In this hidden season I am in, and this time of purification I keep speaking of, I am finding the most amazing things happening!  Of course I’m one that doesn’t believe anything is coincidental, and that everything is divinely planned in its right time.  So I have decided that the past few days have been about revealing to me where I’ve been and how I’m not the same person I once was.  This revelation has come to me in the neatest of ways.

First of all, as I am writing the book, even tho I swear it is fictional, it’s not. No matter how much I try to write it in fiction terms, it always comes back to being my journey.  I think it’s because I couldn’t make up anything more beautifully planned than the way this journey has happened!  As I said last night,  “Sometimes fact is stranger than fiction.”  What I see is as I look back at where I have been the past 9 years,  how much I have grown along the way!  And back then I thought I was going through transformation and had reached a higher level!  It makes me wonder where I’ll be two years from now, or three!  We never stop growing I’ve heard, and I think I’m beginning to understand it’s true. And once we stop growing, we die.  I think that’s true too.  Even if we are physically alive, if we stop growing we die on the inside, or something like that.

But not only have I gone back the past nine years, thanks to facebook, I have now reconnected with one of my best buds from high school, Teri!  I found her yesterday on another one of my classmate’s page.  She was thrilled I had found her, and today we connected not only on facebook, but by phone!  OMG!  We haven’t really spent any time together in about 30 years!  It didn’t seem to matter tho…..we picked up right where we left off and reminisced back to so long ago.  Teri knew me in my wild days, or should I say I knew Teri in her wild days?  We laughed about so many stories, but the one that stuck out to us was the night we went to a major hotel in downtown city where Rod Stewart was performing.  We were unable to get tickets, as this was back in the day when he was on top!  We decided we had to meet him since we couldn’t go to the concert, so we got a bellhop to tell us which floor he was staying on.  Off we went in the elevators to the 14^th floor!  What we didn’t realize was we had taken the wrong elevators and ended up in the business side of the hotel where banks were located, etc.  We were shaking doors trying to get on the stairwells, of which they were all locked. We were frustrated because the elevator didn’t have a 14^th floor on it!  We didn’t realize you had to have a special key!  In our attempt to find a stairwell to walk to the 14^th floor, we rounded a corner looking for another entrance to the stairs  where two cops were knelt down on their knees pointing guns at us!  We stopped!  “What are you girls doing here?”  One of them gruffly asked us.  “We’re looking for Rod Stewart!” I said in a very sheepish tone, after all this was the first time I ever had a gun pointed at me!  “He’s over in the hotel side, NOT here!  You girls have set off several alarms by running around in here!  We suggest you get back to the hotel and don’t come back!”  We apologized and promised we wouldn’t be back, we felt lucky we didn’t end up in jail!  Oh, how we laughed about this story today!  Teri told me she had just told her 17-year old about this  just a few days ago! And here I was! Back in her life!!  We never did find Rod Stewart that night.  We were both so shook up we went back to our car where Teri’s boyfriend waited with Dell. To say the least they were not happy with us that we had ditched them like that to go find Rod!  *laughs* Other than my Donny Osmond days, this was probably the first and only time I was a groupie sort of person!  We just both loved Rod Stewart so much, we thought we’d find a way to party with him while our significant others waited in the car.  LOL, only at 21 years of age do any of us think of stuff like this!

From that conversation we relived so many things!  Sometimes I felt embarrassed by who I was back then, and assured Teri I am SO not that person anymore!  She seemed to be a bit ahead of me with this, as she said she had no regrets for things she did for the most part, but that she believed she had learned many lessons.  That to me is such a healthy way to look at things, it made me reflect at how I still carry some guilt for things gone by,  hard as I try not to.  Perhaps in this “refinement” season, God is teaching me to really let go of the past. 

It was so much fun catching up!  I can’t begin to express how much I enjoyed our talk!  She says this is just the beginning and now that we have caught up, we’ll have to get together!  Even if I have moved away…..we will find a way!  I agreed with her and could have talked on the phone for hours more. It amazed me how much we have in common.  She too loves to write, is an avid journal writer, loves nature as I do, and animals!  I guess it figures out why we were so close back in the day. 

After my talk with Teri, I was ready to write again. I worked the next three hours on the book, reliving so much of where I’ve been to make me who I am today.  I’m several chapters into it now, with several more to go!  With another major snowstorm moving in tonight and tomorrow, with possible blizzard conditions on Wednesday, I will probably get a lot done the next few days as it appears I for sure won’t be going anywhere!

My doctor’s office called me today.  The sleep study test came back of which they showed that I didn’t meet the criteria to warrant it sleep apnea.  I did however have an obstruction of airway somewhere, and they recommend I see an Ear/Throat/ Nose Specialist.  Um, no!  I am one that seldom complains about doctor’s reports and welcomes good news, as I believe this is, but I am having a hard time with this report because the night I went for my sleep study, the technician told me I didn’t sleep and probably would have to come back!  I only lightly slept for about 1.5 hours, and she wasn’t sure they could get the proper data off of that.  The test costs my insurance company $7000 to do!  If they skimped and DIDN’T get the necessary results, then I am not happy.  Being a person of love and light, I don’t want to call and complain, but something deep within me is telling me to. Something just doesn’t seem right with this.  Yet, the other side of me knows I am new here in town, I’m at a new doctor’s office, do I really want to make a scene?  How will they label me then?  And there I go!  Worried what other people are going to think!  This is something God is dealing with me on too, how I tend to be a people pleaser.   So what is right to do in this, and what isn’t right?  It’s for sure insurance isn’t going to pay for this test again, which is rightfully so!  Do I fuss or not?  Hmmmmm…………………………….

Now that I have written today for about 5 hours, I think it’s time to rest my wrists.  I continue out on that “limb” as I head to fulfill that which I have dreamed of doing for so long, and believe God has told me is my destiny.  I can’t complain because I am loving the labor I am putting into this book, and with all my heart believe that it will be fruitful and will have great purpose one day to many.  Remember!  Faith is spell R I S K!  And sometimes God does take a long time to do something really quick!  Words to close by………………….

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

~Sunshine

GNTS:  I’m relieving so many memories lately that I can’t begin to tell you how the more mysterious they seem to make me feel.  What’s it all about?  Questions I keep asking myself.  One day tho, I will know the answers to all the mysteries.  One day, I will know and I think I will be most grateful for my journey was never ordinary nor boring!  Life is what you make it and I think you were correct when you said, “Mystery is good.”  And there I go again! Hanging on to every word you ever said to me……….oh well…………you know how special you were/are to me, so that explains why I cherish all the stuff you ever said.  Goodnight….~just me.

Just in from a Super Bowl party at Amy’s, all of our spirits were dampened when our team didn’t win.  There were a lot of us there, hooping and a hollering when our team scored, and there were a few choice words when the other team scored and ended up winning.  Let’s face it tho, you can’t always win.  I felt disappointed too, as the hype of the city the past two weeks have been festive and hopeful, tho I often ask myself why so many put so much energy, not to mention money, into football.  Dell keeps telling me it’s the great American sport, or something like that.  Even I got all involved this time as our team advanced. But they didn’t win, life goes on, you lick your losses, and try to keep it all into perspective.  At least I do.

I always mean to journal, but sometimes, it’s so hard for me to get the quiet time at night to do it, not to mention the energy.  Last week found me all week keeping sick kids, with the exception of Friday. By then I had been exposed to so many germs I was sick.  I’m still fighting it, but at least the body aches aren’t as bad today as the last couple of days.  Skylar is slowly getting better from her pneumonia, and then it was Bree’s turn!  Her fever skyrocketing, Amy dropped her off to me for two days, so I had both Bree and Skylar with runny noses, horrible coughs, and fever.  And I wonder why I’m sick? 

We had a massive snow storm on Friday with huge amounts of snow dumped on us.  I built a fire that morning and stayed inside.  Would like to say I wrote that day, but I felt so horrible I simply snuggled up in my Snuggie and watched LMN all day long, movie after movie.  Sometimes I dozed off,  and sometimes I was just limp as I felt so icky. I was glad the worst part of it was limited to that day, with a little bit of a bad feeling on Saturday too.

Saturday I did write.  An inner feeling within me that I really do need to get the book done, I find myself more focused than ever on it. Well, once I was feeling a bit better and didn’t have sick grandkids to attend to.  I feel I’m really making great progress after a few hours yesterday and a few hours today.  Vicki did send the chapters off to the publisher last week.  Now we wait.  But I’ve been saying that all last week, right?   All I know is for now I am really pleased with how the book is coming and sometimes find myself so lost in memories, even if a bit of fiction is added, I’m not sure I want it to be completely my memoires  anyway, although this journey has been so beautiful and learned that perhaps it doesn’t need fiction?  What is it they say?  Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction?  Yeah, that describes my journey thus far, that is for sure!

This morning, tho still feeling rough I went back to the church I had visited last week.  Dell went with me.  I still like it tho I’m not so sure I was as excited this morning as last week.  That being said, so far it’s the closest thing to what I feel comfortable with as far as churches go, and it was nice to get up and just throw on blue jeans and my “Colts” jersey in celebration of Super Bowl!  The whole church was a sea of blue anyway…..I wasn’t alone.  While it is so far from tradition, I have to say I really like attending a church where I don’t have to dress up.  Everyone just somehow seems so real when they’re just “them.”   So that to me is a plus.  I also think that it’s definitely a generation behind me for the most part, or ten years younger than me would be the average age, but since I am 51 going on 29, well, I fit in.  Now Dell on the other hand......................*laughs*

I continue on in the hidden place, and the time of refinement God keeps speaking to me is the season I am in.  The “time of refinement” part I am finding isn’t pleasant.  As I look deeper within, I beat myself up with thoughts and things that really shouldn’t be buried there, and wonder if I will ever get it right?  But as God spoke to me in a private journal this week, as you draw closer to the light the more darkness within you is exposed.  Some people back off at that point, but I won’t.  Don’t like to see the dark, but if it’s revealed, it can be healed!  Still, it can be a painful process, but I’m working through it, and hoping I grow more. 

