Yes, it’s once again been a few days since I’ve written.  Life happens tho, and for me it seems to be non-stop at the moment!  But doesn’t it seem to always be this way? Even tho this is the time of year the days are longer, there’s still not enough hours.

Grandchild #3, Bree had to have an MRI yesterday.  Normally I don’t go to these, but because Chad is in Afghanistan (more on that in a moment), and because they were going to be sedating Bree, I felt that Amy needed me there. I took family illness time and headed to the city, to the children’s hospital to be mom to Amy and Mee Maw to Breezy, as we so affectionately call her.

As is par for the course in my life, I was running late getting to the city by 7:15am.  Go figure! A 70 mile drive to get there, and to make it so early challenged this other-wise, “tends to run 10-minutes behind time person.”  This through us off to begin with, tho Amy tried to be okay with it.  We had to have her there by 8:30am.  Unfortunately the freeways were absolutely backed up in grid lock!  Amy was a bit anxious now.  Then we got lost, Amy couldn’t find her way as normally Chad does all the driving. Finally we found a couple police officers talking so we pulled up and got directions in downtown city. By now Amy was near fit-to-be-tied.  Here I was supposed to be helping and I’d thrown a wrench into the plan first thing!

I dropped Amy and Bree off at the front doors,  Skylar and I went to park.  She is such a big girl these days I swear!  We parked in the big garage and headed into the children’s hospital which is HUGE!  I had NO clue where we were going, which I was actually grateful for as I realized how blessed I was we never had to take kids there before. I was sent to the pediatric MRI department but must have made a wrong turn. I ended up in what must have been the X-ray department or perhaps cat scan department. I saw things I never wanted to see. My heart broke as I looked at the little ones, and pre-teen kids. Some in wheel chairs with hats on, or bald heads, one little girl caught my eye.  She was about 8,  in a wheel chair, obviously blind and disabled at the same time. She had a service dog with her, obviously her companion. A beautiful black lab, you could see the loyalty in this dog for the little girl that had so much against her in this life. I looked around, tears stung beneath the surface, but sometimes you can’t and shouldn’t let them show, this was one of those times. I asked the receptionist where MRI was. She directed me. I turned, smiled at some little girl with a scarf on her head so glad to leave this department.  I whispered to myself , “Sometimes, life just isn’t fair.”  It was the only words I could think of as I walked away holding Skylar’s hand, my beautiful little 3, almost 4-year old granddaughter who is so healthy and beautiful.  My thoughts went back almost 4 years ago as I remembered our battles with her when she was born and how close she came to dying at birth.  I can still hear the words,  that night she unexpectedly came into the world, from the nurse assigned to Skylar in ICU as she explained to Dell and I that the last time a mother had a crisis as Amy had, the baby didn’t survive, and that Skylar may not make it through the night.  So many prayers that night for this little one whom Amy couldn’t even go see because she herself was in critical condition. The placenta had torn away from the womb in Amy’s 6 month of pregnancy, the only thing that saved both Amy and Skylar was Amy had insisted Chad take her to the emergency room as something didn’t feel right.  Here I sat with Skylar in one of those glass incubators, tubes all up and down her arms and stomach. Her mommy couldn’t’ see her, her daddy torn between ICU where Skylar lay and Amy’s room down the hall. I sat with her and prayed and sang to her the only song I could think to sing that night, “Just Remember I Love You.”  And I’d pray, then I’d sing.  I didn’t know what else to do.  Now here I was, having just seen all these little ones so sick,  holding Skylar’s hand who every now and then would look up at me and say,  “Mee maw, I love you.” She will always be a miracle when I look at her.  I wish I could explain why some are completely healed and some are not…………………but I know God is good and I think that while we are human we probably will just never be able to see beyond.  It takes a lot of faith not to doubt and question I guess, still I’m human enough to want to ask sometimes.

Bree’s MRI took a lot longer than expected.  During that time Amy and I sat in the courtyard while Amy called the Modeling Agency. She used my blackjack telephone so we could put this on speaker phone. I was determined I was going to scrutinize whomever we spoke with it!  Amy gave me free reign to do so.  Let it be noted tho I had absolutely researched this company on-line for 2 days!  There were a couple complaints I found, but nothing major.  For the most part they cleared my first line of inquisition.  Now on to talking to the agent, believe me, I was skeptical!  We actually got right into the agent, he answered the phone.  All the information sent to Amy in US mail included the direct line to speak with him. That passed the voice mail system I expected to get.  I let Amy begin with her questions, then it was my turn!  I pretended to be a legal representative of Amy’s.  LOL, I played the part well!  He wasn’t quite sure who I was so he kept his sense of professionalism about him.  He answered my questions the way I had hoped he would to keep this legit.  No money was requested up front for anything.  He actually warned us of two things to keep this legit,  “If ANYONE asks you for any type money up front for composites, portfolios, etc. RUN!  Also, do NOT sign any exclusive contract with ANY agency unless they are paying you a HUGE amount up front!  He also warned Amy of the cute kid contests that are all over the internet these days. As a matter of fact, he lectured her on them.  That did get bonus points with me!  He explained that they get thousands of photos uploaded every week, and the process of how they go through the first committee, of which 80% never make. Then the next 20% go through the next round, of which 10% never make.  Then there are the last 10%.  Skylar was in that group.  Her photo was one of 50 they took out of 6000.  These are the figures he gave us.  They simply will market Skylar now to companies that may be looking for a blonde-hair, blue eyed little girl.  They will produce what’s called Zen Cards of which agents across the country hand out to advertising agencies.  The agency has been in business for 36 years and is reputable. I know this to be true as I did a background check on them.  They have offices in 12 different cities around the US.  So now it is a waiting game to see if Skylar ever gets work.  The agent believes she will with her look. As Mee Maw, yeah, I think she is adorable and all that………….but as I stated earlier, I’m not sure I want her exposed to this world, but perhaps if it is a job here and there, it isn’t that big of a deal. I liked the agent, tho he talked and reminded me of an agent you’d see in the movies.  Very Hollywood, in a knowledgeable sort of way.

