I know, I promised to be here yesterday morning, but a lot of stuff at the moment keeps me from writing as my heart desires to do. 

I am SOOOOOO frustrated at the moment!  Like an Oreo cookie I feel squeezed in the middle with this selling/buying thing.  On one end, the potential buyers here move like snails. Retired, they're in no hurry!  On the buying end on the other side of the mountain, are sellers who are facing a deadline having had their house sit empty for over a year, letting a relocation company manage it, now facing the expiration of their contract, so are in a HURRY to sell, which means I get a good deal! They know I want to buy their property, but can't because we have snails here!  So to speed the process up,  I drop my price here more, knowing I can get a good deal on the other end, but the buyers won't respond in a timely fashion!  I am SOOOOOOOOOOO frustrated!

Jane said this morning, "It's a good thing you are so patient!"  But then said, "No, it's a good thing you have the faith you do......"  For a split second I thought about that and simply said, 'You know, it's way too bizarre the way this is all happening, I think I'm excited to see what God surely must have in mind!"  And it's true.  This has been such an incredible journey now for almost a year with these potential buyers, I am all too aware that timing is truly playing an important part of where my journey is at the moment.  So I wait............FRUSTRATING as it seems, in my spirit, I know that there is a beautiful plan awaiting.

More later, perhaps I'll just do short stuff as the day goes on.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Have a beautiful day!

~Sunshine

HABDTS:  Is it really you?  Five years later, can't you just let me know? I've waited so long for you to acknowledge here. No expectations, of course...............and then I realize you did acknowlege "here" in a way, by the CD, the music, the message, the spiritual love.  I'm so frustrated on the journey at the moment. Think I'll reach for your hand just to feel it there.  Have a beautiful 4th.  Remember the weird phone call I got 7 years ago, the day after the 4th?  Chris.  It was Chris, and thus, your name.    Gotta love the mystery!  ~just me.............

This is SUCH a special song to me.  When I first met "soul mate" and had NO clue what was happening to me, this song brought me such comfort.  Today,  as this journey of moving on to a new place seems so stuck,  I find this song to be the same comfort as I listen to it.  I still find "him" so near........sometimes, and the words keep saying "It'll be alright."  I can almost see him telling me this, "It''ll be alright." Wish I could explain why I feel him in the words........perhaps he will feel it too as I share it with him.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Due to a very hectic schedule the last few days of non-stop business, disappointment, business decisions, endless telephone calls, and working the past couple days, I've been unable to write.  At the moment I've just come in from the hot tub and all I want to do at the moment is fall into bed.  All of this property selling is so very wearing...............

I will write when I wake up in the morning. It may be a little after 8:30am, but there will be a journal posted sometime in the a.m.

Till then, my advice for tonight is to look beyond the current circumstances in your life.  It's the only way to see ahead on the journey and to keep focused that all things are happening for some really important reasons.

Till tomorrow!

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

~Sunshine

GNTS:  And I wonder.  I will always wonder, but somehow, I see way up there somewhere.  It's so beautiful, so I will continue to travel with a smile.  Goodnight ~ just me...........

Monday, June 29, 2009  10:04pm

My energy is beyond spent tonight.  I’ve run myself ragged today!  It began early this morning when Dell had to have a stress test on his heart.  His doc suspects blockage, tho I know in my heart there isn’t one.  But, I’m not a doctor and he needs to take medical advice. I was required to go with him. These days they don’t have you do the treadmill as much as they did, these days they shoot meds into an IV that speeds your heart up to max rate, then they do what looks like an MRI.  Someone is required to be waiting, “in case.”  Dell did fine.

Then it was on to meet Jane for lunch and the latest discussion of the sale of my property. We are on hold, but felt assured all would be well.

From the restaurant I took Dell home, then I headed out to get my hair cut, or should I say, “trimmed.”  I’m so glad I got that few minutes of relaxation, the day was still well ahead of me.

Next, back home to get Dell. We had to head to a small town south of here to find out about financing a new house.  If all goes well I had made appointments tomorrow in the city and believe I know which house I will choose.  I needed to make sure all my “I”s were dotted and my “t”s crossed.  It was a great appointment!  The loan officer and I just seemed to hit it off from the beginning as we found ourselves talking about a lot of things.  The meeting went well and it looks as if there should be no problem getting new financing for the house I’m hoping to buy. I left smiling, the flow was so nice.

Dell and I headed out to a nice dinner afterwards at a legendary restaurant not far from the town we were in, and yet definitely not on the way home either. It was so worth it tho.  I was glad for the relaxation I felt there. Loan seemingly no problem, waiting for the acceptance of my counter offer, which their realtor felt ascertain was coming, all seemed to be falling into place.  Peace and serenity all around.

The drive home was long. I was still driving as Dell was totally not in much shape to do much the rest of the day.  I myself was so tired.

My cell phone rang.  It was a cousin from my dad’s side.  Apparently they got invitations to a baby shower for Emma on Sunday which Amy is hosting.  I could go into details about how horrified I was about this, but won’t.  Some things need to remain in one’s heart on a personal level, and not be shared.  I was very touched that both she and my aunt will be attending the shower, but it also opened up a huge can of worms and I sat down and cried.  Sometimes the past is better left there.  It’s the first time I’ve seen any of my family members on my dad’s side for about 3 years.  Am I ready?  Wasn’t it last night I closed the journal talking about how it was finally good to be “me?”  Do you think God takes us at our word and then opens up a door that we must walk through to really find out perhaps there is yet more healing needed?  I keep singing my new theme song!  Still, there is a flood of hurt buried within me that doesn’t spring to the top, unless, I am forced to open the can…………………..tonight, I was.

No more did I pull myself together as I kept singing “Make Your Own Kind of Music” than I checked my email to find another offer had come in from our potential buyers. The email from my realtor expressed how bad this offer was and told me to look it over, but to sit down first.  I knew this meant things were no longer flowing as I thought they would.  I opened it, read it, and just hung my head.  It is RIDICULOUS what they are trying to do. I wondered why they wasted their realtor’s time, my realtor’s time, and MY time?  Forget emailing back,  I pick up the phone and call my realtor.  “No way HOSEA!  There is no, no, no way!  You just need to call their realtor and tell them that they need to move on from here, obviously they are not the right buyers for this place. I suggest they try to find a place that isn’t waterfront property.”  I meant it. No matter how much I am ready to move on, I’m not desperate!  If it isn’t flowing the way I feel it needs to be, then I take that as a closed door and I’m not messing with you anymore.  This time it wasn’t their realtor!  She seems to now understand the value of the place and has come a long way.  I guess they just think it’s a buyer’s market and buyers can do what they want.  Nope!  Not in this case. I’ve bent over backwards to try to help them get this done. They pushed too far tonight.  They either accept my counter offer as is, or it is time for all of us to move on.

I didn’t even cry over this. I can’t even say I felt disappointed. I’m in business mode now and big girls don’t cry!  LOL!! Well, unless you’re talking me and I tend to be way too weepy.  My realtor plans to re-present my last counter offer, it stands as is, if you can’t go with it, then it is time to move on.  So tomorrow is another day and WHO knows what it will bring. Either an empty promise that never happened, or something new to show.  Either way I know everything is temporal and someday, sometime, something new will eventually show. I hope it’s tomorrow, but if it isn’t, well, I’ve suffered lots of other disappointing things on this journey thing called life, and it seems I always come out a bit stronger after I finally find peace in the midst of it.

Tomorrow will be yet one more busy day!  I’m scheduled to see two houses, one Dell likes, the other the same one I think we will end up buying if something all falls into place here.  Jane is going with me.  Jason called tonight and asked if we’d pick up Elizabeth.  This is a first!  I’ve not yet picked her up from daycare.  I can’t believe she is 4 months old already!  I will pick her up, then Jason will meet us at the first house we are scheduled to see.   This is the first time he has gone to showings with us in a very long time.  I’m glad he is.  Of course Amy and the girls will be there, and Jane.  I feel so blessed to have so many going out of their way to look with us. It means a lot.

