Ahhhh………..finally!  A moment of quiet and a time to reflect on all that is happening in my world. My lavender calendar burns, meditative music playing in the background, and complete quiet in my new house.  Pete and Lilly sprawled out near my feet.  I have come to really cherish these moments.

The past couple of days have once again been on the go. Well, at least Monday was, along with the weekend.  Halloween found me at Amy’s house.  Poor Skylar was sick.  Amy had taken her to emergency care that afternoon as she had run such a high fever during the night.  They did a strep test which came back negative. There was discussion of the H1N1 virus, but the doctor highly doubted it, even tho there were so many cases in my new county.  Skylar was feeling better, her fever down, everyone sighed a breath of relief and wrote it off as some virus Amy had herself had a few days earlier.

We met late in the afternoon at Amy’s house and took Skylar, Bree, and baby Elizabeth out for the trick or treat thing, it being Elizabeth’s first adventure of such.  Chad’s mom went with us too, as did Pete and Lilly. Something these two dogs have both come to love on Halloween night. Of course kids run up and want to pet them, of which Pete and Lilly absolutely eat up!  I’ve never really celebrated Halloween for my own personal reasons, but as of late, allowing Amy to raise her kids the way her convictions flow, I find myself celebrating more than I ever have.  I am enjoying it as Amy’s neighborhood, filled with younger families really get into it.  Half way through tho Skylar could hardly stand, she was chilling, obviously her fever had returned.  Chad’s mom took her back to the house as Amy, Susan, Jason, Dell and I with Bree and Elizabeth continued on our way.  We ended sooner than normal due to cooler temps and returned to Amy’s for a spaghetti dinner compliments of Chad’s cooking.  We did the traditional movie watching of “Hocus Pocus”.  Poor Skylar tho.  Her fever was near 104, and even with Tylenol we couldn’t get it below 103.  That just wasn’t right. I felt so bad for her, she never even asked for any of her candy.

On Sunday Dell and I were redesigning our lighting in the kitchen when late in the afternoon Amy comes in with Skylar.  She had taken her to emergency care again after her fever just wouldn’t break. This time they did the prelim test they do for H1N1 and sure enough, Skylar was positive.  Amy was running to the store to get her the prescribed “Tamaflu” which apparently MUST be given within 48 hours. Luckily,  we were within that time period, but pushing it. Skylar stayed with me while Amy ran her errands. It was decided then and there Chad would stay home with her on Monday, I’d keep her today and tomorrow (taking a family illness day my next to last day of work) and Amy would stay with her Thursday and Friday.  She isn’t allowed to go back to her school (daycare) for at least 7 days.  I keep thinking that Skylar was around Bree, aged 2, and baby Elizabeth, aged 8 months now.  If Amy gets it she’d miss a bunch of work, and since Chad is military, he really doesn’t have a lot of room to miss.  I needed to take the most time keeping her, and since I am quitting my job, Thursday being my last day, hey, I have TONS of sick time still coming that I’d lose anyway.  My boss was wonderful about it.  But then I tried to officially quit 2 weeks ago and so I think she’s remembering that.  Everyone is sort of afraid of H1N1 and it seems no one wants to argue when it comes to family members having it.

It’s weird times.  For the first time in however long I can remember I feel as if I am nowhere, with no plans.  Just sort of floating in some sort of wind so unsure of where it is I will land.  Me!  20 years of the same job in a high school where so many in the community knew me. I became some sort of icon in the high school simply because I had so much public contact.  Then one day I left.  No more an icon I was soon to find out as now two years out, most have graduated and the younger ones still there never really had the time to grow to know me.  Then it was on to the university for two years.   Because I was only there 20 hours per week I can’t say I really grew to know too many, tho I do believe I made a big impact on my office, or at least my boss. She’d admit that too.  I was so surprised the other day when I did send out my official letter of resignation to the 5 people I felt it would effect, and then received a few emails back saying what a blessing I had been in that building.  I think I wrote this the other night but it continues to be true, I felt as if anyone hardly knew me.  Guess sometimes we can touch people’s lives and never really know.

