1/26/2012 7:41 AM

I find myself still inspired in the mornings, so here I am.  Ten minutes to do a quick blog before work.

As I was driving to work Tuesday morning, the Lord whispered the above words to me.  My lesson for the week, which sometimes the test comes before the lesson, as was the case for me.  My boss, who I really do care about, had been grumbling with me on Monday.  I honestly believe that she takes her frustrations out on me because I am gentle and kind and try so hard to please her.  It’s true, there are times I want to lash out and slap her, but I don’t.  Vessel of love, right?  Monday just happened to be one of those days.  Then Tuesday morning I got the word from the Lord, “The meek shall inherit the earth.”  Had I been meek the day before and passed the test?

It got me seeking what being “meek” really means.  Not just what it means according to the English definition, but where the word came from.  English definition says submissive and weak.  But when I dug further, finding the word actually comes from Greek origins, I discovered something far greater.  To be meek means to understand the power given you, but to do it with humility.  To be meek, according to the original Greek word, praus means strength.  I discovered that to meek actually means to be strong.  If one is meek, one is very strong.  I learned something very valuable from what the Lord whispered to me that morning.  When I looked back at my reaction on Monday, I realized that because I chose to have a still spirit in the middle of a raging storm, and to pray at the moment, God had given me a great victory.  Even if it isn’t seen in the natural world at the moment, on the inside, I know that God was teaching me something very awesome about this journey.

Yesterday, Wednesday, would present more opportunity to focus on being meek as the day began once again with “boss” barking orders.  I took deep breaths, did what was asked of me, focusing on being meek, "For the meek shall inherit the earth."  I guess tho I was in a sensitive mood for as I went to deliver some trash to the dumpster outside, I happened to run into a couple gals that work in the same building I do that I know bear the fruit of the spirit in love.  They asked me if I was okay, obviously my face showed a little bit of sadness.  I began to tell them of my lesson of being meek and as I did, tears began to fall.  I was able to gather my senses, but for a moment I felt hurt.  I try so hard to do the best I can, and darn this human nature sensitive thing!  I still get hurt.  They encouraged me for a moment, God’s love is always waiting somewhere.  Later one of them would ask me to join her and a couple other people to meet with them at 8:00am to pray every day.  I don’t go to work till 8:30, but told her I may show up one day.  Till then she promised they’d be praying for me.  Angels sent to help on the journey.

Oh no!  Times up and so much more to say on this!  I need to get to work tho, learning the lessons I must and learning about endurance and strength in the middle of a learning season.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Have a beautiful day as you learn lessons on your journey.

~Sunshine

1/24/2012 7:36 AM

Yet another early morning journal before heading out the door and the 30-minute trip to work.  Lately I feel inspired in the early morning hours.  Perhaps it's because this is my time with the Lord.  All my days begin with meditation of Him and His plans and purposes in my life.  Most people turn on news or the radio, but I learned along the journey that to begin my days with thoughts turned towards heaven begins a new day the right way. 

I’m heading out again after a not-so-good day yesterday.  Those are challenging days where you find out how strong your faith really is.  It began scheduling a surgery the doctor has told me I needed.  It isn’t anything really serious, but in time could be.  The problem is, I don’t want to even think about having this done right now.  Crazy as it sounds I have a toe that has torn ligaments.  Long story short, it isn’t going to get better.  My problem is I just don’t want to be completely down for four weeks, then in one of those fancy foot cast boot people wear for another three months.  My life is not conducive to stopping like that.  The surgery is scheduled for February 21.  After I had it scheduled I hung up the phone, feeling sorry for myself.  Isn’t it amazing how self-pity can completely steal one’s faith?

Who would I talk to this about?  I text messaged Dell, “What would you do?”  He responded he wouldn’t do it.  Not that he was giving me advice, just what he would or wouldn’t do.  He wasn’t much help.  I prayed, but God was silent for the moment.  Sometimes He answers immediately, then sometimes I have to wait for guidance.

My boss had been in meetings all mornings.  Struggling with what to do, not to mention the mountains of paperwork I had to do, she finally returned.  I could tell immediately her day had gone about like mine as her mood was one of grumbles.  I tried to stay out of her way, but sometimes I think she uses me as her whipping post.  And so it began………..  She has a way to pick apart everything I do, some of which is uncalled for.  I managed to remain calm, praying under my breath that surely I was to learn from this, and trying to extend compassion to her as God does me when I tend to take everything of my life apart.  Still, I’m human and before long her mood gog very personal to me.  I just kept a still spirit,  “Yes, okay, I will do better.”  Humbleness isn’t always easy.  From there, the day went downhill, tho I did manage to keep a spirit of peace.  I just couldn’t stop and feel sorry for myself with thoughts like, “Does she even have a clue what I’m going through at the moment?”  I have learned a great lesson lately that it is best to listen twice as much as I speak.  God gave me two ears and one mouth for a reason.  If only for a moment she would have stopped and thought of someone else for a moment, perhaps she’d realize that the person she was taking all of her frustrations out on was hurting at the moment. But she didn’t.  Luckily I was able to touch the faith that God knew and was holding my hand through this tough decision and her abusive behavior towards me.  She must have been a little convicted as later in the day she was a little better. 