I never thought I’d say this, but I feel a bit lonely.  Not working, not having friends around, and not being out in the public right now has left me not feeling very connected to the world.  I thought this would be a wonderful thing, but my personality is revealing to me, it isn’t.  I know in my heart that God is telling me that the next step will have to do with the writing, and where it will take me, I just don’t know how long that will take?  I so remember someone not working, it might have been Elizabeth, and her saying, “You get so bored and lonely.”  “Well let me give it a try!” I had replied to her as I was still working at the school.  Now I get it.  Why is it we are never satisfied?  If we work we long to stay home, if we don’t have a job we long to work?  If we are married we long to be single, and if we are single we long to get married!  Well, you get the idea.  Are we as humans ever really satisfied in any given moment, or is it that endless journey that never really comes to a destination until it’s almost the end? 

So okay, I may be a tad lonely, and I may be missing a regular pay check, BUT, if I had to choose, I think I’d choose to be where I am now and not working.  But then I am working!  I’m writing and staying focused on meeting a goal……so just because I’m not with other people, or making money “now” doesn’t mean I’m not working!  So I change my mind! I am working, just not in a traditional way!  And the money will come in the right time. The book is a process that seems to be nearing some sort of finalization, requiring lots of faith that all that I’ve heard and the risks I am taking by believing in the voice of God leading me not to work, but to complete that which I know in my heart is where I am to be, is happening all around me.  I do believe in all of this, even if sometimes I have doubt, something from within picks me up and says, “Keep the faith!”  And I shall and will close with that positive thought.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight

~Sunshine

GNTS:  Do you ever stop and wonder what this all means? I mean really stop and wonder?  As I write out the journey, I’m currently at the part that I’ve shredded your address and God is telling me to contact you again.  How I say to Him, “But I shredded the address, so I can’t write him even if I want to!”  And how God told me step by step how I was to find your address again…..when I contacted the person I was told would have your address,  she told me how she had just found it a few days earlier and was about to throw it away as she had no need for it any longer, but something told her not to!  Two days later God had me call her and ask her if she still had it, and all she could say was, “That is so weird you called me!”  Something supernatural had happened and once again, it was unexplainable and so mysterious as to what it all meant.  I swear to you, looking back since that moment we laid eyes on one another, and even before, is so unbelievable!  It makes for one great novel, or so I am discovering.  I just don’t know why?  What does it all mean?  I only know it has to be something very divine and meaningful in the end.  I do trust the journey, even if it makes no sense.  Wishing you everything beautiful, but mostly love to guide you…………Goodnight,      ~Just me

Wow………am I exhausted tonight or what?  I had Skylar all day, then later on Bree and Amy came, and then we had to go shop for upcoming parties this weekend.  Perhaps this is psychological or something since the seeds have been planted, but I swear I must have had a bad sleep apnea night last night. My right leg killed me all day and I had the hardest time getting up this morning, even tho I went to bed at 10:30pm last night. I just seemed to drag all day, making me wonder if I quit breathing on several occasions last night?  I know I had lots of dreams, but I couldn’t tell you what they were, so apparently they weren’t message dreams.

Skylar was feeling so bad today.  She was not her normal self.  She was demanding, and a cry baby, and white as a sheet.   Just to calm her down I suggested we take lunch to Dell.  (This is something she loves to do.)  We went and while there both Dell and I couldn’t believe how pale and washed out she looked, as I noted she wasn’t eating hardly anything.  Amy called shortly after that to see how she was doing.  When I told her she isn’t eating and looked so pale, she decided to call the doctor right away.  She called back shortly and asked if I could please get her to the doctor on call as Skylar’s normal pediatrician is out on maternity leave.  The office was about 30 minutes from where Dell’s store is.  I took Skylar to get ice cream thinking perhaps she’d eat this.  We had ½ hour to spare on time.  I ate a chocolate sundae, Skylar hardly ate any of her ice cream. (Hey I did my part to encourage her by eating my own sundae!) *laughs* Now I am really worried!

We made it to the doctor’s office in plenty of time, which was good as they were early getting her in.  We ended up having to go for a chest X-ray as she had what the doctor described as “extra - curricular activity sounds” in her lungs.  Poor Skylar!  This is a big event for a 4-year old! I was able to convince her it’d be fine, they were just taking pictures of her lungs. The doctor promised he would let her see them too when we were through.  Amy called as we waited for the x-rays to be done, she immediately left work and was on her way. I felt sorry for her.  I would have done the same thing.

She got there as we were returning from x-ray to the doctor’s office to get the results. I was glad she had made it.  Skylar ran to her mommy, sometimes we all just want our moms.  The doctor came in shortly after stating he was glad we had done the x-rays.  Skylar does have what he called, “impressive” pneumonia.   In other words he said he was real glad we didn’t wait a few more days.  She had H1N1 in the fall so Amy asked the doctor if this had anything to do with that. He didn’t think so, other than perhaps her immune system might be down from it.  He said we weren’t at the place of hospitalization at this point, but was glad he could get her going on antibiotics now.  So were we.  She has to go back in a week for a follow-up, and if she isn’t better by Friday Amy is to call so they can give her even stronger antibiotics.

If it isn’t one thing, it’s 10 others, I swear!

It was so hard for me to wake up this morning I struggled with my worship/prayer/meditation/Bible reading time.  I managed to get it done for the most part, but Skylar interrupted several times. I had her in the room we have deemed “play room/ mee maw’s office” watching some of her favorite movies, but she just seemed to need me more today than normal, thus the interruptions.  I did have one revelation today….and that was how yesterday I felt so guilty about “dolling” up for the casino and compared it to “Ruby Don’t Take Your Love to Town.”  I really did think this was an “odd” analogy for me, but during my time with the Lord this morning I think I was shown it truly was an analogy.  The song represents a woman about to commit an adulterous affair which is breaking the heart of someone who is crippled and can’t keep her attention.  Now I am SO not like that, even tho my heart often longs for a twin soul so far away, it isn’t for physical pleasure, trust me, it’s that spiritual connection that I feel and long to understand.  But going to the casino is a physical pleasure for me! I love it!  And tho I use wisdom with it now, who knows what the tomorrows will bring now that I am so close to two of them?  So in a way I could see the analogy……as my love is for the Lord, and perhaps I’m not hearing Him due to my own wants?  He wasn’t chastising me at all, but perhaps showing me that in my spirit, perhaps there is a warning to not frequent the casinos as much as I have lately?  “Ruby don’t take your love to town”  “Sunshine don’t take your love to the casino?”  Ya think?  I can see it in my spirit, but I’m afraid I am struggling to get into words that of which I saw when it was shown to me.  *sighs* (Perhaps I shouldn’t have tried to explain it)……. So I’ve been thinking about it all day.  Does God sometimes warn us not to do certain things? Not necessarily to keep us from things that we enjoy but to avoid what might be a danger in the future?  Hmmmm?   And there I go again……….seeing beyond!  All because of some chick named Ruby!  *laughs*

As each day passes by I convince myself I’m one day closer to hearing something from Vicki and what the publishers might have said, but one day closer could mean day two of 1,276 days!  (Love that 276 number!)  Who knows…..I honestly have so much peace about it, believing that in the hidden season, I can be assured God is working out details in ways I could never see or imagine.  Still, I thought I’d throw that out there…..every day I am aware that one more day has passed by on this journey, and there are a few things I wait so patiently to hear about and understand.

Now, after a very long “mee maw” day (there sure seems to be a lot of these taking care of sick kids these days) I desperately need the hot tub!  My next plan is to soak in there for a little bit, meditate under the winter night’s sky, then I do believe I will fall into bed, say a prayer that I don’t have an “apnea”  night and that angels of peace will fall over me.  It worked for Skylar last night as we prayed those angels to watch over her, so I think tonight, I will pray it for me.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

~Sunshine

GNTS:  Did you know I still believe that the best is yet to come?  Does that mean it’s that “hand in hand, walk on the beach” I once believed in?  Maybe not……but then I have come to understand that there really is BETTER stuff than a hand-in-hand walk on the beach moment with someone you adore……and I think, those are the things I am living out today as I realize that no matter what, that of which I searched for from my earliest days was found one day, and since that meeting of fate took place, it is INCREDIBLE where it has taken me.  And perhaps, I haven’t even really begun where it is taking me……..but then remember!  It’s not about the destination…..the best part is the journey along the way.  I love that realization…….cause it really has been the most heart-opening journey I could have ever experienced.  Have a beautiful night, may the angels of peace fall around you too.  Goodnight   ~just me

For a moment, almost the first time all day, I am having a quiet moment. This whole day has been on the move for me!  By the time I got home I couldn’t help but notice I used over a half-tank of gas.  I’m really tired tonight from all the running. I think if I really thought about it, I could say it wasn’t a good day. But these days I see things so differently that I can’t say I fell prey to frustration, regardless.

The good news was Amy decided the girls were better and sent them to their school (day care school).  I wondered if I’d get a call to go get them, but I never did. It was a good thing, we had to take our Toyota Camry into the shop for repairs.  I don’t think anything about cost cause we purchased the warranty for it.  Everything is supposed to be covered,  besides new tires, oil change, etc.  This meant I had to follow Dell to the Toyota dealer, which meant getting up super early.  It was okay, I used my drive time as my prayer time, and played my favorite CD of worship. 