I haven’t talked about the twin soul story for awhile.  I’m in such a good place with that, having finally accepted it is where it is.  It doesn’t mean I still don’t think about him, A LOT, but it does mean I am able to go on with life for now trusting with all my heart if it is meant to be one day it will.  I absolutely feel so free with all my thoughts on this right now, actually believing I have touched his life as much as he mine.  It remains a very gentle, and unexplainable story………one that will one day be written into a book.  Someday!  When  I am all moved, and life slows down a bit.  Ever think it will?

Even in the midst of the tears of having to face past hurts that aren’t healed, I realize that it is obviously something being brought to my attention so that I can peel away yet one more layer that doesn’t allow me to be totally free in my life!  I’d just like to know tho why it is SO painful to have to face the past sometimes?  I think tho that God wants me to be as free as I am meant to and in order to do that, sometimes you have to lose a whole lot of excess baggage, and peel a whole lot of layers away.  And here I go, one more layer about to be peeled! But I think in my heart, that’s a good thing.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on,.

Goodnight,

~Sunshine

GNTS:  Never forgotten, always near, just put in that box in my heart tucked nicely away for one day to come.  Till then, I live life, I touch you when I can, and send you the most incredible love and light to your life, even through the space and distance.  Forever and always…….don’t forget, okay?  Goodnight ~ just me

Sunday, June 28, 2009 10:04pm

It’s Sunday night. I haven’t written in my journal since Tuesday night. In a way I wish I had so I wouldn’t have so much to write tonight, but life has kept me consumed in other ways these days. Like spending too much time on facebook! Or running endlessly to keep busy.  And then there’s that, “I just needed to be still moments “ I’ve had the past few days. All made it so that I couldn’t even bring myself to write, here.

Tuesday was the last night I wrote, I think?  So what do I write of first? I guess I’ll begin with the biggest thing happening in my world and that is the sale of my property.

I had given a deadline to the potential buyers to purchase the property of Wednesday or else I was going to not offer my blue light special.  Wednesday came. Their realtor wrote late in the day saying she was too busy to meet with her clients to get an offer in and that the seller (me) would just have to wait until Friday, as she was too busy with out-of-town clients.  Oh, I was ready to raise the price then and there but you know me!  Good ole’ Sunshine, having way too much compassion for my own good sometimes!  “Okay, I’ll wait!  But I’m tempted to raise the price $1000 per day!” I threatened to my realtor.  After a year, she’s learned how to handle me, which means she’s really a good realtor.  So here I go, I have to wait two more days! 

On Thursday I was okay. I went to lunch with Jane, then Elizabeth was coming for dinner with the girls. We were going to celebrate Donna’s and Linn’s birthday.  When Elizabeth arrived it was good. She too is going through this selling, buying thing, now moving to upstate NY!  We could sit and talk and share our woes.

Dinner with the girls was as always very wonderful.  This time was so relaxed as it felt as if we had never really separated ways. I had a wonderful time!  Our favorite waitress had made arrangements to have us as her table which made the evening all the more special.  We laughed, we talked, we caught up…………..it made the time fly before getting what was supposed to be my asking price offer on Friday.  I was glad for the company and good time.

Here is a photo of all of us.  The first photo is the 5 of us, the 2^nd one we asked our favorite server to join us!  She is SO awesome, we are all convinced she could just be a part of our group!

Now it’s Friday.  I have to work in the morning, then Elizabeth and I would go to lunch. Jane was invited too.  Work was good. Our summer camp program ended on Friday with a reception and closing presentations by the urban high school campers.  I was glad it was over!   I was more glad I was off at 11:00!  I headed out to get Elizabeth for lunch.  I knew she had to get back to Toledo later as she herself had all sorts of real estate happenings going on.  Her husband “G” was driving in from upstate NY even as we were going to lunch or so I thought.  When I got home I found they were in crisis!! “G” who had worked all night ran back to his apartment, changed clothes quickly, and headed out on the 7-hour drive.  When he got to the first toll booth, about 80 miles from where he lives, he went to pull out his billfold, only to realize, he had forgotten to put it in his pocket when changing clothes!  Here he is, stuck in Buffalo, NY, no money, no ID, no toll booth letting him in, and 80 miles from home when he needs to be to Toledo in a few hours! Oh, and let us NOT forget that he hasn’t slept all night!  Elizabeth was beside herself!  I came up with the idea that we could Western Union him the money!  “G” headed for the first Western Union place he could find, we got online to make the wire transfer.  It’s supposed to be so easy these days with the internet, right?  WRONG! *rolls eyes* In the meantime I call Jane to explain why we can’t go to lunch “yet” only to find she is having her own crisis with her washing machine amongst other things.  She’s not going to go to lunch now, which was probably a good thing as we aren’t sure when we will be ready.

Back to our Western Union story………….After struggling 40 minutes just trying to register, we get it all done, Elizabeth’s card number entered and everything completed only to get a message that it can’t accept our order, we had to call customer service!  So Lizzie calls. Of course she gets a man with a heavy accent as the offices are in India!  She tries to get it all worked out but there is a major glitch!  She is required to have a land line, not a cell phone in order for it to be accepted.  “But I’m at my friends house in another state, my husband is stuck away from home too without his billfold!” She tries to explain. Of course we try to give the guy my land line number, but he refuses it, it has to be a phone in HER name!  WHATEVER!!  So we have to take off for our local Western Union place.

I get on line, find one about 7 miles from here and we take off.  It’s located in one of those super-centers that abounds in our town these days.  The line for the service counter is backed up about 5 deep!  So we wait, and we wait.  In the meantime “G” is waiting in his own grocery store somewhere in freaking Buffalo. If it wasn’t so hot, and  it wasn’t so annoying, it might have been funny, but I don’t think Elizabeth and I thought about laughing at this point.  She fills out the “sending” form while I hold her place in the forsaken line.  Finally our turn!  She gets it all taken care of and goes to pay by credit card, as she didn’t have the cash, ONLY to discover………..they won’t take credit cards!  Cash ONLY!  There’s an ATM over there, the lady points.  Elizabeth doesn’t have a pin set up on her credit card to get cash, nor does she have a debit card for her checking/savings account.  “G” will just have to go back to his apartment and we’ll have to fax the forms back and forth.”  I told her not to do that!  I went ahead and pulled out of my savings account the money and let her write me a check.  Whew!  Thank heavens we could do that!  Now it was back to the line, and waiting once again to finish our transaction!  And we waited and we waited.  Finally!  Elizabeth hands the clerk the cash now, she goes to her machine, gets the transaction number for Elizabeth to give “G.”  Whew!  We think it’s all handled as we are walking back out into the extreme heat.  She calls “G” who is standing at the counter where he is.  “Um Lizzie, they won’t give me the money cause I don’t have ID?!”  “WHAT?!!” I hear Elizabeth scream!  “Well go to the car and give them your registration from the car!”  In the meantime we stop, wondering if we are going to have to go back in and wait in the line until we can get the clerk to help us on our end.   “G” got the registration but to no avail………..”No driver’s license, no money!”  He’s told. 

So back in the store go Elizabeth and I.  By now it is comical, as we realize time is ticking so I don’t focus on my own issues of waiting for an official offer.  We wait in the line, again.  And we wait.  Finally, it’s our turn, again.  We explain our dilemma to the clerk who tries to fix it but can’t.  She has to call the service center once again, in India, as she tells us this is not a pleasant and timely thing to do.  We can’t help but chuckle, we’ve already been on the phone in India once today. (And we question what is wrong with the economy in the US!)  And we wait as she tries to explain her dilemma to someone who obviously is not real clear of English speaking.  Test question! Is the solution!  We must come up with a test question for “G” to answer and that will be his ID.  The clerk says, “Give me a question only your husband will know the answer to!”  Elizabeth, obviously overwhelmed now by all of this is stumped,  “Elizabeth, just ask what your maiden name is!”  Everyone likes this idea.  So she gives her maiden name to the clerk, who gives it to the man in India, who will call it into some clerk in Buffalo, all so “G” can get the money we had sent 45 minutes earlier!  This process took another 10 minutes.  What a freaking nightmare!  After about 2 hours of trying to get poor “G” money, he finally got his money in hand.  Not that I want to grumble, but am I alone or can everyone else see the complete lunacy of all of this? *sighs*  And BTW…how many people have land lines these days?  The only reason I do is because of my internet service, it’s required by Verizon.

