It’s so quiet at the moment.  I couldn’t figure out why then Dell reminded me for over a week we have had people around constantly.  He’s right.  Not that I minded at all, I mean it was Skylar and Bree, and Amy and Chad.  Not to mention the constant barrage of people we were around, morning, noon and night as we went from one amusement park to another.  But I’m getting way ahead of myself after a week of not writing due to lack of internet connection, and the struggles of trying to type messages out on my phone only to lose them.  So I will slowly try to catch my life and heart up.

To begin with I think this is the first time I’ve felt “sort of” homesick.  After being in Florida for a week, coming home just doesn’t seem the same. But then why would it? I mean I am in a new house I hardly know.  I love the house I do, but tonight as I sit to write, I realize how “displaced” I feel. *sighs*  I know what is missing the most I guess….. Nick.  My 19-year-old-cat who would have been 20 November 13.  He died while I was gone.  So I think that is the absence I am feeling.

I know, I know, he was “just” a cat, but to have an animal be a part of your life THAT long I am finding is really leaving a void.  He died on Wednesday.  Jason had been in to check on him every other day since I left on Friday, which seemed like good timing to me.  When Jason came in that Wednesday evening I had called him to see if “Nick” was okay. Looking back I think I must have had one of those “feelings.”  When I called Jason was on his way.  “Please Jason, call me back and let me know if he’s okay.”  I am SURE I knew in my spirit he wasn’t.  A few minutes later Susie called,  “Jason said Nick isn’t breathing right. He’s going to bring him here and have me look at him and then we’re going to take him to emergency care.”  She said.  “No Susie, don’t take him, there’s nothing they can do. They’ll just put him down.”  She wanted to at least see if he had a hair ball or something.  I was sick to my stomach.  I wanted it to all be okay because I felt guilty leaving him!  When I left him on Friday I kissed his fragile head, told him I loved him and tried to do with motions that said so……..after all he was now deaf and his eye sight was failing as fast as he was losing weight.  Poor old decrepit guy!  I think I intuitively knew it was the last time I’d see him, but I wanted to convince myself that wasn’t true.  He had to be okay until I got home! He HAD to be!

Jason called back a few minutes later. I knew he was putting him into the cat carrier and to Susie to see if she could help. I know how helpless he felt.  I heard Dell’s phone ring.  I figured it was Jason updating Dell.  I finished my conversation with Chad and Amy and ran into the bedroom of our condo where Dell had just hung up.  “He’s gone Sunshine……He died in Jason’s arms as he was trying to put him in the carrier.”  I sat down and began to sob.  “Noooo…………………..I wasn’t there for him!” I said through tears.  By now Amy had run in as had Skylar.  Amy got Skylar out of the room while I buried my hands in my face and sobbed.  So much death it seems I’ve faced the past however many years it’s been since my mom died.  One more.  My aged cat who slept with me, and followed me around in his prime years.  20 years!  Amy tried to assure me this was some great designed plan.  “Mom, I think he chose to go when you weren’t home so you wouldn’t have to see him!”  Why did that make me feel a bit better?  “But I SHOULD have been there for him!”  I think that was what was bothering me most!  “Did he suffer?” I asked Dell.  “No honey, he didn’t.”  He tried to assure me.  Jason said when he came in he was lying in the middle of the floor sort of meowing…………but he didn’t think he had been there for long.  He said he picked him up and when he did he just went limp.”  Now I am really crying.  Dell called Jason back and gave him instructions on how to bury him.  At least he made the move and would be buried in our new back yard.  “Dell, can’t we please freeze him until I get home.”  “WHAT?!!!” Amy said to me!  “Mom! You can’t freeze that cat!”  I just wanted to see him one more time, and do the burial myself.  Everyone vetoed me on that idea.  My memories would have to be of the Friday I said goodbye to him and told him I loved him.  Do we really ever know when it will be the last time?  With Dell’s instructions Jason did the burial.  When I talked to Jason later, knowing Jason had faced the worst of it all, he told me he had placed 3 bricks on the grave at the edge of the forest in our backyard so I’d know where he was and could visit his grave.  I cried some more…………but knew that this is one of the hardest parts of life we all face.  The death of someone/something we love.  And with that, I proceeded to take everyone to a seafood buffet dinner to thank Chad and Amy for all the help and endless 80-mile trips to our old house to help us move.  I wasn’t that hungry………………..but I was also filled with a resolve not to ruin it for everyone else.

I supposed Skylar made the most sense to me because on the way to dinner as she was riding with Dell and I, I explained to her how Nick was gone and had gone to heaven.  “He’s going to be with Jesus?”  She asked.  “Yes, honey, he is.”  Then she said,  “Meemaw, where does Jesus live?”  I told her in heaven.  “No Meemaw! He lives in my heart and if Nick is with Jesus then he now lives in my heart too.”  No more words need to be said!  I think she explained something to me I never really understood.

Other than my sadness for losing my cat the rest of the Florida trip was challenging,  nice, special, and anything BUT relaxing!  The biggest thing was the heat wave they were having while we were there!  Everyday held temperatures in the mid to upper 90s with humidity levels to match!  The first day there we did the magic kingdom.  It was so hot it was almost hard to enjoy, but because of Skylar and Bree…………we did.  On Monday we headed for the beach. We chose Daytona Beach as further north was having some thunderstorms.  It was so hot tho you HAD to be in the water, and with the girls, that meant me sitting on the surf’s edge while Skylar and Bree ran around me.  It wasn’t the most relaxing time I’ve had on a beach, BUT, all the same it was the beach, hot as it was.  The highlight of the afternoon was when a school of dolphin swam real close to us and we could see them jump.  Dolphin, one of my favorite creatures in the world!  What a thrill!! That night we headed to St. Augustine which was a disappointment for me. I love this ancient city but we discovered that October is “out-of-season” and all the little shops were for the most part closed.  Even the ghost-walks were closed from what we could see. Few people were around. It was almost eerie…………and I wondered if the economy had hit this place full force.