We were running late so Dell had to get his store open and going and wait for a part time person to come in. That was an hour wait, so I sat in the Navigator with the dogs and used it for prayer time.  We finally got the car to the shop and by the time I got home it was almost 10:00am.  I’d already talked to Jane, she and hubby were due in around 11:00. I was going to get some things done around the house. They called a bit later, went on into the casino and I told them I’d be there in about 40 minutes. It was the first time I ever went to the casino by myself, I don’t know, it felt weird, like I had a problem or something?  *laughs*  Once Jane called I rushed to beautify!  Okay, so I laughed at myself as I did this. I had gotten up so late to follow Dell to work I went without makeup or doing my hair even!  No way was I going out like this to the casino!  I put my makeup on, changed from sweats to jeans, put all my jewelry on (this is a 10-minute process), and transformed myself.   

When I was in the car on the 25-minute drive,  Dell called to see if I was on the way.  I told him it took me longer than I expected to beautify and that I somehow felt guilty!  I told him I felt like “Ruby Don’t Take Your Love To Town” or something because I had put on all this make up on and dolled up just to go to the casino!  What was wrong with me?  He cracked up! He could so see me feeling this way.

So now we are at the casino. I had budgeted myself $40.  When it’s gone, it’s gone, and that is how I play.  To me, it’s fun money, and what I do for entertainment vs. going to movies, or expensive dinners, etc.  These days I have found one slot machine game I LOVE! I’m to the point it’s almost the only machine I’ll play. I watched Jane for awhile and decided to head back to where there is a row of these machines, and there are only a few!  I sat down and began playing where I had done really well the last time I was there. I played between 2 of the machines side by side.  I was doing fairly well and then the machine went cold.  A younger guy say down next to me, on the other machine I had played on and off too, put his money in and hit three 7s!!! It paid $20 JUST for that win.  He began talking to me,  “Did you see that?!”  And I watched as he hit and hit and hit!  Dang! Why didn’t I switch to that machine? I asked myself. He was fun and we were laughing and having a good time joking as he played and I played.  He told me he hated slot machines, and normally played Blackjack, but a girl he knew had introduced him to this machine and he loved it!  It’s true!  This game is addictive and probably the most fun slot machine I have ever played! Well, next to the Elvis slot machines anyway.  I watched him turn his $20 into $60!  He began to tell me the secret of this game it to keep punching the “Play Max” button.  He began to help me on mine and sure enough!  “BANG!”  I began hitting like crazy!  I now turned my $40 into roughly $70!  Should have quit then, looking back, BUT…..he went on to say, “Now the secret is putting a limit on yourself!  We’ll keep playing till you get down to $40.”  I agreed.  Right as I was nearing my $40 again, as the machine had gone cold, Jane’s hubby came around the corner and said, “Are you ready to go get lunch?”  I decided it was my sign. My new young friend was through with his machine too, cashing out at $50, after putting a $20 in.  We both felt good about our decision. I thanked him and we bid our farewells as I headed to lunch. I had played for about $45 and was even, that to me is a good day! Or so I thought!!  What happened next is enough to make anyone weak at the knees!  Some lady sat down at the machine I had been playing on, and within a few spins hit $2800!!!!!!!!  Okay, that is why they call it gambling!  I got out when I had my money back. Had I stayed on………..well, I didn’t so it wasn’t meant to be!  Grrrr……..is this a sign?   

I did go back after lunch and tried to play the same slot machine game, just a different one than had just hit!  When I got down to $5 left of my $40, I cashed out and was ready to go home.  I think I wanted to prove to myself I could walk out with money in my pocket. (I had more cash with me, but it wasn’t budgeted for fun money.)   Walking out with $5 made me feel as if I won some sort of battle.  Crazy huh?  I called Dell on the way home.  “I’m sorry, but I lost $2800 today!”  Never mind what he might have said, as he KNOWS I would NEVER, EVER play that kind of money!  When I told him what had happened, he was about as sick as I felt! But it’s a gamble!  How many times have I thought one more pull only to lose it all?  Guess I’m more conservative than I think! And besides, I go to have fun and play this ONE machine!  It is so exciting to play! 

For the most part I played for about an hour when all was said and done.  Jane, hubby and I had lunch and that took about an hour. I had arrived at the casino at 11:30am, and headed out around 1:30pm.

I ended up having to go get Bree at school so Amy could take Skylar to gymnastics.  Bree and I headed to Dell’s work when he was off so we could pick up our car.  Typical of the way the day had gone, when I arrived at his work place he told me we owed over $100 on the car.  “But we have bumper to bumper warranty!” I said disgusted.  That was when he told me that mice had built a nest somewhere in the engine and chewed through the anti-freeze cables, which was doing a slow leak into the engine causing some problems.  MICE!  I have not seen ONE in this new house, so we are wondering if they came from our old place where we did have them?  These little creatures can be really destructive I discovered today! 

So now I follow Dell in the Camry with Bree and both dogs with me to head home. The first road we hit we got caught in a huge wreck!  We waited and waited, so we called each other and decided to head a different way home.  This led us to the major freeway heading north to eventually exit and take country roads home. We no more got on this major freeway when I turned the radio on to hear there had been a HUGE accident on this road too, and it was backed up for miles! It seemed no matter which way we headed we ended up in massive traffic!  It was  too late to turn back! I had lost Dell because of the traffic, and I was stuck!  What normally takes about 20 minutes, took 2 HOURS!  Was I frustrated?  With Bree crying in the backseat and me needing to go “powder my nose” I guess I should have been, but I used the time wisely, I can pray anywhere, right?  No reason to get upset, it could have been worse!  I could have been the one in the wreck.  Sometimes I honestly believe God slows us down for reasons unseen.  I try to keep this in mind.

So, my theme song today was, “Ruby Don’t Take Your Love To Town,”  at which I lost in some sort of round-about-way $2800, paid a fortune for a warranty that didn’t cover mice construction, got caught in one of the worse traffic jams I’ve faced yet in the city with a 2-year old, 2 dogs, and a full bladder.  And I still am smiling!  Dell asked me if it was Monday the 13^th or something when we finally made it home. (That was before we got in a spat over something silly.)  I decided when I sat to write I needed all my relaxation tools! I turned on my fountain, lit my lavender oil for soothing, and meditative spa music playing makes for a beautiful atmosphere. Still, happiness is found within, right?!

And Skylar is here.  Poor thing went to school today, but tonight she was really looking peaked.  Amy and I decided she should just stay here tonight so she could sleep in the morning without Amy dragging her out early in the morning. She’ll stay with me tomorrow and try to get some rest. Amy said she may try to call the doctor so I may have to take her if she should be seen.

And thus ends another day.  Today wasn’t near the spiritual day I’ve had the past few days, but then I think you have those days sometimes and then sometimes you have to just take it in faith that you remain where you are on the spiritual days, even if it doesn’t feel like you are.  Besides, today may have been considered a lesson day!  Where not everything goes right, but it’s how you deal with it in the end that proves whether or not you pass the test.  For today, I think I might have gotten an A!  Wow!! That’s good for me!!  Oh wait?  The spat with Dell might have brought me down to a high B, so I guess I have to say I got a B+.

Now I need to get Skylar tucked into bed and head there myself. I am really tired. Tomorrow will be much more relaxed.  Praise/prayer/meditation time, cleaning the house, then writing a chapter of the book.  Speaking of which, a HUGE thank you to those of you that have left such warm comments or sent me emails of “congrats!”   Wow!  I’m not sure I’m even at the beginning of anything happening, but it’s SUCH a blessing to me that those of you walking the journey with me believe with me.  Thank you!

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight

~Sunshine

GNTS:  Did you happen to catch the moon this past weekend?  Jason, Susie and I got in the hot tub last night and watched it rise.  It was so beautiful!  To this day I can’t see a full moon without thinking of you.  What is it about full moons and you?   I could get crazy and say it might have something to do with a different time and different place, but I’m working on not getting crazy these days!  LOL, so much so I would walk away from a slot machine about to pay out BIG!  Ha ha!!!  I’ve learned so much on the journey that it seems to me I totally get it these days! I just wish I could put into words what it is I totally get………but sometimes heart issues just can’t be explained as words could never begin to describe what the heart knows.  But I ramble so I shall close.  Goodnight, you still remain……..~just me

It’s late Sunday afternoon. A rather odd time for me to journal, but these days I seem to have to write whenever I can.  Life continues to find me prioritized, and busy. 

It’s done now. I have officially submitted to whom I have deemed my business manager, who has already made contacts in the publishing world, my first submission of the book.  Wow, it was a bit more challenging than I thought it would be.  I had my whole synopsis done and looking beautiful, but it was 8-pages long. I figured it’d be okay, but it wasn’t. In the end I had to reduce it down to one page.  That was NOT an easy task for me, but I did get it done.  I turned in the first four chapters, 57 pages worth.  When Vicki got it home to edit and proof it  for me, she ended up texting me later on REALLY upset!  “You have me hanging here!  Did you mean to stop or did your printer stop working?”  She absolutely loved it and said she couldn’t put it down!  I want more!!! She said.  “WE ARE GOING PLACES!”  She also said.  And you know, for the first time in my life I didn’t believe this was a dream.

As all remember a few months ago God had spoken so clearly to me that I was now going to be hidden for a time.  I thought it meant to finish the book, which is part of it, but mostly, it was hidden in Him.  A preparation period is where I find myself, and now that I am 2-months into it I am AMAZED at where He has taken me!  I spend so many mornings hour on end in prayer/meditation time that I am growing so much more than I ever thought possible!  Sometimes I am guilty of thinking okay, I’m at a new level and this is probably the top of the mountain, or whatever.  But later, I find I’ve hardly scratched the surface!  Lately, God has been speaking to me in the forms of letters as He always has. He continues telling me of so many things to come. I feel humble, and at first began to doubt that I was “really” hearing, but as is God’s way in my life, as I was reading my Bible later on all it seemed I read was His desires for me to simply “BELIEVE!”  That is what faith is.  I learned so much with Him, and I must admit in the past couple days as I scurried to get that which was to go to the publishers done, and assure it was the best it could be, I found Him leading me and showing me things I never would have known had I not been heeding the leading of the Lord.  Looking back it was much easier than I ever dreamed it would be.  (Funny how easy our load can be  when we are following God’s paths.) 