I headed home not broken.  A little on the exhausted side, but faith renewed.  I headed for my writing room, where I find so much solace, and worked on the rewrite, realizing that none of this is really that important for I am merely on a journey of faith.  Ups and downs will come, but in the end I am guided by the most splendid love and light.

Have a beautiful day!

~Sunshine

1/18/2012 7:35 AM

Once again I am attempting an early morning journal.  I used to always write at night, but these days, or should I say nights, my entire focus is on the rewrite of my novel.  It’s coming along in a very awesome way.  It is finally flowing and I feel the specialness of the gift I’ve been given.  I say gift, because I truly believe everyone is given a gift of some sort.  How blessed to find what it is your called to do. Following yesterday’s journal as I was praying on my way to work I realized how close I feel to God when I write.  I remembered in one of my meditation times years ago how He told me I would be His hands.  When I thought of it driving, it brought tears to my eyes because all of those letters God has written me seem to be prophecies of things to come.  I do feel when I write His love flow through me, so yes, I believe I am His hands to write.  It leaves me filled with so much love and gratefulness.  A knowing of how much more there is of which I’ve not even begun to scratch the surface.  Like the night sky that goes on forever, there is so much more. I’m just a small grain of sand…………yet God finds value in the littleness of me.  It’s so awe-inspiring that I’m not sure words can describe the enormity of it all, so I shall just leave it here, with a heart of gratefulness for all the discovery yet to come.  And the love.  Always a heart of praise for the love I am surrounded with.

My day at work yesterday wasn’t all that bad.  I have learned so much in this job.  Of course for me learning isn’t about the tasks at hand, but about the observations of those around me.  There is such disdain between my coworkers and boss it’s been a challenge to try to be a peace maker, especially considering my boss isn’t the easiest person in the world to work for.  But God has given me great favor with her, which in and of itself is a miracle.  Regardless of how tough it can be some days I actually have come to really care about her.  I see beyond what most do, a gift I believe God places within me to see as He sees.  There are great lessons learned in seeing with His eyes.  It was awesome yesterday because my boss’ big dream is to meet the founder and lead singer of KC and the Sunshine Band, and they are coming to town!  Through some connections she has she has been able to secure front row, center seats for this concert, and guess who she has invited to join her?  Yup, me!  How cool is that?  This is one of her biggest dreams and she has invited me to go with her and be a part of it!  Of course the guys in the office tell me it’s because she has no friends, but I don’t believe it. I think this is more than that and I am touched beyond belief.  For me this is God showing me with a lot of love and prayer hearts can be changed and turned.  Yes, I spent the first few weeks of the job in tears because it was so harsh, but I’ve discovered prayer really  does change things.  The truth of the matter is prayer changes me, and then I am free to forget my woes and hurts to apply love, and when love is present, miracles happen.  So yay!!!  I am going with my boss to see KC and the Sunshine Band, thrilled to be a part of her lifetime dream.

Oh no!  I have to go now.  Again my apologies for any spelling errors as once again I am out of time to edit and proofread.

Have a beautiful day as you discover all the magic abounding on your own journey.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

~Sunshine

1/17/2012 7:43 AM

It’s a cold, rainy morning.  I have about 10 minutes to journal before I leave for work, following a four-day weekend.  It will be crazy as my boss keeps me hoping with her many projects.  I don’t mind really. I’d rather be busy than sit and watch the clock waiting for 5:00pm to come. 

I continue to be at a good place on my journey.  It seems I’ve finally come to understand that life is just that, a journey. Every step I take seems to lead me to the next person I am meant to meet.  Now that I see life this way, I love the observations.  The Bible always talks about speaking little and listening a lot and I’ve come to realize this teaches me to observe more.  It’s in the observations that I tend to see beyond, and for me, seeing beyond means everything.  Yes, I like living my life now as a journey in progress.  Embracing the mysteries and wonder of where it is all leading me to.