On  Tuesday we did “Disney’s Blizzard Beach,”  a water park that specializes in the most incredible waterslides and a wave pool.  I opted out of the waterslides!  Chad did one that is built atop a HUGE what appears to be a mountain with look-alike snow caps.  You have to take a ski-slope up to do the slide.  It times you as you come down.  Chad was going 57-miles per hour when he hit the pool at the end.  Nope!  Not for me!  My favorite thing was the lazy-river. Over one mile of floating on a tub under waterfalls, and amongst the most incredible greenery possible.  I’d lay back and look at the bluest of skies with white puffy clouds and palm trees lacing the view.  The water of which I floated in was so peaceful and clear I truly felt as if I had really found paradise.  I LOVED this experience!

On Wednesday we did “Disney Studios.”  My favorite thing was doing the “American Idol Experience.”  They have 7 shows throughout the day and the grand finale show at 7:00pm that night. I went to the first show, cast my vote for the 16-year old kid that won our show.  The rest of the day there were other winners too.  I was determined to make the grand finale show that night and we were 2^nd in line.  Got first row seats and enjoyed the show beyond belief!  Once again I voted for the 16-year old boy!  He was OUTSTANDING!  He won the whole thing!  This means he can go to ANY audition for American Idol across the country and bypass ALL the lines. He goes directly before Simon, Randy, and Paula (even tho I know she is no longer there.)  Let me tell you!  This kid is from Boston and I will guarantee you that he will probably be big stuff!  My 2^nd favorite thing at this theme park is the “Little Mermaid Voyage.”  It’s a show that combines real life characters and animation, along with things like rain as you sit and watch the show. It’s an incredible experience.

On Thursday Dell and I parted from the kids as they headed to Universal Studios. By this point I had enough amusement parks and knew I had one more day of them on Friday.  I really wanted to go back in time so we headed to Bradenton, and Ana Marie island.  My parents owned a house in Bradenton about 10 minutes from Ana Marie Island.  This is where I spent all of my holidays as a child and where I believed Santa came in over the Gulf.  The first thing on my list of things to do was go see the house.  I was devastated tho.  I’m not sure but the house almost looks desolate and is in possible foreclosure.  My heart sank!  Such memories of this place as I stared at the carport and remembered the years my mom and dad gave me a pair of roller skates for Christmas and I skated all over this carport. Boy did I think I was hot stuff with my red pom pons!  There was a lady standing next door smoking a cigarette so I got out of the car to see if she knew what was happing with this house.  She had been around for 2 years and never seen a soul.  She sort of thought it was deserted!  She told me I should check on it with a realtor.  I took pictures and was determined to find out.  I actually have hopes of buying this house back and if it was in foreclosure I COULD do it!  Oh was I excited!  It turns out this lady was the cleaning lady for the house next door.  Darn! I thought she was the owner and would know.  I got all the photos I could and drove away.  Memories…………….but can you ever really go back?  For some reason I didn’t think so as we left the neighborhood I so dearly love.

I then tried to find the trailer my great-grandmother lived in which was in a senior trailer park across the street.  I never could find it which made me really sad.  I can SO see it in my memory, but why couldn’t I find it when there?  Is it still there or has it been replaced by something newer and better?

I decided to head to the beach.  The beach I spent SO much time growing up on. The beach I grew to love the beach so much at!  The Gulf Of Mexico!  We went to the first beach that was crowded beyond belief!  Even in the off season!  But remember, this was the day that reached 102.  We got settled in when Dell complained he didn’t like it here. I knew of a different beach so we took off for that one.  He liked that better.  We swam for a long time………..and he took off to hunt seashells for the kids. I put my beach chair I drug from home IN the water and sat for 2.5 hours.  Memories of childhood rushing through my thoughts as I wondered what life was all about in the end and where it is I am headed.  So many thoughts and dreams I continue to have.

And with that I will break. So many more thoughts from the week, and my adventure the next day at “Typhoon Lagoon” where they have a pool that has a tidal wave of 15-20 foot that is released every 4-5 minutes!  Oh yeah!  Me, who LOVES waves was in heaven, but I ended up in first aid!  But more on that tomorrow night.

I’m supposed to go back to work tomorrow which means getting up at 5:00am, driving 83 miles to work for the day then back home the 83 miles.  I SO don’t want to do this, and the truth is I have been sick ALL week while in Florida! I survived on Advil, Mucinex, and an attitude that sickness wasn’t going to stop me!  It was easy there because it was so hot, but here…………at home where the temps are now below freezing and it’s been rainy and icky, I just hope I can survive as well as I did in the heat and the salt air atmosphere.  I just hate the drive.  What else can I say.

I will now head to the hot tub where I will try to regain some meditative time that I’ve so lost the past week while on the go so much, and be still and just listen to my heart.  I am one that SO needs “me” time, and even tho at the beach a few days, and around water most of the time, well, there still wasn’t a lot of “me” time, so the hot tub will help me find “me” again…..

More on my week and hopefully some photos tomorrow night.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

Sunshine

GNTS:  Tonight’s song is one I heard over and over last week and for just a moment thought about the past almost 9 years. " I want to be part of your world" or something like that.  But perhaps it’s better dreaming it than being it.  Something awakened me to this possibility Valerie Bertenilli said about her ex-husband, Eddie Van Halen.  Funny how you can learn lessons in the strangest places.  Still, it is what it is………….and it is.  So this song is for you.  Goodnight my far-away stranger that I know somehow so well in my heart, even in the distance and time span that just goes on forever.....