So now we go off to have a nice lunch. And we do.  We come home, Elizabeth is going to head out, she should arrive back in Toledo about the same time “G” does. I am now left alone to wandering thoughts and waiting for the clock to tick. It’s 4:00pm, SURELY they will make their offer by 5:00!  I mean it’s Friday night, who is going to do business at night on a Friday?  I think to myself these people have had a full year to think about this………….are they going to blow us off again after 7 showings lasting well longer than 2 hours each?!  Ugh!  I am quickly going into pity party mode.

By the time Dell walks in, after 6:00pm I have heard nothing.  Everything in my life is wrong now and I begin to cry.  I’m so tired of the battles! I’m so tired of being let down!! I’m so tired of their realtor who for whatever reason doesn’t like my property and does NOT want them to buy it so she sabotages when she can. Like refusing to get together with them on Wednesday, which was my deadline for offering them the special.  After sending my realtor an email, which was forwarded to me that they would make an offer of special price on Friday, here she did it again, she just seemed to not have time to “get to it!”  I’m mad, I’m more hurt.  Why are people so cruel to one another in business deals?  Why do people treat one another the way they do these days?  There’s really nothing I can do short of raising the price, and really in today’s market, who’s going to turn away from a prospective buyer? It seems to me she is going to get away with her crap.

I’m devastated. Ever notice how one disappointment leads into thinking about other areas of your life too and before you know it you have a raging forest fire happening in the sphere of your being on how everything is wrong?!  Ugh!!! I was at my limit and I was falling apart now.

So I did what I always do when I can’t take anymore. I went outside and I walked!  I walked and I walked and I cried out to God on the way and I sobbed and I felt sorry for myself, and just had an old-fashioned, “I know I’m being selfish Lord, but I have to get it all out” moments.  After about 1.5 hours of walking I was through. I had gotten it all out and I figured that God surely had a plan in mind. And yes, the whole time He kept assuring me this would come, but I had some more growing to do.

It’s now 9:30pm, Friday night.  No calls from my realtor, no emails either.  They did not go through as promised.  It’s okay tho. I feel better and am quickly going into plan B again.  10:00pm my cell phone rings. It’s probably Amy or Jane, they’re going about as crazy as I am with all of this.  NO! It’s my realtor!! They had JUST emailed her the “official” offer!  “I’m not sure I want to do business with that realtor!” I tell my realtor.  She calms me down, she convinces me I am taking this personal and it is business. She makes sense, and believe it or not, I listen.  The offer isn’t all that bad, but they are asking for some expensive things that there is no way I will do. Not at the basement bargain price I’m accepting. I have until Monday at noon to think about it.  “Yeah, they will get it Monday at 11:59am!” I tell my realtor.  As I hang up tho I soften.  Since when did 2 wrongs make a right?

I wake up Saturday morning. I’m in a good and calm mood. I talk to my realtor in the city to update her. She gives me some advice I like.  I call my realtor ready to counter offer, I know what I must do!  I give her my counter offer, along with a 24-hour deadline for them to respond to my counter.  That would be today at 1:00pm.

Dell and I went to the city, picked Amy up and we did what I call drive- bys.  A drive-by is where we find houses we think we might like, and drive by them before every requesting a showing. It saves time!  Out of 5 houses yesterday, we eliminated 4 and found ourselves back to the one we’ve wanted now for about a month.

We dropped Amy off and rushed home for a party last night. My friend Sydney’s son Ryan was turning 21.  Ryan is down syndrome.  They figured his 21^st birthday will be his major event for a long time to come so they did it right!  Ryan LOVES karaoke!   So that was the theme for his party!  He had all of his Special Olympics friends with him, and they all loved the singing too.  We had a great time, ALL of us!!! We sang the night away, laughed, joked, and just had a great time!

Today it was back to waiting to see if they accepted my counter offer, or if they would counter again.  I thought the deadline was up at 1:00, but my realtor had given them till 6:00pm.  I was very calm today, I’m still feeling calm from my outburst with God on Friday and feeling I was filled with peace.  I ended up heading to the pool where I swam laps for awhile and floated into oblivion.  Around 4:30 I called my realtor.  Nope, no offer had been accepted nor countered again, but she had talked to their realtor who had a few more questions.  It seemed a good sign.

6:00pm came, and 6:00pm went.  So did 7, 8, 9, 10, and in 3 minutes it will be 11:00pm.  But you know, I am still so very calm with all of this and okay no matter the outcome!  I have a feeling that of which I was meant to learn through all of this was learned on Friday.  I honestly think I have REALLY let it go this time.  What is meant to be will, what isn’t won’t, and I know in my heart I have done all I could to be fair to those people wanting to buy my property.  I was fair in business and I have continued with compassion in my heart. No one can ask anymore of me. God knows my heart and I believe in the end, He will give me full understanding of why I had to endure 2 years of trying to sell facing some of the things I have. Till then, it’s called faith.

Along with all of this I have so many other things going on in my heart as well, but my fingers are tired, and so am I so I will leave it at that for now.  I know one thing for sure,  I am REALLY, REALLY finally coming to learn about me; for the first time I think in my life I am starting to like me.  I’m not talking narcissism  or anything like that, but being okay with who I am and the way God made me.  I’m not sure I ever even realized I was always wishing I was some other way than what I am…………………..so it feels so good to finally, be me.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

~Sunshine

Beginning now, this is my new theme song!!!!!!!

Enjoy......................

Yes, it’s once again been a few days since I’ve written.  Life happens tho, and for me it seems to be non-stop at the moment!  But doesn’t it seem to always be this way? Even tho this is the time of year the days are longer, there’s still not enough hours.

Grandchild #3, Bree had to have an MRI yesterday.  Normally I don’t go to these, but because Chad is in Afghanistan (more on that in a moment), and because they were going to be sedating Bree, I felt that Amy needed me there. I took family illness time and headed to the city, to the children’s hospital to be mom to Amy and Mee Maw to Breezy, as we so affectionately call her.

As is par for the course in my life, I was running late getting to the city by 7:15am.  Go figure! A 70 mile drive to get there, and to make it so early challenged this other-wise, “tends to run 10-minutes behind time person.”  This through us off to begin with, tho Amy tried to be okay with it.  We had to have her there by 8:30am.  Unfortunately the freeways were absolutely backed up in grid lock!  Amy was a bit anxious now.  Then we got lost, Amy couldn’t find her way as normally Chad does all the driving. Finally we found a couple police officers talking so we pulled up and got directions in downtown city. By now Amy was near fit-to-be-tied.  Here I was supposed to be helping and I’d thrown a wrench into the plan first thing!

I dropped Amy and Bree off at the front doors,  Skylar and I went to park.  She is such a big girl these days I swear!  We parked in the big garage and headed into the children’s hospital which is HUGE!  I had NO clue where we were going, which I was actually grateful for as I realized how blessed I was we never had to take kids there before. I was sent to the pediatric MRI department but must have made a wrong turn. I ended up in what must have been the X-ray department or perhaps cat scan department. I saw things I never wanted to see. My heart broke as I looked at the little ones, and pre-teen kids. Some in wheel chairs with hats on, or bald heads, one little girl caught my eye.  She was about 8,  in a wheel chair, obviously blind and disabled at the same time. She had a service dog with her, obviously her companion. A beautiful black lab, you could see the loyalty in this dog for the little girl that had so much against her in this life. I looked around, tears stung beneath the surface, but sometimes you can’t and shouldn’t let them show, this was one of those times. I asked the receptionist where MRI was. She directed me. I turned, smiled at some little girl with a scarf on her head so glad to leave this department.  I whispered to myself , “Sometimes, life just isn’t fair.”  It was the only words I could think of as I walked away holding Skylar’s hand, my beautiful little 3, almost 4-year old granddaughter who is so healthy and beautiful.  My thoughts went back almost 4 years ago as I remembered our battles with her when she was born and how close she came to dying at birth.  I can still hear the words,  that night she unexpectedly came into the world, from the nurse assigned to Skylar in ICU as she explained to Dell and I that the last time a mother had a crisis as Amy had, the baby didn’t survive, and that Skylar may not make it through the night.  So many prayers that night for this little one whom Amy couldn’t even go see because she herself was in critical condition. The placenta had torn away from the womb in Amy’s 6 month of pregnancy, the only thing that saved both Amy and Skylar was Amy had insisted Chad take her to the emergency room as something didn’t feel right.  Here I sat with Skylar in one of those glass incubators, tubes all up and down her arms and stomach. Her mommy couldn’t’ see her, her daddy torn between ICU where Skylar lay and Amy’s room down the hall. I sat with her and prayed and sang to her the only song I could think to sing that night, “Just Remember I Love You.”  And I’d pray, then I’d sing.  I didn’t know what else to do.  Now here I was, having just seen all these little ones so sick,  holding Skylar’s hand who every now and then would look up at me and say,  “Mee maw, I love you.” She will always be a miracle when I look at her.  I wish I could explain why some are completely healed and some are not…………………but I know God is good and I think that while we are human we probably will just never be able to see beyond.  It takes a lot of faith not to doubt and question I guess, still I’m human enough to want to ask sometimes.