I had lunch yesterday with an old co-worker from the high school I spent 20 years of my life.  What a great time we had catching up after four years.  I listened mostly because this is where life has me now.  Although there was a brief period I shared with her about my kids, the modeling experience of which I am waiting for jobs to come , and of course the book.  “I can’t wait to read it!  What’s it about?”  The words flowed as I told her of the journey I’ve been on since 2001, and actually before.  There was a lot of pain during those years, but there were unbelievable things placed in my path to help me along, the biggest of those unbelievable things being the Soul Mate happenings.  Even to this day I have no doubt he is something very special to me……..a gift that brought me through some very dark years, but now I look back and I realize it was all about the journey. Learning so very many things.  As I reflected with my friend Nichole, I realized how much I really have grown.  For just a moment I went back to a fateful night when Soul Mate was upset with me and tried to tell me I was going through a “process.”  Talk about connections in the spiritual world, somehow he knew, even if he really didn’t know and was just trying to make me feel bad.  He was right.  That process led me to this moment in time, of which I am so grateful for all I’ve learned .

So many more thoughts on this but it is now 7:52am and I MUST leave for work by 7:55, so I’ll close, get this posted and head out the door, continuing on the journey. One day and one lesson at a time……………as the journey of faith moves on.

Wishing everyone a bright sunny day, even if your world is as mine and filled with rain.  On the inside of my heart,  my Father in heaven is alive and living so I am filled with incredible light.

          ~Sunshine

PS:  Sorry about any spelling areas.........no time for proofing.

Thursday, 1/5/2012 7:44 AM

This will be a quick early journal of which I have exactly six minutes to write before I leave for work.  I  always write when I’m inspired, so I think it’s important to write when I’m feeling down too.

I cried on and off all night. I hate waking up and whatever life’s woes are bothering you hits you and the tears fall.  Gentle tears, but all the same, tears because you are wounded at your inner core.  I hate that!  I use all the inspirational thoughts and Bible promises I can think of to heal my heart, but I guess sometimes you just have to go through the pain.  I’ve decided we all have really deep issues we think are healed, but then comes the test.  I fail so often to pass that test, but this morning I’ve decided not to dwell on the hurt and those that hurt me, but to learn what I must to once and for all be healed.  Like peeling an onion……peel it away!  Let’s get to the core!  I am SO ready!!

Getting ready for work I think I discovered how to work through it, how to combat it with words of light and love.  And now?  I’m ready to head back into the world.  God has comforted me once again as I face that life is about the lessons we must learn as eternal spirits. 

I must have had a prophetic moment earlier yesterday as I even posted on Twitter my opening statement.  Amazing how my spirit seems to know what’s coming before my consciousness is aware of it.  I think that’s the Holy Spirit within me……preparing me for a battle.

 Deep thoughts and my six minutes have now turned to seven.  I have a twelve hour day ahead of me at work with a 6:00pm meeting called……so much for a part-time 30-hour per week job.  It’s okay…………….God is my strength and I will make it through.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Wishing all a beautiful day!

~Sunshine

Monday 1/2/2012 10:40 AM

Day two of 2012 and already I’ve lost sight of the goals I’ve set for myself this year.  Perhaps the good news is that I’m realizing I’ve lost sight so it’s time to stop, and refocus?  Or perhaps I need to stop taking all my goals so seriously and just flow into the year with a faith that it is all unfolding the way it is meant to.

I really shouldn’t even be writing at the moment. I have so much to do today, like take down the Christmas tree and undecorate the house.  But for a moment I’m making a choice to write, because finally I don’t feel writer’s block anymore.  Yay!!!  I came into the new year feeling creative and inspired so the Christmas tree dismantling can wait a few minutes.

New Year’s Eve didn’t go the way I had planned, but I don’t mean that in a negative way.  We just changed our plans at the last minute and ended up going to an old restaurant located in an old house that is haunted.  It’s true!  Ghost hunters even did a show from this old restaurant.  It is filled with charm and is a very romantic atmosphere, almost like stepping back in time.  It was hard to realize 2012 was just hours away with the ambiance of an early 1900s restaurant .  Dave and Jan were entertained as I took them through the house, which has all sorts of  bedrooms and living quarters you can tour.  No ghostly experiences……….but it was fun and different from most places one would go.  From there we headed to the casino which was a mistake.  It was SO packed you couldn’t even find a machine to play on, tho Jan and I were able to sneak in a couple times. I ended the evening $4 ahead.  Then it was back to our place to watch Dick Clark’s New Year’s Eve and the ball fall in Times Square.  Believe it or not we turned it on with 54 seconds remaining.  Talk about great timing!  I hope this was a sign for the New Year up ahead……”Not too early, but not too late either.”