This was a good way to pass the time while Breezy was going through her test.  I know deep down Amy was nervous.  It took her another 3 hours past when she should have awakened to come to. Skylar and I kept walking through the hospital, or outside, or in the gift shop.  And every now and then she’d look up and say it again,  “Mee maw, I love you.”  Awwww…………………for the long wait we had she was so good.

The rest of the day was not good for any of us.  Bree must have had a really bad reaction to the sedation as she screamed and screamed and screamed some more. Poor thing!  I felt so sorry for Amy!  Finally I told her and Dell when he got to Amy’s house after work to take off and get pizza for us.  I knew it’d be a few minute break of which Amy needed so desperately. Of course Bree screamed and screamed when her mommy left. I finally held her in my arms and prayed a spirit of peace over her.  The whole time Amy was gone I did this………….just praying peace for her little spirit.  She had all but stopped crying when Amy walked in with the pizzas. She began crying again, but soon I noticed she stopped.  Prayers once again prevail in my life.

And speaking of prayers!  For those that watch the news you may have already heard,  on Sunday there was a rocket attack on the Bagram, Afghanistan base where two of our US soldiers were killed.  Chad is stationed at this base. We got the call Sunday morning from Chad’s dad that we’d be hearing this on the news, but he wanted us to know that Chad was okay.  This REALLY upset me!  I have lived most of my life not really knowing what war is.  A few years ago a friend of mine lost her son Luke in Iraq, which was the closest I’ve come to really facing the tragedy of war.  Now I have a son-in-law over in a war zone, and my son who assures me before too long he will be deployed himself, and it makes me look at where the world is and how I really don’t know what this world is coming to.  I am so grateful Chad wasn’t one of the soldiers that was killed, but you know, it was someone’s son, brother, husband, grandson, son-in-law…………..and I pray for the families. It feels too close to home for me at the moment.  Like I don’t understand why some children get completely healed, while another doesn’t, I  don’t understand why there has to be war and why all the hatred.  But I never want to harden my heart so I remember that we are all here to prepare us for eternity,  perhaps that preparation comes in ways I just don’t understand, still I will have faith and trust.

On the property sale front…………the interested buyers of almost  a year now were sent the email that my “blue light” special I was offering them will expire tomorrow, and I  MEAN business!  If I don’t have an offer of that amount tomorrow, I will NOT consider it again.  I’ll begin painting and turning the trashed-out rental house on Friday or Saturday.  I’m about to go back to the rental business if the sale doesn’t come through by tomorrow. This time I hope and pray I am much wiser, and actually believe I am.  And you know, much as I hope and pray it sells, if it doesn’t I’m okay with that now too.  This just means God will have me go in a different direction, or has a better plan, and I’m good with whatever that is or may mean.

I went and swam laps after work today and lunch with Jane. Tonight once again I am red, tho I do this but by morning it will turn brown.  But what is going on with the sun?  Is it hotter than normal or am I just “aging” and my skin is changing?  LOL, aging?  Some little 10-year old in the pool thought I was about 35 today.  LOL, I wanted to bring her home with me!  I’ll take those compliments any day!

And now, I must head to bed. I have to work all day tomorrow.  It is what it is……………..and I am where I am for reasons, or so my faith says.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

~Sunshine

GNTS:  I guess not  a lot of words to say tonight………I had moments where I thought about you today, well I had a lot of moments. I’m glad I no longer have that deep “longing” to see you and be with you and all those things I did for so long!  Now what I have is this incredible connection, where I know that out there you are thinking of me, and probably sending warm thoughts my way, and I am here, doing the same. It’s almost as if we both know that one day, we will be again.  Somewhere in time………someday.  See! I have grown into the most incredible faith when it comes to you, and now I have such peace because I finally know.  Your last few messages to me finally made me understand the truth.  It’s just so darn special. *smiles*  Goodnight, ~just me