Bree’s MRI took a lot longer than expected.  During that time Amy and I sat in the courtyard while Amy called the Modeling Agency. She used my blackjack telephone so we could put this on speaker phone. I was determined I was going to scrutinize whomever we spoke with it!  Amy gave me free reign to do so.  Let it be noted tho I had absolutely researched this company on-line for 2 days!  There were a couple complaints I found, but nothing major.  For the most part they cleared my first line of inquisition.  Now on to talking to the agent, believe me, I was skeptical!  We actually got right into the agent, he answered the phone.  All the information sent to Amy in US mail included the direct line to speak with him. That passed the voice mail system I expected to get.  I let Amy begin with her questions, then it was my turn!  I pretended to be a legal representative of Amy’s.  LOL, I played the part well!  He wasn’t quite sure who I was so he kept his sense of professionalism about him.  He answered my questions the way I had hoped he would to keep this legit.  No money was requested up front for anything.  He actually warned us of two things to keep this legit,  “If ANYONE asks you for any type money up front for composites, portfolios, etc. RUN!  Also, do NOT sign any exclusive contract with ANY agency unless they are paying you a HUGE amount up front!  He also warned Amy of the cute kid contests that are all over the internet these days. As a matter of fact, he lectured her on them.  That did get bonus points with me!  He explained that they get thousands of photos uploaded every week, and the process of how they go through the first committee, of which 80% never make. Then the next 20% go through the next round, of which 10% never make.  Then there are the last 10%.  Skylar was in that group.  Her photo was one of 50 they took out of 6000.  These are the figures he gave us.  They simply will market Skylar now to companies that may be looking for a blonde-hair, blue eyed little girl.  They will produce what’s called Zen Cards of which agents across the country hand out to advertising agencies.  The agency has been in business for 36 years and is reputable. I know this to be true as I did a background check on them.  They have offices in 12 different cities around the US.  So now it is a waiting game to see if Skylar ever gets work.  The agent believes she will with her look. As Mee Maw, yeah, I think she is adorable and all that………….but as I stated earlier, I’m not sure I want her exposed to this world, but perhaps if it is a job here and there, it isn’t that big of a deal. I liked the agent, tho he talked and reminded me of an agent you’d see in the movies.  Very Hollywood, in a knowledgeable sort of way.

This was a good way to pass the time while Breezy was going through her test.  I know deep down Amy was nervous.  It took her another 3 hours past when she should have awakened to come to. Skylar and I kept walking through the hospital, or outside, or in the gift shop.  And every now and then she’d look up and say it again,  “Mee maw, I love you.”  Awwww…………………for the long wait we had she was so good.

The rest of the day was not good for any of us.  Bree must have had a really bad reaction to the sedation as she screamed and screamed and screamed some more. Poor thing!  I felt so sorry for Amy!  Finally I told her and Dell when he got to Amy’s house after work to take off and get pizza for us.  I knew it’d be a few minute break of which Amy needed so desperately. Of course Bree screamed and screamed when her mommy left. I finally held her in my arms and prayed a spirit of peace over her.  The whole time Amy was gone I did this………….just praying peace for her little spirit.  She had all but stopped crying when Amy walked in with the pizzas. She began crying again, but soon I noticed she stopped.  Prayers once again prevail in my life.

And speaking of prayers!  For those that watch the news you may have already heard,  on Sunday there was a rocket attack on the Bagram, Afghanistan base where two of our US soldiers were killed.  Chad is stationed at this base. We got the call Sunday morning from Chad’s dad that we’d be hearing this on the news, but he wanted us to know that Chad was okay.  This REALLY upset me!  I have lived most of my life not really knowing what war is.  A few years ago a friend of mine lost her son Luke in Iraq, which was the closest I’ve come to really facing the tragedy of war.  Now I have a son-in-law over in a war zone, and my son who assures me before too long he will be deployed himself, and it makes me look at where the world is and how I really don’t know what this world is coming to.  I am so grateful Chad wasn’t one of the soldiers that was killed, but you know, it was someone’s son, brother, husband, grandson, son-in-law…………..and I pray for the families. It feels too close to home for me at the moment.  Like I don’t understand why some children get completely healed, while another doesn’t, I  don’t understand why there has to be war and why all the hatred.  But I never want to harden my heart so I remember that we are all here to prepare us for eternity,  perhaps that preparation comes in ways I just don’t understand, still I will have faith and trust.

On the property sale front…………the interested buyers of almost  a year now were sent the email that my “blue light” special I was offering them will expire tomorrow, and I  MEAN business!  If I don’t have an offer of that amount tomorrow, I will NOT consider it again.  I’ll begin painting and turning the trashed-out rental house on Friday or Saturday.  I’m about to go back to the rental business if the sale doesn’t come through by tomorrow. This time I hope and pray I am much wiser, and actually believe I am.  And you know, much as I hope and pray it sells, if it doesn’t I’m okay with that now too.  This just means God will have me go in a different direction, or has a better plan, and I’m good with whatever that is or may mean.

I went and swam laps after work today and lunch with Jane. Tonight once again I am red, tho I do this but by morning it will turn brown.  But what is going on with the sun?  Is it hotter than normal or am I just “aging” and my skin is changing?  LOL, aging?  Some little 10-year old in the pool thought I was about 35 today.  LOL, I wanted to bring her home with me!  I’ll take those compliments any day!

And now, I must head to bed. I have to work all day tomorrow.  It is what it is……………..and I am where I am for reasons, or so my faith says.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

~Sunshine

GNTS:  I guess not  a lot of words to say tonight………I had moments where I thought about you today, well I had a lot of moments. I’m glad I no longer have that deep “longing” to see you and be with you and all those things I did for so long!  Now what I have is this incredible connection, where I know that out there you are thinking of me, and probably sending warm thoughts my way, and I am here, doing the same. It’s almost as if we both know that one day, we will be again.  Somewhere in time………someday.  See! I have grown into the most incredible faith when it comes to you, and now I have such peace because I finally know.  Your last few messages to me finally made me understand the truth.  It’s just so darn special. *smiles*  Goodnight, ~just me

Tonight I write from my deck, or at least will attempt to, provided the mosquitoes don’t try to make a late-night snack of me.  For now tho, I am attempting it.  The sun hasn’t set yet, so there are still signs of light as the birds seemingly sing another song before calling it a day.  My fountain is running,  added with the sound of the birds, I feel very at peace. What a difference 24 hours can make!

Last night I rode with Jane and hubby Dan to the city to celebrate their 44^th anniversary. (Happy Anniversary again Jane and Dan! Thanks for inviting us to celebrate your special day.) We met Dell at his store, where I rode with him to dinner. We had a great time!  After dinner I wanted to drive by Jason’s house to drop of Father Day cards for he and Joel, as he was going to spend the weekend with Joel, and was leaving early this morning.  Dan and Jane headed home, a smart move on their part I might add. Jason nor Susie were home so I left the cards in the mailbox. We called Jason to tell him we’d dropped something in his mailbox and it turned out he was at WalMart near his house, so we stopped by the store to see baby Elizabeth for a minute.  We then wanted to drive by two houses that I’d seen on realtor.com and was sort of intrigued by.  These houses were past where Amy lived so we stopped to say hi to her and the girls.  We stayed for just a few moments, long enough to see that tornado watches were out for most of the state, and tornado warnings were out west of where we were.  I tried to figure out what time it would hit, and to the best of my ability decided it would probably be around 11:00pm. I figured we had time to go find the houses then head home.  Amy told us she’d keep an eye on the TV in case anything developed weather-wise, and off we went.