Jan and Dave are my connection to the movie producer, unbelievable as that may sound.  They haven’t heard from him either about my novel we submitted to him, which was a year ago.  But because of the connection we all know he will give me a thumbs up or a thumbs down eventually.  He’s had two movie productions going on so I’m sure his life is crazy.  A year in this business is nothing or so they say, so I wait.  And while I wait I get all sorts of ideas going through my head of a new book.  I just need to begin, because a single step is the beginning of a long journey, right?

And then this may be the year I get to do some real modeling, something I’ve wanted to do since my last modeling gigs so long ago.  My special prayer is the book sells, I get enough modeling jobs/acting jobs (I really want to do TV commercials) that I can supplement until I am a full-time writer.  I know I sound like such a dreamer, but I love dreaming, and who knows?  Perhaps my dreams are the spotlight on the journey to lead me on.  I really do believe in the dream and will be true to it.

I’m loving the creativity I am feeling on the inside at the moment, feeling as if I’m really new on the inside as I begin 2012.  Have I finally learned all the lessons I’ve needed to learn?  Of course not!  It’s just that for the first time in my whole life I have finally forgiven me……I’m good with who I am……and I finally am able to see life as an amazing journey that sometimes hurts, but sometimes has great moments too!  But the best part of the journey I’ve discovered is all the mystery that surrounds it.  So many questions remain, but at the same time I LOVE not having the answers because it seems to enhance the faith within.  Yes, I’m loving the creativity and finally allowing “ME”  to be “ME” and not what the world thinks I should be.  Perhaps this is the place God can finally take me where He has always wanted me to be…….or perhaps it was always about the journey along the way.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

~Sunshine

TO SOULMATE:  Yay!  Even you are in perspective these days.  Like a special little treasure I have buried in my heart, when special moments come along or I see something of beauty,  I open the little treasure chest in my heart and share it with you.  Yes, you belong to another…….but love is a great big thing that can come in so many forms.  Or so, I have discovered.

My theme song these days (and my cell phone ringtone).........such a new perspective, I looked over yonder and I did find the love and the light.......But now I know, it was there all the time. 

Saturday, 12/31/2011 12:43 PM

I can’t believe another year has come and gone.  It causes me to reflect on so many things as 2012 lay before me.  This is the day I typically try to spend seeking God asking what it is He is asking from me for the new year and my telling Him what I would ask of Him.   I haven’t done this yet, having to clean the house for out of town guests coming in late this afternoon, but after I write this journal, it will be that quiet time with Him.

I’m one that really believes there are all sorts of road signs around us to lead us on our journey of life.  Sometimes I’m more aware of this than others, but lately my attention has been steered towards subtle signs I’ve been experiencing.  What are those signs?  Inspirational signs.  It seems every where I turn I see another story of how someone accomplished the impossible goal, or dream.  It began awhile back with my daily inspirational reading I get with YouVersion.  (YouVersion.com is a free app for your smart phone which has the complete Bible in any translation you choose and has all sorts of awesome daily reading plans).  These daily inspirational readings have set my heart afire!  And then God is bringing all sorts of signs into my life as if to say,  “Keep following this path my child.”  The movie, “We Bought A Zoo” began this,  I keep catching movies on TV that inspire, and the ultimate was a documentary I caught yesterday about Taylor Swift and her life.  Yup!  Heart is set afire with a belief that what God created me to be and do is just up yonder.

As I get ready to enter a new year I honestly believe God has prepared me for a year of dreams coming true.  Do I know what this means?  No, not really………but I sense it has to do with my writing.  Now it’s up to me to follow my heart and not let anything get in the way of what I seem to be sensing from within.  Where will it all lead?  I haven’t a clue…….I only know it is.

What I have learned through all these inspirational moments lately is how no one achieves the greatness they’re called for without facing a whole lot of adversity.  Even Taylor Swift faced some real heart wrenching moments, hers just happened to come at such an early age. She faced all sorts of rejection from classmates in her elementary and junior high school days.  It was so bad her mom said that the worst time of the day for her was when she had to go pick Taylor up at school.  Taylor would leave most days in tears because they kids had picked on her so harshly.  Her mom said that it was so sad and then explained things like when Taylor would go to sit at a table for lunch, all the kids at the table would get up and leave.  Can you imagine the challenges she faced not to give up on her dream?  They picked on her because she did believe in her dream.  When I heard the story it made me stop and look at my own life and my school days.  I’m not sure I would have had the courage she did.  I hate to admit it but I might have been one that would have given up. The truth is I did give up. But that was another time and another place.  Taylor’s story just inspired me not to repeat the same mistakes I did when I was young.  I’ve always heard Taylor goes the extra mile for her fans, and she said it was because they’ve gone the 1000s of miles to help her live her dream.  Now that is someone that gets life.

