I’ve spent the entire day with a 2-and-one-half year old.  It’s late to begin journaling, like almost midnight, and after so much time with her I am left really tired at the moment. I probably sound like a broken record when I journal as I always complain of feeling tired, but then I write at night after the day is done.  My days are crazy busy. Even when I don’t have plans it seems I find a way to fill them.  Skylar is busy, she kept me busy.

We took off this morning to go to the vet and get flee stuff for the dogs. Then I headed to a different furniture store.  BINGO! I about filled all the rooms I need to fill with the furniture I saw today.  Seems I now can envision the rooms and what I will do to decorate them.  I’d had a hard time having vision, unlike the first house I deemed dream house. I had that one all decorated in my mind’s eye. Now it seems I am making progress in the vision of which I see this new one.  Rustic/country of course. Sorry, it’s who I am.  I find contemporary so cold.  Elizabeth says it’s because I remember my past life so the way I like certain things takes me back. Rustic.  She’s probably right.

Skylar had a ball in the furniture store. I got my workout running after her in between fitting the perfect furniture I found. The sales lady who greeted me at the front door when I walked in I think wanted to be my best friend. She talked to me the whole time. So I am listening to her family stories, chasing Skylar, as the sales lady tags behind, and I'm in the process of trying to figure in my mind how much money this is going to cost me in the end. I guess I remain the queen of multi-tasking.

I went to take Skylar to lunch. All she wanted was pancakes so I headed to a restaurant I often eat that serves breakfast all day.  We got our table. We waited and waited.  Other people around me all seemed disgusted. Finally an older women in the booth next to mine commented she had never had such horrible service here.  I had sat for about 20 minutes as Skylar was really starting to get bored. The hostess must have overheard the lady and I and came to offer us drinks. “Um, you know what?  Everyone’s complaining about the service here, I’ve sat for 20 minutes, I have a 2-and-one-half year old that is growing restless. I think I’ll just leave now.  I’ll be back again.”  She tried to talk me out of it, well sort of I think, still I got up and left. I don’t think I’ve ever done that?  We headed to a Pancake House across town. Skylar ended up happy. That’s what it’s all about.

Having nowhere else to go we headed home.  A loud experience!  Hubby’s nephew is putting the new roof on. He brought a buddy and his son, and his own son to help.  They got half done I’d guess. Tomorrow the rains move in. It will be a few days before it gets done. Maybe weeks at this point.

No word on whether my offer on the new house will be taken. The owners left for Salt Lake City Friday morning.  I called “S.”  “Is this a bad sign?” I asked him.  “Not at all!” He reminds me, stating they are on the road.  Patience.......I kept hearing it from within.....this little thing called patience.  I asked if Joey had been in about financing on the rental house he lives in and wants to buy, which if the owners of the new house accept my offer would pretty much guarentee I will be moving.  “Not yet.”  “S” says.  He then begins to say he has some things in the works on my house he’s not ready to talk about, but whatever is up he states this morning took us one step closer.  I thought about Soul Mate’s words; “Mystery is good.”  As I hung up I decided I just have to wait and walk the journey to whatever is meant to be.

The rest of the day was spent doing whatever Skylar wanted to do.  And listening to a lot of thumping overhead!

Hubby’s aunt and uncle were visiting here from far away.  Hubby informs me of this around 6:30pm.  He wants to drive the 20 miles to see them. Only he has to clean up.  It’s almost 8:00 before we leave and we still have to stop somewhere for dinner.  Having been with Skylar all day, of which she refused to take a nap, she is now on the brink of grouchy. We stop to eat, she cries momentarily, spills her water after blowing bubbles in it for how long?  I’m tired, but these days I’m learning to appreciate people I come in contact with, I think it's good we're going to see aunt and uncle.

When we arrive I can’t help but notice how much his aunt and uncle have aged. I don’t think I’ve seen them in about 8 years.  Their daughter drove them here.  I’ve always really liked the daughter.  Can’t say I know her well, except she is a smoker, and I am a former smoker, when she used to come around we’d always find ourselves outside smoking together. Funny how I did get to know so many people when I smoked. In some ways it was a great social thing.  Tonight tho I wouldn’t be going outside to smoke with her. I truly have been blessed and been delivered and will never go back. But that doesn’t mean I don’t like being around my friends that still smoke and inhaling just a little bit.

I often see things weird, or perhaps I am too much a thinker.  When I walked in his aunt took one look at me.  “You have lost so much weight!” She said. “Uh, no!” I replied.  And I haven’t.  She continued to stare at me.  “I don’t know you?!”  She’d say.  “Who are you?”  Over and over we went through who I was. She kept getting upset,  “I have never met her before in my life!”  She’d tell her husband, Dell's uncle.  And they go through it again, who I was.  I happened to go into the kitchen to check on Skylar.  When I did the daughter came in and apologized for her mom.  “She gets confused.  She has dementia.”  She explained.  You could hear her mom fighting with my mother-in-law,  her other sisters that were there as well as anyone else in the room.  She was furious that no one would believe her that she had never met me!  I was not the one Dell was married to the last time she was here!  It was loud, obnoxious, and very determined!  I looked at Carrie, her daughter, “Just tell her she’s right, I’m the 2^nd wife.” I'm fine with that. Carrie laughed,  “I was thinking about telling her you were his mistress!” I cracked up about that one!  I went back in and the aunt apologized, stating I have never met you.  I stayed sweet and told her I am sure I have changed a lot in my looks.  My hair used to always be sort of short, now I have let it grow quite a bit, perhaps that was why she didn't remember me?  Oh and I had lost a lot of weight!  Ha ha!  If someone is seeing me thin, who am I to argue?  *laughs*  By the end of the night she was still convinced I was just someone new in the family with a little girl, Skylar.  I think I have to love that she thought I was Skylar’s mom.  Come to think about it, I got that all day today. No one can believe I am the grandma.  I love that!  *chuckles*