Now I wait.  “I don’t know how long I wait” is probably the hardest part, but when I grow weary, or anxious I hear God speak,  “This is my plan, not your plan.”  And it seems, I find rest and peace in that of which He continually is reminding me.  In the meantime I continue to finish the book as I wait.

I do have a pen name now.  Yesterday as Vicki and I were discussing, I realized the need to have a pen name.  Yes, Sunshine is the name I use to describe what is basically my journey, BUT, she needed a real name.  My friend Sara had laughed and said it sounded as if Sunshine’s parents were hippies or something…….she was right. So now, in the story, Sunshine’s real name will be that of which I have chosen as the pen name for myself.  All combined, and yet at the same time,  I can protect my identity.  I wonder if that makes sense?  I have shared my pen name now with my family, meaning Dell and Amy. Tonight I’ll share it with Jason and Susie.  I am SO grateful that my family now are behind me, believing in me, and encouraging me. For the longest time I didn’t feel I had this support but it seems as if God has worked on their hearts now too, and I feel as if I have wind beneath my wings all of a sudden.  But never let it be said I didn’t have this before because God was the one that has planted all of this in my heart, and then a few absolutely true and faithful friends have believed with me for a LONG time!  Now the family seems to have hopped on board, and well………….now we all wait! 

While I’m not ready “yet” to announce my pen name I have to laugh as Dell has now already decided to give me a nickname from my pen name.  “Di Ro!”  (Just as Jennifer Lopez is J Lo, he laughed and said, “I’m going to start calling you Di Ro!”)  Amy and I cracked up when he came up with this. When I think about all that is seemingly happening at the moment, I’m speechless, and beyond humble.  For so long it felt over and over that I would always have to work jobs of which felt so unfulfilled for me!  And while I sure can’t boast of some great success at the moment, and with the realization that rejection could come from the first publisher, I can’t express how awesome it is to consider myself working as hard as I have to complete the first submission, and yet, work was a joy, because I believe this is what God has called me to do.  I’ve done my part, now He will do His……..after all as He so gently keeps reminding me, “It’s His plan, not mine.”

One of the things God has been leading me to do again, which it’s been 3 LONG years, is to find a church.  I don’t see church as most people do. I go to be surrounded in a body of believers.  No, no church is perfect, but at least you go and everyone’s spirits are lifted up together.  I like being there when it is a church of true praise and worship, and is far from traditional. (Remember, I am out of the box when it comes to “religious” things.)  Now that I have moved 80-miles from my hometown, I didn’t know much about the churches.  I began to ask at the craft stores, or anywhere I went and would strike up a conversation with someone.  Each time I did there was always ONE church name that came up.  Being the believer in “sign posts along the way” I began to pay attention.  The final prompting came when I was waiting in the doctor’s office a week ago and two women sitting behind me, apparently friends for years, happened to be there at the same time.  They talked about children, lives, etc, as I tried not to eaves drop, and yet was forced to overhear simply by where I was sitting, but will admit my ears perked up when they began to discuss where they were attending church now.  Yup, you guessed it! They began to talk about the same church I had been hearing over and over.  During my time with God this week He told me it was time to go, that I knew where I was to attend.  So this morning I got up, got on line to see if they had a website to see what time services began, and by myself, I went to this church.

It’s a VERY large church only about 7 minutes from my house!  It’s also a brand new building that they meet in, for sure not built like a typical church.  I had been told along the way that almost everyone wears jeans and it is casual, but I had decided to dress a bit just in case everyone wasn’t really everyone.  But I had been informed correctly.  Almost everyone was in jeans, including the band that led prayer/worship.  Might I add the music was BEAUTIFUL!  A little more on the rock side than I might be used to, but that didn’t bother me at all, after all it’s the words and the meaning that grab me.  I had to fight tears back a few times because the power of God and His spirit were incredibly felt in this place.  I loved the Pastor’s teachings as they were right where it is I am!  I’d guess he was in his mid 30’s. I liked how he was casually dressed and had such a peaceful feeling and spirit to him. He was Pastor Matt, and then there was a Pastor Mark who led the worship band, I was waiting for Luke and John to come out!  *laughs*  I left feeling without a doubt that I could definitely come to this place on Sundays and grow.  NOTE: Something that they didn’t do which amazed me, no passing of the “offering tray.”   As a matter of fact they never even brought up an offering.  Also, being new I thought people might notice, but because it is SO large, no one said a thing. I was glad in my hidden place.  People were friendly, and I was glad for that.  Chalk another “new” part of the journey for me.  I wonder who it is I will meet here, and where some of this will take me?  I’m always thinking out of the box, I swear! *sighs*

I think I am taking most of the day off tomorrow from writing, or working on the book anyway.  Amy called and said Skylar and Bree are sick again!  Both of them this time! I will go stay with them while Amy works a half-day, and then she’ll come home by 11:30 so that I can meet Jane and Dan for lunch.  They’re going to be in town so we already have plans to meet at the casino for lunch.  I’ve worked hard so I think a little bit of fun is in order.  I know, most people probably go, “How can she be so religious and still go to the casino?”  Well, that’s the thing, I’m NOT religious!  I simply have a relationship with God and thus far, He has not said “NO to going.”  If I become addicted to it, or abusing it too much I might get corrected, but I think if I do it in moderation and have a little fun, well, then I think it’s okay……but I promise myself I will listen in case He does say no.

And now, I’m off to mop the new wood floor. I’ve been so busy this week I haven’t kept up with the house as I normally do.  I’ll enjoy this time tho as I will turn on my ipod, go into a place of worship, thank God for this house that He has SO graciously blessed me with, thank Him for the wisdom I feel He is pouring out upon me, and just be SO glad that He is such a part of my life.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

~Sunshine (Di Ro)

To the Twin Soul:  One day I pray we can sit down and talk and I can share with you all that I have learned!  I had NO clue how much it was until I began to really write it all out.  Now, for the most part I really think I get it!  While I don’t know all the tomorrows, I do know that everything is working to good for both of us, and that God’s love surrounds you…..and you know, from the beginning that is all I ever wanted for you. Yeah, sometimes selfish desires on my part got in the way, but in the end, I never stopped believing that love would guide you.  There’s so much more!  I do hope you will read “On The Journey of Faith……The Story” one day. I believe you will be blessed beyond belief when you do, or so I pray.  Till then, I am here, still reaching out my hand and heart to you, in ways I never understood until now.  Always……………..~Just me     

It’s FREEZING out there tonight!  I am already really tired of winter, tho I am focusing on the fact that seasons come and go so quickly now, before I know it, spring will have sprung and new life will be all around me.  I try to keep that in mind as I face this winter, a special one at that as God has me in a hidden place for the winter.

I hope I got caught up on my sleep after losing a night of it at the sleep clinic. I went to bed last night, or should I say, “Fell into bed” at 10:00 pm and woke up at 9:00am this morning.  My spirits were much better about the book as it seemed inspiration returned to me.  I woke up ready to tackle it head on!  Since I am at the place Vicki feels we need to submit a first copy to the publisher, and I am meeting with her on Saturday to give her that which will be submitted, I’ve been struggling with the synopsis.  This morning I sat down and began to write it.  I didn’t have a lot of time as I had to get going to have lunch with an old and dear friend, but not before I wrote a majority of what needed written. I was SO on fire as I wrote, it turned out beautiful!  I feel all inspired again.  So often in life it’s not “what” we know, it’s “who” we know and as I was falling into bed last night, frustrated and not sure I could go forward, God illuminated to me,  “If I am for you, who can be against you?”  I suddenly understood once again if this is in fact my destiny…..then it will come to be!  I simply have to do my part which is write it, and give it my whole heart. And I am.

It was then of for lunch with my friend Sara. *not real name*   Sara and I have been friends since the 80s when we once worked together.  All these years later we can meet every 8 years, if it is that many apart,  and pick up where we left off.  It’s as if we talk every day. To me, this is when you know you have a real friend.  Today was no different.  We met at 1pm.  We left the restaurant at 5:15pm!  Now I ask you, is that a long lunch or what? *laughs*  We could have stayed and done dinner too, but she had things to do, as did I.  Our whole conversation was spiritual in nature.  Sometimes we looked back at the yesterdays, and sometimes we looked forward to the tomorrows, but it always came back to being something spiritual in nature.  Let me tell you, I am never happier than when I can sit and discuss spiritual things with a friend.  Four hours feels too short for me!  But since Sara lives fairly close to me now that I have moved, we promised one another that we would do this at least once a month.  Then we won’t have to take four hours, LOL!!!  I can’t begin to express what a beautiful day I had, first of all thanks to God, who inspired me that He is on my side in this and will open doors, giving me the wisdom to complete the synopsis, then lunch with an old friend who inspired me as much too.  Just when I think I may fall, it seems God is there to pick me up, and sends me the dearest friends along the way to keep me inspired as well.

Tomorrow will be the final day to get it all ready!  I need to go back and proof and re-proof the two chapters I will submit, along with finishing the synopsis.  A little earlier I sat down and flipped on TV, just for a moment and low and behold, “Little Women” was on once again!  I turned it on and was once again built up that some things are just meant to be….just like Jo in the movie who was the writer.  As much rejection as she faced, she never gave up.  Lessons for me tonight!