And I continue to be inspired by the silent little signs God keeps placing in my path with the whispers,  “Pay attention my child……..for I have written for you to live the dreams I’ve placed within you too.”  Yup, there are dreams, but so often when I try to explain them or touch them within myself, it’s like looking through a very dim window where I can’t quite make out the other side.  But I know when the door is finally opened, or the window, there is amazing sunshine on the other side as I finally get to where it is I am going.  And guaranteed I won’t forget from where it is I came when I’m there.  It’s not about me, I know this, it’s about touching so many others with the same inspiration Taylor does, or the guy who bought the zoo.  What a beautiful place…………..

Will it be without adversity once I arrive?  Of course not, but I think I’ve finally learned that adversity (painful as it can be) is a great gift, for it teaches me what faith is.  It’s all just a journey with lots of hills and valleys and occasionally the mountaintop experience.

Tonight will find me with Dave and Jan.  Friends I have brought the new years in with for years and years.  Jan’s parents were my godparents, and my parents best friends. All of their New Year’s that I remember (when we weren’t in Florida) were brought in together as well, so for the most part all of my life Jan and I have been together on New Year’s Eve.  Tonight I’m not positive what we will do but for now here is the plan.  They will arrive between 4-5.  I’ll serve snacks.  Then we will head to the casino for a few hours, something Dave and Jan love to do.  Around 8:30 we will head to “Cheeseburger in Paradise”  a restaurant owned by Jimmy Buffet.  They’re having a “Ring in the New Year, Kick Off your Flip Flops party with a live singer, and luau breakfast at midnight.  This is something different for the four of us………..but it sounds like a good time to me.  A beach theme under straw umbrellas and walls painted in ocean colors.  A girl can dream she’s at the beach, right?

And with those thoughts, time is slipping away as the last day of the year comes to a close and I really need to do my time with God to garner more clarity on the year ahead.  What is He asking of me, and a gentle request of what I’m asking of Him.  It reminds me that this isn’t about religion, this is about relationship.  The most beautiful relationship I’ve ever known.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on into 2012.

Wishing a happy and prosperous new year to all.

~Sunshine

Happy new year Soul Mate:  I still remember the night we played journal tag so long ago.  You were here right around midnight my time, and I was there around midnight your time and for a moment it seemed we did find a way to meet across the distance and space of that which separates us.  You have your life, I have mine…and yet….somewhere, some place, I believe we are.  I wish you and her a beautiful year and pray that love is guiding your every step.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

It’s early morning as I begin.  I really don’t have time to journal and wonder whether this will turn out a personal journal or one to be shared, but I’m feeling so inspired for this journey of life this morning the only way I know to get the inspiration out is to write.

I went to see “We Bought A Zoo” last night with Dell. It was one of those nights that going to see this movie came out of nowhere.  “Would go with me to see this?” I asked him.  I was very surprised when he said sure, as Dell isn’t really much of a movie goer.   Ever since I saw previews for this movie I knew it was one I’d actually pay to see.  I wasn’t disappointed.  I left the theater so inspired, and I love things that inspire me.

I’ve been feeling incredibly inspirational anyway as of yet.  It seems the closer I draw to God, the more I see things in a new and different way.  For instance awhile back He showed me the scripture about how He writes our story even before we come to earth.  Think about that!  God writes our story!!  That has caused me to see life in a whole new and refreshing way.  Even the trauma parts of our lives can lead to amazing things……if we don’t lose heart and the faith.  Does it mean we won’t hurt or grieve or lose our way during those dark hours?  Of course not, because there will always be trials………but on the other side of life’s heartaches what waits after we make it through?  I think that’s the “You must endure the storm if you want to see the rainbow.”  As I said, such deep thoughts in realizing God has written my story already.  Some days I swear I can see Him sitting at this most awesome desk as He writes my story.  I connect even more with the power of His love in these thoughts.

Inspired.  Yes, this morning I am inspired and as I leave for work I believe I will share some of this inspiration with coworker Dan, who at the moment is in some strong storms.  Some days I am sure I was sent there for him, to help him through this transitional season of his life.  God never leaves us alone in the storms………and I pray I have the wisdom and love to share a word of hope with him today.

And with that I must head out the door and to my day job.  Inspired.  Knowing that every step I take in faith leads me to the next page God has written for me. It’s about trust and listening to the whispers of the spirit.

Wishing all a beautiful day!

~Sunshine