As we were driving home my mind started to wander.  Can she see that I don’t belong with Dell? I know this is going to sound crazy but I truly do believe that people who are nearing death, like cancer patients, or someone with Alzheimer’s, or dementia, are seeing into the spiritual realm.  After all we are spiritual beings having human experiences.  When things that are part of our human bodies start shutting down our spirits see with greater clarity. I really DO believe this! So, perhaps she sees that I don’t belong with hubby?  Hubby kept apologizing.  Why? I wasn’t upset by any means.  “I just hope she’s seeing into the future and I’m going to be really thin!”  It was a good laugh, but I must admit, it was wishful thinking from within!  She sure didn’t see Dell and I married that’s for sure!  And that’s all I’m going to say about that. *raises one eye brow*

During the conversation with aunt and uncle, they began to talk that their anniversary is coming up.  “How long you been married?” I ask. I mean these people are in their upper 70s – lower 80s.  “We got married in 1945.” He began to tell me.  “63 years next week!”  63 years?! Wow!  Far be it from me not to do research on my book!  “So, did you marry your soul mate?” I asked him, probably more trying to be funny.  He sort of chuckled,  “I don’t know?”  WHAT?!  63 years and he doesn’t know?!  Oh how I want to pry on this question like did he feel somewhere through the years he did in fact meet his twin soul, the one he always felt?  But I didn’t. I mean this is hubby’s family!  Someone at this point asks how the book is coming. It prompts questions about the book. I play it off, “Chapter 3 is DONE!”  Laughter comes from a few.  I’m so afraid someone will ask me what it’s about.  I am usually quick to answer, even in hubby’s family, but it doesn’t seem appropriate at the moment. I wonder what everyone will think once the book comes out? Well, “if” I get a publisher and it all happens the way it has been prophesied.  Will they have compassion and realize?  Will they know it is the story of me? My mind wanders, but only for a moment. Here I am! I am a complete stranger to this woman sitting next to me, even tho she has known me for over 30 years.  I decide there are days I wonder if I know myself.

As if things aren’t weird enough, hubby’s cousins are there too.  They’re my age.  They have a son who lives in the city Soul Mate does and they begin to talk about this city. How much they love it there, would like to spend some retirement time there. All about the city! I sit there so quiet.  I wish I could go and find out for myself, I think. Is this some form of synchronicity?  I swear it’s like no matter where I go, there is a part of "him" always thrown in front of me.

Now it is well after midnight and I am so very tired. Skylar will sleep in the morning but it will be another on the go day so I think I will head to bed.  I am so tired I don’t think I can proof read tonight so please forget any blatant errors.  Some nights I just am too tired to go back and proofread. 

And I go on. In some sort of window period of time that requires a lot of patience and endurance to get to where it is I am going.  Nope, not for sure where that is, but faith says it is good.  I guess it makes life exciting knowing that all these little scenarios are floating around out there of how all things could fall into place. I always wonder which scenario will happen, or perhaps there is something that hasn’t happened yet that will completely change the total outcome of what I sense today?  Yeah, Soul Mate was right,  mystery is good.  I just have to realize it’s a journey that I’m not meant to know the end, only taking one day at a time.  And I do and I will.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

Goodnight Soul Mate:  Can you believe after 63 years of marriage and he can’t say yes he married his soul mate?  Except I can understand what he’s saying! I really can…….My thoughts go to you.  Sometimes I think it’s so sad to know what I know and yet, not to be with the one I know to know…..but it is.  How lucky am I to know who you are to me? I mean most people live their whole lives and never find their twin souls. So yes, I think that is the blessing.  Does a day go by I don’t think of you most of the day? Of course not!  Today included.  Always, you are always on my mind and in my heart.  Life is happening, everyday it is happening.  But I go on living without you in my life.  The hardest thing is wondering if we are missing valuable time, or if we are right where we are meant to be?  I have to go with the latter because I happen to believe that it is all pre-planned……so that means I have to trust it is what it is for now………and you know, I think both of us can just call it special.  I send you love and light.  Call me!  *wink*  Goodnight,  Love, Sunshine

Remember the re-occuring dreams I had about a year ago about Paul McCartney being my twin soul, and I knew that in the dream Paul represented you?  So here! My visual of you picking up the phone and calling me.  Now visualize it!  You can do it! And I will answer and I will say, "Uh huh, Uh huh!"  And we will laugh for a minute and then finally........I think we really would become the friends we need to be.....I am here, you are there, and yet, we could truly begin a beautiful relationship of caring for one another.  Just a thought as I head to bed so very tired.  Just know I don't see Paul here, I see you.  Goodnight.........