Dell did the sweetest thing!  When he came home after 6pm from the two doctor appointments he had for his back today,  he brought me a gift!  He’s never done ANYTHING like this! What he brought me I found to be the most sweet thing!  He went out and bought me one of those Snuggie blankets!  He said he did it because he’s watched me sit at the dining room table hours on end typing away and shivering because we keep the house so cold due to heating costs!  He figured I could use the Snuggie because it had arms and it would allow me to wrap up and still type.  Wasn’t that just the sweetest thing ever?  He is slowly beginning to believe in the book, swears he’ll never read it, but all the same, he has stood behind me and believes it is my destiny too.  I must admit I was really touched.  I’m not one that really cares if I get roses, or flowers, and definitely not chocolates. (I know, this is so not normal for a woman, but remember I’m the one that doesn’t really like to shop either!)  The way to my heart is simply to believe in me, and do out of the norm things, like buying a Snuggie so I am warm when I write, or buying me a CD that I can write to or a lavender candle for calmness……..simple things that say, “Hey, I believe in you!”  I’m sure I’m not the only woman out there that feels this way, but Hallmark and flower stores would have you believe that roses are the way to a woman’s heart.  Let me tell you, it isn’t.

And with that, I think I shall head to bed. It’s been a beautiful day!  Great writing time, great time with an old friend who can so relate to where my life is, and then a great surprise from hubby…….. It may be a very cold winter night out there, but in my heart, I am filled with a warmth because I feel so surrounded in love. (And my body is much warmer too thanks to my new Snuggie).

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

~Sunshine

GNTS:  I continue to seek out the meaning of all the mysteries of you, and every time it seems I find myself back to the place where I began seeking, and here is where it leaves me:  There is meaning in the mysteries, and one day I will understand, but for now, it’s a journey and I must learn all that I can while I am here, where I am, for one day I won’t be here, I will be at a new place…..so learn to prepare for where it is I am going, and when I get there, wisdom will be waiting……….and I think that means, it’s all so very beautiful in the end.  But isn’t that what learning of love is all about?  The beauty of it all?  As Sara and I agreed today,  sometimes we find the love that will follow us into eternity…..and perhaps the love of eternity followed us into here………..sounds so deep and mysterious and it is…….but as you once told me,  “Mystery is good.”  And yes, I continue to hold on to every word you ever said to me.  It is what it is, and my friend……it is.  Goodnight ~ W/love ………..Just me

Tonight's song is so special to my heart......just as there are natural seasons, there are seasons in our lives. They come, they go, and still, no matter what season it is, God stays by our sides.  Yes, this is one of those songs that draws me so close to the Father, and makes me reflect on what the journey of life is all about.  I hope you this song enjoy as much as I do.

It’s been a while since I’ve done a journal to be shared. Oh, there are plenty I have done on a personal note, as my days are currently began by Bible reading and prayer/meditation.  It never ceases to amaze me how much I grow spiritually when I am able to begin my days like this. For so many years I had to be to work so early, that it was almost impossible to do this…..but now, in my hidden season God has me on a rather stringent schedule.  Provided life doesn’t call me to go somewhere, or people aren’t here visiting.  This week has been less calendar places to be so I have hit the book hard!  Bible/prayer/meditation time from 7:00am – 9:30am, or whenever God and I are finished, sometimes longer, sometimes shorter.  Then it is my writing time, of which I spend three to six hours on.  I am now over 169 pages, and several chapters into the book.  But I’m jumping ahead so back to the moment of spiritual growth in my life at the moment.   I continue to have the clearest dreams of which I keep close journals on, and the Lord has been speaking to my heart a lot.  Tho totally exhausted today, I still hear Him speak.

Why am I exhausted? I spent last night at a sleep center.  Last week I had an appointment with a new doctor here in town after receiving the results of my blood work.  Have to admit, the results freaked me out a bit!  But she wasn’t concerned about any of them other than my SED rate. (This is not the formal name, but a medical term.)  This is the same rate that was so elevated a year ago my doctor sent me to the Rheumatologist, both doctors decided it was fibromyalgia.   When I went to the new doctor this time, she and I discussed this SED rate.  She said this wasn’t typical of fibromyalgia and at the beginning said she wanted me to have a biopsy done on my leg muscles. *she was faint at heart* But as we began going through some other stuff it was as if a light bulb went off!  “Do you snore?”  She began.  “OMG! I’m so glad you asked that because my husband would kill me if I didn’t tell you what he’s so afraid of!  I quit breathing during sleep at night, he isn’t getting sleep cause he thinks he has to stand there and watch me sleep or I won’t breath again!”  She said, “I think you have severe sleep apnea!”  She said the leg pain, and some other issues I have, including the HIGH SED rate were indicative of!  She said she was so certain I had this she’d send me home with the machine that day, but insurance wouldn’t allow her to. She had an appointment set up within a few days (last night) and told me not to miss it!

So last night I went for my sleep study.  Anyone that has ever had one of these done knows it’s not awful, but how on earth are you supposed to go to sleep with ALL those wires hanging out all over you?  I had to be there at 7:30pm.  They took me to a rather nice room, almost like a hotel room, where I had to fill out a mountain of paperwork!  That took a good hour and made me a bit sleepy as I had awakened at 5:30am and not napped during the day.  Next she had me watch a video about what sleep apnea is, what causes it, and how they treat it.  That took another half-hour.  I sat in a chair the whole time waiting for her to come back.  She had me change into my pajamas, then sat me back in the chair to wire me up.  I’m talking electrodes and wires EVERYWHERE!  They use a paste that reminded me of what I used when I was in grade school.  (You know, the type that smelled funny and everyone had to try to eat at least one time in their early days!)  They put several on my head, leaving paste stuck in my hair everywhere this morning!  Then they put them right next to my eyes, mouth, neck, chest, stomach and legs!  With all these wires she had to help me get in bed, and then she hooked them up, ending up putting a heart monitor and oxygen reader on my index finger.  With that she left the room and spoke to me over the intercom to take deep breaths, move my eyes up and down, open and close them, etc.  I was well aware they were videotaping me the whole time!  She finishes her instructions by saying have a good night’s sleep!

And I laid there!  I couldn’t get comfortable no matter what side I was on, or on my back. If I moved the wires got in my way, and then there was that red light from the heart monitor on my index finger!  I’d about fall asleep get it too close to my eye and the red light was like a laser beam coming in!  No matter what I did I could NOT fall asleep!  I tossed and turned, I prayed, I did everything I know to do to fall asleep to no avail!  A few times when I turned one of the electrodes would come undone and in would come my tech Haley to put it back on my head, or neck.  I might have fallen asleep an hour before they woke me up, the test was over.

“You may have to come back again to redo the test, as you didn’t get much sleep.  Next time ask them to prescribe a sleeping pill for you.”  Haley said as she was trying to get the electrodes out of my hair.  “You will want to go home and take a really hot shower to get all this paste off of you.  Do it before you even lie down if you want to take a nap.”  How did she know that was exactly the sequence of events I was headed home at 6:30am to complete?  With the exception of one thing, I showered, then I did my Bible reading/prayer/meditation time, only today it lasted about 30 minutes and I was upstairs, dogs in tow, and falling into my own bed.  I slept for 2 hours.  What an ordeal!  And I may have to do this again? Ugh!

After I woke up I put sweats on, and headed downstairs to write, write, and write some more!  The book is coming, but today for the first time I felt the Lord said to stop writing and do a synopsis of the book, and pick out two of my best chapters so far.  I am to meet with Vicki on Saturday to submit these items.  At first I was going to submit all the chapters I have so far, but apparently God is not leading me to do this?  Then I lean to my own understanding and begin looking on line how to get a book published, even tho Vicki has a good lead, I was making sure I was doing it right!  I became overwhelmed and decided after writing for about 4 hours, I needed a break.  “I will journal!”  I decided!!  Something different than what I’ve been writing.  See, the book is all about Sunshine and Chris, and I get lost on their journey and sometimes it feels as if I lose me just a bit.  I wonder if that is normal?  Still, Sunshine and Chris is a great subject matter and so much fun to speculate what the whole journey meant when I walked it.  I will admit it is SO cool to be the person outside looking in, and separating so much of what I experienced as the journey began.

I had gone back to my hometown last Wednesday for my hair trimming appointment.  It was icy that day, and I knew I had my new doctor’s appointment in the morning, so rather than stay with Sydney after dinner with my friends from the high school, I decided to drive home. I called Jane and asked her if she’d go home with me since the weather was threatening and it was going to be late. She was thrilled to!  Dinner was good, as always. It’s so nice to catch up and know you still have friends from the yesterdays.  Then I picked Jane up. It was really growing treacherous in the hometown. Jane’s husband wasn’t too crazy with us taking off after 9pm, but he and I both agreed, if we waited till morning it’d be worst. So off into the night we went.  Oddest thing!  About 15 miles out of the hometown on the interstate the roads cleared and remained clear the 80-miles we traveled.  To this day Jane and I can’t explain it?  It was weird, or perhaps………..it was a miracle?  The next morning all the schools around the hometown were closed, as were most schools between here and there.  As I said,  perhaps it was a miracle.

Skylar got sick and Amy asked me to pick her up at school the next day.  I got her, Jane, bless her heart stayed with Amy so I could do my doctor appointment. While I was gone I turned a movie on for Skylar, and I let Jane read my book. The first one to read it thus far!  Yes, I was a bit nervous as Jane is so honest.  When I got home she came and hugged me and said she had sobbed in a couple places as she read what I had so far!   She raved over and over about how good it was. It built my confidence then, but today I am feeling overwhelmed and so unsure if I can do this.  But then, my energy level today is not good!  As a matter of fact I may succumb to just collapsing in the recliner when I finish this and make it a LMN (Lifetime Movie Network) day.  I’m so tired and as I told Elizabeth when I texted her when I got home,  “I feel as if I have taken the red eye in from LA.”  We did that one time….a grueling way to travel!

