a goner!  Before I knew it the clock said 4:00.  BUT, I was SO determined I actually got my suit on and headed for the health club. I swam for an hour. *pats self on back*

The swim was so good for me with all that is making me feel so sad. This is where I began to learn what I need to learn and that is when it seems all is lost and there isn’t anything you can do, there is something you can do, and that is pray and let God have it. It never ceases to amaze me how I cry out to Him, or better yet probably “WHINE” to Him and He begins to fill me with wisdom on how to handle what is upsetting me. Most of the time it’s a gentle word to simply look to Him and He will provide a way.

For instance, there’s a LOT of work to be one around this property to have it sellable.  Especially in one of the rentals.  We have NO help, hubby or I. I will attempt to help him tomorrow, but I’m not that strong and I can’t lift a lot, especially with this cyst thing I am trying to baby.  As I was swimming that “woe is me” thing took over, knowing we have 3 kids, yes one lives 12 hours from here so that is excusable, but the other two don’t.  Yet, no one is around to find out what help we do need. I have no brothers or sisters, Dell has one brother but he is like 19 years older than me.  As I was feeling sorry for myself God began to show me something, He will make a way.  He will give to us what we need whether it be in extra energy as we begin the work tomorrow, or me extra strength to really be a help, I am believing it will be supernatural strength. As I was swimming laps I worked all this out in my mind, I could A: Fall to self pity, or B: Trust that somehow we will get it done. I chose B.

There’s a lot of other stuff similar to this in nature that makes me really sad at the moment, but these issues are being taken care of in the spiritual realm, probably mostly tho, my heart is being dealt with.  Yup! All this wisdom and understanding while swimming.

Tonight has been quiet. I’ve not so much as heard 3 words out of Dell. He’s been back in his domain the whole time. I ate my cereal for dinner in front of TV again.  LMN, I really shouldn’t turn it on!

I’m very tired, the swimming did wear me out. I just came in from the hot tub before I began writing where the sadness tried to creep up on me again.  But as I start to talk to God about it I remember I’m in a period of time where I am simply having to trust all that is seemingly happening, or not happening in my life.  It’s always darkest before the dawn, things are not always what they seem, and if you want to see the rainbow you have to endure the storm!  Yup, sad as I might feel, or melancholy as I may feel, I still think God is in the center of this moment of time and great things are getting ready to happen! Hey, it’s my year of jubilee, right?!  And we’ve only just begun!  I guess I am enduring the storm.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  You know I love the late nights and the early mornings when you’re here. It’s like you go to sleep thinking of me and wake up thinking of me.  Regardless of what is going on in my life when I see you’re so near, I know that this deep, deep connection I feel with you must be so real. I’m not sure you really want me in your life, after all I keep reading all those comments about the women you’re with some nights, but I figure I am living my life too, and not a moment goes by that you’re not on my mind, so perhaps you live this too? Besides, who but YOU could teach me all this stuff I’m learning about what love really is?  It seems right now I am learning the part about love is not jealous.  Okay, it’s tough sometimes, yet somehow it seems to me if you are coming home late, like 2:00 or 3:00am, reading, and then again early in the morning when you wake up, then surely you are experiencing what I am. A deep connection where you so wish things could be different, but no matter how hard you want it no open doors appear, yet.  We have to make “yet” the key word here.  I send you love and light and wonder where you are tonight, but I won’t wonder too much because when all is said and done, you’re here, in my heart.  Goodnight,  Love, Sunshine