Dell and I never did find the houses.  By now it was starting to get dark and I began to feel ominous.  Perhaps it was knowing tornado watches were out, or perhaps it was a premonition of what was to come.  I told Dell to sit back and rest as I drove home.  Within 20 minutes of being on the road I could see clouds building through lighting in the distance.  That feeling of ominous grew even more.

We were headed in a northwesterly direction where home is. Why is there such a feeling when a storm is brewing?  I could feel it, Dell could feel it, we could see the clouds rising higher and higher through the lightning.  Dell called Amy and asked her to find out what was happening.  Amy got on the weather channel to see we were headed RIGHT into it if we kept going in the westward direction, which no matter what we’d eventually have to do on our 70 mile trip.  The storm appeared to be moving south of our city, but here we were, southeast of home! No matter which way we went, we’d have to go through it. Dell decided we needed to take one of those small state highways vs. getting on the interstate so we could travel more in a northerly direction instead of heading west, then north.  I wasn’t sure I agreed with the way he was telling me to go, but on the other hand a tornado had been spotted directly west of where we were.  He was trying to avoid it by going north instead of west.  Me? I was honestly in a state of fear, and didn’t relish the idea of being out in the middle of nowhere with what was moving in. Somehow a busy interstate with other people around seemed more fitting to me. But I followed his directive and took the small state highway.

So on the small state highway we began. This highway took us around dead-man type curves, and out into the middle of nowhere as the clouds built more and more as I could feel the storm approaching.  Regardless of the fact Dell kept screaming at me to go faster and faster, (I was already doing almost 80, trying to keep control as I approached curves)still the storm was moving in too quickly.  In a small town, one you wouldn’t want to blink your eyes in or you might miss it, Dell told me to pull over, he was going to drive.  No sooner did he start to get out of the car to switch places with me than the wind suddenly became violent, dust blowing all around us, tree limbs falling and a wall of torrential rain began to blow sideways, blown by the wind. Lighting was streaking all around us, there was no way we could switch drivers and there was no way I was going to stay in this small town with trees that lined the street we were on. We had no choice, we had to keep going.

Out in the middle of nowhere now, the rain was so heavy and the wind so strong I couldn’t see hardly anything, and yet Dell kept screaming to go faster!  I tried, but losing control of the car was a much greater fear to me than Dell yelling at me!  “I can’t!” I said!  “I can’t see!!”  He seemed to calm down just then when “THUD!” a tree limb fell on his Camry.  Dell babies his car beyond belief, but I think at this point, as we watched a swirling cloud overhead, he was more concerned about what might blow in from this cloud we were both watching through the lighting, as it was pitch black.  It got SO bad, and I was so afraid I did the only thing I knew to do, I began to pray.  I remember the story of how Jesus calmed the storm when the disciples felt that they were going to drown.  In that moment, as afraid as I was I figured if He did it for them, He could do it for me.  “Lord! I am in trouble here!  I know you can calm the storm, please help me!!! Calm the storm!  Not only around me, but calm the storm in me!”  I remembered a song I love that had the verse, “Who could calm the storm in me.” To myself I began to sing that verse, over and over I sang it to myself.  It was so loud from the wind and the rain and things falling around us, I don’t know that Dell could hear I was singing.

Suddenly I felt this incredible spirit of peace come over me, and I looked up above and I KID you not, the clouds in front of me began to part with a soft light shining through!!! I am going to guess within 3 miles of where I said that prayer, the storm subsided to a gentle rain and within 8 miles, it had completely stopped!  I felt a power I’m not sure words could begin to explain as I began to cry, tears running down my cheeks!  Dell looked at me and said, “I’m so sorry, are you okay?”  “Yes!” I said in a voice of complete victorious tears!  “I am experiencing a miracle right here, right now!”  I began to explain to him what had happened……….he sat there awed as he admitted that he himself thought it odd how quickly we were suddenly out of this horrendous weather!  He then confessed that the same thing had happened to him years earlier when he was once driving in a similar-type storm. That when he had prayed that time the clouds parted, sort of how it had just happened.  Neither one of us said hardly two words the rest of the way home.  The power of God in that car last night was SO overwhelming!  I can still hardly tell the story without getting all teary-eyed.  This isn’t the first time I have screamed out to God in fear!  All I could say to Dell when we got home was sometimes to see miracles you have to experience some real icky scary things!  As afraid as I was, in the end, I got to experience God’s mighty power to control even tornado weather!

I know, there may be some skeptics that would try to explain this away as a normal weather happening, but I know what I saw!  Clouds parting, a soft light coming through even tho it was 10:30 at night! I know that the rain stopped, the storm stopped!  I know the power of God that calmed the storm in me in the same instance He was calming the storm out!  It really can’t be explained any other way than a very beautiful miracle, and I lived it. It strengthens my faith.

I came home, exhausted from all the stress, then the tears from the power of God. I fell into bed and slept the most sound, beautiful sleep.  Peace from the storm.

When I awakened this morning I knew it was time I faced some things I haven’t wanted to face, and that’s the mistakes I have made with my property. I began by writing an email to my realtor.  I seldom get upset with anyone, but I am very upset now with these people who have led me on and on, time and time again by spending HOURS on my property as if they really plan to buy it!  Here we are again! It’s been almost another week, after insisting they MUST see all 3 houses, of which I had to impose on my renters to show their house, and they have not said ONE word to me nor my realtor!  I feel the least these people could is let me know where they stand. I had put the most ridiculous offer on the table to them, knowing that the apparently love the place! I had dropped my price $30,000 even!  They spent hours here, dragging all their family members!  I was patient and tried to be understanding, even tho this is like the 7^th time they have come and done this!  This time tho was too much……..after all the leading on that this would be it, they NEVER bothered to as so much give me nor my realtor feedback.  I kept waiting, but by this morning I was through.  So I emailed my realtor and said that my offer of $30k less would no longer be good after next Wednesday. That I felt they were being most unfair with me.  I also confessed where I’ve been wrong!  The trashed out rental should have been restored a LONG time ago!  Because I was so hurt and am so emotionally entangled with this house, having lived there 20 years and raised my kids there, I have just ignored it.  That is MY fault! I guess I just kept lowering the price thinking someone else could deal with it.  Now I had confessed it to my realtor and decided it was time to go in there, wear my big girl panties and DO what should have been done MONTHS ago!  This is business and it is time to fix it!!

My realtor wrote back and ENTIRELY agreed with me!  She said I was too generous offering the special price till next Wednesday.  “I would take it off the table tomorrow!”  She suggested.  I agreed.  I am SO ready to move on!  These people will not be allowed to see the property again.  I don’t want to be like that, but it is “business!”  I WILL learn to be a better business woman!  I am determined!

After fixing all of that mentally, I headed for Home Depot to pick out paint.  Dell convinced me not to start today.  It was so hot and so sunny, all I really wanted to do was head to the pool anyway.  Tomorrow!  I will start tomorrow. Really, I mean it!

To the pool I headed.  I didn’t put my pool up this year with the thoughts we would be moving, besides I convinced myself, I pay $XX each month to be a member of the health club who takes the dome off the pool in the summer. I can swim up there.  I floated on my chair for about 1.5 hours. I then got off and began working out. I didn’t realize how hot it was!  Suddenly I heard my name. It was Katie!  Katie was someone who was pretty spiritual and was very into things I had never really studied, IE: reincarnation, and spiritual connections.  When I first met Soul Mate, we began talking about these things as I finally broke down and told her my whole story. It was weird as Katie was like the twin’s age, but she had a maturity to her. I guess some would call it an old soul.  We could talk for hours as she would explain what she knew, and I would share what I knew about God. We found the most incredible middle ground back then (7 years ago).  She ended up going to a very prestigious journalist school out east to get her Masters. From there she moved to Washington DC, where she got a job with the AP.  I hadn’t seen her in SO long!  I was SHOCKED to look up and see her!  We talked as she caught me up with her urban life, and I caught her up with all I had learned on the journey!  What I didn’t realize is I was becoming faint because the sun was so hot and I’d been in it way too long!  It was great catching up but tonight I am beyond belief burned! I don’t think I have been this burned in years!  And I was REALLY tanned!  Who put what in that sun today, or who turned up the heat?  What’s really strange is I was ONLY out for about 2.5 hours! I NEVER burn like this in that amount of time?!  Dell had suggested we head for the beach tomorrow, the beach that’s a real beach 2 hours from here.  But being as burned as I am tonight, I’m not sure I can take the sun tomorrow? *sighs*

Besides, don’t I need to get working on the trashed out house?  Time is ticking……isn’t it?  I am seriously considering once again renting all 3 houses, Jane has considered being my property manager, while Dell buys a house in the city. I can keep my beautiful property as an investment, and Dell can buy his house as a first-time buyer, thus getting that generous tax refund!  It’s all just a thought at the moment, but the thought is growing stronger and stronger.  I just wonder if I will be able to find a job in the city?  But first things first!  FIRST: I MUST fix what is broken and that is the trashed out rental.  And really who knows?  Someone could come along tomorrow and *poof* want to buy the place!  Stranger things have happened you know! Like watching clouds part, and a soft light come through as the storm dissipated.  Yeah, stranger things have happened.   And if not, then I have a feeling God has His reasons it hasn’t sold, and probably has some really pretty awesome plans in store, if I will only trust.  Tonight that doesn’t seem near as hard to do!