I continue to be so very busy and find my internet time these days more limited than I like. I know a lot of people that have read here a long time continue to check it out looking for me. I always feel bad because I cherish those that walk this journey with me.  But for now, the book is my calling, as is my spiritual time so I am working hard a prioritizing in my life.  I’m not always going to be able to not work, and be in this hidden place if the book doesn’t sell pretty soon.  LOL, in the next year, how’s that?

On the Soul Mate front……..all I will say is there are so many dreams of him these days which I just don’t get as in my heart I have let it go…..but as I always say, I may let it go, but it doesn’t let go of me, and from what I hear in the spirit, there is a reason for that.  No doubt about it Chris is based on my muse, the one I call Soul Mate, but I also believe I have to honor where his life is these days, with another I happen to believe he must have fallen very much in love with.  It is growing through the “why wasn’t I the one” period that I find I grow so much more than I ever would have.  The only thing in my heart I wish I had with Soul Mate is a friendship.  I think that would be my dream to know if we ever needed one another we could pick up the phone and call the other, or send one another a message and let the other one convince the other it would be okay.  Why could we never find that friendship?  Would that have been so bad, or did I never mean that much to him?  But I had to?  Words mean something, don’t they, and he told my friend Jen I was “SO SPECIAL!”  So why could we never be friends?  And there are still questions that remain unanswered, but then, what would a journey be if it wasn’t one filled with faith along the way?  So I keep the memories of the special times we shared tucked in my heart, and keep them alive by writing the novel of Chris and Sunshine……some parts real, some parts fiction, but through it all, Sunshine knows that the real journey is the journey back to God. 

And I shall close this long update with those words.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

~Sunshine

To the twin soul:  So many questions remain…..so many dreams as of late.  And all I can say is……………always.        ~just me 

Today was a much better day than yesterday, although I was a tad disappointed in myself because I didn’t get up as early as I’d hoped to get done what needed to be done.  I did awake at 5:45am, and could have easily gotten up, but the bed was so warm and I thought to myself I’d just lie there a few more minutes.  Next thing I knew?  It was 8:30am!  I felt better tho, like I had really caught up on my sleep.  Skylar was still asleep, so I got dressed, headed downstairs to get some things done before she came down.  Didn’t get much done tho, but as I thought, she ate her cereal in front of her little TV as she watched one of her movies.  It gave me time to catch up on the Bible Reading thing.

I could have worked on the book at that point, but I am a firm believer in the “Seek ye first the kingdom of God” thing.  All through my life when I have put seeking Him first in most things it seems time is multiplied or things just seem to fall into place.  Besides, I learn SO much when I am engrossed in the word like I am, today was no different.  Sometimes it’s as if I am a sponge and I absorb so many things.  I still maintain that the Bible is like the stars and eternity….it just goes on and on so deeply, teaching me the things I need at that exact moment on my journey.  Yesterday’s hurt suddenly was turned to understanding this morning as I learn to let go, forgive, go beyond, and basically, understand.  By the time I was through catching up as much as I could, I felt fresh, anew and very alive. 

My goal then was to write. I got ready to sit down to do so and Skylar’s movie was over. I looked at her and decided she needed a shower, so upstairs we went to do so, so much for writing.  By the time that was finished and I had dried and curl-ironed her hair (as per her request) we headed out to lunch, then errands before we had to pick Elizabeth up.

Lunch was nice.  Skylar is about the only one these days that will go Chinese with me.  She LOVES shrimp, so all I have to do is tell her they have shrimp on the bar and she is all about it!  We had a wonderful lunch as we waited for the best part.  The best part is obviously, FORTUNE COOKIES!  Even Skylar at 4-years old like this part.  Our two cookies got delivered.  I let Skylar choose which one was hers, feeling as if this would be divine providence on my part.  She opened up her cookie, pulled out her fortune and looked at it as if she could read it….

“Here mee maw, tell me what it reads.” She said as she handed it to me.

“Skylar loves Gary and is going to marry him one day!” I said, laughing…(Gary is the one she calls boyfriend, yes at 4…… scary.)

“I’m kidding!” I said as her eyes got really big

“This is a good time for you to increase your business!”  I read to her.

I’m not sure that she quite understood what that meant so I explained to her that right now her business was gymnastics, cause that is what she works at….so it was time she increased her working towards it!  She seemed to get it then.  Now it was my turn to read my fortune.  I opened my cookie as Skylar watched, broke it in half and……WHAT?!!!  There wasn’t a fortune in it!  Now that was a scary thing for someone like me that believes in signs and synchronicity and stuff!

“Skylar!  Mee maw doesn’t have a fortune!  This isn’t good!  I hope this isn’t a bad sign!” I said to her as I watched her giggle at how upset I was by this.

“Where is that waitress? I am going to demand she bring me another one!”  I said in an indignant tone.  Skylar was still laughing as I threw my hand up and saying…

“Miss, miss” trying to catch our waitress’ attention.

She must have heard me and came to the table.  I tried to explain to her in a laughingly way that my fortune cookie had ripped me off, I had no fortune! Unfortunately, she hardly spoke English and just kept smiling at me as if she had no clue what I was saying. 
“Can I have another fortune cookie so I can get a fortune?”  I asked her finally.

“Yes, yes, I be right back”  She said.

Sure enough, she brought me two back.  Maybe for the mess up, or maybe because I was supposed to have two?  The first one said, 

“You long to visit the great pyramids of Egypt.” 

What?  Yes, I would like to see them as they are filled with mystery, but that isn’t any kind of fortune really, so it was time to go to the 3^rd and final fortune.  Surely the third time would be the charm, right?  RIGHT!

 “You’re transforming yourself into someone who is certain to succeed.” 

 Now we were right where we needed to be!  It warmed my heart and made me glad I was joking around with Skylar about the lack of the first fortune.  The joke had turned into some sort of meaning to me.  The third time being the charm, that seemed to fit too.

 As I sat to write this out tonight, and pulled the fortunes from my sweatshirt pocket, I remembered something that had happened to me this morning before Skylar woke up.  I was going through junk mail, and a little tri-folded brochure fell out of one of those sales newspapers everyone gets in the mail.  I suddenly felt drawn to it for no reason at all and opened it. The headline that jumped out at me was,

 “The future is in your hands!”

 It was actually a little brochure advertising an on-line school, but for me, it felt as it was a clear message.  I felt as if I was being whispered to by the Lord:

 “Why don’t you get an index card and paste this on it and hang it on your mirror to inspire you to write?”

 When these illuminations fall on me, as was happening in the moment, I start visualizing what I need to do. I put it aside and decided I was going to start some sort of index card with inspirational stuff as this to keep me inspired as I go through the process.  Now I have that fortune!  It will get pasted on my card as well!  I bet a lot of people don’t see things like I do, but I believe that God sends us all many messages, like sign posts along the way to say, 
“You’re on the right path!  Keep going!”

 As I think of it tonight, I think this is really pretty cool!  When I finish writing the journal I will either A:  work on the book or B: Start my inspirational index card to put on my mirror so when I wake up in the morning it will be the first thing I see.  I’ll probably be adding things to it as I go along too.  I may be able to do both things, even if I only get one page of the book added tonight.  My lavender oil is burning, meditation music playing, Dell is wherever it is Dell goes at night, and I feel inspired to write.  Gotta love this transformation I am in!  LOL,  it is leading to certain success!  *she loves this*

Hope to get writing done in the morning too, but around noon it’s off for “Camp” for Pete and Lilly.  This is the weekend we go to Tennessee to celebrate the twin’s birthday!  Can’t believe they are over 30 now, and these are my babies!  But I guess that’s what happens when you have your children at age 12! *kidding*  It’ll be a great time, and I do plan to take my laptop this time.  Dell will be unable to drive the whole time so Amy and I will share driving duties.  Dell is still suffering from back issues, on serious pain meds (still), getting injections in his back, and well, just isn’t himself these days.  *sighs* 

I still have haunting memories of the fears of having to face this one day with Dell after seeing his brother a few years back with a similar problem…but now that I am here facing it……well, God is giving me strength to face the long days….and nights.  I still swear Dell is 50-something going on 70, and I’m 51 going on 30.  Sometimes it’s maddening for me, but life is happening all around me!  No need to stop on my part, so I am finding that I am creating a life outside of that sphere that at one time out of guilt felt I couldn’t.  And I think it’s good that I am.  As I told one of the guys I went to school with that I’ve been emailing lately, “I think I’m finally allowing that free spirit to be a bit more free than it ever has been.”  Perhaps it comes from not being so afraid of things anymore, and perhaps it comes from just being the destined time I am to finally be free.  Forgiveness of self goes a long way I’m discovering. 

The weekend will fly!  Next week still looks fairly busy too as I will do another road trip to my old hometown, tho this one will be for pleasure.   Donna, Linn, Sydney and I are doing a Red Lobster night next week…it’s the only time I indulge in any sort of alcoholic beverage, and only because I LOVE, LOVE those “Mango Berry Daiquiris” they serve.  I always order, “Light on the alcohol”  but being the lightweight I am, it doesn’t really matter.  It’ll be fun and I’ll enjoy the evening!

In the meantime tho, in the gaps of which I’m not out being free, I will write.  I’m SO close now to being at the place I can finally submit some stuff to the publisher that is interested in reading what I have, that I can’t stop!  Gotta keep my eye on the prize, follow my heart, give it all I got and remember:

 THE FUTURE IS IN MY HANDS!