On the way to work Monday morning I had one of the MOST powerful prayer times I’ve had with the Father for a  LONG time.  The hour-in-a-half drive allows me that time. It was almost spiritual in atmosphere as the moon was full, and falling as the sun was rising in my rear-view-mirror. The moon before me, the sunrise behind me and God is illuminating to me the answers to some of the questions I’ve kept asking.  Writing.  I need to take the new few months to be still, write, and finish this book.  It may not end up being what I thought it would be…….I think it’s something even more in depth than the journey of faith that related to the one I call soul mate.  Oh, no doubt he had a huge part in shaping who I am today, simply by appearing in my life, which if you think about it wasn’t really his doing at all!  It was fate and divine providence or however you want to describe it.  It happened and was the most transforming thing that ever happened to me, EVER, but the story doesn’t stop there. It’s what it awakened in me I am finding is the real story………and now, it will become some sort of story/book/novel, or something. In a faint vision I see me already writing, and it will be one of those “if you build it, they will come” sort of things. I will simply sit and begin and something tells me, it will flow.

Then the next thing is where do I go from there?  How to market it?  How to sell it?  I have decided tho it’s all about timing and if this truly is God’s desire for me, in that 11^th hour, it will all fall together. For now He simply tells me to be still, write, seek Him, and I will be in “the plan.”

But it makes NO sense! I need an income coming in!  Don’t I?  It is so hard to fight that natural, what we’re supposed to do thing according to the world’s standards, and what God is calling us into.  Whew!  That is the journey of faith part for me!

So today was quiet as Skylar and I had to stay home the WHOLE day!  I didn’t even put make up on today.  It’s the first time I think I’ve actually never left this house since we moved here August 29.  Skylar was feeling better, but still, I made sure to keep her quiet by movies, etc.  As she watched movies I did finances, and I signed up for some of those “work at home on the internet” type jobs.  If I could earn just a little, that seems fitting to me.  (And there I go again, figuring it all out in my feeble mind.)  Perhaps doing something like that does make sense in the end as it might compliment what God is asking me to do.

I bought a new bedroom set the other day as I want to take the bed I sleep in now and make a nice spare bedroom. Since I’m away from my hometown these days my hope is people will come and stay with me, so I felt a new bedroom suit was necessary.  I still need to order my sofa, and would have done that today but was subjected to the house while Skylar recuperates.  She has a doctor appointment tomorrow so I am hoping to stop by the furniture store on the way.  And then the hardwoods will be ordered this week.  After that……NO MORE spending! Well, until I get the bids on the new master bedroom suite.  But I am jumping way ahead of myself.  For now, I am not to make any plans. I am to be still, simply listen to what God is whispering to me,  and not try to figure it all out.  I am simply at the moment blowing in the wind, a Holy Spirit wind I believe……….a gentle wind of sorts as I find I simply don’t know which way to go, and yet, have the most incredible sense of peace that it is in this moment my destiny is actually beginning to fall into place.  Is it some sort of surrender I wonder?  Where I don’t know which way to go and yet taking “some” sort of job just to have an income doesn’t seem right……….. Ahhhh………….faith.  Great things happen when you believe in what can’t be seen, but trust it all the same.

And with that I will head to bed.  I was in the hot tub for a few minutes before writing.  I’m relaxed now, feeling as if I got quite a bit accomplished today in the house and in my spirit.  For now, I just am…….and you know, I think that’s the place God just might use me more than He ever has.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight~

Sunshine

GNTS:  It’s a beautiful place to be, just being me.  I still wish you and I could have just said let’s keep in touch…….let’s talk!  Let’s not cross any lines but be there for one another, but you know, in all the twin soul stories I know there always seems to be one that just can’t get to that place…………and for whatever reason, you never could.  But that’s okay, I think after all these years you still come here to read, and I see you’ve been here and in some sort of really special way, it is like we do touch.  I know I told you I pray for you every day, because I do, but I also pray for your wife because I think that is so important too.  She is so dear to you and that must mean she is a very special person……so I remember her from time to time too and pray so many blessings on her as well.  Of course there are times I still wish I was her, but then I remember that my life was given to the Lord a long time ago and I must remain where He calls me to be.  As I tell Skylar all the time, “Love is a great big thing and you can hold so very many people in your heart in so many ways.”  I think I learned that when you awakened me, that cold, rainy February late afternoon…………..2001.  And life really began.  Goodnight ~  just me.