I close with a smile as I think over the past 24 hours.  What comes to mind is that saying I love,  “If you want to see the rainbow, you have to endure the storm.”  It seems so very true, after all, I experienced it last night. And now, I will apply it to the other areas of my life.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

~Sunshine

GNTS:  What a miracle I experienced last night!  It sort of reminds me of when I met you. Having been shown you in that vision 5 years before we met, one day you were standing right before me, even tho I didn’t know who you were,  I began to realize that you were the one I was shown! I remember seeing a light from heaven shining down on you when you walked across the stage for sound check, the recognition of you when you took my hand for the first time and looked in my eyes, well, when I was able to put it all together a few weeks later, I realized what a miracle it was the you were brought into my life! Only the wonder of it all really didn’t begin to hit till the journey was well underway! I look at all I have learned, how much heaven seems to make sure we still find one another! Without really knowing for sure, I believe we touch one another’s life with so much love without ever really talking, as you remain faithful where you are, and I remain faithful where I am, we still are spiritually connected and I honestly don’t believe that will ever go away.  It makes me happy. I still send you love and light every day, as well your wife. I believe she is such a gift too, as she fills your days with happiness and joy and that fills me with the same knowing you are doing so well. My heart is always there with you…………love is so big, I know there is room for many to love us!  If you can’t tell, I still feel very touched tonight by the light. I want so much to share it with you. Happy Father's Day!  Goodnight  ~just me

Tonight’s song has the verse I kept singing over and over in the midst of the storm. "He calms the storm in me."  It amazes me how some things are planted in our souls and so readily available when we need them the most!  This song is words of life to me, I hope all that read here enjoy it too. 

It’s way late, again!  I wish I had an excuse for not being here earlier, but I really don’t.  These days finds me on a perpetual hold, challenging my patience in ways that will only lead to growth in the end, but in this moment testing everything about me!  For now, I just seem to have to take things one moment to one moment.

We are on hold as the people that may purchase my property *finally* are in the process of seeing if things that they want to do can be done, IE: building new houses, etc.  “Last” I heard, they were to have a big pow wow last night.  This time they flew a son in from New York to be at the showing, and asked a son to drive 3 hours as well. All 5 of the sons were here, along with the mom and dad, and then the two realtors. It looked like a party.  The sons are adult sons, and I’m sure one of them is probably my age.  The mom and dad who are the interested ones in buying are nearing 70.  I thought I might hear today something, but I didn’t.  After looking here since last August, it is apparent they don’t make quick decisions! At this point I am getting “antsy” if that’s the right word to describe it. My life just seems so on hold………..in so many ways, constantly and always on hold. *long sigh*

Last week Amy had Skylar and Bree’s photos taken at one of those “national” photo places located in the malls.  The manager of the store absolutely fell in love with Skylar!  Long story short they sent her photo to corporate office, and had Amy sign a “modeling” agreement.   Amy decided to send some of these photos into a modeling agency as well, having been swayed to believe Skylar has “the look.”  She actually heard back from the agency that she had passed the first round, which 80% of submitted photos never do. She was excited!  Today she got another email which said Skylar’s photo had been reviewed by a corporate representative and they were requesting more photos to be uploaded, along with the link to upload to.  It’s very exciting for Amy at the moment, tho I have mixed emotions.  Having done a little modeling on a local level years ago I know what a HORRIBLE world that is! Glamorous it is not! At least in my psyche it wasn’t.  I guess I’m too sensitive and real or something.  So while I am excited for Amy, I am hesitant as well.  The words that come to mind are, “Be careful what you wish for.”  But, being mee maw…………………of course I think she is beautiful and yes, the camera LOVES this child!  Here is a photo of her I took that I think is so gorgeous!

Oh my! It is now almost midnight, and I have to be at work early in the morning so I will close. No, not a long journal……..nor filled with a lot of spiritual insight, but at the moment I have having one heck of a human experience, where I find myself coming and going!  I sure hope life returns to normal one day, where I am at the next place and not living in between two points………………..but perhaps the journey is meant to be lived in the wonder of what tomorrow will bring.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on…..(oh, and don’t forget about patience too).

Goodnight

~Sunshine

GNTS:  How much  I wish sometimes we could talk.  I always wonder how we will ever get past the “plane” place to the real world place where we finally can talk.  What would you say? What would I say?  Would you tell me to be patient now or would you tell me to screw it and do something else?  What would I say to you? I’m happy for you…….because I am?  Would I cry on your shoulder? Maybe? Or perhaps I’d just sit and say,  “uh huh, uh huh……….”  Memories from the past………..*laughs*  Oh what we have been through, even tho miles apart and in such different worlds. Perhaps I always made a mountain out of a mole hill……….but if I did, you must have been on the mountain top with me, cause you’re still here, and you’re STILL letting me know you’re near.  Thank you.  Goodnight,  I do miss you in so many ways ~just me

6:30am, Wednesday:

It’s early morning.  I need to be at work this morning at 7:30, where I will work from 7:30 – 11:30am.  It’s the first time I have worked 5 days in a row for a long time!  I must admit tho I don’t mind it since I only work 4 hours per day when I do…..however, every other day off is nice too.

I didn’t get to write last night. Dave caught up with me being in town for a few weeks. We went to dinner, and sat and talked late into the night. *yawns*  As always, we share deep within our hearts what truth is and isn’t.  It doesn’t seem to matter Dave is in his early 30s………….we always have so much in common.  He’s an intellectual in a lot of ways, I am the spiritual soul that somehow teaches him to see things a little bit differently than what the brain teaches.  He confesses I challenge him to see beyond, which he says he has always felt  he takes a gift with him when we part after one of our very depth, going on for hours discussions.  He leaves me with the knowledge once again with how real God’s love is, and how much I have grown on this journey.  It was a very special time last night, tho it did run into my writing time.

The camp continues at work and my newest friend, Alan, whom is acting as camp director now is teaching me so very much.  He’s one of those people who has a very soft, and gentle spirit.  Originally from New Orleans,  he shared with me a video the other day of his uncle who is a motivational and inspirational printer of books, the old fashioned way in the deep south.  Of African American decent, he has experienced some very harsh times in his life, especially living in the deep south, but is very open to discussing the racial differences in this country in a very real and positive way.  I was SO touched when Alan shared this documentary with me, as it opened me even more to one more step of understanding God’s love and intricate design of us, His children.  I am enjoying so much working with Alan, as I continue to look around and see the people God is placing on my path to learn and grow from.

After work I am meeting Jen, my old friend who shares a twin soul journey herself.  She’s the one that met my twin soul a few years ago of which she carried back to me a message from him.  Her story continues to be intriguing as I always wonder why some of us have these incredible connections that don’t go away. But at least, we grow from them. Our conversation will go on for hours, I am sure!

And now, it is nearing 7:00am and I need to stop and get one of those fruit “yogurts” at McDonalds on my way to work so I will close.

A lot more to think of and to share as I continue on this journey of faith, walking these days with such open eyes to see way beyond what the natural eye can see. And I like it.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Have a very beautiful day!