 And I simply say that because my hands are the tools I use to write my heart, and that story of which I carry within me.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

~Sunshine

GNTS:  I’m loving it all……where will it lead?  Hmmm….nothing is perfect but I have a feeling to finally be on the road to where I was always meant to go will be a very awesome journey now.  So much learned, so much wisdom garnered.  And to this day I swear it was all awakened the day we met in some of the conversations we had. I know, KNOW, that you knew destiny was happening in that moment too…..and somehow in my heart I know, you never forgot it either, I was just the one that was to carry the message…..you just had to wake me up first.  And you did, and I did, and God began the most divine work possible, in my heart.  Somehow, I think your heart was probably changed too.  Holding the memories in my heart and the beliefs that there is some sort of meaning in the tomorrows, whatever they may be.  Goodnight,  ~Just me.

I’m just home from what I’ve referred to as being a business trip the past couple days, even if it was returning to the university to train Vicki, my replacement and old friend.  It meant being away from home for a couple days. I stayed at Jane’s house, which was more of a homey trip than what a hotel would have been, so I’m not sure you could call it a business trip?  But since it wasn’t pleasure, I think I will.

Today didn’t end good.  I wonder if everyone has such up and down days as I do?  Something my ex-boss said really hurt my feelings and had me leave on the verge of tears. Or maybe I did let a few fall once I was in the car?  Perhaps feeling so exhausted from working so much the past couple of days didn’t help my emotional state. I just hate it that I am so sensitive!  But I am what I am, although on my 1.5 hour drive back home, I wrestled it all out in my mind as I realized how much I need to grow yet another layer of skin, isn’t that what they say to do when you get your feelings hurt easily?  Tonight I’m over it.  But then I am SO exhausted!  I’m not sure anything could bother me at the moment.

I was really ready to be through at the university.  All the questions from some of the people I worked with of, “How’s the book coming” were almost affirmation for me that this has got to really be completed.  In my heart, I know it will tho.  I met a lot of really nice people while there, but it was a very short period I was to spend there.  Seasons come, seasons go…….and I find a new season here.

Skylar is staying here for the night.  It’s the first time in a long while she’s wanted to be here.  She’s always so good for me, and tomorrow she’ll be good company if I need her to be, or she’ll be a good movie watcher if I need her to be while I write.  We will pick Elizabeth up around 3pm (grandbaby #4) from her daycare.  A new experience for me!  Elizabeth has not stayed with me as of yet.  This means I must get my quota of pages written early in the morning along with my Bible reading schedule that I have a few days to catch up on already. *sighs*

The weirdest thing happened last night!  Jane had read a comment on my facebook page, except the exact words she said she had read, WEREN’T there!  When she told me what the comment said, I said,

 “How’d you know that?!”

 “It’s on your page!”  She replied back.

“No, it’s not!  But the exact words you said are words that this person sent me in a private email!”

When we got to her house, we went to my facebook page and sure enough, what she had read wasn’t there!  But it WAS in the private message.  She freaked out, as did I, as this is NOT the first time Jane has been 100% accurate in things she has seen, or felt!  Laughing, in a freaking out sort of way I immediately asked:

“So, what does Soul Mate feel?”

I was half joking about this, thinking while she’s having a prophetic moment, why not take advantage of it!  And she began telling me all these things I about freaked out over!   Wow.  It’s left me a lot to think about, even tho today was a really downer day for me.

Last night held one of those nights of dreams that are so bizarre and yet so clear I just wonder what it all meant?  It was a dream of “The Body Snatchers”.  Where people were attacking people and taking over their bodies and stuff. I was one on the run, and remember riding in the back of a pickup truck, throwing the zombies off the truck as they attacked.  LOL! I have NO clue what this dream meant, but it remains to be very clear in my mind’s eye. I woke up during the middle of the dream with the driest mouth!  I got up, went to the bathroom and got a drink then went back to bed.  I’m just glad I didn’t scream bloody murder during the night.  Not cool when you are a house guest somewhere!  And what could that dream of meant?  I just can’t see turmoil in my life, because I honestly believe I am on the path I’m supposed to be now.  But that doesn’t mean everything is smooth in my life either, because it isn’t.  As a matter of fact those things driving me crazy in my life are the things that I am working hard at dealing with, in a non-emotional sort of way……….I can honestly say that I don’t let them eat at me as I once did.  It’s all about perspective.

I continue to hear from a couple of the guys I went to middle school and high school with via facebook.  This has my curiosity piqued as I remember who I was, and who I am. There is a difference.  I think I have learned you really can’t go back.  Although for split seconds it sure feels good to try…..but in the final analysis I know those days are gone and life has moved on.  I am sure this is a fleeting thing that will pass.

I guess I have rambled enough now. Tomorrow I will get in 3 hours of writing.  My hopes at this point are to get to about Chapter 6, and then we plan to submit what I have at that point to the publisher.  I never understood how this book had become a baby to me in so many ways, so the dream of the baby shower and God telling me He was birthing something in me seem so clear to me now.  I can’t wait to wake up fresh tomorrow, and begin writing for a few hours.  Chapter 6 is only 2 chapters away now…….and it is SO alive in me! Not having my laptop the past couple of days and being too busy to work on it has driven me crazy! *figure of speech*  That’s how much I am into it these days!

One good thing that happened today!  My aunt sent me a Christmas card!  Yes, it was late, but I look at the thought. I had sent her a card before Christmas and included one of those Christmas letters in it.  She actually wrote me a note. It was so nice to have a little contact with someone from my family.  We hadn’t spoken for almost 3 years when she came to a shower for Abigail this summer.  Healing sometimes happens in the kindest and gentlest of ways.

I think I will close with what someone told me today when she heard I wasn’t working at all and was finally pursuing the dream I held in my heart by writing….here are her words of wisdom, shared with her by her Pastor husband:

“Faith is spelled,  R I S K”!

She also gave me one more to think about,  “God takes a long time to do something quickly.”  It’s deep, but I totally understand what that means, as I know I am right where I am meant to be at this point in time.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

~Sunshine

GNTS:  Ups and downs and all arounds!  I often wonder if you have bad days like I do, but in my heart, I sort of know we all do.  Sometimes when it seems so heavy to bare I still do escape to thoughts of you. I know that it wasn’t ever really possible to be, even when you were still alone and free…….I realize all that, but it has never changed the fact that my heart knew somewhere out there you were.  So yes, when it all seems so hard to follow and do, I will escape to thoughts of you.  I once sent you tonight’s song……all these years later the words continue to describe my heart on this journey I’ve walked.  I miss you, I will always miss you, but you know, I never really knew you, so how can you miss something you never really knew?  It’s that mystery that with all my heart I believe one day I will finally understand.  Till then, I will always see you soar across the sky, and I will see you in my dreams, and I will write of that spirit I have always known.  Are you Chris?  You know, I think you just might be, before here, and after here………or something like that.  Enjoy the mystery of it all, cause I think, it is quite beautiful.  Goodnight,

Love, ~Just me

It’s early Saturday evening as I begin to write.  Feeling sort of creative in the moment as it is freezing outside and the recent snowstorm leaving us with way too much snow for my liking, but having to admit it is beautiful, I feel inspired.  Dell is cleaning out the fireplace so shortly I will have a raging fire to take the chill off, I have my candles burning, and my copper candle burner filled with lavender oil with a few drops of green tea, creating an aromatherapy calming and restful smell in the air.  While I still attest to the fact I hate winter, it is what it is, happiness if found from within not without, so I try to find the most beauty in that of what is.  One note on the moment I am in, Lilly sits right below my feet here at the kitchen nook table.  Her body heat warms me too.  My dogs are so special to me.

I have decided to try to journal more, since this is probably one of the best places I have been in for most of my life. After all I love my new house, finding complete solace in this place now that I have created it to be me.  I LOVE my new rural and urban city of which I sit between the two.  I love writing my book, that of which I am finally full force into!  And tho happiness is not found without, somehow, here is found within.  Does that even make sense?  It’s as if right now, I have found my way. Where I am meant to be and doing that of which I feel I was always meant to do and find.  No, I haven’t arrived yet!  After all the book is not completed, and not sold to a publisher, but all the same, I am on the track to getting there, so yes, I need to write about these times!

Sometimes when I write journals I have my favorites. Like to this day one of my favorite journals is Skylar’s first birthday, when I remembered how she almost didn’t make it and how a year later I could sit there and hold the miracle of who she was. It truly was a miracle!  There are others that could top that list as well, but they don’t come to mind at the moment, but the one prior to this one was another of my favorites.  After writing it a few days ago I went to bed that night and had a dream.  Of him,  Soul Mate.  Wow!  What a powerful dream it was!!  Nothing more than this connection I so often feel I share with him. As if in the dream he showed up to confirm that of which I always question.  While I won’t get into full details of the dream, I will share a bit of it. NOTE:  The whole dream is written in my private journal, as I felt answers were shown in it. But a little of what I will share is here:

Soul Mate and his wife have come to visit me for the weekend.  I am amazed in the dream how it all seems so normal, and even tho I have all these feelings for Soul Mate, it seemed perfectly normal for her to be there.  I can’t say I overly liked her, but I didn’t dislike her either…she was rather quiet in the dream, just there because she is a part of his life I guess.  So she is in bed in the dream, as I figured Soul Mate was too.  I was still up so I checked my STAT button and then my guest book. (I have one, but I don’t even have the link to it on my journal, but in the dream, I do.)  “Kenny G,”  famous musician has signed the guestbook!  I am flipping out!  I’m not a Kenny G fan but hey, it is very cool he likes my writing and journal!  Soul Mate is now sitting at the breakfast bar and I see he is still up.  I run to him and excitedly say:

“Guess what!  A famous musician signed my guestbook!”

To which he replies

“I know!”

“No, not you!  “Kenny G!”  I say as if this is really a huge deal!