~Sunshine

To my TS: Wishing you a very beautiful day as well.  Dave asked me last night if anything was new in my story, as he confesses he is just so fascinated by you and me.  Anything new?  OMG!  “Oh yes!” I tell him.  “Let’s see………..he got married early last fall, of which at the beginning I was so hurt, but then I began to understand how much he probably needed love in his life, so I began to really cherish in my heart how happy he seems to be these days, which made me happy, and then he wrote me a couple messages, which confused me so much at the beginning, but now I understand how special it was that he did, and he still reads my words, and we still connect, and well………………..I don’t get it, but I know that it is.”  Dave sits there in awe….and finally says,  “Wow.  You two are on another plane, there must really be something so special between you, I wish I could find that person for me.”  I sort of chuckle to myself because I have thought it over and over how connected we are, someplace, somewhere, but for now are living life the way we agreed to do it, or something like that!  Could get really deep, but since I have to go to work now, will leave it at that. There’s some plane we are…………..and in my heart, I know it.  I wish you a very beautiful day, I know you know that during mine, thoughts of you will be with me, always.  ~just me  

Well after 10:00pm now, I finally have a chance to sit and write all that has been going on!  My life continues to be a whirlwind, with so many changes happening, and not happening, and needing to be here and there, that I find I have so little time for me, and I am one that needs LOTS of time for me. I still wonder how I’d be doing it if I worked full time!  Perhaps this is why God sent me to the university part-time job a few years ago, knowing days and times as these upon me were coming. It reminds me, He goes before us to prepare the way as He knows the beginning from the end.  And yes, I believe this with all my heart!

I’m just in from traveling home from Joel and Emma’s.  Emma was released from the hospital on Friday, we were there Saturday to see the newest granddaughter, Abigail.  Amy, Skylar, and Bree traveled with us along with Pete and Lilly my two golden retrievers who were the best dogs anyone can imagine!  With car seats and 3 adults, space was limited for them. Pete sat in the very back of the Navigator next to Bree, Lilly sat on the floor beneath Skylar’s feet.  Crowded, but never once did they complain!  The awesome thing about these dogs is when we open up the doors to get the kids out they never attempt to jump out. My friend Jane says she’s never seen anything like it.  I think I take it for granted, but noticed this trip how they are so well behaved.  When we took Amy and the girls to their car parked in a parking garage in the city on our way home, we had the car doors opened unloading car seats, and Amy’s bags for a good 10 minutes.  Those dogs just sat and watched, tho it would have been easy for them to jump out.  At Joel’s house they were so well behaved, I can’t believe it.  Okay, I am digressing! So back to the trip!

We arrived Saturday afternoon.  Abigail is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!! She has more hair than I have EVER, EVER seen on a newborn!  Even her eyebrows are already full!  It is almost pitch black like her mommy’s!  Her skin tone is incredibly beautiful and to be honest, I hardly heard her cry while there.  I’m not one of those people that loves to hold babies, but I found myself holding her this time. She is so sweet and gentle.  Yes, this is what I see in her.  This morning I went back to her bedroom, where I slept on the futon last night. There’s  a rocking chair  located in her room. I sat in that chair and held her for the longest time talking to her. I prayed over her, speaking words of life for her future, and I began to ask her questions about where she’s come from.  As I was speaking the words of life I SWEAR she just sat there and kept smiling. I know, newborns don’t smile, and if they do it’s simply gas……….WHATEVER! I know what I saw. A moment etched in my mind forever!  Babies hold a secret, I truly believe this. Unfortunately they can’t communicate to answer all that it is I’d love to know.  So I simply cuddle her, and watch her sweet, little face as I wonder what she knows that I don’t.  Before long tho Skylar found me, then Dell, then Bree, and then Drew.  Before I knew it Dell was on the futon, and the little ones crawling all over him.  So much for my quiet moments with Abigail……

Amy and I chipped in together and went and got groceries last night to make my “famous” breakfast casserole for breakfast this morning, then we brought in KFC for dinner last night. My hopes were to make some good casseroles for Emma for the week, but a 7-hour drive, little ones in the car, a late arrival, and hardly ANY sleep from the night before left this girl knowing that it was simply going to be KFC, and breakfast casserole and that was about all I could do!  It was a great time, tho Emma is still recouping from her C-section. This time Drew acts as if he REALLY knows us, being particularly drawn to Dell, whom he affectionately has named, “Hap pa.”  It’s adorable!  He seemed to enjoy Skylar and Bree being there. 

The trip home was long.  Everyone slept as I drove through Kentucky…….where the rain poured. I wanted to break out singing “Kentucky Rain” but since the whole car was sound asleep I didn’t……..only in my mind. *laughs*

Friday was a SUPER busy day! I worked, met my friend “S” for lunch and caught up from 8 years of so many things!  Once again sharing our secrets and all that we have learned, how much both of us have grown on the journey. It’s incredible!  What I can’t believe tho is how after 8 years we can meet at a restaurant, grab a table on the patio overlooking the lake, which was incredibly beautiful by the way, and it feels as if no time has passed. I think that’s how you know you really do have a friend in someone!  Her cell phone rang how many times?  Mine rang once…………”It’s my realtor!”  I said after we had just discussed how frustrated I was with selling this property.

“Guess what!”  My realtor began.  She went on to tell me how the people who have wanted this property for the past 10 months, and have come to see it like 6 or 7 times want to come back an 8^th time!  This comes after I lowered the price another $30 K and had my realtor call theirs to say this would be my rock bottom, FIRM offer!  For those that remember the story,  their realtor I affectionately have entitled the realtor from *ell!  She hates my property, for whatever reason,  NONE of us can figure out, and has done all she could to sway these people elsewhere.  It is rumored they hadn’t talked to her in a long time, so my hopes are they got sick of her interfering in what they know in their hearts they want. (I could be wrong, as I am merely speculating here.)  I have asked my realtor to be present at this next showing. I think that is only fair after all, this is the 8^th time, and I really need someone to represent my interest!  They are coming tomorrow at 5:00pm, this following me being gone ALL day Friday, and this weekend, not getting home till 10:00pm tonight! The only good thing is I have scheduled to work all week from 7:30 – 11:30am, with the exception of tomorrow where I will work 7:00 – 11:00am.  That will give me AMPLE time to come home and have this place “show ready!”  Once again……….*sighs*

Friday in between lunch with “S”, and meeting Susan and Jason for dinner, Dell and I drove to this latest house I decided would work.  I still like it, but have decided they would have to come down a bunch. In this market and me taking such a hit on my own (should it really sell this time), I just feel they are going to have to take a hit as well!  First thing I see as we drive by, there is another showing on it!  Someone was looking at it!  Ugh!  I am SO tired of finding what I think I want and then someone else buys it!  For 2 years now I have had about 5 houses I REALLY, REALLY loved, only to have someone else buy them!  These were houses that sat empty for 2-3 years!  They sit empty till I fall in love with them and have all sorts of visions on what I want to do with them.  I told Dell when I saw it was being shown,  “I didn’t want that stupid house anyway!”  Hoping if I fake not wanting it, it might somehow all work out.  I just know God has a plan, or so I tell myself when I feel so frustrated with the whole process.  Dinner with Jason and Susie at “Fridays” was nice.  Elizabeth is growing so quickly!  She apparently found her voice as I was holding her at dinner and she would squeal like a cat or something! It was hysterical!  She will be 4 months this week.  Wow.  Then we met Amy at a fancy hotel in the city where Chad’s parents were staying for a convention they were attending.  We all hung out at the hotel WAY too late, knowing the next morning we were going to have to get up early to head for Tennessee, where Joel is stationed.  Amy and girls rode home with us, staying here that night.  Amy and I stayed up almost till 1:00 messing around on facebook and taking trivia quizzes!  It was a great old-fashioned time, just the wrong night to do it having to leave so early on Saturday.

Last night Amy brought the movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You” to Emma’s for us “girls” to watch.  I got about half way through and just couldn’t keep my eyes open. I headed to bed without watching the ending, something I seldom do.  The little I watched tho got this girl thinking about a lot of things!  Is this the best advice in the world or is there really such a thing as some special connections that don’t follow the rules?  IE: Twin souls, soul mates, etc.?  Deep thoughts on a night that I am struggling to keep my eyes open! So I will close, knowing I will probably talk about this a whole lot more as the days go on.  Also, photos of the new little one will be posted probably tomorrow night, or Tuesday. I need time to upload them from my camera to the computer.  Rest assured tho, I will! You HAVE to see all that hair, oh my!