“Well then I guess that makes two of us, doesn’t it.”  He says, sort of expressing a bit of sadness.

He went on to tell me some sort of trivia about “Kenny G” as if he had known him for a long time……..

That is the part of the dream I will reveal.  Of course there is more, and all I will say is this connection I feel with him, still, was very revealing in the dream.  Whatever this is, it is just special. Not really romantic, just something so special.  It makes me wonder if anyone else on earth ever finds such a special connection that can’t be explained?  Through space and time it just seems to exist, tho still remains a mystery to me of why.  I guess sometimes, we’re not supposed to ask.  BUT…..if the dream is really some sort of message dream (it seems to me to be), then that one question that has haunted me for years is answered! So the question remains, do I have the faith to believe?

I continue to be really busy in my life, even tho I am not working and have moved away from my hometown.  This even surprises me!  Yesterday (Friday) I had 2 lunch dates!  One was with my newest friend Debbie.  The one who sold me my new sofa and we became fast friends.  The other was with my now ex-boss, Vicki who took my job and David, who was new from Houston when I was in the process of quitting. My ex-boss lives here in the city. They were meeting at her house for a retreat for the day and were going to a late lunch. Everyone wanted me to join them at the Cheesecake Factory!  I was committed to Debbie and had been, and also wanted to meet with Vicki since she started her new job  and I couldn’t be at the office on Thursday, her first day, to train her due to the snow storm.  What to do?  P, my ex-boss said it’d be a late lunch.  I could meet with Debbie early, then go and have a cheesecake with my ex-office staff.  It’d work if I ate light at both places!  But as is normal, everything worked itself out when I called Debbie first thing to arrange a time.  The weather was so icky, she just didn’t want to drag out, which was fine with me too.  We decided to meet next Thursday instead.  How perfect! It left me free to meet the others later in the day. And everything works itself out, or so it seems to me.

Our lunch at Cheesecake Factory was so very nice.  My ex-boss had on a very, very classic hat.  Being African American, she is actually very beautiful and the hat just screamed culture to me!  I kept commenting on how awesome she looked!  The restaurant is located in the upscale mall Vicki and I went to the other day. Once again I found myself having to look around and pinch myself for the life I am now in.  We laughed, had a good time, yet I never once felt sad that my time at the university is just about over now.  Vicki was sent by God there, of which I have NO doubt, and she will do great.  It was time to move to the next place, which is taking a lot of faith since I’m not working.  When I left them, I felt warm and good and grateful that God has given me the favor He has in the last endeavor I was led to.  It was SO horrible at the beginning, I remember thinking I had made the worst mistake of my life! (Well, the 2^nd one anyway.)  But you know, I grew more than I ever understood, both in faith and some sort of knowledge of how God does lead us.  I got in my car and headed to meet Dell, as he works close to this mall and I had suggested we go do something.

So now it is confession time.  Spiritual as I am, I still do stupid things, and lately, I have been doing something that is not too “spiritual” to do.  Since moving here, which I love, I find myself 30 minutes south from one casino, 30 minutes north from another!  Ugh!  For years it would be a 2-3 hour drive to do any casino, and now, it’s 30 minutes!  Ut oh!  This isn’t good!  I’ve been going a bit too much as of late.  Mostly I go when friends come to visit, as they like it as much as I do, but I noticed lately, I’m asking Dell to go during the week some evenings. It’s like it’s something to do for me.  But this weekend was a bit too expensive, and when I say expensive, I don’t mean it like most would think. I try to limit myself to $50 when I go, and had won over $200 a few weeks ago, so my justification was I am playing on their money. But after a few trips, too close in a row, and my ability not to stop when I am ahead, I have put my winnings back in plus a few. *sighs*  So now, I have sworn them off and am not going anymore! (Well at least until Jane comes back to visit when it thaws from the winter cold.)

*end Saturday’s journal, never posted*

It is now Monday evening.  I was writing my thoughts out Saturday evening,  got interrupted, and never finished.  I decided to leave them and continue on. 

As I said in Saturday’s journal, now today’s, life continues to be busy for me, BUT, in the midst of all the busy I am FINALLY, FINALLY very intense on writing!  I must have written today for 3 hours!  I am SO into the book now, the story and reliving some parts, and at the same time adding stuff for “fiction” sake and for novel sake.  This has got to be completely God!  He had promised when I was ready He would help me get it out.  His promise and word is true.  I am so into it, I don’t want to stop as I write. I do try to take breaks to think about what happens next, based on fact, and based on views from the heart, so I will do laundry, or email a friend, or play with the dogs for a few minutes.  Then it is back to writing.

My day began tho catching up on my Bible reading.  This is the year I will read the Bible through.  Whenever I have done this in the past I learn so very much.  In everything I do I continue to realize how important it is that God is first. Even tho I have read through the Bible like 4 times now, I find I can go back and learn so many new things.  I like to call it “new manna” from heaven.  This morning was no different as I caught up on the daily read.

The rest of the week will be quite busy. I have to go to the university tomorrow to train Vicki as my replacement.  How weird it will be to work with Vicki as a trainer! I mean we have been friends for years!  We worked together in the same school corporation before I left for the university two years ago.  Now, she left the school corporation to take my place.  We both sort of feel God sent me there for a couple years to prepare the place for her, and to help my boss find her way back to the love of God.  Vicki will carry on where I left off.  So I will go there tomorrow late in morning, then stay at Jane’s tomorrow night and work again on Wednesday. Thursday will be a REALLY busy day too! I’m having lunch with Debbie, the one who I was supposed to meet last Friday, but as I said above, we didn’t, so we’ll meet then.

Friday we leaving for Tennessee to see Joel and Emma and kids.  Jason and Susie are going to meet us there for the twin’s 31^st birthday.  Okay, I am way too young for my babies to be 31!  Amy, Bree, Skylar will ride down with Dell and I.  We’ll spend the weekend, and be home Sunday.  The one thing that breaks my heart about this?  It means Pete and Lilly have to go to Camp.  We’ve found  a new camp here in the city, a nice place, but I HATE not having my dogs with me.  It’s just not feasible for this trip tho. *sighs*

Next week is going to be as busy as this one!  I’m going to my old hometown to get my haircut on Wednesday. That night I will meet Linn, Donna, and Sydney for a Red Lobster dinner.  It’s amazing we continue to do this.  Yes, we are minus one, Elizabeth, but at least the 4 of us can still get together.  Speaking of Elizabeth!  Yes, we are in continual conversation whether it be phone, or live chat on yahoo or facebook.  I miss her beyond words, but sometimes there is nothing you can do in life.  Thank heavens for cell phones and free long distance, and facebook!

Thursday will be lunch with my old friend Sue.  A story in itself of which I am sure we need to meet and discuss!  *laughs*

Obviously the next 2 weeks will be very busy.  I can’t let it stop me from writing tho! I am flying by chapter by chapter, and it’s so important I don’t let anything get in the way now.  So many of my friends are in this book, I can’t help but wonder if it does become a “best seller” how many will recognize themselves while at the same time being considered fiction?  Isn’t that what all good writers do?  They write of life experiences?  It has to be, because you can’t really feel passion unless you’ve experienced something.  But I ramble, I just need to continue on.

So facebook is a good thing!  Isn’t it?  I have reconnected with old classmates!  Some male, some female.  It’s so nice catching up.  I recently received a private message from one of those classmates.  We began catching up.  He told me that his eyes couldn’t help but notice me his first day at school in 8^th grade!  He said I was so cute and when he ran into me a few months ago he recognized me in a millisecond!  I was so touched!  Especially considering I know now how little confidence I had back in 8^th grade, well make that all through high school too!  Funny how middle school tends to steal all that joy God sent us to earth with.  Looking back now I get it,  but living it, well, it took a long time to understand so many things.  I’m enjoying getting to know my old friend from back when we were like what, 13?  LOL.  Yes, I think facebook is a good thing.

I am very excited about where things are right now, about the book, about watching how God is going to perform the miracle of getting me to where I believe He has shown me I am going to go.  Today I stopped and thought back a year ago….. I had taken the family property off the market as Dell had been transferred back to the hometown store for a season.  I felt as if I’d never really get to writing the book, I felt as if winter would never end!  But here I am! A new winter where I sit in my new house, writing my book,  believing I am really fulfilling my destiny, learning lessons still (like to stay out of casinos), and growing in faith and love.  So much happening, I just take one day at a time, thank God for the miracles all around, for His wisdom, for His guidance, and I can’t believe the peace I have finally arrived at.  But it sure did take a whole lot of faith to get here, and I am sure it will take a whole lot of faith to continue on, knowing that there is still SO much ahead.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

~Sunshine

GNTS:  Oh the memories of it all as I write!  But don’t worry, there is no trace of any real identity of who you are for I don’t think it matters that some may know you, some may not, but I think it’s the connection that matters.  The story of two meeting, and one realizing that all of life’s answers and eternity is standing before her.  Real meaning is found, or so I am discovering more and more as I relive the journey.  Add a little bit of fiction as I am not afraid to let it be what I thought deep down it was, and it is one heck of a beautiful novel.  I will always wonder if you were flattered by my honesty, or if you were so intrigued you just could never stay away?  But you know, I think in the end, it was all a part of what was meant to be.  And the stars continue to shine above, and full moons still come and go, and I still, STILL, think of you every day.  Oh, and I still pray for you every day too.  And I am grateful you found happiness in your life.  Yes, a little sad it wasn’t me, but I have great plans for my life too, and who knows what tomorrow will hold? I only know that one day we will meet again, and when we do, I think we will both have finally grown into realizing how special it was that our paths crossed.  And we will both know, the best is yet to come.  Look in your heart, for it knows the way, and I shall look in mine too.  Goodnight   ~just me