Tomorrow will be one more round! Here we go again, will they or won’t they?  Will they offer my bottom line, or not?  How long will I have to wait to hear this time?  They must be REALLY interested as I was told they are flying in the last son to see it. (The others have all been here.)  The anticipation of it all is causing this “spirit of peace” I’ve had for so long to be a little anxious here!  Sometimes I get so frustrated being human!!! *laughs*

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

~Sunshine

GNTS:  As life goes on, with so many things all around me, I always stop to think of you.  It’s the connection that I know will always be there, as crazy as it seems to think about.  Sometimes I wonder how you are doing in your life too…….and since you told me you are very happy these days it warms my heart so very much, and yet, we still need to know we can touch.  It’s as if I know I have to live my life where I am, and I know you have to live your life where you are, and yet, it’s like in some place, some time, we’re together looking back on where we really are today.  Does that even make sense? Perhaps you will understand it too, cause perhaps you experience the same thoughts and feelings I do.  Hey, explain normal to me, as I sure don’t believe it’s as presented in “He’s Just Not That In To You.”  But that’s another story for another night……………Goodnight my special one,  ~ just me

*special note:  Too tired and too late to proofread………….please forgive typos*

It’s 10:30 as I begin to write. It’s so late because I’ve been at dinner tonight with the girls.  My friends from the High School.  Of course Elizabeth couldn’t be here, which we all miss when she isn’t, but life has to go on.  Soon she will be unable to join us most of the time. My hopes are at least once a year she can make it back to celebrate with all of us……but moving so far away this time, who can know?  It makes me sad to think about, so I won’t.  It was great catching up. I love to spend evenings as tonight with “the girls.”  There was a time we all spent 5 days a week together, and shared so much.  But life changes, and people move on, new people have taken Elizabeth’s place, Sydney’s place, and my place, but still it is apparent that the close bonds we all shared remain.  I had a great time tho found myself wandering a bit to all going on in my life at the moment.

Grandbaby #5 was born on Tuesday, June 9 at 9:27 in the a.m.  Abigail Esther weighed in at 8’8, and was 19” long.  It was the first grandchild I wasn’t there for her birth. I felt horrible, but life just didn’t allow it to be. I’ve kept in close contact with Joel tho by phone.  Tho Abigail has been jaundiced, tonight I hear she is better and may go home tomorrow.  That’d be nice with us going on Saturday to see them for the weekend.  I can’t wait to see her!  Photos forthcoming, OF COURSE!  I hear tonight Amy has decided to go with us.  A quick, packed trip in my Navigator, provided it gets fixed by tomorrow morning at 11:00am, when I get off work.  As I said, a LOT going on at the moment!  “IF” it gets fixed as the mechanic today said he would do his best if the part came in, then it will be Dell, me, Amy, Skylar, Bree, Pete and Lilly in the car.  Yes, 3 adults, 2 children, and 2 BIG dogs!  It’s doable, and we will make it work. If my car doesn’t get done, then we have to figure out something else, obviously, 2 cars will need to be driven in that case.

Work has been so incredibly busy!  We have camps with middle school kids from urban areas going on this week which has left me covered up!  Next week is high school kids.  This has garnered state attention and I find myself working very closely with the Lt. Governor’s office again.  The guy from the Lt. Governor’s office has requested I be there with him next week each day to help out. I will switch my schedule to work 5 mornings next week from 7:30 – 11:30.  The exciting thing about this is the contacts I now have in the state house.  Should my property “ever” sell, and I finally move to the city I have some contacts to perhaps get a job in the state house.  Would I like that I wonder?  Keeps political opinions to self.

Speaking of “ever” selling;  I am back to square one.  The latest guy who wanted to purchase it SO much never came through. It took 4 weeks to discover this! *sighs*  The ones that have wanted it since last summer still are not coming around, regardless of the fact I have dropped it $1000s again!   I am so frustrated with this, yet telling myself everything happens for a reason!  I continue to believe this even tho that “human” part of me is so tired of waiting.  2.5 years seems SO long to wait as I have watched the price plummet.  I told Dell the other night that 5 years from now we will look back and see why God did it the way He did, but for now, we can’t see that, so it becomes a matter of faith trusting.  Dell sort of listened I think, but once again 2 hours a day travel time is wearing on him and I seldom see him.  As a matter of fact I will see him today for all of 5 minutes. Now that I am home he stays in his room resting, watching TV, etc., and here I am writing.  So yes, much as I trust this is all for a reason, I am “TIRED” of being stuck in the middle of 2 places and unable to really move.

I am totally addicted to facebook now!  I have learned how to chat, which is ultra cool!  The other night I was talking to Chad in Afghanistan, a friend in San Diego, a friend in Illinois, Amy in the city, and Chad’s mom in the southern part of the state all at the same time!  Now THAT is mind boggling to think that we can do this and it doesn’t cost money, as in olden days when long distance would have been OUTRAGOUS!  Not to mention there were no means to talk to people from those distances at the same time!  Do we really realize where we are in this world these days or do we just take it for granted?

Tomorrow is a very exciting day for me!  I have a friend I worked with at the radio station back in the 80s.  We have shared some of our greatest secrets in life through the years.   I haven’t seen “S” since 2001, shortly after I met Soul Mate, and felt I wanted to share the story with her.  LOL, that was before I had even seen him the 2^nd time and was trying to figure out what the heck had happened to me!  She was the one that sort of set my feet to checking out what soul mates were, having lived her own soul mate experience years before.  Tomorrow, we are meeting for lunch!  She lives in the city I want to move to. I told her a month ago it’d be no problem for me to drive there and meet her, after all Dell just works down the road!  I just didn’t know I’d be leaving for Joel’s, 6 hours from here the next day, that my Lincoln would be in the shop, and that I’d have so much going on.  I’m not canceling because I totally look forward to seeing her and our time together!  Lots more to fill her in on my story!  Synchronicity at  its finest that’s for sure!  8.5 years later, yes, he is still very much a part of my life and I am sure she will be amazed at the growth I’ve experienced.  I am also sure my friend will have many stories to share with me of her journey as well, 8 years later!  We will probably sit and talk for 4 hours, easily!  Tho tomorrow will need to be shortened as Jason wants to meet for dinner, I am waiting to see if we will stay at Amy’s tomorrow night, etc., etc……just so much going on.

And with that, I will close!  Tho things seem not to be going my way at the moment I continue to speak words of life to myself, like, ……”Peace comes from within, not without, whatever happens, happens for a reason and I know that God is in control!  I am simply being prepared for eternity by enhancing the faith experience of who God is and the love available, no matter what I face.”  See! I am muddling through this journey thing call life.

As the faith, love, and light lead me on.

Goodnight,

~Sunshine

GNTS:  And still, I continue to hold in my heart something so special.  I know you’re here, even on days when it appears you are so busy, you find a time to come.  You know what I told you the other night about the boy who remembers being in WWII, and how I swear I understand because I remember you, or looking for you when I was 2?  My friend Lise asked me for the link to watch the clip, and I decided I wanted to share it with you!  Here is the link to watch the story, which gives me so much peace because I had the same experience……..tho I forgot about it as I grew up, perhaps I didn’t?  Did I ever tell you when I was 3 I begged my parents to take me to California?  Guess what?  That was where you lived.  Why would a 3 –year old want to go to California?  When I was 17 I lost interest in going to California and felt I belonged in XXXXXXX (state hidden to hide your identity.)  It was the weirdest thing, I just knew I HAD to be there!  I even got married and moved there…………if I got married I “could” move there I should say, so I did. I never understood why I felt the need to be there, well, later in life, MUCH later, I would find out, it was where you lived at the time!  Oh, so many more stories of synchronicity, but I will close here and just post the link so you can watch the story.  Is it real?  I only know something similar happened to me, but only knowing I had to find you…………………only I never found you, you found me. Hmmmm…………….Here’s the link:

http://www.nhne.org/news/NewsArticlesArchive/tabid/400/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/5799/Default.aspx

Goodnight ~ just me